While You Were Reading Into My Tone I Was Reading Notes Using My Pencil As A Scytale, Loser.

the last drawtectives episode (s3 ep 5) made me genuinely cry, everyone was so supportive of eugenes egg cooking attempts

dragon melting glass in its mouth and blowing bubbles with it

One time, I had an English professor tell me I should stop using my inhaler because it was bad for the environment.

Yeah an if you dropped dead it would significantly reduce your carbon footprint too, huh. What if we ALL just stopped breathing. Can’t be throwing fistfuls of plastic fuckin straws directly into the South Pacific when you got a BPM of zilch, can you? What a fuckin innovator. Was he head of your nation’s EPA *directly* before he retired to become world’s youngest baseline edgelord 4chan ass 14 year old boy with tenure, or did he wait for his 3rd consecutive Nobel peace prize before giving someone else a chance? Ask him if his back hurts from carrying the weight of all the world’s most pressing concerns to and from Chuck E Cheese each night or if his tiny spiny propellor hat lightens the load a bit. Did his big red clown nose come standard with his tweed set or he spring for the premium model with the biodegradeable sustainable foam and the super-boosted honk-honk action? Are his size 23 clown bitch oxfords custom? Does he take one off to use as a canoe on his annual vacations to his summer home in the balmy and tropical shit fuck dumbass islands or does he just levitate everywhere he goes by the power of his unparalleled Xmen level intellect. Can you ask him if Magneto is gonna spare the human race to run laps in his hamster wheel electrical generator complex or if he’s just gonna wipe us all the fuck out for the carbon tax credit. Ask him if the weight of his gigantic balls dragging in the ground behind him everywhere he goes adds to the mileage on his Tesla. When he wipes his ass does he use single ply to save the trees or just a fistful of baby ducklings that he can then gently bathe by hand with water collected by the rain barrel in the endangered orchid garden by the solarium on the west side of his sprawling villa, the one he bought when he sold the patent for the perpetual motion motion machine he built out of toothpicks and marshmallows in third grade before the obvious intellectual gap between himself and the rest of us bumbling simpletons weighed him down and killed his passion to create. What other wisdom has he yet to share with the world? What other knowledge that only he and my reiki-healing essential-oil-drinking violet-aura neighbour know that may benefit us all? Holy shit, have I been drinking WATER my whole life? That shit that whales live in? Guess I’ll just go lay in a hole out back and wait for the compost heap to take me. Should I confess my sins to Captain Planet first, so he may redeem my wicked soul in the true Eco Catholic way, or was that recyclable soda can I threw in the trash downtown at last year’s garlic bread festival because there were no recycling bins provided the final straw that made me unworthy of glorious green salvation? BRB, gotta go strip naked and flagellate myself before the begonias so that they may know the depth of my remorse. Don’t worry, I only buy locally-sourced hemp lashes produced by small home businesses at the farmer’s market, they have a three-for-two sale on Sundays if you bring your own reusable bag. Christ on a fucking cupcake

i made the mistake of saying "stop showing me the flesh hat man" out loud and realising it fit the tune of the muffin man and now that's stuck in my head, thoroughly against my will

hey what about the cool things you know /genq

thank you so much for asking!!! i couldn’t decide what one to say so here’s three cool things i know

1. silphium is the name of an ancestor of the modern vegetable, fennel. it was used as a birth-control in ancient rome, but was driven to extinction, mostly due to being grazed upon by livestock. you also may hear some claims that it was a perfect magical side-effect free wonder-plant, but that’s just speculation and should not be taken as accurate. it’s still really cool to me though, it was so important to the time that it appeared on coins like this one ⬇️

2. the slow loris is the only venomous primate. its venom is a combination of the the more mild venom in its saliva and the more intense venom that it secretes from its forearms, it licks its forearms to create more intense than either of them. if a slow loris was to bite your hand it would hurt like hell and make your arm go numb, in some cases it has been known to kill, though mostly bc of anaphylactic shock. they also have no tail which makes them look really silly to me, little fella below ⬇️

3. moons of jupiter are named after jupiter/zeus’s children (and/)or lovers. there are 57 named moons (excluding names like “jupiter LIV" bc come on that doesnt count) and 97 confirmed moons in total. you can tell which moons are retrograde bc they end in “e”. prograde moons will end in “a” or “o”. the 4 largest of the moons are called the galilean moons bc galileo observed them, they are the most well known ones. those four are io, callisto, ganymede, and europa. i like europa bc it has a frozen over ocean and was the first one i ever learned about so here’s a picture of that below, mostly to fulfil my desire for consistency ⬇️

also keep in mind this was all of the top of my head, i double checked some things but mostly i was just remembering so take it all with a grain of salt, if something seems incorrect it might be. anyway that’s some cool things :) thanks for asking!!

whenever a song says "carry on" i hear "carrion" and then i start thinking about vultures

rip jane prentiss you would have loved “love me more” by mitski

i might not understand social queues but i can understand morse code, pigpen, and multiple lesser known ciphers

if the phantoms in my peripheral vision want to stay they have to help me cover rent

honestly tumblr ads may be the most relevant ads i get. on youtube im getting military propaganda, on recipe blogs im getting sketchy health advice, on tumblr im getting HIGH QUALITY STEEL TOP BENCHES and BULK DRIED GINSENG ROOT and HOW TO SEE TULIPS IN AMSTERDAM which yeah all of those things sound pretty appealing to me tbh