Someone Plz Make This Bro I Can't-

Soo I just discovered this thing called artfight. AND I WANT IN SO BAD. But I'm a stupid loser and I'm too wimp to actually try it out cuz communities scare me and I feel like I won't actually be interacting with people and instead sit in my sad corner by my sad self the whole event.

That and when I made myself an account, I misspelled my username without realizing and now I have no idea what my username actually is and therfore can't login to my account nor participate.

And they have a contact to fix this kind of issue but, again, I am a little loser baby who's too embarrassed to ask for help.

I hate myself.

OK FINE AFTER SOME THOUGHT AND REALIZING IT'S IN ONE WEEK I DECIDED TO ASK FOR HELP AND JOIN. I REGRET MY BIRTH

UPDATE, I WAS JUST BEING DUMB. TURNS OUT I NEVER ACTUALLY FINISHED THE REGISTER CUZ I HAD A SPACE IN MY NAME. I JUST SIGNED IN AND I CAN JOIN NOW.

I JUST REALIZED I HAVE 6 DAYS TO CREATE GOOD LOOKING CHARACTER SHEETS FOR ALL MY CHARACTERS AND IM FREAKIN OUT.

I have a mouse plushie, y'know, the Mouse Wants a Cookie plush, hanging over my bed. I wrapped yarn around its neck, stitched it through its throat, and bound its arms behind his back, then tied him to the top of my window to hang over my bed as a sign of my hatred and wrath. I was 15 when I did this. I had a mental breakdown and thank God I didn't give in to the devil's whispers to kill myself and take my mom with me. I had struggled with suicidal thoughts before, around 7 to 8 years old, and my relationship with, honestly everyone, especially my mom did not help. I felt very misunderstood, weird, wrong, unwanted, and like I was a mistake, something not deserving of the title human because I lacked something, that something in question nobody would tell me about. I prayed only when I was asking to die, I cried at night, had episodes of depression, had spent a year or so forcing myself to never cry and denying myself the right to feel sad, bottled up all my emotions and confusion for my whole life, never had an outlet, and my only coping mechanism was to watch funny videos on youtube.

That was me. Not even a full year ago.

Ever since I accepted Jesus into my life and just surrendered it all to him, I've never had that rage since. I haven't cried at night, or had depressive episodes, or suicidal thoughts, and I would never want any harm to befall my mom. I feel like if I have feelings of sadness or anger, I can take it to God. I no longer feel inhuman and wrong, but valid and loved. My coping mechanism still inckudes funny videos, but also to pray and ask God for help.

God has protected and saved me in an unfathomable way, and I can testify that He works. I'm not a Christian because I was raised in the church. My whole life until a few months ago, I had never touched a bible, never fasted, never truly prayed, and didn't even care to believe, hoping I could be some magical exception. My parents took us to church, but never explained God's goodness, so we were blind to him, seeing him only as a religous figure we follow by tradition. I can testify to you because my faith is my own, and I am this way only because I have seen Him with my own eyes. Literally. I saw Him. I spoke to Him. I touched Him. I heard Him. Even after literally speaking to God, I didn't give myself to him. It took a year or so for that. I felt a pang one day in my soul that if I were to die that day, I would certaintly go to hell. It was like a punch to the stomach of loneliness. I knew what it was and it couldn't be mistaken for anything else. I was far from God and my soul was lonely for its creator. I had already been blessed in all that I did as a child, but afterward, I saw all his miracles in my life and noticed the good hand that feeds me. I am fullfilled and only in Christ do I feel content. I tried everything. I tried friends, family, social media, new looks, experimenting with my sexuality and orientation, self indulgance, and nothing worked. They were all temporary and made me feel worse in the longrun. Only in Jesus have I found peace even in a storm.

So try Him out! He works miracles, I promise.

Jesus is God. That' confusing because how can he be God, the Holy Spirit, and Jesus at the same time? How can he be his own father? Well let me give you an analogy.

Think of a video game. For me, I've recently started talking about Jesus to people on Roblox. I myself am me, being my physical body. My roblox avatar is also me. And so is the voice people hear in voice chat. All of them are me, but they are not the same. Jesus is the same. He is like the avatar, God the physical body, and the Holy Spirit the voice.

