So Far My 30s Have Been Like A Second Childhood.

I’ve gotten a friend into A Stain and I cannot overstate how fast I texted her about this update!! Like I saw the post and my consciousness beamed directly into hers basically.

AND GODDAMN WHAT A CHAPTER

It nourished my soul ❤️

Stardew Valley - 57/? - A Stain that Won’t Dissolve - Alex/Sebastian

Title: A Stain that Won’t Dissolve Rating: Explicit Pairing: Alex/Sebastian Tags: Hurt/comfort, aged-up characters (mid 20s), minor character death, angst, injury, grief, miscommunication, bullying, enemies to lovers, dubious consent, internalised homophobia, closeted character, past child abuse, dyslexia, antagonist farmer, unrequited love, pining, acceptance, top!Sebastian, bottom!Alex, power dynamics, happy ending.

Summary: Alex hates Sebastian – which is great because Sebastian more than returns the favour – and what starts out as revenge fantasy turns into unironic lust, which evolves into unrequited love. Alex gets a job, Sebastian marries the farmer, and both of them lose almost everything before finding each other again. A story of two mutual bullies who learn how to messily grow up.

A Stain that Won’t Dissolve - Chapter 57 - End a Fight With Flowers

In which Sebastian finally gets Alex to talk to him, but not without some pressure first, and Alex reveals a lot more than he meant to. At the end of their conversation, Sebastian presents Alex with something unexpected.

Hi hello how are ya

Curious about my writing?

AO3

Current Fandoms

Stardew Valley

Fear & Hunger 2: Termina

JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

Who am I?

I'm a humble idiot. A lesbian. A writer of fanfiction. A lover of BL.

And, I hope, a father figure.

What else?

This blog is kind of for whatever. I'll post some teasers and previews for upcoming fics. I'm trying to be better at self-promotion and being part of the broader fandom community.

I mostly ship/write rarepairs.

Except Jotakak/Kajo, my beloveds.

If you're a writer in any of my fandoms, let's be mutuals!

Have a request?

Send me an ask!

I love a challenge and want to make you happy, bb :)

Yay!! Shells is back!!

Elliott and Willy being pals and swapping writing tips/life advice soothed my soul in a way I didn’t know I needed ❤️

Shells | Part 21 (shelliott stardew fic)

all parts | <- previous | next ->

so happy to be back!

Patreon here!

I had such high hopes for how much I would write this week.

But then I discovered Look Outside and put like 15 hours into that instead.

And my first Rarepair week fic ballooned out of my control.

Life amirite

Untitled Jotakak

Name: Untitled

Fandom: JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

Ship: Jotaro/Kakyoin

Status: Unpublished WIP; unedited

Notes: AU where Kakyoin lives; post Part 3/ pre Part 4

Here's the thing about heartbreak: sometimes it's gradual. It's in the days of waiting for someone to come back, in the listening for a phone call, in the wishing and pining and knowing it will never work. Heartbreak is in the growing apart, the falling away in slow motion. It's in the sudden stop.

Kakyoin took the long way home.

He lingered in the cold, mostly barren streets, pausing often to look up at the few stars he could see through the streetlights. Heavy footsteps finally found him in front of the convenience store.

Perhaps it wasn't his brightest idea, but he bought a six pack. It didn't matter what kind of beer it was, really. As long as it worked.

The cashier rang him up, a knowing smile on her face. Or maybe that was just his projection. Surely unhappiness was plain on his face. Either way, he paid and went quickly on his way.

Down to the riverbank. Someplace as in-between as he felt.

He didn't want to go home and he couldn't really keep wandering forever. Sitting in the grass, he cracked open the first beer and sipped at it. The taste was sharper than he remembered. Not unpleasant, though.

The word that had been chasing him the entire way finally started to fade: engaged. Engaged. I'm engaged. Engaged.

Of course Jotaro's tone had been almost unreadable. But there was something strange and cruel wrapped up in his announcement. Why? That wasn't the Jotaro he knew… The man who tried to hide it but was kind down to his core. The man who was shedding his delinquent facade as he grew older, becoming a better version of his old self every day.

The one he'd wait patiently by the phone for in anticipation of their weekly calls. Who he'd reschedule his life around to make sure they could meet during breaks. The man who he was planning to follow to America as soon as he was fully healed and able to go.

His best friend.

The man he loved.

He was partway through beer three when things started to sting a little less. The idea of helping Jotaro plan a wedding and giving a speech praising the new union was painful. He was giving Jotaro away.

