Heaven And Hell Aren't That Far Apart ― Attack On Titan Ft. F!reader

heaven and hell aren't that far apart ― attack on titan ft. f!reader

warnings: spoilers of squid game, violence, mentions of gore and blood, mentions of human trafficking, mentions of harassment, debt, gambling, major character death, angst (no comfort)

summary: attack on titan characters play in a life-or-death game with you. will you prioritize the relationships you made with these people or the family that's waiting for you back home? will you throw their lives away for millions of dollars?

notes: after suffering through the popular series called squid game, i thought why not make a headcanon list about it? a huge thank you for the anons who told me that levi can play as the detective, you are the absolute best. i'm not romanticizing the series, God knows how many times i became speechless every time there's a game in the episodes. i just thought this will be a perfect opportunity to make an au out of it. ^^ also, i'm going to add characters who you don't expect solely because of the plot. there might be characters who you love that won't make an appearance in this hc list. oh, and i kinda went off track with mikasa's lmao just don't mind me showing my love for that woman. THIS IS LONG, OKAY? that being said, enjoy !!

― [name] [last name] ; player 356

a college student who's barely getting by.

you lost your scholarship the moment your senior year in university rolls in ― the reason being your father's illness. you spent the majority of your junior year slacking off since that was the time when he collapsed in your home because of heart failure. you had to ride back to your hometown with your last savings just to take care of him, causing a majority of your grades to plummet to the point that extra credit couldn't help. not only that, your mother left your father right after he announced that he might have little time left to live, that he's getting broke and in a lot of debt. you were only twelve years old at that time, your younger sibling being two. that was the time you promised to yourself that you carry everything on your shoulders no matter how young you are.

now, in your early twenties, you're being sued for unpaid bills by your father's doctor and you're so tempted to drop out of university.

one time after coming home from university, you're being followed by the people your father owed a debt to. with your heart pounding and phone battery empty, you hasten your pace with tight grips on the straps of your backpack. once you spot a convenience store sign up ahead, you instantly seek refuge in the many aisles of junk food and beverages, waiting for the debt collectors to search another place. during your wait, you borrow someone's phone to call your boyfriend, only for him to never pick it up, his voicemail reminding you that he's attending a foreign university event the whole month. your peaceful minutes of hiding don't last. the debt collectors find you and drag you out of the convenience store, the person at the counter gawking at how one of the unknown men grasps your hair with all his strength. they gang up on you in the alley beside the establishment. you can only cry with your head raised to the starless sky as they manhandle you into paying, their hands on your throat scalding and their words piercing your weak resolve.

with bruises painting your skin like the flowers you give your father every time you visited him in the hospital, you head over to the subway. you brush off the bewildered stares other people are throwing at you. spots of blood on your shirt from your broken nose, coat torn at the sleeves, hair in disarray, and vacant stare ― you're the main attraction of the subway. you want to cry but you choose to bite your lip to prevent your soft sobs.

it's until you're sitting on one of the benches, waiting for your train, that you hear a―

"i see that you are also a troubled individual. hey, if you say yes to this game i'm proposing, there will be a promising amount of money given to you. so, what's your answer, [name] [last name]? will you accept this card?"

― mikasa ackerman ; player 067

the player who saved your life during red light, green light.

after becoming an orphan from a gang riot more than ten years ago, she accepted the invitation of going to this survival game to take revenge on her so-called guardian whose gang murdered her parents and little brother in the middle of the night. to her surprise, when all of the players gather around the huge sleeping area, the sight of kenny the ripper walking towards her direction becomes her welcome to this shithole. again, surprises keep coming her way as you shout for kenny to stop hurting her. dread fills in her veins when she sees kenny glowering at you to continue defending her. mikasa pushes you out of the way, bluntly telling you to stay out of her fight.

player 067 glares down at you with sharp glacial eyes, rendering you speechless. "stop meddling in fights that don't involve you. i don't need your help or anyone's help." the change in your expression makes her blink. you're telling her with your furrowed brows and small frown that she doesn't deserve this pointless beating. 067 scoffs, turning around with her hands in her pockets. "who are you to help me anyway?"

it just so happened that in red light, green light, you trip on a limp arm while the time is running out. however, you never meet the sandy ground, a hand gripping the back of your jacket. you don't risk looking back but as you cross the white line, you want to thank your saviour, your smile dissipating upon meeting the blank mien of player 067. no words are needed. the astonished look on your face says it all. so, 067 walks away from you for the second time of the day.

after you snap out of your trance, you follow her until all of you survivors reach the sleeping quarters. your words of gratitude might seem to fall on deaf ears but player 067 still listens. she doesn't bother replying because it won't change anything. yes, she saved your ass but she wants you to stop thanking her when you're one of the people she's going to kill for the piggy bank dangling above your heads.