Here's how I know God is good:

I had to take the ACT today and everything just seemed to go wrong. I woke up with bad period cramps, so I was obviously going to get my period during the test, I forgot my ID at home and was going to be late, my parents got into another arguement and at this point I can't tell if they'll divorce or not, and even though I ate, I felt starving by the time I arrived. But it worked out even when I was freaking out. I was protected because I was able to recognize my period coming this morning, I got to school on time and apparently didn't even need my ID because my teacher happened to be nearby to identify me anyway, and I was hungry but my stomach didn't rumble at all during the test and I had a snack during break. My prayers were all answered and my needs taken care of. I'm not even going to worry about my parents because if God wants to work it out, he will do so and I believe it.

From this I just want to say:

THANK YOU JESUS, LOVE YOU

Is there anything my God cannot do? Sometimes I remember how I am talking to the same God who talked to Adam and Eve, to David, and to Daniel, and to Simon and Mathew and John and every figure in the bible. I am speaking to their deliverer. So if God will deliver them from flaming furnaces, starving lions, swords and bows, and more, I know I can trust Him to save me in times of inconvenience like a stomach ache or a headache or something small. I know He can save me in big problems too, but thankfully I've never had to go through thick waters like that.

Guys. God made frogs. HE IMAGINED THESE CREATURES UP.

Like let me just rant and give a list of some creatures God made and I love Him for it

• Frogs:

CUTE LIL JUMP PUPPIES! THEY SO GOOFY AND DERPY AND THEY GO RIBBIT AND SOMETIMES THEY SCREECH

• Bunnies

Come on, iconic. ICONIC. Famous for being cute!!

• CATS

YES. LIL TOE BEANED, BIPOLAR, SLEEP MACHINES

• Dolphins

So cool, but also so weird. Insane behaviour; God, I have questions

• Sheep

BAHHHHH! Perhaps His second favorite creation! Us being first of course!

• Fish

There are SO many species! He thought up EVERY SINGLE ONE!! THAT'S A LOT OF FISH

• Ferrets

LONG NOODLES

• Dogs

Did He make them to literally be man's best friend? Did Adam have a dog? Either way, I LOVE THEM

• Parrots

TALKING FLIPPIN ANIMALS THAT CAN FLY

• Mosquitos

May I inquire why? I'm not questioning your choices, God, but I'm so curious. Very curious indeed (especially to why you made them like me so much)

• Leaches

REALLY CURIOUS NOW

• Ants

So smol and so strong, but also really smart

• Venus fly trap

YES. COOLEST PLANT EVER. MY FAVORITE CARNIVOROUS PLANT! LOOKS PRETTY AND AWSOME AND EATS BUGS! SUPER COOL DESIGN, GOD!

• Whales

SO BIG! SO COOL! I LOVE!

• Jellyfish

Where's the everything they need to live?! God, you've done it again!

• Humans

Gotta be His favorite creation! So smart and complicated! Yet unfortunately, so dumb and simple too. If only we stuck too the intended parts of us.

bout to get myself cancelled...but please read to the end or you won't understand...

Hey, hi! Ok so, this post may be considered offensive to a lot of people, and to be honest, I don't even want to say it at all. I'm scared and worried and I'd rather shut up, sit back, and watch but I can't. I can't because I was called to say this by my God and as much as I want to not say it, I kinda have no right to deny him.

Ok so first of all, I want to make a full disclosure that I mean no ill will at all. I can understand the feelings of those who read this because I too have dabbled in the exact same thing before. Please read the whole thing before you say anything, because I promise it isn't the arguement you think it'll be.

I will not be judging nor slandering any individual nor group and will simply be explaining the mindset of christianity to society. I feel that there is a big misunderstanding in the world right now and at first I was going to simply let it be as it did not involve me. However, God keeps calling me to speak about it and I'd rather be cancelled online than cancelled by a literal divine being.

So, ONCE AGAIN, I AM ONLY EXPLAINING THE REASONINGS, MENTALITY, AND ALSO A MESSAGE TO CHRISTIANS AND NON BELIEVERS. I AM NOT BASHING NOR JUDGING ANYBODY. READ THE FULL THING OR YOU WON'T GET THE FULL PICTURE AND I PROMISE IF YOU DON'T, IT WILL LOOK LIKE A HORRIBLE AND UGLY ONE.

You have been warned.

