A Lil Collage I Did

starting tomorrow i will be super normal fun kind sexy and functioning

the consequences of desire

Apple Music - Web Player

Some Place Else by MorMor on Apple Music

Song · 2019 · Duration 3:34

read it on ao3 here!

i moved to the valley in the spring. it was so full of life, and nothing like i remembered it. the people i met were kind - for the most part. this is exactly what i was looking for, i thought to myself. 

as i meandered around on my first day in town, i caught sight of him. clad in a forest green blazer and an orange… no, bronze tie, he sat on a bench in the park by the old, battered community center. i was tempted to approach him, but i didn’t dare. 

it’s true that i fall in love easily. my mother used to say i must have been blessed by aphrodite. it sounds great to fall in love like that, but the other part, the part no one considers, is the falling out of love. to feel my heart break over and over again was torture, so, before moving to the valley, i’d decided to lock my heart away, to keep her safe from harm.

so yes, i decided not to approach him out of a fear that i’d fall just as naturally as breathing. 

and it was easy, at first, to avoid him. he keeps weird hours, the doctor. so when i’d finally visited the saloon, on the first rainy day in the spring of my first year, the mayor asked me if i’d met everyone in town yet, i’d simply said no. i’d been busy. he’d understood, of course, but when he had asked me who i hadn’t met yet, i’d told him only to have him escort me to where he was sitting at the bar, sleeves rolled up, hair disheveled, and nursing a half-full glass of red wine.

“i’ll let the two of you get to know each other,” the mayor said with a smile before returning to the rancher sitting patiently at his table. 

i caught the attention of the barmaid and said “i’ll have what he’s having!” emily smiled and nodded before walking away. 

when i finally looked over at him, the doctor was already looking at me. watching me. he looked like he was running some calculations in his head.

i blushed before saying “what? do i have something in my teeth? oh, yoba, that’s so embarrassing!” 

he laughed quietly before shaking his head and saying “no. no. nothing like that. i was just trying to figure out why you hadn’t introduced yourself to me yet.”

my eyes widened and i stuttered out “i-i.. i’ve been busy! lots to do on that farm. i’m sure you’ve seen it. it’s hideous!” i paused and sighed before saying weakly, “no. no, not hideous. but. um. i’ve been busy. really.” 

“oh. okay. well, good, then. i was a bit worried you were avoiding me–oh my. how rude of me. i haven’t even asked your name yet. do forgive me, please,” he said before looking down at his glass.

i flushed before saying “um, i’m Calliope. it means ‘beautifully-voiced,’ but my singing is about as impressive as my farm is right now… anyways, my friends all call me calli. you can call me whichever you prefer!” i smiled, slightly embarrassed of how i’d just rambled on about my name’s etymology to the man who had figured out that i was avoiding him. “um.. what’s your name, doctor?”

“Calliope is a beautiful name. i’m Harvey, the local doctor. although i suppose you figured as much calling me ‘doctor’ and all. um. it’s lovely to finally meet you, calliope.” he smiled at me, and his moustache bristled against his upper lip. not that i noticed. i didn’t notice his moustache or his stocky fingers tracing the rim of his glass or how his forearms looked with his sleeves rolled up.

i didn’t notice even one of those attractive qualities. how could i have when i was captivated by his eyes. the way his thick glasses magnified his eyes just enough that i could see that his eyes weren’t brown, they were amber. amber, my new favorite color.

when i eventually pulled my eyes away, i felt… lonely. but this was the problem, wasn’t it? i couldn’t get to know Harvey because i couldn’t fall in love because i couldn’t get my heart broken again. so, in favor of protecting myself, despite my heart’s desires, i paid for my drink, got up from my stool, and said “good night, doctor.”

i thought i heard a disappointed sigh before he responded “good night, Calliope.”

on my third day in pelican town, i walked home in the rain, alone.

hi everybody!!! new fic alertttt!!! this is coopted from my original harv drabbles so worry not. more of that cutie pie to come ;)

reblog if you have skilled writer friends and you're damn proud of them

ERE DAY MY BESTIE POSTS IS A GOOD DAY!!!!

Nobody's Son, Nobody's Daughter

TW: consumption of drxgs, smoking, talk of sex

Read it on ao3

Thirteen.

I hadn’t been off my farm for a couple days. The only reason I would leave would be to buy seeds or go forage in the forest. I couldn’t get my mind off of my sister but we called everyday when she got out of school but the phone call would only last during her walk home, she’s afraid of what Dad might say if he knew she was talking to me. I’m collecting eggs from my chickens and ducks in my coop when the door swings open and startles me, making me drop one of the eggs.

“Shit!” I hissed and looked down at the broken and runny egg.

“Where the fuck have you been?” I hear Sam’s voice echo throughout the coop.

“Fucker, you made me drop an egg,” I say while picking up the shell. 