you thought that's your last meeting with player 067.

you never expect your father to collapse once again when you came home, his heart once again failing. you also got a visit from the social services to have your little sibling placed in the city's orphanage since your father is not suitable to take care of him, plus, your finances are hitting the deepest parts of a trench. with the decision of coming back, you once again encounter player 067 in the most cliche scenario ― you bump into her while going back to your bunk with your dinner in hand.

you invite her to join you. only after you surmise that she's not going to say 'yes' did you notice her towering figure closely following you. her footsteps are silent, as if she's stalking her prey ― you. but that's not the case. 067 is just raised that way. most of the time, she sports an expressionless face but you're slowly getting used to it even after one night. she scoots further away from you when a brown-haired girl sits beside you with the most pleasant smile on a place labelled as hell. 067 watches you and the new girl interact like the best of friends, with the black-haired girl keeping quiet as she munches on her fried egg and boiled vegetables.

even though she doesn't trust anyone yet, it won't hurt to have allies in this place.

so, she asks for you to accompany her to the toilets because she has to take a huge shit right after lights out and she needs someone to hold the toilet paper roll. you choke on your saliva. 067 narrows her eyes at your hesitance, finding this as a mistake. with a roll of her eyes, she walks to the door with those soundless footsteps of hers. however, she nearly jumps when you appear next to her.

"just so you know, i was going to say yes," you casually tell her while going to the toilets after a square game guard permitted you. your smile is genuine as you look up to her. "you didn't let me finish. who asks someone to hold toilet paper to them while taking a shit anyway?"

you swear you see player 067 quirking a small smirk.

upon arriving in the toilets, 067 immediately goes to work ― unscrewing the vents so that she can spy on the guards. she tells you that it will give you both a clue on what the next game is. while she's finding herself becoming baffled at how the guards keep melting pots of sugar, you're trying to distract the guard who keeps pounding on the door of the toilets with the butt of their gun.

"sugar."

you turn to 067 during breakfast.

"they're melting sugar." she looks at you dead in the eye. "do you know any game that involves sugar?"

your mind becomes blank, your hold on your uneaten bread slacking. when you feel your brunette friend sidling up closer to you, you tighten your hold on your breakfast. "no, i don't think so." 067 leans down to let you whisper in her ear. "is that really what you saw last night?"

player 067 nods.

"hmm. strange. let's figure it out along the way, okay? why don't you eat your breakfast for some energy, yeah?"

she follows your words and nibbles on her bread.

you look down on your bread, tearing apart a piece. a small roll of paper catches your eye. without anything surfacing on your face, you slowly pull out the small piece of paper and read its content. with a small sparkle in your eye, you tug on 067's sleeve. she leans towards you again, gunmetal blues flickering as you murmur, "honeycombs."

starting that day, 067 follows you more and more. even if your group starts gaining numbers, she never leaves your side.

during the lights-out riots, the first instinct zapping through her is to find you and make sure you're safe from any threat. as she gets out of kenny's murderous hands, she finds you swinging a thin beam of metal. she knows you're capable of protecting yourself but something is whispering in her mind, telling her to pull you in the direction of the bunk beds.

she lets you lean on her shoulder after the riot stopped, her hands awkwardly rubbing on your shaking arms. you're the most warmhearted person in this game, God forbid if anything happens to you, she'll go berserk. she offers to stay with you during your turn in keeping watch during lights-out and there you two share things that deepen your relationship.

"what made you join here, 067?"

"mikasa."

"what?"

mikasa lifts her head to give you a small smile. "that's my name. mikasa ackerman."

you return the smile with that pretty one that always makes her eyes widen. "that's such a pretty name. mikasa." you test it out. mikasa thanks the darkness for concealing her warm face. you give her yours and she mimics the action of repeating the syllables of your name. you giggle before echoing your question. "why did you join this game, mikasa?"

she pensively looks away. "to best my guardian, i guess. i got some debts here and there, but that's about it. after my family died, i'm just living my life the way kenny wants it to be ― to be a part of his gang. i hate him." she puts her chin on her arm. "i want to be free from that life so i joined this hellhole. money brings you happiness, you know? so i said fuck it and accepted the invitation that blonde woman gave me." mikasa glances at you. "what about you, firecracker?"

you laugh at the nickname. she started calling you that after witnessing you mindlessly swinging a metal beam at nothing in particular. "i joined because my dad needed the money."

