The You I Fell In Love With

There needs to be change, and the change needs to happen now.

(gonna be painting pride stuff all month, but this one is the most important)

Request for helping reader through a panic attack over family?

hi anon! i'm so sorry it took me so long to answer but i finally did it. i hope it's what you wanted! you can read it here. i hope you enjoy it :) <3

the mike faist effect: making everyone he plays bisexual

What it’s like to date Connor Murphy:

Request: Headcanons what it’s like to date Connor?- Anon

Word Count: 430

Warning: cussing 

Authors Note: Hey yall its been a while. I have been struggling with my mental health alot for a bit but slowly but surely I've been working on making it better. No promises as to when i'll get to the other requests. Sorry about that. Here’s this short hc list that has been siting in my drafts for forever. Anyways hope you're all doing okay and have a good day/night! :) <3 

•Connor towering over you which led to him always resting his head on top of yours and wrapping his arms around your shoulders

•Him deciding to stop smoking as often because he feels like he doesn’t need to. (but if you’re down he’d totally love to smoke with you!)

•You constantly steal his shirts, sweaters and sweatshirts because they smelled like him.

•He’d also steal your clothes and actually pull them off really well

•You calling each other pet names such as babe, love, hun and many others but only over text and when you were alone because Connor didn’t want people to make fun of y’all

•Also Connor is touch starved (me too smh) so he is constantly touching you, holding your hand, arm around your shoulder, arm around your waist, literally whatever you can imagine he does. But when he does this in public he makes sure to look extra in intimidating so no one says anything about it

•He loves to kiss the top of your head/forehead

•Having cute pictures of each other as your phones lock screens but the same selfie from the night of your first date is both your homescreens

•Connor has a clear phone case and keeps a polaroid of you in it from a late night date in the orchard

•One of Connor’s favorite things is when you play with his hair and massage his scalp especially after a rough night. It always puts him right to sleep.

•Speaking of sleeping, when you and Connor cuddle it depends on your guys mood whos the big spoon and whos the little spoon, usually he's big spoon though

•After he’s had a particular bad day whether it was the assholes at school or he’s just having a bad mental day Connor loves to lay his head on your chest and listen to your heart beat because it grounds him and reminds him that he’s real and so are you

•He’s poetic as shit and has an amazing way with words. He always knows what to say to make you feel better no matter your mood.

•I imagine him being such a fucking romantic person. He always plans the best dates and gives/makes you the best gifts.

•All his gifts just have a lot of thought put into them. He has a beautiful reason for whatever he does.

•He listens to a lot of music so he makes 50 million playlists for you and they always fit the vibe he’s trying to create

•In conclusion Connor is a softie who deserves all the love.

I get not wanting him to be so dependent. I personally also smoke and it’s a little frustrating seeing the best Connor writers not even mentioning something that’s a big part of his story, and when they do they like to demonise it.

i totally get that! it is incredibly frustrating when people do that because it is such a big part of his identity and there are plenty other things about the boy that are much worse than him smoking weed...

Birthday Wishes-Connor Murphy X Reader

Word Count: 1,962

A/N: Hey everyone! It was my birthday a while ago so thats where i got this inspiration for this lol. I just want to say I am in no way trying to take attention away from the Black Lives Matter movement I just thought this would be a nice way for people to take a break and unwind with everything going on in the world right now, but there’s a post on my blog with a link that has information on how you can help so please visit it! Thanks you for reading and I hope you have a wonderful day! :)

You and Connor Murphy had celebrated many birthdays together since your parents were best friends in high school and you and Connor were also best friends. You had been at each other's birthday parties since you were born. You had always given one another thoughtful gifts and wonderful cards with handwritten messages full of love. You would never tell Connor but, you kept all the cards he gave you in a box in the back of your closet. 

But this year was different as it was your first birthday when you and Connor were dating. He hadn’t said anything about it so you just assumed that it was going to be a low-key night as usual where the two of you just hung out and watched movies at someones house or something like that, what you didn’t know was that Connor was planning a romantic night for the two of you. Before you even started dating you always talked about wanting to go stargazing with your significant other when they finally came along, so he figured why not do it for your birthday. A couple of days before your birthday when you were busy staying after for some kind of club he went to the store and got fairy lights to hang on the back of his beat up truck and a bunch of your favorite snacks. That night he also made a playlist full of all your favorite songs and found the extra mattress his parents kept in the attic to put in the bed of his truck. As the day got closer and closer he took almost every single blanket and pillow from the Murphy household to make the perfect stargazing fort. 

