BONUS

Jack: Today’s question is, how do you deal with a crush?

Sam, Cas, Gabe, Dean: *facepalm* not again

Jack: yes again. So dads, what do you do when you have a crush?

Sam, takes the lead to do a little teaching of good values and crap: well, Jack, what I try to do is understand my feelings before I talk to them, and when I do approach them, I am always respectful and mindful of their wishes and I tell them how I feel and compliment them -

Dean, snickering: yeah, right

Sam: Shut up Dean.

Dean: why you gotta lie to the kid, Sammy? We all know that when you have a crush, you get as far away from the person as you can, otherwise they’d start liking you back and then you two’d end up banging and ta-da, they’re dead

Sam: …I hate you

Dean: *shrugs*

Jack, nodding and absorbing: what about you, Dean?

Dean, promptly: Well what you gotta do is judge if they’re in your league or not

Jack: if they are?

Dean: you put on the charm. Remember the blue-steel I showed you once?

Jack: the face I caught you practising in the mirror and you begged me to forget, but I never did?

Dean: yeah that’s the one

Jack: and what if they aren’t in my league?

Dean: you wait for the crush to go away

Jack, nodding: how long does that take?

Dean: depends on a lot of factors. Could be a week, or could be -

Sam, interrupting with a smirk: 10 years, inclusive of time spent in other realms such as purgatory

Jack: that LONG?

Sam, smirking wider as Dean goes red: oh yeah Jack, 10 years and running

Jack, nodding and accepting: I see. What about you, Castiel?

Cas: I…*thinks about raising Dean from hell, rebelling, fighting his garrison, falling from grace, disobeying Naomi, disobeying direct orders from Heaven, choosing him over an entire army, annoying a cosmic being enough to be brought back, healing every little bruise on his perfect face* I believe in grand gestures, Jack

Dean: *narrowing his eyes*

Sam, feeling pity for his brother: No Cas, you don’t. You’re a deathbed-confession guy

Cas: oh yes. That.

Jack, nodding: cool.

Cas, wistfully: but that didn’t work either so I don’t know if anything ever will.

Jack: why don’t you try doing something he likes with him?

Cas, touchy about the topic: You mean, like, cowboy around with him with a hat? Dress up as a medical practitioner to satisfy his kinks?

Dean, growing suspicious: that’s weirdly specific Cas

Cas: I can’t eVEN

~

BONUS

Jack: what about you, uncle Gabe? What do you do when you have a crush?

Gabriel, thinking about all the weird shit he’s done to Sam, ranging from killing his brother 104 times in a day to picking his side over the rest of his family’s, from giving him genital herpes to making him suffer in Nutcracker, and so on and so forth: heh

Jack: what?

Gabriel: …archangels don’t get crushes hehe

Jack, nodding: okay thanks

*in another corner of the room*

Dean and Cas, at the same time: its okay Sam - NO - DON’T try to strangle yourself it’s fine he’s just dodging the question - nO SAM don’t try to strangle him either - sAM you’re scaring us now please start b r e a t h i n g