"your dad?"

you nod. "he's ... sick. he had heart surgery last year but his disease came back a few months ago. he got kicked out of the hospital because we couldn't afford the bills and medication. that hospital sued us and now we're barely breathing with all this debt. i ..." you take a deep breath to prevent yourself from tearing up. "i lost my scholarship because of that, which is the only thing paying my tuition and letting me have a future that can save my dad. plus, the social services are forcing us to put my sister in the orphanage because we don't have the capabilities of caring for her. i'm just so tired, mikasa." your voice wavers, a tear dripping on your cheek as you bury your face in your knees, mikasa's gentle touch on your head anchoring you to the earth.

there mikasa realizes that you're doing this for your family. you have some people waiting for you while there's nothing out there in the world for her but the police tracking her down. she vows that she will do everything to let you win this game. you're literally an angel who lost herself in the coldest pits of hell and mikasa will do anything to bring you back to the surface.

― eren jeager ; square

your boyfriend who's out of the country for one month.

or so you thought.

you know him throughout your life at paradis university. it was purely by chance how you two met but eren felt a pull towards you after your first meeting, getting lost in those wholesome smiles you give him. he knows about your familial situation and he offered so many times to help you but you respectfully decline. you always told him that you want to pay off your father's debt and hospital bills through your own efforts and he understands that. but the look on your face every morning unsettles him. you look so gaunt and lifeless that he feels so guilty of just watching you from the sidelines. yes, he's your boyfriend but your relationship is just you worrying over every little thing about him when he should be the one doting on you and caring for you. this man loves you so much that he sometimes anonymously pays your father's hospital bills, keeping it quiet for fear of you breaking up with him. but he has his limits, he's not made of cash after all. he's only leeching off of his half-brother.

the last thing he wants is for you to leave him behind. he admits he's being selfish but as long as he has his heaven by his side, he's sure that he can survive a lifetime in hell.

imagine his surprise when he sees you in the crowd of people participating in these life-threatening games, his mask hiding his wide eyes, parted lips, and the urge to vomit. you, the most beautiful thing on earth, staring at the piggy bank holding millions of dollars at the moment with a determined look on your face. it hurts him. eren has every chance to help you but he chooses to let your suffering fester until you have no choice but to be one of the horses the v.i.p.s are bidding on. he closes his eyes for a moment, willing to let you disappear as if this is a fever dream, but you're still there. oh God, you're really there. and it's his fault.

as his role of having a square on his mask, he holds the command over the other shapes. that fact he's thankful for.

eren knows about the games beforehand, seeing as he's assigned as the announcer for this year's games.

he watches you behind his mask, narrowing his eyes when you're with that black-haired young woman every time he enters the sleeping quarters. he clenches his teeth when he sees that bastard of a man with a long face tries to flirt with you. at times, eren panics when you flicker your gaze in his direction, your questioning gaze too calculating for his heart to take. who knows what you'll think if you discover that he's one of the game guards stationed in commanding the triangles to shoot the weaklings. will you look at him differently? will you break up with him? anything but that. eren can handle you sulking for days but just the thought of losing you chills his veins.

this spurs eren to make the system unfair by favoring you over the others. he slips little notes in your food about the games or the riots, pulling strings behind the spectacle to keep you alive. even if he has to kill off one of his coworkers to change his masks, he will do it in a heartbeat. he will make sure you win that prize money and live a luxurious life fitting for a person like you.

in fact, he's the square guard that you asked permission to use the toilet in the middle of the night, with that blank-faced woman no less. at first, he's suspicious that you're going in there with someone else but he trusts you so he lets you do your business. at the small distance between you and him, eren held everything back from holding you and cradling you close to his chest. all he wants is to graduate from university with you, buy a house, and start jobs that settle you two down in a domestic lifestyle. heck, he's willing to have children with you. but as he stared down at you that night, he bit his lip before speaking our his feelings. instead, he said that it's okay for you to do whatever you want in the toilets, a longing gaze targeted on your retreating back.

two words: the riot.

that nearly causes his mask to break.

the doors open and eren walks with his head empty except for you. he doesn't care about the dead bodies unless it's you. he has to find you because why the hell would you disregard what he wrote inside your dinner. you should be alive and breathing and intact ... and definitely shaking with your head buried on player 067's neck. his coworkers are curiously looking at him but he doesn't pay them any mind because all eren sees is you.

you feel mikasa's hand tighten around your arm, causing you to look up to a square masked guard standing idly in front of you. even your brunette friend and little group gawk at the highest-ranking staff who's rendered speechless at the sight of you. you flinch at the unyielding person, possibly staring at you, but you never look away from him. the next thing the game guard does stuns you ― his right hand unconsciously rubbing brushing the inside of his left wrist before turning around to signal the others to bring in the bowed coffins. you instantly stand up with a shocked visage because that game guard did not just make your boyfriend's nervous tick ― rubbing his left wrist, which has a simple bracelet with your initials as pendants. your group of allies is asking you what's wrong but all you can see is the back of that square-masked game guard who looks back at you with a small inconspicuous gesture that lays out everything.

that game guard holds out his pinkie in a silent promise to keep you safe.

now you understand why eren disappeared on you without any word but a short message of going on a random university event.