________________________________

For a long time, those of the LGBTQ minority have been opressed and wrongly treated by not just non believers but by many other religouns as well. In their place, I sincerly apologize. They had and still have no right to opress anyone and judge them in such a horrible way. Everybody is equal. We all have our differences, but with it we are equal. That garbage man? Equal. The leader of a country? Equal. That murderer? Equal. I know, why the murderer right? Well, they were created and molded by the lord himself and in their lungs he breathed the breath of life. They are God's children, therfore, they are equal.

As equals, nobody has the right to claim themselves worthy to judge someone else. For every "wrong" thing with the person you judge, there is one for you as well. Only someone who is perfect can judge and that would be someone who never sins. Someone who doesn't make mistakes. Someone who is just and holy. Someone like God. Too many people have tried to claim this title without even realizing it. Because of that, people of all kinds have been opressed and shunned. For that, I apologize for them.

In those God wannabe groups, christians are very involved. We constantly judge others in the name of our God but we have no right to do so. This has caused many misunderstandings on BOTH sides of this coin. So God has called me, this coward and excuse of a christian to tell you his word. Both have misuderstood, and so both need to hear this. Christians, atheists, and every other religoun. Even if you do not want to turn to God, though it would be awsome if you did, that is not really what this post is about. It is simply and honestly here to clear misunderstanding.

Like I said before, the LGBTQ community have been horribly treated and still are, though in less severity, being treated in such ways by others today. The people who due to religoun are opposed to their ways obviously being the worst of them all. Chritstians vs. LGBTQ...why? Why does it have to be like that? God never intended this bickering and fighting nor did he intend this sitting back on the bleachers and watching people tear eachother apart cuz your too scared to get involved. Intention matters. For someone who is perfect, it matters.

So as christians constantly bash and scorn those who are LGBTQ, those who are LQBTQ mock those who believe in God, and those who are lukewarm and don't know how to respond in the face of either group, I have sat back and watched. It's ugly. It's really really REALLY ugly. I was too scared to say a thing.

I understood what the LGBTQ community felt. I've seen girls before and all I could think was "Wow. I could imagine her as my girlfriend so bad rn." I've prefered woman to men before, though it was subconciously, I knew. If I did not believe in my Lord God, I would be a bisexual, she/they, demisexual queen. But I also had the obligations to uphold my father's wishes as a Christian like everyone else. In the middle, what do I do? Many people have been in this situation. Many haven't. Those who have, are stuck in the middle. Lukewarm. Those who haven't, are cold or hot.

The reasons that christains don't agree with LGBTQ is because the Lord has forbidden it. Many christians and non christians use the excuse, "If all people were gay, there would be no more children in the world!" This is false. You could have a sperm donor. You could donate your body for pregnancy. You could impregnate someone and then raise the child with your significant other. Adopt. It's solvable. However, this creates problems. What if the woman wants to keep her child? What if the husband resents the child for not being his? What if the woman does not properly love the child because she knows it is not hers? Those issues could arise. But that is not the true reason God says no to LGBTQ.

I mean, yes they are reasons, but the real one is because it was not as he intended. It does not hurt anybody, so how can it be wrong? I get it. I've been there.

You have a rock collection. Each one is special and in it's own way, beautiful. You painted each and every one of these rocks. That one is pink. That one is blue. That one is brown. That one is green. They are all perfectly created. They are as they should be. You place them in an order. The pink ones go next to the green ones. The blue ones go with the yellow. It makes a beautiful color order. But then someone takes your collection and repaints the rocks. The blue one turned purple. The pink one turned green. The yellow is orange AND red. It was not as you wanted. It was not as you left it. But that wasn't all. They changed the order too. The one that used to be yellow is with the greens now. The pink with pink and the brown with brown, Colors you never created are with eachother now too. But nobody got hurt. Everyone is ok. The rocks are unharmed. But they are no longer how you intended. You spent 5 hours painting that rock blue. The perfect shade for that specific rock. Now it is pink. But nobody is hurt. You placed that yellow one next to the blue one. But now the beautiful contrast is gone. It is now paired with the green. Nobody is hurt. But it is not how you intended. The person responsible looks at you and says they like it better this way. They say you made a mistake making that one green and that it should be pink instead. That the yellow should be with the pinks and not the blues. Nobody is hurt. But it is no longer how you intended. Nobody is hurt. But it is no longer perfect. Nobody is hurt. But you made a "mistake". Nobody was hurt. But you wasted 5 hours painting. Nobody is hurt. But you, someone who knows color theory and has been making these rocks for years was just told by a person who knows nothing about it and has never made these rocks before that you did it....wrong. But nobody is hurt so it is good.

