Why Aren’t There Youtube Videos For ‘How To Deal With Harassment In A Martial Arts Studio’ ?
Why Aren’t There Youtube Videos for ‘How to Deal with Harassment in a Martial Arts Studio’ ?
Because, quite honestly, there should be.
Some background, ‘real quick’.
I’ve actually been pretty lucky so far in all the places I’ve trained at. Though maybe because I’ve never been a grown ass woman training on my own before. Before this, I trained with my mom and sister, and it was during my middle school to high school years. I’ve been a white belt (level 1 newbie) four times now because we were constantly moving.
In my very first dojo, I was trained in both TaeKwonDo and American Karate by a Puerto Rican former military man. This man, my first Sensei, he was TOUGH. And he made sure his students, especially his female students, knew how to defend themselves. So he trained us hard, and he trained us to fight dirty (when it came to self defense in the real world. If you did any dirty fighting in the dojo, at the very least you’d be getting fifty fist pushups on the tile floor).
So even after bouncing from several other martial art styles and quite a dry spell, when I joined the TaeKwonDo studio I’m currently at, I was actually way better than a white belt. After all, I had been three belts away from earning a black belt in TaeKwonDo and American Karate at my first dojo. And my current instructor recognizes this and is quick to praise how quickly I’m picking the skills up again. I even managed to rank up to the next belt in less than a month!
I was really enjoying myself. After all, I had taken martial arts up again not for the prestige, but for the exercise and community. And even as an awkward kid, I always felt at my most confident throwing punches and breaking boards.
And then some twit showed up and had to ruin it.
This dude, we shall call him… Bob, enrolled about three weeks after I did. Right off the bat I could tell this dude had never trained in any martial arts before. The guy’s technique is very clumsy at best, and sloppy at worst. I don’t mean to disparage him. He’s only a white belt, after all. I don’t expect him to have a honed technique. Especially since he doesn’t seem to be taking the training seriously (or at least, as seriously as I am. My first sensei made sure I never threw a punch or kick that wasn’t peak form).
So what’s my deal with Bob?
In short, so many things.
The long of it is that I’m starting to feel like he’s lowkey harassing me.
Since we’re both the lowest belts in the class (and we’re lined up by rank) we often end up next to each other during stretches/training, and are taught new techniques together.
(Quick question, if I dude is grunting during a workout next to a woman, is that a creepy gym guy move? Or am I reading into it too much? Because I feel like he grunts a lot when we’re stretching and doing situps/pushups next to each other. And I don’t hear any of the other men in the class grunting).
So besides the awkward grunting, he’s also given me a hard time for not being able to do a full situp, and even saying I didn’t do the require number of situps just because I finished before him (let’s see you do a full situp with double D cups on your chest, dude).
But the thing that’s been building up is his constant harassing me about going to the sparring classes.
At my current studio, you can decide how many classes a week you want to attend. I attend the two adult classes regularly (which, I might add, Bob does not). Then there’s an option to join one of the sparring classes for those who are interested.
When I first started martial arts, I was just a kid. I hadn’t even hit puberty yet, and was still pretty small. Sparing was for the older students who could be trusted to hold their punches back, or at least be more responsible in the event of an accident. My mom did some sparring, and she told me about how scary it was at first. And how she accidentally almost hurt one of the teen boys because they underestimated her and she didn’t have a good grasp on controlling her strength yet (I like to say I get my valkyrie genes from her).
Combine that with my base instinct to get physically violent when pushed to my limit. (Seriously, growing up, I used to bite kids who angered me). Needless to say, I don’t feel I’m ready to take on sparring until I know I have full control of my body. Right now, I’m still getting back into the swing of things; learning how to aim my punches and kicks, and getting a sense of my limbs' reach. I’m not ready to spar.
And this (insert your choice word for a cocky, delusional, disrespectful, creepy dude), has been harassing me about not going to the sparring sessions since he got here. Because he’s been going to these sessions and keeps asking why I’m not going.
Actually, he’s not asking. He’s guilting and harassing me.
Because his pitch to get me to go, whenever I have repeatedly told him I’m not ready to go, is usually along the lines of: “You should come. I’m just a white belt and I’ve been going since I started. Why don’t you come-?” IN THE MOST CONDESCENDING VOICE IMAGINABLE.