― sasha blouse ; player 151

your first friend in the games.

this girl immediately latches on you the first day of the games.

you're taken aback by such enthusiasm but you're not unwelcome by it. you're rather grateful that there's still bright and bubbly that can keep you sane in this place. you timidly call her by her player number, to which she brushes off with a light laugh.

"call me sasha!" sasha beams with her hands on her hips, chest puffing out in confidence. you blink a few times before laughing at her exuberance. sasha's a ball of sunshine and you unconsciously think that she doesn't belong in this place. she tilts her head at you and you're reminded of that puppy your little sister found on the street back when you were in high school. "what's your name?" you tell her and she brightens even more. "that's so pretty! it fits you so much. well," she holds out her hand expectantly, "i believe you have yourself a friend. nice to meet you, [name]. please take care of me!"

sasha entered the games because somebody approached her after going out of the police station. she tells you this when you came back to the games. she relays how the first body she saw was the corpse of her mother lying on a puddle of blood on the kitchen floor. chills run down your spine at her next words. sasha didn't hesitate from taking one of the discarded knives on the floor, pushing her father away from her dead mother, and proceeded to continuously stab him while his screams echo into the neighbourhood. she was arrested on the spot. she tells this story to you with a smile on her face, almost as if anything that happened in her life is pushed back and she only focuses on surviving the games. you thank her for sharing that part of her life.

"when we get out of these games together, promise me we'll have a girls' night out," sasha casually states while the tension rises after kenny stole another player's share. you're sitting with a stiff posture, player 067 beside you on high alert that kenny might come stomping in your direction to pick an uncalled fight. still, sasha eats her boiled egg with gusto. "us three can travel around the world with that money. we can go wherever we like. you can bring your little sister and you," she points at the blank-faced player who looks unamused at the idea, "can let loose for once."

you have no heart to tell sasha that getting out of the games with multiple players seems to be an unreachable thing but you smile at her suggestion. "that sounds like an amazing idea. we can drink those mojitos and go visit the maldives! just like what they portray in hollywood movies. what do you say, player 067? sounds like fun, right?"

067 looks at you for a moment before nodding slowly. sasha grins.

"that settles it! we'll go to the maldives for our girls night out."

"hey, let us join, too," another player in your little ally group chimes in.

sasha grimaces. "like hell we want to invite you, jean!"

you and mikasa have this silent pact of holding back sasha when the food is distributed. this girl can eat anything in a three-meter radius so every time it's her turn, her hands are itching to take another share for herself. you make sure you're behind her to hold her wrist in a vice grip as she reaches for another boiled egg or bread. you apologize to the person behind you for taking too long, pulling sasha behind you to where your little group is waiting. after witnessing kenny beat the whining player to death, sasha never once reaches out for another meal. since the beginning, you're the one supplying her with her extra portions, sliding your food to her after taking out the piece of paper wedged between. despite knowing her for a couple of days, you conclude that sasha has a vacuum for a stomach.

she has amazing senses. this girl always knows when something goes wrong. she heard mikasa crawling inside the vents while spying on the guards. she heard you two whispering about something regarding the second game. also, she heard a gunshot ringing out from somewhere in the compound when it's her turn taking watch in the middle of the night. there are surely no games happening, right? but as the alarms blared a few minutes after that gunshot, sasha's instincts of brewing danger are pulsating even more throughout the night.

if mikasa swore to protect you, you chose to protect sasha in little ways. you fought for her to be in your team for the tug of war because you're so sure that she's an asset to the team. you gave her tips during the honeycomb game. you let her hide behind you during red light, green light. she's so radiant that it hurts just looking at her. but as every luminary, they have to dim. losing her light came in the form of the marble game, where she asks you to be her partner because she knows you two will win it. as much as mikasa wants you as her partner, you honor sasha's request by shaking the brunette's hand. mikasa huffs and finds another person to pair up with, a player from your team named armin, and you promise her that you will work with her in the next game.

but as the game guard leads you through a maze of houses, all your confidence before turns into dread as you turn to sasha, whose smile disappears for the first time during all of the games.

"thank you for being my best friend and for always protecting me. win this and live the beautiful life you deserve, okay?"