Then the day finally arrived, you were on the phone when the clock struck midnight so he could be the first person to wish you a happy birthday, a few minutes after you hung up and went to bed as you were tired and wanted to be well rested because unfortunately you had to go to school, but luckily it was Friday. After you went to sleep Connor wrote you a long birthday message for you to read once you woke up and then went to sleep himself. Connor got up extra early in order to get you your favorite drink from the local coffee shop before he picked you up, you were over the moon and thought that this would be the extent of the birthday celebration, but boy were you wrong. While you were walking in the halls a few people wished you a happy birthday and you  said thank you quietly while blushing. 

For lunch Connor took you off campus to your favorite fast food restaurant and gave you the first of many presents, this one was a stuffed animal from Build-A-Bear Workshop which he drenched in his cologne which you loved so much. He told you to press the paw and when you did a recording of Connor saying “I love you Y/N” played and you just about died. Connor swears he saw you start to cry but you fiercely denied it. Much to both your dismays your lunch period was almost over and you had to head back to school. The rest of the day went by fairly fast and you got a few more birthday wishes from your peers and even some teachers. At the end of the day Connor dropped you off home so you could have dinner and celebrate with your family. You wanted him to stay for the festivities but he insisted Cynthia needed him home, but he would see you later. 

Your family celebration finished at about 6:45 and Connor came and picked you up at 7:15. You went over to the Murphy residence, when you arrived Cynthia, Larry and Zoe were all sitting at the dinner table talking, they stopped their conversation and wished you a happy birthday. You said thank you while blushing madly, you then practically ran up to Connor’s room to get away from all the attention. Once you got into Connor’s room you plopped down on his bed and threw your arm over your eyes. You heard Connor shuffling around the room but then he stopped suddenly, you removed your arm from your eyes and saw Connor standing at the foot of his bed with a picture frame full of pictures of the two of you. “Oh my gosh Con,” you say while getting up and going over to him. “I love it, so much.” You gave him a gigantic hug and he pressed a gentle kiss to the top of your head. The two of you stood like that for a moment, just enjoying one another’s presence. After you broke apart you took the frame into your hands and looked at all the pictures, there were some form when the two of you first met in middle school, then some from various dances which you dragged Connor to throughout the years, some from dates, and then some candid ones your friends snuck of you when everyone was hanging out together. Those were your favorites cause you could see how much you and Connor adored each other. After staring at the pictures for a few minutes you and Connor decided to just cuddle, what you didn’t know was that he was just waiting for it to get a bit darker before he took you out for the night's final activity. 

You were just about to fall asleep to the sound of Connor’s heartbeat when he pressed a kiss in your head and softly said, “Hey sleepyhead, time to get up.”

“Huh?” you said sitting up, head fogged with fatigue.

“Get up. We’re going somewhere,” he gently cooed. 

“Where are we going?” you asked, very confused. You figured the two of you were just going to spend the rest of the night cuddling or something like that.

“Guess you’ll just have to wait and find out,” he said booping your nose while getting out of bed. “Come on you slowpoke,” he said already halfway out his bedroom door. You had finally woken up all the way and were following Connor out the door. By the time you made it down stairs he was already waiting at the door with his shoes on. You hurried to put your shoes on because you didn’t want to keep him waiting any longer than you already had, because of this you lost your balance. “Woah slow down babe!”, Connor said while grabbing your arm to make sure you didn’t fall. 

“Sorry I just didn’t want to keep you waiting,” you said, cheeks turning bright red while you finished putting in your second shoe. 

“You ready to go, Lovely?” he asked, holding out his hand for you to grab. 

“Yes,” you said, happily accepting his hand. 

Once you got out to his truck he opened your door and you thanked him with a kiss on the cheek. Once you both got settled in Connor handed you the AUX cord and you put on the playlist the two of you made together for car rides, it was filled with your guys favorite songs and songs that reminded one of you of the other person. There wasn’t much talking during the ride as you were trying to figure out where the heck Connor was taking you but the two of you did hold hands over the center console and he was rubbing small circles on the back of your hand with his thumb. After about 15 minutes of driving you finally arrived at your destination, the old abandoned orchard on the edge of town.  

