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anyone please ask your crush out like this

I want to write an alternative version of Romeo and Juliet where instead of being a little ponce and trying to work things out for himself, Romeo asks his smarter friends what to do about the whole thing and Benvolio and Mercutio come up with the world’s greatest plan:

Marriage of convenience between Juliet and Mercutio.

Think about it.

Juliet’s parents want her to marry into the Prince’s family. Mercutio is a good compromise between no marriage and Paris.

Mercutio probably won’t get his inheritance if he keeps being HELLA FUCKING GAY ALL OVER THE PLACE so a beard is only a benefit to him.

They would probably get along great rolling their eyes at how adorably stupid Romeo is.

Romeo and Benvolio could get a “bachelor pad” right next to Juliet and Mercutio’s house. Every night, Romeo and Mercutio high five as they hop the fence to go bang their one true love.

The second half of the play is just all of them trying to keep up the charade and being “THIS CLOSE” to getting caught all the time. But everything ends nicely because true love conquers all.

Everybody wins. Nobody dies.

Brother just asked 'what is something you can crush'

Dad: hopes

Me: peasants

Dad: dreams

Me: weaklings

Dad: Orange

Me: armies

Brother: ...I meant something physical, like nuts or ice.

Dad: sorry then son, can't help you there.

i want them BACK

The fact that Microsoft Word has to be a subscription is upsetting. I already paid for it why do I have to pay again

If you evolve your Eevee in Quebec you get a Celinedeon.

so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god

please watch this two second clip from santa clarita diet

Felix Ferne: a summary