THIS

me every time i read y'all's fics ♡ @incidentsofunknownorigins @graciereadshannigram @cervviidae

Hannibal's food trauma flaring up in the winter is always on my mind.

During season 2, post-episode naka-choko, Hannibal is in the middle of a binge (eating foods from his childhood because it helps him feel closer to Mischa, and because there is always a persistent and illogical, deep-rooted fear of running out of food) and regresses. He's wearing the red sweater and matching pajama pants. His hair is unstyled, laying soft across his forehead. He's alone in the dining room until someone else unexpectedly enters the room. Will (because they both gave the other a spare key), who is stunned when Hannibal startles for the first time ever and gasps and starts choking on a mouthful of food. And for a few moments, Will is frozen --waiting for Hannibal to settle. He doesn't. He's clawing at his throat and tears are pouring down each cheek. Then, Will rushes over and does the heimlich maneuver on Hannibal. The mouthful of food lands onto Hannibal's plate. He's gasping for breath, blinking wetly--and Will is unprepared for the next moment: the back of Hannibal's skull presses closer; a small, reversal nuzzle; seeking comfort. Will is still holding onto Hannibal's waist, holding him up, feeling how bloated and strained his abdomen is right now. Then, Hannibal's chest lurches and he starts gagging and ends up vomiting all over the table. His fists are curled around the table's edge and Will struggles to hold him up from how violently he's retching. Puking always distresses little Hannibal because puking reminds him of the moment he realized he ate the soup filled with Mischa's remains. He's a trembling wreck, tears and snot and saliva and bile coating his mouth and chin. He doesn't respond to Will's questions of concern. He disassociates, blinking blankly and reliving flashbacks of being trapped inside the cabin with Mischa and being so, so hungry and cold and scared, even if he didn't want to show the men he was afraid. He doesn't react until Will brings a napkin up to his mouth, wiping away the mess. He startles again, whimpering yet not able to move in such a cramped position. Will realizes something is wrong when Hannibal's rasped and ruined voice fills the air: something foreign and trembling, a half-formed cry. That's when Will realizes something is wrong. That Hannibal isn't drunk. There is food everywhere; multiple pans half-full. There is no cutlery, because Hannibal's been eating everything by hand-feeding himself. He's shivering and disheveled and reeking of vomit. Will knows leaving Hannibal like this is not an option. For the first few moments, consoling Hannibal does not come with a natural ease, but Will slowly begins to understand that touch and a gentle voice are comforting for little Hannibal. The mess is first on Will's list, and he makes Hannibal sit back down and drink some water, then begins cleaning up the table. Hannibal becomes distressed when he realizes what's happening; that food is being taken away. It takes a few moments for Will to calm Hannibal down. To remind Hannibal that he's already had enough. Soon, Will leads Hannibal upstairs to change into clean pajamas. Then, Hannibal asks Will to stay, in a voice so small that Will couldn't possibly refuse.

Later, when little Hannibal is asleep, curled up against Will's chest after explaining winter always makes him hungry and sharing stories of his childhood (maybe abuse at the orphanage), and sharing that he's never had a best friend after losing Mischa until now, Will begins to second guess everything and no longer wants to go through with the plan of entrapping Hannibal. Especially when little Hannibal admits to Will he didn't mean to eat the soup--he was just so hungry--and Will is left wondering what it means until everything clicks into place.

Hannibal dealing with mutism and a broken ankle and a sprained wrist post-fall. He hasn’t had control over what he eats in three years and now he has to depend on Will for each meal because he can barely hobble across the room without being scolded. He hasn’t felt this helpless since he was a child. At first, he barely has an appetite, but then after a few weeks of rest and recovery, he wakes up feeling ravenous. Normally, the portions Will has been providing are enough. But not today. He doesn’t want to be greedy because what if they run out of food and it’s all his fault? He can’t stand the thought of Will going hungry like his sister. Especially if it’s due to him. Every time his stomach churns with hunger, he feels more and more like the starving child he used to be. Forced to go to bed with an empty stomach because the other orphans would steal his food.

Today, Will brings in a steaming bowl of stew. Hannibal’s heart plummets.