Now, I regret being nice to him. I regret helping him go over katas/forms. I regret politely listening while he complained about the studio (that he’s attending with me right now) and how he might have to attend another studio just so he can learn punches (because this gift to the world didn’t read the sign on the front of the studio that says in BIG LETTERS how TaeKwonDo is known for its powerful KICKS). And most of all, I regret not shutting him down the first time he harassed me about not going to the sparring sessions.
We are NOT friends. He’s NOT entitled to an explanation from me about my personal reasons for not attending the sparring sessions. And he needs to STOP HARASSING ME ABOUT IT.
I spent most of last evening ranting about it to my mom and bestie, and then tossed and turned during the night going over rage induced fantasies where I do attend one sparring session, thoroughly kick him off his ass (with a few broken bones and at least a bleeding nose) - which doesn’t get me banned from the studio because the head instructor was on my side during this fantasy.
So to anyone out there that might have some words of wisdom: what do I do to get this @#$%^& to leave me alone?
More Posts from Anazen333 and Others
Tagged by @a-lighthouse-a-man-a-city (Thanks! I always have fun doing these :3 )
The rules: describe your personality with 4 characters (from books, movies or series)
1. Belle (Beauty and the Beast 1991)
2. Evie Carnahan (The Mummy)
3. Makoto Kino, AKA Sailor Jupiter (Sailor Moon)
4. Veralidaine 'Daine' Sarrasri (The Immortals book series)
Artist Pet Peeve
I hate it when there’s a group of artists (in shows or a class) and they’re given a clear set of rules/expectations, BUT, there’s one arrogant twit who gets high marks/gets to stay in the competition despite NOT following the brief. Simply because they’re talented/showcase cool skills.
I’m sorry, but if I was a client and had commissioned someone for a particular piece, but they gave me something that was the result of their own tastes, I’d fire them and demand a refund, or at least have them do it over!
Giving these artists a pass isn’t going to help them grow, and it certainly isn’t going to prepare them for the real world.
(This rant was the result of me watching Blown Away season 2 and remembering several art classes I took in college - that eventually caused me to switch majors because the teachers were terrible at teaching).
Movie Tag!
Tagged by @a-lighthouse-a-man-a-city
Name one move release for each year of your life:
rules: list movies you’ve seen according to their release dates each year you’ve been alive
1989 - Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
1990 - Kiki's Delivery Service
1991 - Beauty and the Beast
1992 - Aladdin
1993 - Hocus Pocus
1994 - The Swan Princess
1995 - Sabrina
1996 - Sense and Sensibility
1997 - Princess Mononoke
1998 - The Prince of Egypt
1999 - The Mummy
2000 - Miss Congeniality
2001 - Lara Croft: Tomb Raider
2002 - Star Wars: Episode II Attack of the Clones
2003 - Peter Pan
2004 - The Phantom of the Opera
2005 - Corpse Bride
2006 - Last Holiday
2007 - Miss Potter
2008 - Wall-E
2009 - Sherlock Holmes
2010 - Knight and Day
2011 - Captain America: The First Avenger
2012 - Rise of the Guardians
2013 - Star Trek: Into Darkness
2014 - Dracula Untold
2015 - Strange Magic
2016 - Kubo and the Two Strings
2017 - Coco
2018 - This Beautiful Fantastic
2019 - Spies in Disguise
2020 - Over the Moon
2021 - Black Widow
(2015 was so hard to decide, so many of my favorite movies came out that year. And then 2019 was super sparse xD )
Meme tag thing!
Tagged by @a-lighthouse-a-man-a-city, because someone knows I love doing these things so much xD (that’s not sarcasm, I truly enjoy these random ‘tag list meme’ things)
Rules: Tag people you’d like to get to know better/catch up with
Three Ships in any order: Entrapta/Hordak (She-Ra), Tsukimi/Shū (Princess Jellyfish), Barbra/Strickler (Troll Hunters) - I fan-girl squee so hard whenever I see any of these couples together >w<
Last Song: Bad Romance (Medieval Style Cover by Hildegard von Blingin') - This randomly popped up in my YouTube feed suggestions and now I’m in love with this cover xD
Last Movie: Treasure Planet - Because I’ve realized there are a lot of Disney animated movies that I enjoy as an adult way more than I ever did as a kid, mainly the ones that weren’t as popular when they came out. Now I feel bad for not liking them when I was younger.
Currently reading: ..... O////O, not sure if I have the guts to share that on the Internet. It’s nothing scandalous but since it’s one of my guilty pleasures I feel, well, a little guilty and more than a little mortified at the thought of anyone finding out.
