It Won’t Be Like What You Imagined. Maybe You Get The Road Trip To The Beach With Coffee In Your Hand

god that second to last episode of russian doll was so fucking dark and deep and i was not expecting that at all. wow i love this show. it is so deeply poetic. fuck. alan’s speech to beatrice broke my fucking heart. and nadias conversation with ruth. wow. “our bodies, they cant keep lying the way that our minds can. for years i’ve just been hollow. i thought if i worked hard enough, if i kept putting the time in, and if i kept my head down and did everything right this aching, gnawing feeling of being an absolute failure would just go away. and now i’m stuck in a body that’s broken in a world that is literally following apart, and a mind that wants to kill me.” It hurts how relatable that is. the depression and the loneliness. and now he’s finally changing because he let somebody(nadia) help him. “lives are hard to change” ugh he is so sweet and precious and so fucking sexy too. i love him with all my heart. it hurts thinking how alan and nadia are connected bc they both basically are just these humans going thru the motions of life with no will to actually live because of the shit theyre going through mentally and emotionally. and only they can help each other. seeing such a precious sweetheart like alan being so tortured really hurt me. giving up all his money and shit to the homeless bc he decided he was gonna end his life so it didn’t matter. wow.

“[Russian Doll] probably has a more clear cut, one-to-one addiction metaphor, as far as the idea is deeply personal to me of going from a very disconnected, removed life [where] self-destruction makes the only sense because my behaviors don’t impact the world around me to a character who is by circumstance forced to look at this other idea, which is she accidents into a more connected life [and] realizes people are real, including herself. This is, of course, a much more vulnerable place to be at than this pseudo-punk rock idea of, “Nothing means anything and I don’t care. No one can touch me and I can’t touch them.” Just as soon as it crystallizes that we are of this world, then we have to be participating members — including the discomforts of the injustices that are a part of the daily news cycle that will rock you with their horrors and make you not want to go on because it all seems like to much, to the realities of life’s arbitrary nature and fragility. … Life is full of these moments and I think it speaks to the universal themes of discomfort and curiosity of the experience of what it means to be a thinking, feeling person who’s having these kinds of colliding thoughts. … It’s a very human experience, as well, to wonder what it’s all about.”

— Natasha Lyonne on Russian Doll and existential crisis (Interview)

24 Signs Someone Likes You More Than A Friend | psych2go

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