He hasn’t eaten stew in four decades. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to keep it down. But he can’t refuse either. Not when Will worked so hard to make this. Not when he’s so hungry. He wants to feed himself because at least he’ll regain control over one aspect of his life and he knows Will must be tired. Will sighs in frustration. Bats his un-injured hand away from the steaming bowl—and that sets Hannibal off. Awakens a dormant fear in the nervous beat of his heart. Because Will could take it away, if struck with the urge. Just like the nasty men who teased him with food (purposely placed just out of reach) and snatched away morsels before he had a chance to even think of taking a bite. For the first time in weeks he utters an involuntary sound: a hoarse, desperate whimper.

Will can sense something isn’t quite right. He can sense the brewing panic warring inside Hannibal’s flitting gaze and rapidly rising chest. He realizes Hannibal isn’t just being defiant—intent on pushing his buttons. He softens his voice to a soothing timber and raises the spoon to Hannibal’s clenched mouth. “This ain’t going anywhere, cher.” He watches the harsh tremble of Hannibal’s jaw as it unclenches with a mixture of reluctance and relief. How a pair of wobbling lips clamp down around the spoon with desperation as if afraid to release.

Will watches Hannibal savor that first bite, suckling every drop as if it’s his very last. Will praises him with each spoonful. Wipes away the silent tears scattered across his cheeks. Presses a kiss to his forehead when his breathing becomes shaky with the beginnings of a weak, tearful hiccup. It heals something inside of him. Until he feels the weight of a chunk of hot meat resting on his tongue. Will comforts him through a moment of panic—making sure not to feed him any chunks of meat—only broth and vegetables. His stomach is still growling even though the bowl is nearly empty. He’s too hesitant to ask for a second serving. Due to the literal physical inability to speak and the emotional turmoil.

“Are you still hungry, cher?” Will asks.

Hannibal’s resolve crumbles.

wishing all my moots a happy holiday season filled with love and joy ♡

reblog to give your mutuals each a forehead kiss and a cup of hot chocolate

worrying you may have skin cancer because you've had a new weird spot on your body since february of last year (and it never goes away and is raised and definitely not a mole similar to other moles you've had your entire life) yet being scared to get it checked because medical debt is terrifying and the wait for an appointment is highkey long as hell is literally america core and i'm so tired of dumb out of touch bitches like conservatives and tr*mp and m*sk saying stuff like 'we're the land of the free and should be proud.' it's not free if you're not fucking rich. it's not free if you can't even go to a doctor when you really need it because insurance is fucking useless and not at all helpful in putting a dent in the insane medical bills you end up with. medical bills in america can be life ruining and that shit terrifies me. also if it is in fact skin cancer, i'd rather live in oblivion because treatment would be way too fucking expensive. so if i ever stop posting my fics one day out of the blue without announcing why its probably because i'm dead from possible skin cancer. god i wish i was born somewhere in europe or canada where healthcare is seen as a human right instead of viewed as a fucking privilege 😔

vulnerable Hannibal fanfic idea rambles:

Post-Fall Hannibal and Will on a getaway boat. One day, Will coaxes Hannibal up deck to sunbathe because he's been deprived of the natural outside air and the sun's rays for so long. Hannibal curls up on the sofa and rests his head in Will's lap. He hasn't felt the touch of another in years and gasps when Will's fingers begin stroking through his hair. He doesn't know what to do in wake of the sudden onslaught of affection. Will's fingers trace over his temple, his clenched eyelids to wipe away the moisture, his dampening cheek. He doesn't anticipate the next moment: Will leaning down to kiss away a stray tear on his temple and whispering reassurance in his ear.

Hannibal being self-conscious when he first starts speaking again after becoming mute for a few weeks/months because his accent is thicker.

Hannibal getting an infection post-fall because his immune system is weak from being isolated for so long. When he has a fever and Will puts him into a cold bath to bring it down, he panics and Will has to reassure him and hold him down the entire time.

Hannibal's food issues resurfacing when he gets an infection and can't keep food down for nearly a week.