Currently watching: Wars of the Roses Documentary by Timeline - Since working at home, I’ve been watching a lot of documentaries in the background while I work, because I’ve been assigned projects that is so mind numbing I can do it and learn about how monarchies were seriously messed up in the sense that a lot of them came and/or stayed in power because of brutal decapitations.
Currently consuming: Toaster oven s’mores - Not quite as good as the real thing, but they’ll do in a pinch. I should also mention that instead of chocolate bars, I’m using baking chocolate chips (milk chocolate) because they were way cheaper.
Food I’m craving right now: My papi’s carne asada - My neighbors are Hispanic and have been barbecuing for the past week and it’s making me miss my family so much because it smells like home! :(
Tagged: @spectrumelf @spirogs-blog @acrinn45
Dear Creators of Female Protagonists
I have a favor to ask, especially those of you who create historical fiction and fantasies that take place in worlds that are based on pre-modern time periods…
Stop making your girls slim, skinny, waifish, lanky, lean, scrawny, angular, gangly, thin, and then have them complain about it.
I appreciate the fact you are acknowledging that in older times, being thin was not desired to the point it is now. That in those times, women with curves, ample chests, and round bottoms were more highly sought after and being thin meant you were malnutritioned and thus, not as desirable.
I get that you want the girls to be relatable, and who hasn’t lamented over their body not being the current ideal of beauty.
But for girls like me, who have lots of curves, ample chests, and round bottoms, when your female protagonist is thin and she complains about it, it’s like a slap in the face for me.
Because it feels like the toxic message of being skin and bones thin has permeated even the worlds where I go to escape negative body image themes. That even there, with the female protagonist I’m supposed to relate to and go on this journey with, has something I’ve been brainwashed into desiring but can never attain, and she has the nerve to whine about it - it drives me insane.
So do me a favor and make a female protagonist who is full of curves and have her be proud of it. Have someone - herself or other characters in the story - note her ample assets and remark how attractive she is. Put her flaws and insecurities in some other part of herself. Make her curvy figure something she is confident about.
In fact, make it a point to create girls with all sorts of body types.
Make them with small chests and wide hips. Make their bosom ample and the rest of the figure straight. Make them tall and built like bricks. Make them petite with very round bottoms.
Make them a unique individual.
If we are ever going to make any strides in teaching girls to love the bodies they were born with, then we need to start with worlds they visit to escape reality. Because if the majority of fictional girls are portrayed as having one body type, then what’s the point of fantasy?
A comment made by one of my favorite artists here on Tumblr (and DA), that really made my day. I was beginning to think I was the only one that had a thing for masked men! xD
Did you intend for Cal to be smokin' hot or is it a happy coincidence?
Bit of both~
He’s an incubus. Being hot is literally his JOB. So his design is a lot of what I personally find appealing/attractive in a character, aka faceless masked figures, but I never expected him to be so popular with everyone else (I’m so glad though haha!)
I hate my reproductive organs so much.
I don’t want kids. Never have, never will.
And for once, I’m convinced my body actually understands that (though it doesn’t seem to bother learning anything else going on with my personal wants).
So in a show of passive aggression for not being used to their fullest potential, my periods tend to be bad. Either I’m in a ton of pain, or I’m bleeding so much it looks like someone got murdered in my bathroom.
But for the past two months, I haven’t had my period. And rather than be worried, I was ecstatic. I was actually hoping my uterus had shriveled up to the point where I’d never have a period again!
And then the week of a major event started, and my organs were like, “oh, you have a ten day trip with your family happening in the next few days? That seems like the perfect time to BLEED.”
Touché, reproductive system. But I’m still not having babies.
I’ve been re-watching Steven Universe (from start to finish) the past couple of days, and all the new little nuances of the foreshadowing, references, and Gem culture are starting to stand out more the second time around. And it’s really sparked some ideas and theories that I hadn’t considered before the most recent seasons came out.
One of the more significant ones is the “My Diamond” phrase, or rather, Rose’s “My Pearl” line that she says in episode 45: Rose’s Scabbard.
Before the introduction of the Diamonds, that line didn’t really have any deeper meaning than the usual term of endearment. But with the Homeworld Gems referring to the significant leaders as ‘Their Diamonds’ (and when they don’t: such as Jasper referring to Yellow Diamond by her name, which we find out why later - because her TRUE Diamond is Pink Diamond), the phrasing Rose uses in that instance could have a far deeper meaning.
