Oh? You’re Worried About Me? Didn’t You Read The Label On The Tin?

True to my promise in my detrans notes game I have bought boxers to replace my panties. As a bonus they’re all boring, manly grey and black. I’m still a little nervous to take the step of throwing all my panties out but I’ll do that soon.

This was kind of a lie ig lol

I’m definitely a girl right now and I am actively sabotaging any possible boyification.

I can’t wait for your guy self to win. Do you think it’ll be long before it happens?

At the moment I’m the girl self so I can say something from kind of a different angle.

When I want to be a guy I take a lot of steps towards masculinization and try to sabotage my “girl self”

When I’m a girl I never really get more feminine. I never try to fix things. In fact I still engage in this detrans stuff.

It’s like… I’m just genuinely not in the mindset of BEING a girl ever anymore. A lot of the time I WANT to be a girl, like I used to be, but I’m just… not one. If I try to be all feminine it feels like I’m faking it. Like I’m crossdressing. I want so badly to go back to feeling comfortable as a girl, I just can’t seem to anymore.

So to answer your question, I’m not sure it will be long.

How do you feel about being forcefemmed into giving up any silly little notions of ever making it as a man?

honestly rn i’m begging for someone to forcefem me. Maybe that sounds crazy based on my blog but like genuinely if I had a 1 on 1 dynamic with someone very interested in making me in particular into a very feminine girl I’d be all over it. Please please please someone come into my dms and offer to turn me into a girly girl.

please someone come in my dms are scrub any hint of femininity out of my head!!!

I need to be brainwashed out of touch with my feminine side, just completely erased and out of touch with anything remotely feminine

please help me

Maybe I’m gender fluid or something idk, but really I want to be binary one way or the other, permanently.

True to the promise of my notes game I just bought TEN pairs of boxers and I will be throwing out my useless panties. It's ridiculous I was wearing panties in the first place, obviously they didn't fit. One of the things on the list is that every 50 notes I will pick up a new masculine interest. I am autistic so I'm someone who has a lot of intense, specific hobbies and interests. Some of them are already somewhat masculine, but I engage in them in somewhat feminine ways. For example I follow sports pretty closely and I like watching videos about history. Each time I hit 50 notes I will elevate one of those more male interests and I will try to engage with it in a more man-brained way. Maybe eventually I will pick up entirely new interests too, but they have to be something that I would even find interesting in the first place.

Also at this point I will not be able to shave for most of April (and counting) I intend to start the count of days I can't shave on April 1, just because it'll be easier to keep track of if it starts on the first of a month. I actually at this point have not shaved in 4 or 5 days so I'm undecided if I will shave on March 31 to reset it or not. I am somewhat leaning towards doing that but we'll see.

One last thing, I have edited the list a bit since I initially posted it. I will never change goals that have already been reached and I'll try not to move around goals I already listed unless I feel like they're in an order that is unnatural or doesn't make sense. For the most part I will only be adding new things to the list.

I intend to adhere to the list entirely and I will be posting proof that I followed through. Be sure to hold me accountable. Another thing, if I reach the point where I'm allowed to shave again, the notes game ends.

I haven’t even *mentioned* that I’m schizoaffective on here have I? hehe, since I started posting on here I’ve mostly just been depressed and occasionally manic, but that’s not how it usually is is it??

nononono no it is nooooot!!! I am actually quite many dimensional beyond this ever so simple identity conundrum.

You come here to get off, I come here to live. I am undead, I rot within my ever still walking corpse. My productivity is limited by the demons that bonds me to my identity to my health to my world.

If I can’t kill them who can?

This is why everything needs to be reset, not in the traditional sense but the circles beyond circles :)

there’s a word for this i think, i am not speaking with clarity. Sometimes it happens. Sometimes you should be glad that I ever thought to imagine you here in the first time.

I DO NOT GET DEPRESSED.

I am BEYOND the comprehension of your feeble eye sockets and I will twist the bonds of the galaxy to fly through your being and soul.

Thank you for listening to me 😊

I was on hormones for 8 years before detransitioning. I passed pretty well and had an intimidating goth/punk look.

A year later, and I'm pretty much unrecognizable. All of the progress I made feminizing myself has been almost entirely reversed. I'm growing chest hair and a beard for the first time in my life, none of my old girly clothes quite fit anymore, and my voice is deepening. Anyone passing me in public at this point only sees an awkward, nerdy guy.

If a version of myself from 3 years ago saw what she's become now, she'd be mortified and ashamed. But you wanna know something pretty fuckin cool?

Shame is a useless albatross for pussies and puritans. I'm just fucking horny :)

Need people in my dms to encourage me to continue to detransition, since I’ve been having some doubts. I’m still off hrt, but I’m really tempted to shave and ruin the notes game. Someone needs to stop me!!!