But, so what? He took another long pull from the can. I never planned on confessing or anything. I was going to keep the boat steady. This upsets everything, though. That bastard… we had a good thing going. Why waste it on a woman? On love?

Kakyoin made a derisive sound in the back of his throat.

"A good thing"? What good thing? A long distance friendship. Eventually going to the same college together. More of the same until they died? How would that have worked? Of course Jotaro would get married and carry on the Joestar line. Stupid to think that he would die a bachelor. Stupid to think that he would consider being with a man and losing the opportunity to have kids.

Kakyoin crushed the mostly empty can, the remaining liquid at the bottom spraying out suddenly. He barely noticed, his mind still wrapped up in his own thoughts.

They could have had kids together, damn it! There had to be options! Options that would be an uphill battle to obtain. And they could never get married, not really. Their families would be so disappointed. He imagined Holly's confused, upset face and it was too much.

He let the can slip out of his grasp and held his face in his hands. He was crying freely now.

All these feelings for Jotaro were wrong. He'd always known that this was part of his life he'd never be able to live. Stuck in a place that didn't understand or approve of how he felt. It was so painful. He had hoped moving to America would make things easier. It seemed so much more free over there for people like him. Maybe he'd even find out Jotaro felt the same way, eventually.

Not now.

He had to steel himself for the days ahead. The engagement changed nothing. He was still going to America. He'd still stay by Jotaro's side no matter what. Even if it meant pushing everything he felt so far down that he could never reach it. No matter what, he owed Jotaro his life and he would repay that at any cost.

His resolve strengthened a little, Kakyoin cleaned up his empties and pushed himself to his feet. The world felt fuzzy around the edges and his steps weren't the most steady, but he managed to make it home.

Once inside his apartment he collapsed on the couch and fell into a blessedly dreamless sleep.

I have writer's block this weekend, so I thought I'd post my OTPs!

Some rarepairs, some popular pairs. Just a general mix 'em up.

I'll throw in some other fandoms outside my mains rn just for giggles

Stardew Valley

Haley/Penny

Shane/Elliott

Fear & Hunger: Termina

Daan/Marcoh (shout out to the five other Daarcoh fans lol)

Abella/Olivia

JJBA

Jotaro/Kakyoin (specifically in everyone lives Part 4 AUs)

Jonathan/Speedwagon

Johnny/Gyro

Rohan/basically every man lol

Suikoden I/II

(A lot of these are based on my headcanon playthroughs)

Riou/Jowy

Viktor/Flik

Leona/Hilda

Eilie/Nanami

Rina/Oulan

Death Mark

Mashita/Yoshiki

This is an incomplete list and I might come back to it later :)

Camellia Station officially has over 500 hits!

I know that’s not indicative of people who read it in full or individual, unique users or whatever

Still though… it feels like a huge milestone and I’m proud of myself 🥹

It’s my first long fic (and my second fic since I started writing fiction four months ago). Idk just feels special.

If you’re interested, check it out on AO3!

Yes!! I need to see a synthesis of your own original ideas.

If I wanted to know what the primary source was about, I’d go read/watch/play it.

Dear video essay creators. A video analysis is when you analyze a piece of media. No no look at me. A summary, no matter how thorough, is not an analysis. An analysis requires you to draw conclusions about the media such as authorial intent, real-world parallels, discussion about themes/worldbuilding/character motivation, and so much more. You have to stop summarizing something and saying that’s analysis. The Gaylors are doing more critical analysis than you. Is that who you want to lose to? The gaylors?

MONTHLY REC LIST: APRIL EDITION

We've got so many great fics to recommend for you this month! Some are ongoing wips, some completed longfics, and some oneshots. As always be sure to check the tags on AO3, reader discretion is advised! If you check out any of the works listed here please be sure to leave a kudos and a comment to show your support 🫶

sundays by @lumineve-isonline | E | Multi (1/1)

Sunnyside by F0xofspades | M | Multi (11/?)

divenire by @burekforsatoru | E | Sebastian/F Player (1/1)

In the Shadows by @angel-with-an-assbutt22 | E | Haley/Sebastian (1/1)

Daffodil by @nebraskashouse | M | Harvey/F Player (1/1)

If These Walls Could Talk by @hullygeee | M | Multi

Holding Water by @bunniemoth | E | Multi

Coming Around Again by @eemamminy-art | E | Alex/M Player (40/71)

In the End, It's Right by @annetastic1981a | E | Sam/Sebastian (13/13)

Winter in the Highlands by @aziminohi1992 | M | Lance/F Player (1/1)

Fenced In by @exoticlittlebird | T | Haley/Sebastian (1/1)

Slow Down — SDV (Alex) by @neetily | E | Alex/F Player (1/1)

The Valley by @half-unread | E | Multi (11/?)