― levi ackerman ; the detective

the one who followed you at midnight to get some clues on his lost siblings.

levi ackerman is considered to be the best detective in your city. he was commended for his performance every time he's on the field. he solves every case he got except for one. levi never knew what was behind the kidnapping of his siblings, farlan and isabel. their disappearance happened several years ago and while people were alarmed that there has been an increase in human trafficking, the police were lousy enough to turn this case cold. he begged for his higher-ups to continue the case but since there wasn't much evidence regarding the kidnapping of farlan church and isabel magnolia so the police department had no choice but to close it. that case plagues levi's mind to this day, that was until he met you.

you look like shit, that much levi can pinpoint.

he's sipping on his morning tea in his desk, listening in to your rambles of a mysterious game where it kills people without remorse. you are talking about how there's a life-size doll who scans people's movements and snipers shooting people if they move. it's absurd. that kind of story only unravels in a television show, never in real life. levi's curiosity turns into dust as he drowns out your frantic voice with the constant thrum of early city mornings.

"a blonde woman was giving out cards in the subway," you plead, hands running through your hair in distress. your clothes are thrown on you haphazardly and the policemen in front of you immediately thought that you had a rough night inside the club because what you're spewing doesn't sound like a sober person might say. "i have her card with me. i'm speaking the truth." you pat your jeans until you take out your wallet, the little brown card making your breath hitch. you hastily hand it over to the policeman. "here. there's a number at the back. they will immediately answer if you dial it." still, the policeman keeps snickering at you. "please." you try again. "just help me investigate this, sir. i beg you. lives are on the line if you don't do this."

"i think you had too much to drink, young lady," the policeman laughs. "i'll wager that you're hungover. booze can alter your dreams into reality, you know?" your glare appears and the policeman chuckles nervously. "okay, okay, i'm calling the number now." he inputs the number on the telephone and waits for the other person to pick up. after three rings, silence greets the policeman. you whisper the things that he needed to say, "uh, i'm calling because i want to play a game."

everything backfires. the person who answered the call was a woman screaming that the policeman was a complete pervert for calling her asking for games. it seems like the policeman pressed the number wrongly, brushing it off as you pulling off a prank in the police station. while you begrudgingly go out of the sliding doors of the station, levi stands up from his seat and inquires about your situation.

"oh? does mr. ackerman have a taste for younger women?" the policeman teases, his voice lilting annoyingly.

"cut the bullshit," levi snaps. "what was that woman here for?"

the policeman hums before laughing lightly. "something about games and dolls. just the random drunk stories, most likely. why?"

levi keeps quiet for a moment, gaze pensive as he stares at the brown card you left behind. his fist clenches at the familiar brown card, the shapes mocking him to pick it up. so, he did. levi pockets the card and doesn't answer his colleague, catching up to you outside of the police station. you're murmuring things about hating policemen as he stands behind you. he opens his mouth to interrupt your rant, "hello, excuse me. i'm detective levi ackerman. can you tell me more about what you told my colleagues?"

you proceed to tell levi everything you experienced so far, with him keeping an impassive facade that reminds you so much of a certain player in the game. you thought he's going to help you investigate this case but he wordlessly walks away after you reveal everything to him. bowing his head as thanks for your time. thinking that the police chooses to brush this situation off their shoulders, you feel as if all hope is lost. yes, you figured that they are incompetent and lousy when it comes to doing their job but you never expected them to put this aside. so, you go back home, only to find your father on the living room floor and your sister nowhere to be found.

that night, levi stays true to his judgment of investigating this case because he feels that your situation is somewhat connected to the disappearance of his family. he narrows his eyes at your standing form a few meters ahead of his parked car, cautiously waiting until a white van comes into view with its door open to invite you in. the whole thing flashes red flags in levi's head. he revs his engine and slowly follows the white van carrying you, watching with hawk eyes how the vehicle keeps on picking up random people on the street. he doesn't know that they're players of the game just like you are. as the moon remains high in the sky, levi sees that your white van is not the only one going in a certain direction. all this secret mission of his leads him to the port with a trail of white vans heading to a large ship.

taking his badge and gun with him, levi drops down and clings at the bottom of the last white van, praying that this will ultimately reveal why his family disappeared for days. or better, praying that levi finds his missing family in wherever this ship sails to.

what he will discover on this mysterious destination will throw him off though.