With this analogy, can you imagine the feelings of the Lord? Imagine making every single rock with care and perfection. Now imagine them changing it. Now imagine them saying you made a mistake. Now imagine them saying those delicate strokes, each brush stroke perfectly angled to make a different and beautiful pattern each time were wrong. Now imagine that with us. God COULD just force us to be the gender he intended. God COULD just force us to love who he wants us to love. God COULD force us to follow him. God COULD force us to do anything. But he doesn't. He gifted us with the gift of choice and free will. We would be robots otherwise. We would feel what he wants us to feel. We would do what he wants us to do. Not because of love but because we have to. And he wants love. Obedience because we love him.

God doesn't want us to change the way he intended it to go. God does not make mistakes. He does not make bad decisions. This is the true reason he does not favor LGBTQ. Not the people, he favors them for they are his children, but the sin. Not only did he not intend it to be this way, he said so in the bible. With that being said, it would also count as dieobedience and purposefully turning from him.

Now before I get cancelled and stoned online, I have yet to finish this loooong text. I have explained to those who do not obey the lord. Now I must adress those who think they do...

Do you know everything? Are you all seeing and all knowing? Do you have everything put together? Are you perfect? Are you God? No. You are his child. Do not discriminate and scorn your siblings but do not sit back and watch them unkowingly walk into a lions den. Warn them of the dangers. Warn them of the reasons. But in a respectful way. Let them know what they could be getting into but in a kind way. Let your reasonings not be of judgment and self proclaiming, but of love and truth. Do not force the Lord upon them. But do not withhold him from them either.

Too many christians I have seen that look in disgust of those who are LQBTQ and too many I have seen that are scared to even call themselves a christian in front of a queer person. We are all sinners. We have no room to judge. We make a bad name for ourselves and wonder why we are judged in return. Why should anyone walk in fear? Gay, trans, queer, crossdressers, allies, asexuals, christians, musslums, jews, atheists, any other religoun or beliefs. We are all children of God even if not all of us realize it. As someone who has been blessed the wisdom of the Lord, christians, stop being rude and discriminatory. Do not make them walk in fear. Atheists, stop mocking those of the christian belief as well as any other belief. LGBTQ, understand that not all christians are out to bite you. Everyone, please just be kind to eachother. Love and respect eachother.

All we can do is agree to disagree. If our warnings fall on deaf ears, do not jam a hearing aid into their face and start screaming at them. It just makes them turn farther from God. If you do not agree with us, please do not mock us like we are idiots. If we do not agree, then we can do nothing. It is not our jobs. It is not your jobs. It is our jobs to love and to follow the way of the lord the way he wants. With humility, humblness, and love. Not hate, judgment, and pride.

So for those who decide to cancel me today, I rest my case. I pleade guilty. I am guilty. I have done what needs to be done and said what needed to be said. I hope both sides understand now and no longer have to be at eachother's doorstep with a buttload of disrespect and hate. Once again, there is no judgment nor ill will in this message. I understand both sides. I have been on both sides. I was lukewarm but with my christian awakening, I have chosen to be hot. You can be hot without burning everything you touch. I will not apologize for my beliefs. I will not pretend to not have one. I'm sorry if this is considered rude to anybody, but not for what I said. So, yeah. Thank you for those who read. Love you ALL. Bye 🫰 :)

I cannot be more serious, there is nothing better. There is nothing better than the feeling I feel when I'm with God. I went years running around doing all kinds of stupid things before I met Him, but He calmed my heart the same way He calmed the storm. Anxiety fled, lust died, anger wained, grief packed up and left, and He moved in.

You may think I'm crazy. An idiot who never learned to question. A traditional bum who can't open her mind to new ideas. Even an uneducated fool spouting whatever false tales.

You may think I'm in need. A victim to white men who drilled this religous crap into my head. A kid who doesn't even know better, she'll wake up once she get's old enough.

You may think I'm evil. A weirdo out of my mind who only lives to shame others. A cultists trying to drag others down with me. A judgemental, sexist, racist, homophobic, transphobic, trump supporting conservative who can't understand that sometimes she isn't right.

