Steph's College Dormmate: Okay, Fuck Marry Kill, Batman, Nightwing, Red Hood

Some of My Favorite Batfam Fic Tropes

In no particular order:

 - The batfam have their own language of chirps, trills, tweets, and whistles, and they use it in front of other ppl (civilians, the jla, whatever) and the other ppl go “what the actual fuck”

 - Bruce throwing the batarang at Jason Todd’s neck actually Does Damage™, and eventually the other members of the family find out and lose their shit

 - “Hey Tim?” “Yeah?” “Where’s your fucking spleen :)” “Lost it.” “LOST IT??”

 - Damian calling his brothers Akhi :)

 - “How many kids do you HAVE??” -The entire Justice League

 - Jason going to Titans Tower, seeing Tim, saying “is anyone gonna parent that” and then not waiting for an answer.

 - Literal Toddler Tim Drake informing the Batfamily that yes he knows everyone’s identity, and really if you didn’t want people to figure it out you should stop showing off your extremely niche skills during patrols Nightwing.

 - “Dude your son is a crime boss.” “Ex-crime boss :/”

 - A Batfamily member hearing someone talk about their civilian identity (bc, yknow,, they’re famous) and just having to Deal With It because what the fuck else are they supposed to do??

 - The Justice League hearing about Batman and assuming he (& his family) are demons or vampires or some other cryptid, and then meeting him and finding out he’s just Some Guy.

 - The batfamily learning the origin of the name Robin

- The Justice League meeting the Batfamily and specifically learning who Red Hood is, and one of the heroes nervously asks “Didn’t the second Robin.. die?” and Jason just goes “yeah lol”

Dick being zen and jason being jason:

I know we all talk about Jason finding out Dick killed the Joker from Tim or one of the other batfam members, but what if:

One day he’s searching for blackmail material on a member just for fun and knows Damian keeps a list of all of them so he backs into the files and realised the folder with the heaviest inscription to unlock is one labelled “Contingencies”.

He opens it to find every single person in their family is on there and starts surfing through them. When he sees Tim’s he freezes, mentally filing away some horrific details for checking up on him later, Jason’s list is impressive but not much he didn’t expect…still concerned how he got the evidence though.

His fingers hesitate over Batman’s, and after thinking screw it what the hell clicks on it just to realise most of them are psychological, and had to do with Jason. One video showed Bruce as Jason remembered him from his robin days. He was pacing furiously in the Manor, tugging on his pocket square which for him was a high level of distress, before he went upstairs - to Jason’s room when he stayed there - and looked in. The change was sudden, Bruce’s shoulders sagged and his face grew into one of fondness, one he’d rarely seen before.

“I cant help it Alfred.. Scarecrow’s toxin.. I KNOW it isn’t real but.. I can’t stop thinking about it. What if -“ and Jason can’t really believe his ears, that was a fucking quiver in his voice- “What if one day it comes true?” “What was your worst fear Master Bruce?”.

“Jason..” and Jason flinches. “I.. I saw him die, and I was powerless. I cant lose him Alfred. I just cant.”

The recording ends, and it takes a while for Jason to realise he can’t breathe. He sends the file to himself and laughs bitterly, remembering what the fear toxin had shown him. Lucifer. It had shown him falling from Bruce’s grace, being his greatest disappointment. “Guess we both failed each other didnt we old man?”

After what feels like forever, when he can feel his fingers stop shaking his eyes drift over to Dicks.

Damian sure does adore him, wonder what the brats got in store for him.

Most of them were things he was sure Dick could handle, until a glitched file appeared which read “for EXTREME situations only.”

When he heard Joker laugh, Jason could’ve sworn he was in the cave. “Hello there old friend! Aww why the long face?”

Dick wasn’t facing the camera, but the sheer aura of destruction radiating off of him was enough for Jason to know Joker was in danger. Judging by his outfit and well- hair- this must’ve been years ago.

“Didn’t you like my..ah.. gift? It was quite the blast I hear!”

Dicks fists clenched. His usual smile was gone, replaced by a hatred so vile it could’ve rivalled batman’s glare. It was so odd.. seeing him so pissed.

“Well that’s what happens.. when birds get hit. They never see what’s right in front of them and then BAM!”

As his laughter rang out Jason heard Dick whisper something. It was so soft, quieter than he’d ever heard him and he found himself leaning forward.

“What’s that? How long he lasted? Well I counted everytime he screamed when I broke his bones so-“

“SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP!”

Jason stumbled back, nearly falling to the floor himself. Dicks voice was thundering, echoing across the cave.

What the hell had happened? Why was Dick so mad? Why wasn’t he smiling?

“You..killed him.”

And that’s when it hit Jason. Oh. This was after he’d died.

The joker was trying to say something, but Jason couldn’t hear him. All he could focus on was how Dick was behaving, how he was walking upto Joker. Jason had seen that before.

The intent to kill.

SLAM

The fight was brutal, and blood flew everywhere, mixed with the laughter and cries of the Joker while Dick yelled, YELLED so loudly he could’ve sworn the cave was shaking before the sound of a wet snap ricocheted and Dick went limp.

No.. no no no no.

He watched in horror as Dick stood up, drenched in blood and heaving. Dick had gone- no BEATEN- the joker for Jason.

But the longer he looked, the more he felt the Lazarus pit burning inside him.

The joker wasn’t moving.

Dick walked away, and in the shadows, with bloody fists and face of hatred could not see him as the Dick he knew.

“Dead.”

He looked up to hear Dick whisper to the thundering sky outside.

“I killed him Jason. The joker is dead. Rest in peace little wing.”