― hange zoe ; player 136

the doctor that you trust.

mikasa warned you beforehand that player 136 isn't right in the head after expressing how exciting it is to witness so many dead bodies in one game. she latched on your arm and whispered into your ear that you shouldn't trust privileged people who wormed their way into the games. you always heard player 136 bragging about how they're a well-known doctor so it doesn't add up that they're in this game. it was then that you discovered that they're fired by the hospital they're working at after receiving an alert that player 136 participated in money embezzlement. they're recruited by player 218 into your group for tug of war and after hearing them assuring you that you can rely on them, it's settled that they're a part of your little ally group.

being a doctor in the outside world, player 136 is assigned to be the dissector of alive bodies every night. however, they rejected the offer of getting clues on the games because it seemed unfair to those who are in the dark and not given the opportunity to work with the game guards. that's when you know they're trusted ― for telling you the truth behind their nighttime disappearances. they don't hide any details. instead, they willingly tell you the conversation circulating during those operations. after hearing a story that the game guards harassed a barely-breathing body minutes before they arrived for the operation, you vomited your dinner. mikasa glares at player 136 for eliciting such a reaction from you, all the while feeling the urge to vomit as well. it's not only the place that's so disgusting, the workers are the real devils as well.

having player 136 in your team screams advantage throughout the contest. just the presence of a person who specializes in mending people's wounds sets a wave of relief in your little group.

you only know their name when player 218 mentions it during the marbles game since he asks them to be his partner. they refuse, however. it seems like they both know each other all this time. now that you think about it, player 218 only ever converses with the silent player 199 and animated player 136, the latter being called hange. you find it to be a pretty name and you wish you could've talked to them a little bit more.

the only time you directly talked to hange was when they treated your hands after the tug of war. their hands are so gentle as they run over a wet towel over your wounded skin and you find yourself dozing off. it's only when they speak that you regain your consciousness. they ask you about your reason for entering the games since it looks like you're one of the so-called kindhearted people in this godforsaken place. you relay to her everything you told mikasa and sasha and suddenly recognition sparkles in hange's eyes. the look on her face is something that you can never forget. it's a mixture of horror and astonishment at the same time. you wonder why they acted that way. it's before the game of marbles that they look back at you with saddened eyes, their words chilling your body.

"i'm sorry for putting you in this mess. i didn't mean to kick your father out of the hospital that day. i remember seeing you in the hallway of the hospital begging for the nurses to stop rolling your father's wheelchair. i'm sorry that i don't feel remorse at that time even though you sound so broken and desperate. i'm also so sorry for suing your family. i hope you don't forgive me, 356."

― jean kirschtein ; player 097

the boy who asked you out during freshman year in university.

poor him. he's trying so hard to woo you despite having a death sentence hanging over his head by participating in these games. it's a good thing that eren is not here to watch jean shamelessly flirt with you every chance he gets. the only time he stops is when mikasa steps in front of you with a glower on her face, expression silently screaming for the ash blonde to stop embarrassing himself. you faintly remember how eren grumbles at you about this guy since you started dating, saying along the lines of trusting you at the same time never trusting anybody who lingers too long in your presence. after rejecting jean on freshman year, he stopped pursuing you until now. fuck these games. you already have a problem with death, now life has added another piece of suffering for you to worry about.

jean seems reliable and physically strong enough to carry the team on his shoulders, given the fact that he's well-built with lean muscles and tall stature. he's the one who brought armin to your little circle, his arm around the shorter male's shoulders with an easygoing grin, much to the blonde's dismay.

mikasa never trusts anyone and it flares even more around jean.

you try to reason with jean that if he wants to be inside your little group, he has to prove that he's trustworthy enough to keep playing with all of you. you want to prevent mikasa from lashing out at him to the utmost of your abilities. so, he did. jean is an expert on weighing people in his mind, being a psychology major. he scans a person's mannerisms and micro-expressions and report them to you to find out who's the real threat. he's the one who told you to keep your guard up with player 218, something that doesn't even cross your mind until the very last minute. he deems armin as a friend because the blonde was showing some signs of nervousness all throughout the first two games and that all armin's words seem genuine. but this isn't enough for you and mikasa. people like jean tend to lie more if given the chance. people from his major can use their knowledge to their advantage as worm their way in an intricately woven group just to sabotage them.

it's during the riots of the lights-out did he slowly gains your trust.

he saves you from being strangled by an unknown player before mikasa finds you, ripping your attacker from you to pull you to the intact bunk beds. he pats your figure with frantic hands, eyes flashing with panic every beating second. his hands are shaking yet they firmly hold you at arms-length. he asks you, "are you alright? are there any more wounds that i failed to check? fuck, everything is just plain bullshit right now. just stay close to me, okay?" jean places his hand on your cheek to bring you back to reality because you look shaken up by the incident. "hey, stay with me, alright? god damn it!" his outburst causes you to flinch. he apologizes soon after. "i want to find that motherfucker who attacked you, princess. i want to teach them a lesson for laying their hands on you like that."

he throws you a metal beam when you two got separated because a player got a hold of his jacket.

at this point, nobody is safe during the riots. even if nobody holds a grudge against you, you're still going to get targeted. so, with the metal beam, you swing it around yourself. people around you keep jumping back to avoid your blind swinging except for mikasa who pulls you to safety.

it's also jean who points out to you that the square game guard acts so different around you, that their actions are so similar to a certain someone he knows. you already have a clue on who's behind that mask but once jean voices out his opinions, that just proves it because jean is never wrong in these things.

you never got to say goodbye to him. the last words he said to you rings in your mind as you enter the sleeping quarters after the marbles game.