You were very confused as to why Connor took you here. “What are we doing here Murphy?”

“Well you always mentioned how you wanted to go stargazing with your special someone, so I figured I would do it for you on your birthday, I just hope I'm special enough for ya,” he says looking down and blushing when he says that last part. He points to the back of the truck that's all decked out with blankets, pillows and even fairy lights, still not meeting your eyes.

“Connor, honey, look at me,” you say, grabbing his hands in yours to make him look at you. At some point you started to tear up because you're amazed he remembered when you said you wanted to go stargazing and amazed that he cared this much about you to set this all up. “I love this very much just like I love you very much. You are more than special to me Connor Murphy.” Once you were done talking you gave him a kiss on the tip of his nose and then hugged him. He rested his head on top of yours and the two of you just stood there for a little while.

Once you finally pulled apart you went and hopped into the back of his truck and snuggled into all of the blankets. Connor pulled his phone out and took a photo of you, “Oh yeah this is definitely my new lockscreen,” he said with a smirk. 

“Hey you asshole! It's still my birthday you can't be mean to me!” You said with a pout like a small child. 

“Its cute i swear babe,” he said, still with that stupid smirk on his face. 

“Come get in here with me you dummy,” you said reaching out for him with your hands. 

“Give me two seconds you big baby,” he said while over dramatically rolling his eyes and scoffing. He went into the front of his truck and plugged his phone into the aux and started playing the playlist he made for the night and getting your final gift of the night.

 After what seemed like an eternity Connor came and settled into the truck with you. You laid your head on top of his chest and tangled his legs with yours, two of you just stayed like that for a while and enjoyed the stars along with each other's presence. After a while the two of you sat up and started eating the snacks Connor brought and were just talking. He eventually said “I actually have one more present for you.” He dug around in his pocket for a minute before pulling out a small jewelry box. He handed it over to you and when you opened it up there was a small heart shaped necklace with his initials engraved onto it. “It's a locket so open it, there's something inside,” he said watching your face intently while you looked at the necklace. WIth some struggle you opened the necklace and inside was your favorite picture of Connor and another engraving that said “My love forever and always” and your anniversary date. You fully started to bawl now because this was the best gift someone could ever get you. 

“Hey, hey, hey what's wrong lovely?” he asked voice full of genuine concern and internally freaking out because he thought he did something wrong. 

“Nothing, it's just… this night is so perfect no ones ever done anything like this for me ever. And I love this necklace so much Con,” you said while wiping at your face. 

“Come here baby,” Connor said, opening his arms for you to go in between them. You just cried for a little bit because you felt so loved and whispered thank yous into Connors chest. 

Once you calmed down  Connor helped you put your locket on and once he finished you settled into his chest and  looked back up at the sky and saw a shooting star. “Hey look,” Connor gently whispered, “Make a wish”. You didn’t make a wish though because you already had everything you needed right there

changed my user name feeling very swag 😎 also let it be known that i am trying to work on requests i am just not doing very well rn so unfortunately writing isn’t a priority at the moment:/

One question before I make a request for Connor, what do you think about him smoking weed? Do you think it’s not a good thing? Or are you cool with it?

hi anon! i’m definitely cool with it! i just wish he didn’t rely on it so heavily, but i get why he did. :/ also i might not be the most knowledgeable with this specific topic because i’ve only been high like half a time LMAO.

My Whole World- Connor Murphy X Reader

Request:  I am in desperate need of a fic where Connor finds that the reader struggles with self harm and where he helps them though such thoughts and just ends with some fluffy cuddles. Anything is better than what’s going on rn - Anon

Word Count: 1009

Warnings: Implied Self harm (cutting), Self-loathing, Self-hatred, Feeling like a burden

Authors Note: Hello! I know I’m literally the worst ever but honestly existing this past year has been really hard which makes doing the things I enjoy, like writing, really hard to do. BUT I do finally think I’m reaching a better place, (I know I say this like every authors note but I really think I am this time). Also saw the DEH movie last night and ended up sobbing over Connor I love him so much :((. Lastly and most importantly: if you ever feel like self harming there are alternatives! If you need resources about this feel free to message me or send me an ask! I’m more than happy to help <3 Thats it. As all ways thank you for reading and have a lovely day/night! :) <3

