I wanted to talk about the shift in Harry's internal voice from Order of Phoenix to Half Blood Prince, and how his grief, guilt and immense self-loathing for his part in events around Sirius' death informs it. At the end of Order of Phoenix, Harry is a mess - of incoherent, unfocused grief, where he wishes he never wished more that he was anybody else:
“Harry, suffering like this proves you are still a man! This pain is part of being human — ”
"I DON'T WANT TO BE HUMAN!” Harry roared, and he seized one of the delicate silver instruments from the spindle-legged table beside him and flung it across the room.
The scene at Dumbledore's office is rife with how much he blames himself for his godfather's death. After one cathartic scene at the office, Harry spends the next year avoiding any and all mention of Sirius (he wolfs down his breakfast when Ron and Hermione bring him up) and suppresses his grief and rage surrounding the events of OOTP- unless he is sure that the person he is speaking to understands the weight of Sirius' loss: he hopes Remus would write to him, he mentions Sirius voluntarily to Tonks (under the impression that she is grieving him), and talks about him to Buckbeak ("Missing him? But you're okay with Hagrid, aren't you?"). His grief and rage manifests in precise, focused rage in this chilling Harry scenes:
Thank you!” said Mundungus, snatching the goblet out of Ron’s hand and stuffing it back into the case. “Well, I’ll see you all — OUCH!”
Harry had pinned Mundungus against the wall of the pub by the throat. Holding him fast with one hand, he pulled out his wand.
“Harry!” squealed Hermione.
Why do I call it a focused, precise rage? Mostly, because unlike the other times Harry is provoked with perceived disrespect to a dead parent, Harry has not forgotten his wand. (Cue the scene in OOTP that he is so angry he just beats up Malfoy with his fists). What Harry has done is not just grab him by the throat, he makes sure Mundungus (who is shorter than him) is nose to nose with him and then threatens him with a wand. (btw, a note from my reread: younger Harry attacks people bigger than him by grabbing their throats too - Vernon to get his letter, the troll etc etc. It seems to be something he had picked up from Vernon. We see Vernon grabbing him by throat in opening chapters of OOTP)
“You took that from Sirius’s house,” said Harry, who was almost nose to nose with Mundungus and was breathing in an unpleasant smell of old tobacco and spirits. “That had the Black family crest on it.”
“I — no — what — ?” spluttered Mundungus, who was slowly turning purple.
“Give it to me!”
“Harry, you mustn’t!” shrieked Hermione, as Mundungus started to turn blue.
There was a bang, and Harry felt his hands fly off Mundungus’s throat. Gasping and spluttering, Mundungus seized his fallen case, then — CRACK — he Disapparated.
And Tonks has to throw Harry magically off Mundungus.
Harry swore at the top of his voice, spinning on the spot to see where Mundungus had gone.
And he doesn't stop until Tonks magically throws him off Mundungus. It is not a coincidence that we see Harry's darker and more chilling traits in a book where he is heavily paralleled with Tom Riddle. The parallel is explicit in the scene where he uses his mother's death to guilt Slughorn into giving him the memory. But here is a tiny mention of how Tom Riddle reacts to perceived disrespect to an heirloom from his parent:
“That’s right!” said Hepzibah, delighted, apparently, at the sight of Voldemort gazing at her locket, transfixed. “I had to pay an arm and a leg for it, but I couldn’t let it pass, not a real treasure like that, had to have it for my collection. Burke bought it, apparently, from a ragged-looking woman who seemed to have stolen it, but had no idea of its true value — ”
There was no mistaking it this time: Voldemort’s eyes flashed scarlet at the words, and Harry saw his knuckles whiten on the locket’s chain.
Quite telling to me that Harry specifically notices how Voldemort's knuckles whiten around the locket, after Hepzibah pretty much talks about how Merope was essentially robbed. Harry understands.
When Harry had finished speaking, Ron shook his head.
“You really understand him.”
“Bits of him,” said Harry.
fia's infinite ship list: amy march & theodore laurence, little women vol. 2 (1869)
you don't really think i am such a mercenary creature as i tried to be once, do you? it would break my heart if you didn't believe that i'd gladly pull in the same boat with you, even if you had to get your living by rowing on the lake.
am i an idiot and a brute? how could i think so, when you refused a richer man for me, and won't let me give you half i want to now, when i have the right?
what kind of music do you think Sirius listened to? favorite songs/bands? I know most of the fandom associates him to punk rock (or Bowie and Queen), but he grew up in the seventies, that was such a rich decade music wise.
also I’ve been listening to a lot of Pink Floyd lately and the song “Brain Damage” makes me think about him and the effects the whole Peter betrayal and Azkaban had in his mind.
Hello anon.
So I have some controversial takes about Sirius's music tastes. I don't think he was achingly cool in his tastes. He spent most of his time either in a really traditional home or a remote Scottish castle. Also the only time we see him being musical in canon, he's singing his own dorky remix of a traditional Christmas carol.
So I can imagine his early tastes being Opera (which suits his personality so much) and classical. I have a HC that wizarding classical music is stuck in the 1600s so young Sirius may well have jammed to something like this:
Note: one of my other hyperfixations is Anne Boleyn
I also don't think he arrived at Hogwarts all 'woke' about muggleborns. I think he had to unlearn some prejudices (we get glimpses of his upbringing when he calls Peter 'Filth'.).
But as he gets older I can see him starting to explore his musical tastes (I still HC him as a massive opera fan).
I see him as someone who likes quite angsty music (Joni Mitchell) and I also don't think his tastes would purely be contemporary music (personally I love stuff from all decades).
I like the subversion of Sirius with an achingly cool taste in music listening and loving something like this (especially the Misbehaving thing)
I also think Delta Blues fits his personality and this is the song that reminds me the most of him:
LOLA TUNG as ISABEL "BELLY" CONKLIN • The Summer | Turned Pretty | 1.02 "Summer Dress"
reblog if you’ve read fanfictions that are more professional, better written than some actual novels. I’m trying to see something
demetri + his chicken
“… Wormy was here last weekend, I thought he seemed down, but that was probably the news about the McKinnons; I cried all evening when I heard.” Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Lily Evans & Marlene McKinnon
“I miss you, bitch!”
Today's children don't know what it was like when half of your photographs would turn out with demonically glowing red eyes.
sexiest thing a character can do is drag their past around like it's a dead body tied to their ankles
People raised on love see things differently than those raised on survival.
Joy Marino
Will never not be funny to me how Padmé purposefully exaggerated her attraction to Palo to tease Anakin and make him jealous 🤣
Now why would Padmé, Senator Amidala who’s only focused on her duty, want to make her “strictly professional” friend jealous by milking out her old crush’s looks? 😏