To call Pearl “My Pearl”, could not only be a term of endearment, but also that of high respect and loyalty. For Rose to say that to Pearl, who basically was made to be a pretty walking/talking purse, I think it was incredible and overwhelming. It’s no wonder that Pearl was so dedicated to Rose.
I think this is further proved in the episode ‘Sworn to the Sword’. When Connie asks Pearl “Did Rose make you feel like you were nothing?” and when Pearl answers: “Rose made me feel like I was everything.”
That statement makes so much more sense to me if my theory about the “My (Gem)” phrase is correct. When a Gem says “My Diamond”, I think it’s like they are reaffirming their devotion to the Diamond. They are saying “I am loyal to you. I live to serve you. You are the source of my existence.” (or something like that).
So when Rose goes and falls in love with Greg, I can see how terribly hurt Pearl would be by it. The Gem she thought was loyal to her - valued her more than anyone, decides to suddenly chose someone else, after all Pearl has done for Rose, and after thinking that she had Rose’s highest esteem…
It must have been truly devastating.
Now I wonder if Sapphire and Ruby go around saying that to each other ;)
Being AuDHD means I have sensitivity when it comes to food. To the point where growing up I was considered (in a negative way) to be a picky eater. To the point where I was shamed and borderline traumatized for it.
I also grew up in a household that insisted that no food should go to waste. That meant tons of tiny portions being saved in the fridge (should also be noted that leftovers give me the ick for reasons I can’t articulate - and now I realize I have no obligation to do so). It also meant food that was bought on a whim would stay in the house for YEARS.
As an adult, it’s taken me quite a bit of time to realize that just because something was done a certain way in my parents house, does not mean that I, as a grown adult with her own home, have to do it that way as well.
Which means, if I went out of my way to treat myself to stuff from Trader Joe’s (which is quite a feat given where my nearest stores are located and the very poor parking situations each one has), and got a bunch of food there but ended up either getting an upset stomach from it or just not liking how it tasted, I am under no obligation to keep said food.
Did I end up wasting money on that trip? Yes. Did I end up wasting food because of it? Yes. But is it my obligation to keep said food in the house despite the fact that I’m the only person living there and will never eat it? No. And should I feel guilty for throwing it away? Maybe a little? But only for a few minutes. Because it’s certainly not something I should lose sleep over. Of all the moral conundrums going on in my life, this one should not be causing me anxiety, especially when I have so many other things I get to be anxious about.
Part of my ND healing journey is about learning to be kinder to myself, because I’ve spent my life trying to be accommodating to people’s perspective on how I should live MY LIFE.
I’ve been made to feel that MY WANTS, MY NEEDS, are not correct and thus not acceptable. That I shouldn’t be allowed to listen to my body and make decisions based on what it tells me, even if those choices seem wrong to someone else.
My life, my rules.
And as long as I’m not putting myself or someone else in danger, people should just accept that and BACK OFF.
No healing for this curvy girl in Bridgerton season 3 (slight spoilers)
I was so looking forward to this season and seeing a woman with curves get honest to goodness romantic sex scenes.
For so long the sex scenes with curvy girls in film have been shown with a tone of humor or disgust or pity.
And Bridgerton season 3 was supposed to change all of that. Except it didn’t. Not for me, anyway.
Because while other Bridgerton heroines have been stripped clean of their clothes, with their entire body on full display, Penelope was not.
In all her scenes she was never completely undressed save for one brief moment that isn’t even shown fully. We get one quick glimpse of her glorious bosom and then she delegated to being covered up with a blanket. Colin goes so far as to pull the blanket to cover her up more at one point!
We don’t get to see her beautiful curves. They’re continuously hidden like it’s a shameful thing to show a woman whose waist isn’t small, with a stomach that jiggles, thighs that don’t fit neatly in a man’s hands, and breasts that aren’t small and perky.
What I got out of Bridgerton season 3 is that yes, you curvy girls can have a love interest who isn’t also plus size, but only because he thinks you’re interesting, not because you’re beautiful. And yes, being interesting is going to last longer than beauty, but is it too much to ask to be both?
It seems even today on a super progressive show, the answer is still “yes”.
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anazen333 reblogged this · 2 years ago
Just random stuff that pops into my head or tends to circulate through my brain.
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