One Sided Friendship

I declare after all there is no enjoyment like reading! How much sooner one tires of any thing than of a book! -- When I have a house of my own, I shall be miserable if I have not an excellent library.

Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

Jim and Pam

I hate marriages I say

Because not everyone is lucky in Pam's way

It's hard to find love which never looks away

It's hard to get Jim who always stays

A person who knows that he is best for you

But steps away to let you choose

A person who always wants you to grow

No matter how many days you are away in a row

A person who accepts you all

The fierce you, the timid you, the clumsy you the beautiful you, the failed you, the successful you, and the complete haul

A person who can comfort you

A person who can love you

A person for whom your smile is a lucky charm

A person who is willing to let you sleep on his arm

A person with whom valentine's day fight also seems a plan

A person whose leaving is more painful than he being an angry man

Yes I want my children to know we are soulmates and it is no less than fairytales

I want to tell them stories of our dates

I don't know what else to say

But finding a person for whom you are not enough but everything seems like an impossible way

I care

Sorry but I care

I know the anger on my face kills you

I know my rude ways make you sad

But do I have a choice

Every word I speak out of love you take for granted

Every thing I ask as a well-wisher you consider nagging

Yes the world exist and you need to bother about it

But how to explain that in front of that world I see you

Your pain and problems are my concerns

The worldly affairs don't worry me

I thought our relation was different and we shared a special bond

But every time you hide your pains you just break another chord

I know I am not the best nor I stand for you without rest

But yes I feel and your moods make a great lot of deal

Seeing people bother you, grieves me equally as it does to you

But just because I don't say doesn't mean I cannot feel you

You always think I don't care or understand

While in reality I am just confused how to take a stance

I don't know what to do because you never express your expectations

And when I share my expectations you just consider it insecurities

I know I am not what you want and I know I cannot be what you want

This is what aches me brings the anger to my face, the rudeness in my ways

Sorry for all of that

But I care is all I have

She is my constant

To my dear crush

I miss all the adrenaline rush

Each moment spent beside you was special

For you I was ready to wrestle

You were a friend first

And thankfully not a boy who always used to walk by

I always loved how you used to sit beside me when my friend was not around

I remember the look you gave to those gossipers on the ground

I felt special when you told me those secrets

I felt safe when you waited for me on the way

There was a time when I used to think about you all day

From hiding my feelings

To behaving indifferently I did it all

I was crazy over you for sure

Nothing between us was official

But you were a secret I was ready to tell none

Choosing the same subjects

And making study plans was somehow the future I was looking for

I liked you even after your ego

I was so happy when you used to say sorry and was ready to let things go

But I also remember that truth and dare game

I remember how you took my name

I was elated for sure

But something at that time needed a cure

I remember her crying

And that was the time I was trying

To not think

Because thinking meant choosing something

She was my best friend

And she had a lot unsaid

I had guessed before

But I was so over you that I decided to keep a close door

I liked you

And she liked you too was the case somehow

But now I had a choice to make anyhow

It was time to wake

And let the dream break

So I thought for long

It was not easy and I was definitely not strong

She had seen me cry more times

Than you had seen me smile

You were special

But what we had didn't promise me miles

The idea of losing her was unimaginable

Reading my mind was a skill in which you weren't able

She had seen my ups and downs

She was the one who never let me hit the ground

She was true to say we were telepaths

We were always the best pair of psychopaths

I had thought about all the possible scenarios

And unfortunately in neither of them

You were there till the end

But she was always around

So I decided to choose her over you

And I definitely miss you

But never have I ever regretted my decision

Although I would love to have an accidental collision

Because I want to tell you

That you were my crush indeed

But she was the friend of my need

I am happy to have her beside me

Even though she doesn't make me feel the same glee

It's been years I know

But she is still my constant tho

Feeling anxious because something reminded me that I am not special & irreplaceable for the people who are special & irreplaceable to me.

Not loneliness but a peaceful abode

It's so lovely to walk on an empty road

It's not loneliness but a peaceful abode

The winds going slowly

Making your hairs a messy fun

You make the map to walk on

Nothing specific for your attention to lock on

You take your favourite turns

You can open yourself and run

The grass even on your side seems greener

You are not you but someone with a different demeanor

You might go back to the memory lane

But it's so nice that it doesn't give you pain

You can remember your favourite song

You might realise you haven't listened it for so long

You might sigh but it's a sigh of relief

There is no one to give you social anxiety

You can think the things you never think about

You can feel the emotions you were unaware about

It's not tragic

But just magic

Everyone has to make choices. Sometimes there’re only bad choices, all of them, each way you look it’s a sea of bad choices, and we just have to pick one, the best one, or maybe just any one.

- Things we lost to the water by Eric Nguyen

It's so easy to forgive what someone said to you but it's so difficult to forgive what they say about the people you love the most...

So make sure you don't say anything wrong about someone in front of their loved ones because they might eventually forgive but they would never ever forget.

I tell everyone that I write when I am sad but actually I write when I am 'the perfect amount of sad' like a little bit of extra sadness makes what I write sound weird and a little less can just shut my brain.

P.S. I don't know what that 'perfect amount of sad' is... Haha

Found the diagnosis to my problems...

Autophobia

Morbid fear of solitude, or of being left alone, abandoned or ignored.

P.S.: Solitude is often good but the rest are just dreadful.