“No One Is Better At Fucking Us Over Than We Are”

Funny Morning Commute Story:

A portly petite lady gets on the train. There’s an empty seat, but the dude next to it has man-spread so there’s little space to actually sit. The lady is undaunted, she says loudly “I think I will have a sit” as a warning and then squeezes herself in. The man does not attempt to reign in his man-spread.

The guy gets off on a next stop, and I’m not really paying attention to them anymore, except I hear the word “man-spread” so I instantly perk-up and look over. And then she says loudly:

“I’m sorry, but if you have such a great need to air out your balls, you need to be checked out for venereal diseases.” 

At some point during that sentence we make eye-contact and I must have a look on my face like I’m five and excited that I just heard a parent swear. Because she laughs, while I grin, because she knows I know what she’s talking about.

And that just made my morning like 10x better.

Clapping Banned

I think this was last year, but anyways, clapping became a thing at my school. It was crazy. At first it started out small like a few kids clapping when a teacher walked into the room, but a week later it was the whole class clapping when anyone walked into a room. It was loud, there was cheering and screaming as if someone famous had walked in, and let me just say.. This happened to every. person. I mean if you were the second one through the door to a class, that one person sitting there would be clapping. You could hear the clapping from other classes on the other hall. So one day, we’re all sitting at lunch when the principal stands up on the stage(there was a stage type thing in the cafeteria, idk why), and announces that clapping is banned. Anyone who claps will be given a warning, but if they do it again, a referral. And suddenly, the whole cafeteria is quiet. 

And then we start clapping.

Did a how-to thingumbobber about taking lecture notes! I hope it helps!

A raccoon, a tree and a disney princess

whenever u r sad just say “nyoom” whenever u walk around a corner it will make u feel better 100% trust me i am a doctor

Fuck this

so we had some bs "service learning day" today and one of the activities was to sit through four hours of people talking on flimsy ass bleachers. people got rowdy n loud as usual, so when the teachers finally got sick of it one teacher grabbed the mic and basically said that if the people wanted to leave they could get up and go into the upper gym to sit quietly. half of the assembly of like 300 kids got up and left. they tried to guilt us into not going but like,, no one gave a single shit.

its a bunch of stressed, bored teens what did they expect

me too smit

Mini: You ever wanna talk about your emotions?

Wildcat: No.

Smii7y: I do.

Mini: I know, Smii7y

Smii7y: I’m sad.

Mini: I know, Smii7y

Shipping Real People is okay, Hating on their irl Partners Because it 'it ruins the ship' is not

This has been a psa