Grease Monkey by @caelwynn | E | Sterling/F Player (1/1)

Picture Perfect by @kellycataclysm | E | Harvey/F Player (1/1)

Path to Mine by Spiritedknight | G | Sebastian/F Player (3/5)

Wildflower by @superpyodan | M | Abigail/Haley (1/1)

The Heart of Apologizing by @5cs-fanart-and-misc | E | Multi (1/1)

Emerald Starling by @glazedsnail | E | Shane/M Player (1/1)

baby seasons change, but people don't by @benjineedssleep | M | Multi (4/60)

Soldier On by @ababanerb | E | Multi (10/?)

Dance, Dance!! by @lipstickandsinsstuff-blog | M | Gen | (1/1)

We Don't Ever Talk About It by @lily-alphonse | E | Emily/Shane (3/3)

Adorable! I love this for him.

And relatable because this is the standard reaction I get from anyone I make listen to The Decemberists.

Hi, hello.

All this recent talk about Shane coded songs made me think about Harvey a bit. I’m of the opinion that he’d be a fan of the Decemberists, and from that thought came what has got to be the most self-indulgent little thing I’ve ever written.

Look below the cut for some SFW fluff.

Contains: domesticity and conversations best suited for those of us whose musical tastes crystallized in the 2006 indie folk scene.

Harvey had a vinyl collection. It was endearing, his dedication to physical media. Mostly jazz albums, smooth and smoky, all warm and rich through his speakers.

You weren’t much for jazz. He had some other options too, but you weren’t sure those were for you either.

“Why do you listen to music about dead babies?”

You’d asked it while washing the dishes. Harvey nearly dropped the plate in his hands. “What!?”

You shrugged. “I put on one of your records and the guy was singing about a dead baby.”

“You… what album?” Harvey’s eyes were crinkled in bemusement.

“It had a boat on it?”

Harvey thought for a second, then his face lit in recognition. “The Decemberists! They’re wonderful!”

You laughed. “Didn’t know your taste was so… edgy?”

“Oh no no no.” Harvey was blushing. “That track… not a good representation. Here.” He dried his hands, grabbed yours, pulled you into his hobby room. You leaned against the door, trying to control your smile as he rifled through his albums. He made a small “ah” sound as he pulled one out. “This is a better starting point.”

Strings filled the room, and you settled in on the floor to listen. You liked this one a little better, but…

“Is this a song about a couple jumping off a cliff together?”

“…yes?” Harvey ducked his head, an embarrassed smile playing on his lips.

“I mean, I like it better than the dead baby one…”

“Hmmm…” Harvey fiddled with the player again. “They’re known for this one. Might want to sit down, it’s long.”

You appeased him, doing your best not to knock into the model that was drying on the table next to you. Harvey joined, picking up a bit of sandpaper. He worked away at a few small pieces of wood as you spent the next nine minutes trying to follow the action of a rambling nautical tale.

“So let me get this straight,” you said as an accordion reeled through its outro. “This dude bankrupted the kids mom and gave her an std or something, so the singer took to sea to kill him, but then they both got swallowed by a whale, but he’s still gonna kill him?”

Harvey nodded, keeping his eyes on his project. “Yup. That’s… that’s about it.”

“Huh.” You sat and watched him for a moment as he smoothed away at a rough edge. The track transitioned, a gentle guitar picking, the lead singer’s lowing tenor sliding through a simple melody.

You recognized it.

“I think I know this one?” You tried to place it. It sounded a little different in your head. Softer. Hummed.

Harvey was blushing again. “I get it stuck in my head sometimes. It’s one of my favorites. ‘Of Angels and Angles.’ Makes me think of you.”

“Awww…” You couldn’t help the slow smile. That was exactly it. Harvey would hum it sometimes around the house, or, now that you were thinking a little harder, when you were in bed, head on his chest, the melody rumbling beneath you as you grew up warm and tired and relaxed.

Harvey’s lips were moving, singing without singing as he brushed away a bit of dust from the wing he held.

There’s a swallow

There’s a calm

Here’s a hand to lay on your open palm today

You stood, wrapped your arms around his shoulder, buried your face in his hair as the song wound its way to its end. “Alright,” you said. “That was a lot better than the first one I heard. What else you got?”

Harvey tilted his head up at you. “Ever heard the story of the crane wife?”

You hadn’t, but now you couldn’t wait to hear all about it.