Well let me explain something

I'm sane. I question everything, the how, the why, the what, the who, the when. I adopt new ideas all the time, only the difference is, I have boundries when it comes to ideas trying to pull me away from the Word of God. I'm educated, and I plan to become a professor.

I'm not a victim. I chose this path for myself, no person or group manipulated me into it (besides, it's not a white man's religoun, it's middle eastern). I may be a kid, but the things I've seen and felt was something even a toddler could identify as unmistakenly God.

I'm not evil. I don't shame people, thinking they're gross or whatnot just because we don't share the same beliefs, I pray for them and their wellbeing. I'm not a cultist and I would never willingly drag anyone down if I knew what I was following was false, in fact, I wouldn't even be in it myself. I don't look at any gender, race, occupation, status, or sexuality and think I'm looking at devil's incarnate, just a person like me and everyone else who doesn't know the goodness of God (Also, I'm not even a republican and I'm well aware I'm wrong sometimes).

Contrary to many beliefs, I'm not as bad as people try and peg me to be. I'm just a kid trying her best in a world where nobody ever looks back on the weak. I'm just a kid who struggles to make friends or relate to people. I'm just a kid that wants to love and be loved. Trying to understand, find my way, do what's right and be truly happy.

I'm just a child.

God's child.

I used to pray almost every week to God to kill me in my sleep. I used to get on my hands and knees on the top of my staircase and beg for death. I was maybe around 8 at the time. I wasn't even in middle school. Everyday I'd ake up and feel dissapointed. I'd lay in my bed a bit more cuz I didn't want to get up and llive another day. Can you imagine a child so young begging you to kill them? Can you imagine your child asking that? I used to go my life wanting to die everyday because I was depressed. I was bored. I was scared. I honestly didn't even want to die; I just didn't want to live. But now, I've changed. I don't wish for death but I'm not as scared as I used to be. I mean, I'm not inviting death to knock on my doors, but I have this thirst to be done with this life. I'm bored but only because I know this life pales in comparrison to what comes after. I'm bored because I just want nothing more than to run and hug Jesus physically and directly, in his face, say thank you over and over and over again. I can't imagine what he must've felt as his child, such a young one too, begged him to take her life only because she was too coward to do it herself. Also, I didn't mention that those were the only times I talked to God at all back then. God truly changed me. That isn't all, it truly isn't! I also have had this....situation where everyone around me felt different. At first I felt like the only normal person and everyone else was an NPC, but then I started to realize the only reason they looked like NPCs to me was because they all had some invisible thing or trait in common. I still to this day have no clue what it is, but It was something like this fundemental rule to being human. But I didn't have it. I had the body of a human, the brain of a human, the intelligence of a human...for the most part, but this thing, this thing I lacked. I copied different people constantly to try and figure out what it was but all I gained was an identity crisis. I panicked and cried for a while because I didn't know what was wrong with me. I always knew the people around me were different in a way I couldn't relate, but it all came together, or rather, fell apart when someone very close to me verbally told me something was wrong with me...multiple times. I've been speculated before that I could be on the spectrum. At first I was thought to have ADHD, both kinds. Then I was suspected to have Autism as well as sensory issues. I asked to be tested but still, it isn't really worth the time, money, and effort to others, so I am still unsure. Honestly I hoped this was the case because I'd finally have a reason as to why I'm this way and so that it'd prove nothing was wrong with me. Now, I still struggle a bit with this one simply because I truly want to just know myself. I have someone who understands me. In fact, He made me. And he doesn't make mistakes. I am no misfunction. There is nothing wrong with me. I am fearfully and wonderfully made and only in christ did I figure that out. He is the only confromation I need. God changes people in ways you never would've guessed.

I love how on the night I actually got to talk to, touch, hear, and see God with my own senses, on the night I was fully concious even while dreaming, and on the night I will never forget the feeling of total peace, the only thing I asked him was what should I do. What should I do to be like you. What should I do to follow you. What do you want from me. I love how I had the answers to the universe, to everything in front of my face and all I asked was what should I do to follow Him. And I know why. Because at the end of the day, that is the only question that really matters. My soul knew what needed to be asked and my soul knew only He had the answer. And He did. He said to me: "That is for you to find out." And I am. I'm still figuring it out. And I want others to figure it out with me.