Burymeinplainsight - BuryMeInPlainSight

So I broke my 24 hr fast today but.... I definitely stayed under 1000 calories and that makes me happy 😊

NEW UPDATED SAFE FOOD LIST

Tea

Coffee

Splenda

Fruit

Vegtables

Pop corn

Zero sugar torani coffee syrup (0 cal)

Diet soda

Diet energy drinks

Soy milk

Eggs whites (only 18 calories)

Zero sugar coffee creamer 15 calories per table spoon

When I go home I'm gonna throw away all the foods I shouldn't be eating. The fatty chicken, the oatmeal, pasta. And what else I'm not supposed to have.

I WILL GET THINNER. I don't care HOW I get there but I will get there. Fuck being obese

Tonight I broke my diet and I ended up purging. I feel numb and empty. I haven't purged since I was 19 years old. I'm 23 now. I purged up so much my head aches and I the trash bag I used weighed so much. All I kept thinking was that I WILL get these 40lbs off of me. I will, I will and I will.

I played some of my favorite music to ease my anxiety while purging. I feel awkward 😕 I can't believe I'm purging again....

700 calories is my new safe number now. I dont feel safe eating above 700. I know it's not sustainable but I will give everything I got to meet that number. I don't want to be fat anymore it's making me a target for abuse and my weight has kept me trapped in a bad relationship.

Every lb I lose will dig me out of this cage my ex has put me in.

I feel bad for going over so many calories. Ugh I HAVE to stop eating the food at work 😩

I'm already at 830 calories yikes! All because I ate some of my coworkers food. So the plan for today is to FAST untill 12am the following morning.

Rules for fast-

Take vitamins and supplements

Sip plenty of water

Sip plenty of low cal tea 🍵 sweetened with splenda

Diet soda is allowed zero calorie

Take a warm shower to get my mind off food

Take a long nap

Binge watch YouTube

If I can manage this fast I will stay at 830 calories. Still alot but at least I didn't consume more calories. At this point I'll take what I can get

Today's Breakfast-

9 egg whites (18 cal each) 162 cal

1 spoonful of splenda 0 cal

1 chopped up potatoes ( 127 grams) 100 calories

1 healthy pinch of salt 0 cal

A dash of smoked paprika 0 cal

A few sprays of Pam's cooking spray 0 cal

1 glass of water 16 oz with ice

3 xtremewellness Tommato and basil wraps 50 cal each- 150

1 small gala apple (108 grams) 62 calories

Total for meal - 474 calories ...

I wish I could survive on as little calories as possible. I long to punish myself for the wrong I've done to my ex, my mother or just anyone really that I have displeased with my presence. I need to punish myself. Only then I'll be a good girl inside and out. I'd say a good number for myself would be 500 calories. I need to punish myself. I CANNOT exists on food. My suffering will be atonement for all my sins.

Lost 2 lbs since yesterday. Idk how that happened 😕 must be water weight. But hey, 2lbs is 2 lbs!

This is my first time trying Coffee-Mate zero sugar coffee creamer and it's a pumpkin spice version and it is only 15 calories per tablespoon! I am super shocked how good it tastes. So for now on I'll be buying the zero sugar kind for my coffee creamer. The second one I have is a terrainy salted caramel sugar-free kind which has zero calories and that too is also pretty good. I'm tempted to toss out all my other high calorie coffee creamers and coffee syrups but that's a waste of money so I'll just budget my calories accordingly and next time I'll just buy the sugar-free kind