Hannibal and Will at a party (sometime post-fall when they're recovered) because Will's coworker invited them and Will agrees because it'll help them blend in. there's a little girl who made homemade ice cream and asks them to try it. Hannibal refuses because the temperature and texture of ice cream is too similar to snow. imagine if it's already angsty because they're in a small argument and Will says something like "open your mouth and eat the damn ice cream" (because the girl is watching to see if they like it) and Will shoves a spoonful of it into Hannibal's mouth. triggering Hannibal's cryophobia.

Hannibal being overwhelmed when Will asks if he wants a second helping of food for the first time when they're finally recovered from the fall. He's only ever been given three helpings of food and an occasional snack throughout the last 3 years. (turning into a bit of a ramble) but imagine if Hannibal is struck with a sudden familiar urge that he hasn't felt since living at his uncle's home: the urge to eat as much as he can now that there is unlimited access. Hannibal waits too long to answer and Will takes his silence as confirmation that he doesn't want seconds. He does. But it feels too late to answer; a missed opportunity. Cue Will's empathy kicking in and he's hit with every emotion Hannibal is feeling and sits back down at the table (right next to Hannibal instead of across the table) with a second serving, coaxing Hannibal to eat; that it's okay to still be hungry.

Hannibal forgetting certain English words when he's exhausted (or because of brain damage) post-fall. Will asks what he wants for breakfast and Hannibal mumbles "blynas" or "le crêpe" instead of pancake.

Hannibal being nervous to say "i love you" for the first time to Will because it's unpracticed; something he's not yet said in the English language.

Hannibal freezing up when Will asks what's the last thing he ever said in his native language.

Hannibal's gunshot wound becomes infected sometime post-fall. He regresses (involuntarily) because it's too much stress for his body to handle at the moment. It comes time for Will to lance the boil and normally, Hannibal's pain tolerance is very high (most things don't phase him), but right now, he's restless: writhing and sobbing as Will proceeds to drain the puss from the infected area.

Will gets a job post-fall to maintain appearances. He comes home one afternoon to an empty house until he reaches the backyard and finds Hannibal curled up on the outdoor sofa, napping beneath the sun.

this next one is a very old idea (from 2023) that i never explored: Hannibal and Will are at a restaurant for a dinner with a coworker, etc to blend in. Someone is a relative of one of the men who killed Hannibal's family. Hannibal makes the connection and doesn't want to cause a scene, but speaking becomes impossible. His speech starts to slur and he stumbles over every other word. He excuses himself and retreats into the bathroom and throws up. Will finds Hannibal hunched over the toilet and all Hannibal can do is cling to Will, begging to be taken home.

another old idea (i don't think i'll ever write it myself, but i would love to read it if anyone ever wrote it): Hannibal and Will are staying with Lady Murasaki while they recover. One night, Will asks Lady Murasaki what Hannibal was like when he came to live with her and his Uncle Robertos. Will learns of Hannibal's muteness, nightmares, issues with wetting the bed during night terrors, and his issues with food: how he was very malnourished and hesitant to eat in front of other people, how he would either gaurd his plate and eat as fast as he could or refuse to eat all depending on the meal, how he panicked the first time they tried to serve him a bowl of soup, how he would sometimes raid the pantry or the fridge in the middle of the night when he thought everyone was asleep, how they would find food hidden in his room for safekeeping, how he cried the first time they gave him a birthday cake (because he hadn't experienced that in so long), how he refused to eat most cold foods (like ice cream, etc). Will also learns of Hannibal's progression from muteness leading to the ability to speak again. How Lady Murasaki and his Uncle Robertos noticed Hannibal was self-conscious during that first year (because vocal fatigue would often set in, making it even harder to pronounce words without it being hindered by his accent, while learning a new language. Especially because other children would tease Hannibal for having such a thick accent which he eventually trained himself to tone down). Cue Will's heart breaking because he wonders if Hannibal still does it: tones down his accent out of worry people would struggle to understand what he said. Then Will goes back upstairs, where Hannibal is asleep and writhing in bed because of a nightmare. He recognizes the stench of urine and wakes Hannibal (who's in distress), providing comfort and helping Hannibal get cleaned up and changed into a new set of pajamas. Will comforts Hannibal (knowing he's ashamed for wetting the bed) and calls him "sweetheart" for the first time.

so so real omg the way he's a vulnerable little pumpkin in the BSHCI becoming crestfallen when Will says "no" after being asked if it was good to see him 😭💔

Me seeing hannibal looking sad and pathetic in his tupperware

The way Hannibal's gaze is glued to Will in this moment (when he's about to give up everything) is making me sick because he was so desperate to have Will's attention on him one last time. My vulnerable little pumpkin just wanted to be loved 😭 He simply never learned how to express his emotions in a normal + healthy way and that is why I'll forever be a Hannibal Lecter apologist.

