Our Love Was Wine Drunk

There are things we do not talk about here.

Do not mention the lines that once

Ran along the length of your left hand,

Carved by you trying to play God

When you were barely a person//

Perhaps that was the point.

Half a year trying to make the scars disappear,

The other half spent convincing your own damn self not to.

Listen.

There are places in your head

You could disappear off to,

The ones which will make you so, so happy

And perhaps even a maniac,

But aren't maniacs just people

With enough conviction

To want to live in a world

That was their own mind's doing?

I am proud.

When the Earth tumulted and collapsed on me,

Trying to throw me off itself,

I held on with bare hands.

I dug my claws into the brown soil,

Trying to become one with the Mother,

Trying to grow myself some roots to stay.

I have already been here longer than I had imagined,

To have a place at all is magic in itself.

I have so much life left to grow roots out of.

It was a pleasure to write with you Julie! (@julesgems) :))

pass the happy! 🌻🌈 when you receive this, list 5 things that make you happy and send this to the last ten people in the notifications!

1. Standing under a tree when it is pouring down.

2. A good book that is starting to feel like home, like I can come back to it and it will still be here.

3. Finally getting the thing to click in my head- the theory in Chemistry or the law in Physics when it suddenly just becomes common sense, when it just hits you after you've been running around trying to read it over and over again and understand it.

4. Tea on cold days brewed at 3 a.m. to keep me warm company.

5. Writing a poem that I am proud of because I just know that's a good one, I worked hard for that one.

Bonus:

Applying for jobs/internships you thought you weren't qualified for but you get them. They let you have it because you're young and you're good and you will learn. They believe in you.

I challenge you to pass the happy! 🌻🌈

Anyone who has read this, pass the happy! :)

Dripping chaos everywhere I go.

I wrote a poem

And you thought it was for you.

I wrote an eulogy

And you thought it was

For my funeral.

To be with someone

Who thinks of nothing

But the ending

When you both are still here

Is to say there already exist

Thousands of ends in their mind.

I just wish he has also imagined

One mellow future where

We're both here and we're both okay,

No one buries us and no one burns us.

I was not the broken thing anymore.

I cried and fought and fell

And scratched and clawed

My way back from hell.

I made an armour out of this body,

Grew my heart into a soldier,

Marched to once friendly lines

To cut off all ties

And fought you off

With all my might.

You weren't here anymore

And I grew myself a garden,

Planted my heart in its bosom;

Took the armour out to let it rust,

Felt the sunlight burn my thick skin,

And I almost could feel the years turn,

And could almost feel myself turn to dust.

One life people. Only one. Fucking run for it! Learn that goddamn language, read that book, draw shittily, sing off key and break some goddamn glasses. Fuck this illusion of perfection. We are here to goddamn live. Every art becomes less shitty as you work on it. Same with your life, it's all art babies. Work and get it y'all! Okay bye.

Are you scared to death to live

Or are you scared to live

Because you know you will die?

If there was no one to observe the universe

Would it cease to exist as we know it?

If a tree falls in a forest but

No one is around to hear it scream,

It still thuds and the ground still rumbles,

It's just that no one feels it.

So perhaps you are so obsessed with

Letting people know you are here

Because you know you could die

And no one would see the stars of your life collapse,

Feel the rumble of your loss of life.

It is possible to go away, quietly,

Unnoticed, leave things unchanged-

No one to mourn your loss

or to question higher powers

Over the lack of your presence

Or to tell your stories.

How terrifying it is to think

The universe in my mind could go away with me.