Jason’s feet gave out under him, and he crashed to the ground gasping for breath.

Never in his wildest dreams had he thought he had been avenged.

Never did he even think that Dick had only killed once… and only for him.

Editing next week's episode of the podcast, and I noticed we introduced our guest as having a PhD from Notre Dame.

At the time, I thought nothing of it, because usually when one says that, it's understood that you mean the university in Indiana, and that is in fact the case here -- she has a PhD in Medieval Studies from the University of Notre Dame, the one in Indiana.

But, as we all know, Notre Dame just means "Our Lady" -- i.e., Mary -- and so lots of things are named that, especially when Catholics are doing the naming.

There are of course other educational institutions called "Notre Dame". When I was growing up, we were all aware of the nearby "College of Notre Dame of Maryland" -- not because of any particular prestige the college possessed, but because its initials spelled CoNDoM, which is a very funny thing to happen to a Catholic institution.

I double-checked this when making this post, and apparently they changed their name to "Notre Dame of Maryland University" in 2011 after over a century of being called CoNDoM.

But you could iterate this idea into absurdity.

There is of course the cathedral:

"Yes, I have a PhD from Notre Dame." "Oh, the one in Indiana?" "No, the one in Paris. You know, Quasimodo and all that." "I didn't know they granted degrees." "Well, it's honorary."

A variety of just... places:

"Yes, I have a PhD from Notre Dame." "Oh, the one in Indiana?" "No, Notre Dame Bay. In Newfoundland." "Um..." "The Lady of the Bay, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft a sheepskin from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I was an expert in my field."

And, naturally, the original:

"Yes, I have a PhD from Notre Dame." "Oh, the one in Indiana?" "No, Notre Dame. Our Lady. Mary, Mother of God." "Sorry, what?" "She appeared to me in a vision and said I had a doctorate now." "I wasn't aware her authority extended to the granting of terminal degrees." "You want to tell her that?"

...this whole post is just such nonsense. Maybe that fever hasn't really dissipated yet.

I don't think this one deserves them, no.

Damian, to himself as he paces around his room, trying to put his feelings into words: Marinette is a work of art. Specifically, a stained glass work of art. Because when the sun hits her she lights up a room in all of her beauty and I fall in love all over again.

Dick, Jason, and Tim eavesdropping on him: Holy. Shit.

Tim, [pointing his staff at the human traffickers]: YOU ARE OUTGUNNED

Jason, [hyping him up]: WHAT?

Tim: OUTMANNED!

Jason: WHAT?!

Tim: OUTNUMBERED OUTPLANNED

Jason: PAY YOUR FUCKING TAXES!

Tim: PUT YOUR GUNS DOWN ON MY COMMAND

Jason: HAND EM OVER!!

Tim: THIS IS HAMILTON MY RIGHT HAND MAN!

Jason, [getting his guns out]: PWO PWO PWO PWO PWO-

Goons: *shaking* what the FUCK are Batman feeding his partners--

Red Robin has a podcast

The first episode was made after he got benched from patrol with an injury while quickly getting hundreds of listeners eager for episode two, then he just keeps making them.

They don’t really have any real theme to them, mostly just Tim ranting about what his latest hyperfixation/annoyance/case had taken his sleep schedual away this time.

Viewers have also taken note of this and will have running bets on how deranged this weeks episode would get:

He once gave an hour long rant on how to legally get rid of a shitty neighbor, at one point describing how to make an exploding glitter bomb and giving colorful examples of what to put inside of it, such as rotten milk or fish.

Another episode he was near screaming after dick had eaten Tim’s jolly ranchers and one episode where he seamed to just be too exhausted to emote anymore and so sleepy that his voice was nearly whispering while he talked about the differences between different types of snow before going silent for a whole minute till finally saying “holy shit… I think I just solved string theory…” and then furious white board sounds before finally a thump, the track cuts to a much more awake sounding Red Robin

“It’s the next day. I did not solve string theory, I did however create one of the most algorithmically perfect snow cone recipient in existence.”

I firmly believe that Jason Todd was the scrawniest Robin by a very wide margin (he was both short and a beanpole) he earned the nickname Little Wing by literally being a spec of a child.

Sure, all the robins were small (they’re kids) but Jason was notably scrawny.

This is why basically no one saw it coming that he was Red Hood. My man died, fucked off for four years, experienced puberty and came back 14 inches taller and built like a fridge.

Since I've got nothing to do, I decided to share a scene from the comics that destroyed me.

But before that I need to give you some information. This post is about Damian's death.

Before his fight with Heretic, Bruce orders Damian to stay inside because it's dangerous.

But of course he doesn't stay in. Instead he tells Alfred that he needs to help Bruce. And eventually he convinces Alfred.

We all know what happens after that. Damian dies by the hands of the Heretic.

Then time passes, and everyone is grieving. But Bruce is devastated and builds a simulation machine that replicates the fight between Damian and the Heretic.

The purpose of the machine is for Bruce to prove to himself that he could've saved Damian. If only he was faster and stronger etc.

However in every single simulation he fails and keeps seeing Damian die and die. He doesn't give up however and keeps going for 4 days.

Eventually, Alfred being worried, call Dick to talk some sense into Bruce. Dick, not being able to convince Bruce, goes into the simulation with him and manages to save Damian and kill Heretic by stabbing a pole through his chest.

Bruce then agrees to take a break and leaves. We are then left alone in the cave with Alfred. But it doesn't end there, and this happens:

Honestly, this hurt me more than seeing Bruce's grieving. And it does make sense that he'd blame himself.

Anyways just wanted to share this...