Dumb Things My Friends And I Have Said!

dumb things my friends and I have said!

newer and better edition, ft. 2021! apologies ahead of time for length! feel free to change pronouns if need be. warnings for foul and dirty language, and capslock-implied yelling :)

“I don’t know about bomb stuff.”

“We’re not going to Pavlov my girlfriend.”

“We become heathens when we enter the doors of the shopping mall.”

“No, it’s give a girl head, it’s not a slur.”

“I’m white and privileged. Give me a kiss.”

“‘You gotta have a little bit of faith.’ I don’t believe in God!”

“Four dollar fries. I am no longer asking.”

“Would you like me to call you a bitch or a bastard?”

“It’s not like your nipples are gonna stiffen up when you die.”

“Like, people hear my dumbass voice saying some stupid shit, and they’re like, “Oh, time to punch (Name).””

“DO YOU FUCKING SEE IT, RAT BASTARD? OH MY GOD.”

“I went to counseling to be a fun drunk.”

“YOU’RE GONNA DIE OF HUNGRY.”

“Damn, you are sluttin’ it on stage!”

“Girl you are fisting his god damn throat.”

“No, I don’t go out by myself. I’d get hatecrimed.”

“…I forgot bugs existed.”

“I’m sorry I can’t be your Burger King.”

“Here’s another curse! May all your bacon burn.”

“You should make these so you could stab someone festively.”

“I’m gay, I don’t have to learn how to fix a car.”

“You don’t fuck the bread. You put the bread in the cart and chop down rain forests.”

“You are worth more than chicken nuggets to me.”

“I won’t kick you out this time. I will make fun of you, though.”

“I’ll make a blood sacrifice here in a minute.”

“I’m glad she used your actions against you.”

“If you vibe with identifying as a horse, I wouldn’t care.”

“What if we got hatecrimed together and then became stars?”

“You WILL have a happy birthday. This is a threat.”

“I’m not your lotion slave.”

“I can’t believe we’re getting killed by rats.”

“Best method acting technique? Just be gay.”

“Should I wear thigh highs? What a stupid fuckin’ question, the answer’s always yes.”

“Please do not fuck the flying horse.”

“It tastes like a sexy battery.”

“Get you a man who can do both. Get me. I can do both.”

“Just slap some ganja on there bucko, you won’t feel a thing in no time.”

“Sweetie, that is quite possibly the gayest stance you could have posed with.”

“I hate to break it to you, but lawyers swear a LOT.”

“I didn’t know brainrot was contagious.”

“Is it gay to kill another man with your bare hands?”

“What an asshole. Rear end him right now.”

“You need to scrape your knees too, bitch.”

“Nobody needs an alcohol enema.”

“You’re dressed nicely for a manwhore!”

“I diagnose you with narcissist.”

“All words are made of letters, dickhead.”

“Food wakes me up even if I’m not eating it.”

“I’m convinced people in (location) don’t know how to do math.”

“I hate to break it to you, but porpoises and dolphins are different creatures.”

“If I wanted to date someone made of bones, I would’ve bought a skeleton from the Halloween store.”

“I love the tiddies out, nipples in look.”

“I am one with the gutter gators.”

“It’s so Monday today.”

“Cocktails just make you gay.”

“Welcome to the office of wasting your time! I’ll be your girlboss this evening!”

“I’m glad that you think of me as your pet fucking rat.”

“It’s avant-garde. I wouldn’t expect you to understand that though.”

“The way I function… I’m constantly telling myself that everything I do is cringeworthy.”

“Your blood will be root beer in 10.”

“How strong are your arms to push this many words into my mouth.”

“I hate women, I do drugs, here’s how I scammed DoorDash.”

“You knew me best during college, was I a ho during college?”

“Your head looks like a science lab beaker.”

“If I get drunk, I get worse.”

“I put on the cat paws, you gotta do the ritual!”

“You’re so dramatic. Just choose to not die.”

“(Name) looks like a BITCH.”

“Do you know what red is? It’s a color, you silly little man.”

“I want my cherry, (NAME).”