Demon: Hey, I Took Your Soul Last Month And-

Kate: On a scale from “damn Daniel” to “fre sha vaca do”, how are you feeling?

Peter: In between “it’s an avocado, thanks” and “how did you defeat Captain America”, but as a solid answer I would say “I don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanger”. How about you, Y/N?

Y/N: Probably “road work ahead”.

Bucky, confused af: I speak many languages, and this is none of them.

Peter: Your lover doesn't have the mental strength to caramelize onions.

Y/N: Your lover thinks it takes 5-10 minutes to caramelize onions.

MJ: Who's fucking caramelizing onions? Have you sociopaths forgotten that apples exist?

Ned: Do you think caramelizing onions is putting caramel on onions.

Bucky: I hate to to tell you this, but one of you was adopted.

Y/N & Steve:

Y/N: Was it Steve?

I relate to this on a whole new level…

Loki: What’s your biggest fear?

Steve: That I’ll never be good enough for anyone.

Stephan: Everyone hates me and talks about me behind my back.

Peter: Zombies.

Steve: ...

Stephan: ...

Peter: BUT they can open doors.

Y/N, to Sam: My life is in the hands of an idiot!

Sam, motioning to himself and Bucky: No no no no no, TWO idiots!

Thor: I put the pun in punishment.

Ned: I put the top in unstoppable.

Peter: I put the cute in execute.

Y/N: I put the sexy in dyslexia.

MJ: I put the ass in class.

Loki: I put the D in Y/N.

Bucky: Is stabbing someone immoral?

Sam: Not if they consent to it.

Y/N: Depends on who your stabbing.

Steve: YES??!!?

Natasha: All of your existences are confusing.

The Team: How so?

Natasha: Your presence is annoying, but the thought of anything bad happening to any of you upsets me.

Loki, negotiating with Steve & Bucky

Loki: We have Y/N. Give us ten thousand dollars and they will be returned to you unharmed

Y/N: Whoa, whoa, wait, you think I'm only worth ten thousand dollars?

Steve & Bucky:

Y/N: MAKE IT ONE MILLION-

Steve & Bucky, in unison: Y/N STOP