Hannibal could've stayed inside Will's shed and Jack eventually would've found him in there. But he decided to kneel down onto the snow which is monumental in itself because of his childhood trauma: the last time Hannibal was on his knees in the snow was when he was a child; directly after the death of his parents and sister; when he was on the verge of death from starvation. I think this action was a form of self-inflicted punishment because he felt that he was losing Will and resorted to this: something that would seep into his bones + rival the ache in his heart. Hannibal had no one to look for the last time he was knee deep in snow. He had no one to turn his gaze to; no one that would even remotely care. He did in Digestivo. He made sure Will saw him, so that he wouldn't be forgotten, because what he feared most was Will's apathy and disinterest.

I need need need a fic where Will learns Hannibal struggles with chionophobia (extreme fear of snow) + then links it back to the moment Hannibal surrendered and knelt in the snow in his backyard.

Imagine Hannibal being taken post-fall when it's the dead of winter. He fights back (but is sedated and severely wounded in the process) and collapses in the snow + it ends up triggering his chionophobia. He's out there for what feels like hours. Will is desperately searching for him the entire time. He's curled in on himself to stay warm and unresponsive (with a glassy-eyed gaze) until Will's hands come to cradle his wet, freezing cheeks.

Tėtis is a word Will's only ever heard in instances where Hannibal sleep-talks during fitful nightmares. He knows what it means now (after his curiosity had gotten the best of him one night + he ended up resorting to google translate; only for his heart to shatter in the process). Will's chosen to never tell Hannibal that he sleep-talks and instead cherishes the moments Hannibal unconsciously seeks out comfort + unknowingly lets his gaurd down once he's subsequently cradled against Will's chest + soothed with gentle touches and soft words of reassurance until he ultimately settles down + returns to a peaceful state of sleep.

Imagine Will bundling a shivering Hannibal into his arms + carrying him to the car + reassuring Hannibal that it'll be okay. That Daddy's here. That he's safe now. That he'll be warm soon. Imagine Will wondering throughout all of this: if Hannibal had been close to regressing that night in his backyard + if any more time had passed would he have found Hannibal in a similar position: curled up in the shed + shivering + begging for the comfort of his dead father in a language Will wouldn't have been able to understand.

Imagine Will taking notice of the large wet patch on the front of Hannibal's crotch + the acrid stench of urine clinging to the ruined garment. Imagine Hannibal whimpering and whining as it's quickly removed because he's far too cold + then Will comforting him with gentle words and wrapping a jacket or a blanket around his waist. Imagine Hannibal being in the backseat of the car (or even the loading trunk because it's easier for Will to strip him there and bundle him up in the blankets designated for their dogs, who occasionally reside in the trunk during car rides) + panicking because he lost sight of Will, who is now driving them to a getaway boat. Imagine Hannibal calling out for Tėtis in a frightened, tearful voice; so unlike the precise manner in which he usually speaks.

Imagine Will wondering what would've happened if more time had passed before Jack had arrived in Digestivo. If he would've had to witness Hannibal in a state such as this; being whisked away when he felt cold and frightened and in search of reassurance; in search of Will; in search of someone who loved him. It's at this moment where Will realizes Hannibal hasn't felt loved since he was a child.

Will gets Hannibal to the boat and changes him into a set of fresh clothes and attempts to feed him a bowl of soup to help warm him up, but Hannibal panics and refuses. It's the first time Will's ever seen Hannibal cry and consciously seek out physical and emotional comfort, burrowing into his chest to be held.

bottom!hannibal that's it that's the post