"hey, you better be alive after this game, princess."

― armin arlert ; player 431

an unlikely player who somewhat thought this was a place without slaughter.

you know armin because jean pulls him in your team for the tug of war.

at first, you're surprised that such a soft-spoken person manages to enter the games but when you see the glint in his eyes that he's willing to win the prize, you're convinced that he's not just a simpleton acting all clueless for people to underestimate. but, according to jean, armin is not like another blonde that you need to watch out for. true enough, the first time you talk to armin, he instantly gives you his name. there's no secrecy lacing his words. that manages to convince you that he is trustworthy enough. not to mention that mikasa appears wide-eyed when armin walks to your group, saying that she knew him as the kid who played with her in the sand playground years ago. apparently, armin was her only friend until his family moved away to a different city because of his father's job. there's nothing negative about the remarks surrounding armin and you welcome him with a smile before the tug of war.

"i'm armin," the blonde states, holding out his hand for you to shake.

you look at his expectant gaze before dropping your eyes to his outstretched hand. most people in the previous games never asks for a player's name. the numbers are enough for them to call the others but the wonder in armin's eyes is too hard to resist. you smile at him and fit your palm against his. "i'm [name]. nice to meet you, armin."

his expression brightens like a kid with a surprise birthday party.

there you notice that armin doesn't deserve to be in this place. he shouldn't have an imaginary death flag waving over his head. he deserves so much better than being betrayed by his so-called teammates. your little quartet (you, mikasa, sasha, and jean) forms into an intricate pentagon of people with different reasons for stepping inside their designated vans.

armin fits so well in your group, being the brains aside from player 218. if 218 shows cold calculations that will favor himself, armin focuses on the strategies that greatly benefit the rest of the team as well as distribute jobs that are suitable for every member of the group. even after a few minutes of interaction with him before the next game, you thank armin for his quick wits as he comes up with the strategy for this game of strength while all of you are inside the elevator. player 218 doesn't agree with most of what armin says but since there's not much time left before the game starts, all of you will have to follow armin's suggestions.

he has great assumptions about the games.

before the marbles game, armin becomes suspicious of the instructions of the game guards. find a pair? there's no game in his childhood that has pairs as teams. unless these pairs aren't supposed to be on the same side. armin gawks at the game guards, who wordlessly watch everyone scramble to get the fittest or smartest people to be their pair. the best solution for this is to pair up with people outside of his team. he looks back to you, horror painting his face when you accept sasha's handshake. no, that can't be happening. why didn't you notice this trap set by the creators of the game? armin is about to convince you to rethink your decisions when a firm hand circles his arm. he turns around, blanching inwardly when someone appears in front of him.

"hey, min, team up with me."

armin notices your apologetic expression directed to the young woman in front of him. so, he meets your gaze. he mouths, "goodbye." you're confused. what does he mean by that?

it's only when you see mikasa walk past the gates with a gaunt expression that you understand.

that night, you cry for the first time in this place, your silent sobs dedicated to sweet armin, beautiful sasha, and caring jean. you cry for your friends who deserve everything except for their fates in these games. that night, you ask mikasa if it's okay to sleep on her bed. as she wraps her arms around you, you cry again for fear of the next few games taking away the last person who kept you sane in this hell.

― erwin smith ; player 218

your professor who randomly stopped teaching in your sophomore year.

surely your eyes are deceiving you if you're seeing the most loved professor of paradis university standing in one of these foreboding green tracksuits. maybe you are too disoriented after the car ride that you keep seeing hallucinations of your previous professors. however, you know he's real when he meets your gaze and furrows his brows at you gawking at him. he silently walks to you with a puzzled expression, his tone polite as he questions what are you doing in a place like this. you tell him that you two share the same reason why you're standing under a piggy bank with millions of dollars. he accepts your enigmatic response and hums under his breath as if that already satisfies his interrogation. for you, though, you don't know how such a perfect man came to this place.

