𝓲 𝓸𝓷𝓵𝔂 𝓮𝔁𝓲𝓼𝓽 𝓸𝓷𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓮₊˚⊹ ࿔

"When the pawn hits the conflicts he thinks like a king

What he knows throws the blows when he goes to the fight

And he'll win the whole thing before he enters the ring

There's nobody to batter when your mind is your might

So when you go solo you hold your own hand

And remember that depth is the greatest of heights

And if you know where you stand then you know where to land

And if you fall it won't matter ''cause you know that you're right" Fiona Apple 1999

Ive been thinking about this poem a lot recently.

Rest easy Freddie, you are dearly missed by many! Forever the King of Queen!

“To understand me you must eat me,

consume every thought that has surpassed the minds of most at my young age,

you will consume the musical magic that has orchestrated my life,

you will see where my wit stems from,

my pain will finally be understood by those other than myself, by you my love,

to eat is to love so consume me and love every part of me,

from the tip of my toes to the top of my head,

every cell that has died and been born within this vessel of which i call my body,

every stream of blood that becomes me you will take into your system and you will feel me,

my emotions will come in waves, washing over you and giving you the guilt i once felt,

for this day,

you will ache like i ache.”

this made sense in my head atleast :|

This song is how i feel on a daily basis, this is no joke i genuinely feel like this and it is the worst thing, i have so much emotion packed inside of me yet i cant cry and that doesn’t make sense or i cant when i want to anyway. Im holding it back but why i js i cant. All i need by radiohead is how feel all the time, think of me once in a while, take care is how i feel all the time, left alone is how i feel all the time, i want you to love me is how i feel all the time, a million songs song in tune to the melody of my soul, they sre the melody pf my soul but fuck its getting to much now. I feel everythibg so deeply but i only feel the empty, im so full of it its consuming me and eating me whole, i want to feel what a real emotion feels like again, i know what it sounds like, what it looks like but when can i feel it because ot feels like im gonna implode. Theres so much i wanna say, but i dont know where to start. Thats a quote from one of my favourite films tbat i watched for the first time recently’i belive in unicorns’. This video os really how i feel aswell, the twat diddnt seem to love me af my lowest, its so fucking intese it visibly pours from my eyes and my mouth and basically im a dissolving wreck of a broken mind, when it hits it hits hard because it’s everywhere, you see it in my room and on my body and its in my head and its the way i est, sleep, function in life. It was too intense for the cretin to handle that even the bare minimum of reassurance caused me to receive annoyance and yelling, The second request on my autumn wishlist stems from this. Love me how i love you which means at my lowest, at my highest, through all my flaws, quirks and all that i have to show; for you i would but when is it my turn to fucking feel love. I felt loved for a short amount of time but with the fact it was a short amount of time means it was short lived so even throughout the initial relationship i did feel how the creature changed, grew less attentive, didnt care as much, not payong as much attention and not putting enough time aside for me and partly thst is my fault for allowing them to act like that ss even thogh they did ask i js said everything was fine to everything because im scared of being physically hurt os shouted at or them losing love for me. I am so fucking lonely snd even tho i have friends it js doesnt feel like the pure human connection i crave. I hate living. im no longer scared to die and only its something sought after. Theres so much i wanna say but idk where to start.

i really need a fucjung hug, a cigarette snd someone to talk to im literally about to kms i cant do this anymore. i fucking cant

anyway heres a poem or wtv

drenched in my own misery,

physically visible on my skin,

intoxicated by the burden of deeply felt emotions,

deep as the sea,

i wish to claw through the skin of my chest,

past my ribs,

to gauge out my already broken heart.

blood on my hands as my tears burn through my skin,

maybe ill melt into the ground,

maybe once the essence of my existence has disintegrated into the ground and my bones are the only part of me left,

maybe then someone will truly care for what i have gone through.

everyone on this app is too real i swear. or maybe its just the side of tumblr im on. whatever but i smoked 9 cigarettes today. ive been up for 4 hours. i feel great. ill probably post like poems amd song lyrics on here idk i write poetry. whoever is reading this i love you<3🫶💖

Spotify

𝒜 𖦹°❀⋆.･

User · 𝒜 𖦹°❀⋆.･

my spotify link because my music taste is amazing🙌

idk this app is my safe space

current song playing -

bag of bones - mitski 🌀

~“And someday you will ache like i ache”

˖ . ݁𝜗𝜚. ݁₊

Romanticism

When there is beauty to be found it becomes closure for the disturbed and the broken-minded, offering a home in the darkness, the darkness beholds beauty of which is mirrors the light and healthy. We as humans romanticise the pain until it becomes glorified, we feast off it and make it the norm, does this make sense? only to some it will.

Nonsense

‘Kill all the men, everything is dead to them’ - Your Flesh Is Nice by Jeff Buckley

Its all wrong and its all right but no matter what it is, it’s fucked up and repulsing; art.

Rottenness

Yearning,Rotting:Yearning=Rotting

Rotting is a desease, it eats at the dead and the living, the mind and the body. It searches every crevice of your system for every sense of life to suck out of you, its a slow painful process, it kills.

Art

Im a sad sad girl with a weird mind so to me this is written art, expressive. art.Art.ARt.ART. fuck knows what this is.

Art is not in one form, art is anything and anything you just need the open eye to see it; music,poetry, drugs, literature, misery, sex, anatomy, film, paintings, drawings, collages, each breath you take and the moon + music, the most important one of them all.

UgLy Is A..r?T

Make it make sense. Open Your Eyes……👁️

“Everything Means Nothing To Me.”