You were having an awful day, an awful week even. It seemed everything that could go wrong did. It just seemed the world was against you and you were tired of it. You were approaching your breaking point and fast. You could see this but you didn’t know what to do about it. You could reach out to your boyfriend Connor. But no he was doing so well recently and you didn’t want to burden him or bring him down with your negative thoughts. So you decided to do what you always did which was just distract yourself from your emotions because if you didn’t think about them they weren’t there. You put your earbuds in and put on one of the playlists Connor had made for you, once you got home and went up to your room without saying a word to anyone and plopped face down into your bed. For a couple minutes you were able to ignore all the thoughts racing through your mind but eventually the music stopped working and you were left alone with your thoughts. 

You’re pathetic and a burden to everyone. Why would anyone want to deal with you, especially Connor? You’re probably the most annoying person on the planet right? With your constant pestering and need for reassurance every two seconds it’s truly a wonder that you haven’t been abandoned by everyone in your life. 

You were angry at yourself. How could you possibly let yourself be this awful of a person? You wanted to do something horrible to yourself as a punishment, to force yourself to feel the pain you bring to everyone in your life. 

The next time you had a coherent thought was at least a half hour later. You felt a stinging sensation coming from your wrists and started crying as you fully processed what you had done. Without realizing it you texted Connor asking him to come over. You just sat waiting staring at nothing until Connor knocked on the door to your room. You were broken out of your trance and weakly said “It’s open” so he knew he could come in. 

Once Connor opened the door he knew something was up. The energy in the room just felt wrong. Then he saw your hunched figure on the bed and could tell something was up just by how you were sitting and approached the bed slowly so as to not startle you. Once he came into your field of vision you broke down even more feeling so pathetic in this moment. “Oh sweetheart,” he says softly. He sat down in front of you and took one of your arma in his hand and inspected the damage gently. He did the same with the other and once he was done he opened his arms and you crashed into his chest, violently crying at this point. He held you tight and pressed soft kisses into your head. He just let you cry it out rubbing soft circles into your back but while he was he couldn’t help but think how could the light of his life ever feel so bad that you felt you had to do this to yourself? 

Once your cries had calmed down to soft sniffles every once in a while he said “Let’s get you cleaned up then we can cuddle. Sound good?” You nodded tiredly. “Okay let’s go to the bathroom,” he said, grabbing your hands to pull you up and guide you to the bathroom. Once you got there you sat on the counter and Connor got to work. He carefully applied antibiotic ointment and bandages to the affected areas and when he was done pressed gentle kisses to all of the bandages.  After that he cleaned up his ‘workspace’ and led you back to your bedroom. The two got ready and had settled into your bed when he broke the comfortable silence that had settled between you two. “You know we have to talk about this right?” You nodded timidly. “Why?” he said simply. You explained how terrible this week had been for you and how it all got to be too much. The whole time Connor listened with his undivided attention on you, holding your hand and rubbing soothing circles with his thumb. At some point while you were explaining you had started crying, He sat up causing you to sit up as well. He grabbed your face, wiped your tears and stared deeply into your eyes. It felt like he was staring into your soul but you didn’t look away. After what feels like an eternity he finally spoke up and said “I don’t know how you could think all those awful things about yourself. You’re the most wonderful person I’ve ever met. Your kind, smart, compassionate, not to mention most beautiful person I’ve ever met. You’re not a burden to those around you, especially not me ever. Next time you feel like this, I want you to talk to me okay? I’m here to help you. I know you would do the same for me in a heartbeat so let me help you. I love you so much and I don’t want to lose you, you’re my whole world.” You were crying again but for the first time today they were happy tears. 

“Thank you for always reminding me how loved I am. I love you so much Con,” you said smiling through the tears. 

“I love you more Y/N/N,” he said, smiling sweetly at you. He gave you a tender kiss on the forehead and then said “You’ve had a long day we should get some sleep.”

“Yeah you’re right,” you said through a yawn. The two of you got cozy again, your head on Connor’s chest, his hands running through your hair. The sound of his heartbeat, the one he swore beat for only you, lulled you to sleep. The last thing you heard before you felt before you fell fully unconscious was a kiss being pressed to the top of your head.