the only thing you remember from your short time learning under erwin smith was that he was a family man, with a picture frame of his little family on his office desk, and an amazing tactician. if a game needs strategy, this man is the only person you can go to. having taught business in the renowned university across the continent, erwin smith is not someone to be messed with. despite being known for his caring personality among his students, he also bores a menacing and merciless professor when needed. that side of him is not what you need right now. good thing that you only heard of it from your seniors a while back. but you don't know what to expect if he loses his control over that approachable mien.

one thing is for sure, erwin is a dangerous individual to be considered as an ally.

still, you teamed up with him way before sasha befriended you.

unbeknownst to you, erwin is facing a million-dollar debt for taking part in the stock market. that picture of his perfect family was taken way back when his ex-wife was still happy with him. it was his gambling ways that made his ex-wife drift away from him. he was constantly out until the late of the night to spend every single penny in her account just to bet on horses. the divorce and the continuous debts were the reasons why he stopped teaching at paradis university. he became a broke man in an entire year, always running away from the law and debt collectors who follow his every movement. the fight for the custody of his son was the nail to the coffin. he loves that little boy and seeing as he lost every bit of financial stability just proved that he's not fit for taking the boy under his care. then, came the blonde woman knocking on his dingy apartment, claiming that he can win millions of dollars if he just plays a little game.

there's more than one person who keeps telling you to never trust erwin but you can't help but listen to his suggestions, especially in the game of tug of war. when armin's strategy didn't work, it's erwin who stepped up as the temporary leader of your little group. there's no way that he'll willingly let all of you die when he's the one standing at the front of the line. so, you tell everyone to follow erwin's instructions, catching the other team off guard by sliding close to the edge. you internally let it sink that you owe your life to erwin at this point.

you notice how he shifts closer to player 199, a man named mike and a person with a great sense of smell, and the doctor. there seems to be a connection going on with those three that seems to have stemmed from when they were in college.

you're correct to never trust erwin when you see from a distance how he tricks mike into giving his marbles, never even flinching when the gunshot rings out and the monotone voice announcing that player 199 has been eliminated. again, your instincts are correct when he pushes hange into the regular glass pane when it's just the four of you left. that mistrust turns into anger as you witness him slitting mikasa's throat, face devoid of any emotion when he turns to you with bright sky eyes.

"just me and my favorite student left. how thrilling."

― zeke jaeger ; front man

the one who feels the least remorse from all these bloodbaths.

the previous recruiter.

he's given the role of the front man in this year's games, appointing a previous winner named yelena to be the next recruiter.

he's the one who gave eren the job of being a game guard. it's supposed to be a playful game of ddakji but since eren chose red instead of blue (the younger man's reasoning being his girlfriend looks great in red), zeke's interest is piqued. he's only known his little brother for about three years but he knows that eren has no reason to enter the games as a player. their father is a doctor and their family is pretty well-off for them to start getting desperate for any cash. since the younger man expresses his boredom of being a college student, zeke uses that opportunity to invite eren to the games. not as a player, but as a game guard. he proceeds to explain eren's role in this grand scheme, with the latter hesitating when zeke mentions something about killing people. in the end, the blonde uses another tactic to get eren on board with this. he mentions his girlfriend.

if eren joins as a guard, a high-ranking one at that, he gets a good paycheck to help you out.

equality has always been the main mantra of these games but when your group came, everything flew out the window.

zeke has taken a liking to how you formed relationships despite having your lives on the line. yes, he doesn't feel anything for the other players, they can die for all he cares, but when it comes to your little group, he's actually considering letting your group pass the games. even without eren's threat of exposing this whole spectacle if his brother doesn't show leniency to you, zeke is willing to make the system unfair to let you or any of your teammates win. (the reason mainly resides in the back of his mind; a five-person group who became unlikely friends so many years back.) in fact, he talked to you two years ago when eren introduced you to his family, inviting you to dinner. he found you remarkable and charming, wishing you the best of luck for being eren's partner, to which the brunet always get offended about.

he watches with attentive eyes as you walk to the center of the venue of the last game, the other finalist towering over you. the v.i.p.s beside him are laughing at how such a small girl managed to survive this far, all of them betting on player 218 with everything they brought. to prove himself, zeke casually bets on you, his eyes glinting behind his mask. as zeke watches the game unfold in front of him; gone was the girl who reminded eren to eat during all-nighters, gone was the lovable young woman who gained the blessing of grisha and carla jaeger, gone was the understanding friend during the previous games. in place of all of those was an expressionless person who struggles to get out of player 218's hold in the middle of the square, biting off a chunk of his ankle without second thoughts, and taking advantage of the vulnerability by straddling the blonde man. you stab and scream your sorrows out to the rain until erwin smith breathes for the last time.

"player 218 has been eliminated. the winner of the squid game is player 356."

eren was right, you look great in red.

reblogs are very much appreciated !!! <3