∅ Hi, My Name Is Blue! ∅ I Drew My First Blue! Aren't You Proud Of Me?

Let Bert do his thing. He got flow.

i’m losing my mind

All right, enough rest. Time to go back out there and be a public nuisance. I need to make it my mission to annoy every single person in my community with my panhandling. I realize now that nobody is going to give me any money. So my panhandling is now about finding pleasure in causing irritation to others. And if I get some money as well, all the better! I'm taking a chair this time. If nobody is actually going to pay me, I may as well make myself comfortable.

My ability to draw is severely limited. I need to improve my skill in private to be able to continue with this art project. So there will be no more images for a while. Daily Affirmation: My name is Blue, and my existence has value.

I need to work from home because I get panic attacks. Making music is my best chance at earning a living online. I have depression. I have to start writing the sheet music now, while I'm not feeling well. The mental effort will slowly improve my mood as I work. Waiting for the depression to go away never works. The depression will always be there. The only way to improve the depression is to summon the willpower to be productive. I know that the music will be good enough to earn donations. I just have to have faith and trust the process.

So, as an agender nonbinary person, I usually try to avoid gendered language. I chose two staves, "Men" and "Bass", initially, to describe a trio to be performed by myself. These are the options the program provides. "Bass" is already gender-neutral. But I thought it would be more gender-neutral to describe the two higher voices as "Low Voices" instead of "Men." So that's what I did.

I started a secondary blog for practice images: tumblr.com/bluesketchblue It's probably not worth looking at. But having a place to post my practice work will help to motivate me to do it.

∅ Hi, Blue here. ∅ I deleted number 6, and made a new version. This is number 8, not counting the deleted one. I am a real star!

I did some yard work today to make a little money. Tomorrow, I need to get up bright and early and panhandle. I did not choose to be disabled. I deserve to live well. Daily Affirmation: My name is Blue, and it is not selfish of me to ask for help.

Thank you. Yes, I REALLY do need to affirm my new name. I still have to use my old name in real life. I need to keep reinforcing my new name by using it here, so that my new sense of identity is not extinguished. So I started an art therapy project to draw my new name in different ways.

I am too depressed to do anything, and my thoughts are troubled by paranoia. However, I feel more stable than I did yesterday. Daily Affirmation: My name is Blue, and feeling bad does not make me a bad person.

I have bipolar disorder, autism, and social agoraphobia. That's why I can't work. I have had so many different jobs, and it never works out. So I have to transition to working from home, which for me means that I have to learn some sort of creative skill like art.