Decrepitasylum - There's No Snow In February

my thoughts when someone says "I love you" is just

ha ha. no, you don't. you just love the idea and perception of me that I have given you. you don't love me.

i love my boyfriend but I can't stand the thought of being perceived or seen currently. I deleted the photos I sent him last night this morning cause I couldn't stand it.

is it safe to take like.. 8 year old dietary pills you found in a drawer? they've never been opened before and im considering it..

also, they're huge. wtf.

why are we okay recently. well, not okay, but neutral. I'm not overly suicidal or depressed or anything like normal, but just rather nothing, numb, if anything. and I kinda hate it. makes the invalid feeling feel stronger.

you don't care you don't care you don't care about me. I told you. I told you and you only acknowledge it with a "oh" before changing topics. what's new. nothing's fucking new cause you don't care about me. you'll respond with the same thing if I told you I'll be bleeding out on the bathroom floor tonight.

cutting myself back up sounds absolutely great right now

I try to listen to his favorite artist (citizen soldier) and I jus can't. i just can't. i can't listen to music like that without getting pissed off, cringing, or like I'm gonna throw up. i love my bf but I hate that artist.

why's my dog being a weirdo an licking the blood from my carpet

haha sorry for the late reply, i was busy thinking of all the reasons why i should kms aha.

high on anxiety my thoughts make no sense and too many too fast wanna find a way to get a gun and shoot myself or I'll just try od-ing when I get home

i hate this I hate this I hate this

I need someone to just talk anything and random nonsense to or I feel like I'll explode maybe im just overwhelmed but I'm also really pissed today

fuck people I hate them I hate them all

i don't know what I wanna do I don't know what to do I wanna just spill blood or random thoughts