“Are you good, dude? You and Seb disappeared from the venue that night and I haven’t heard from you since!” Sam exclaimed while taking a rag off the wall of the coop and helping me clean up the broken egg. I guess I did owe him an explanation since he is my closest friend in the valley. I told him what happened as we made our way to the farm house. He didn’t say much, only listened. I told him how the last song on his set really hit home and it felt surreal when my sister showed up.

“I didn’t mean to make you cry,” Sam says as we enter the farm house. I set the basket of eggs on the counter and shush him.

“I love the song, Sam,” I say, “and it’s comforting to know that there are other people in the valley that have felt what I feel… It just broke my heart to see that my sister is seeing our Dad for who he is. I hoped that he would be better for her.” I flop down on my couch in distraught and run my hands down my face. Sam, who’s still in my kitchen, stares at me for a while before turning quickly on his heel to my bedroom. I’m shocked by his sudden movements but am too exhausted and overwrought to get up. I hear him rifle through something in my bedroom and a couple minutes later he comes out with my backpack slung over one shoulder.

“Jesus christ this thing is heavy,” he says and sets it down on the kitchen table.

“What are you doing?” I ask while sitting up a little. 

“You’re coming to the sleepover,” he says, “you don’t have a choice. I’ve packed everything for you, except for your undies ‘cause I don’t wanna rifle through that drawer.” I laugh as he rambles and I get up from the couch. I take my backpack from him and empty some of the things in there like my coal, ore, and fiber. I grab a quick pair of panties from my dresser and stuff it into my backpack. 

“You better have not picked a whack ass outfit for tomorrow,” I say to Sam as I pet Miso goodbye and we walk out the door. We took the shortcut up the mountain to Sebastian’s house. “You do sleepovers at Seb’s pretty often?” I ask. 

“Yea since we were kids. Seb has the most privacy and space and Robin isn’t like mine or Abby’s moms, always checking in on us,” Sam says as we pass by the bus stop. 

“What do you do at the sleepovers?” I ask, looking down at my boots as we walk.

“Oh, Farmer, don’t tell me you’ve never had a sleepover before?” Sam asks and I look up at him and on his face is a shit-eating grin. Yoba, he sees right through me. I blush.

“Hey man, with a dead mom and a dad who hates you, you end up being the weird kid,” I say, “besides from my roommates in college, I’ve never had a sleepover.” Sam shakes his head from side to side. “My sister would get invited to a ton.”

“Well, we will sometimes play Solarian chronicles, watch movies, play video games, listen to music, we talk… As soon we all became adults we added weed and alcohol into the mix,” Sam says. 

“It sounds like fun,” I say, “do you all sleep in the same bed?” I ask. Sam shakes his head.

“Abby takes Seb’s bed and Seb and I sleep on his pull-out couch. But now you’re here, so you can take the bed with Abby.” The only other person, besides a one night stand, that I’ve ever shared a bed with was my sister and that was when we were little. I hoped and prayed that my nightmares wouldn’t be bad tonight. After the gig in the city, my nightmares became frequent again and I’ve started remembering bits and pieces. They’re not as clear as the one about the car accident but I know they’re about Brynne. I’ve been thinking about telehealthing my therapist but the more I think about it, I highly doubt Dad has kept me on his insurance and getting insurance as a self-employed person has been hard. I’ve been trying to have better coping mechanisms but in doing so I’ve relapsed on cigarettes. Alex and I chat once a week and my fill-the-void lust feelings have been low but my lungs were not happy with me. I would be embarrassed if I woke up the three of them at the sleepover because I couldn’t get my childish nightmares under control. 

We show up at the house in the woods and walk through the front door. We say hi to Robin as she finishes up some paperwork at her desk and tread downstairs to where Sebastian’s room is. Abby’s already down there, laying upside down on the couch while Sebastian works on his computer.

“Seb keeps saying one more line but then does like twenty more! Sam, pull him out of it!” Abby whines when she sees us. I look over at Sebastian and his eyes run across his computer screen over and over again. I sit down next to Abby and she moves her body to the side so that her legs rested on my lap and her head near the arm of the couch. “Hey girl, I haven’t seen you in forever! I need my fill of farmer gossip. Are you still hooking up with Alex?” she asks. Sebastian’s head snaps up and his candy colored eyes look into mine.

“What?”

“So that’s what gets you to look up from your computer?” Sam sighs and throws his backpack down.

“It’s been a couple months,” I say, “we decided we’re better as friends.” Sebastian exhales then goes back to his work.

“What the fuck!” Sam yells at him.

“You told me you used to fuck around in college?” Abby asks. I nod. Her questions are genuine and strictly girl talk and it’s what I love about Abby. There’s no ulterior motive, she just genuinely wants to have more girl friends and they’re hard to come around in the valley. “You know who else used to fuck around?” She holds her hand up near her face and points in Sebastian’s direction.

“I can hear you, you know,” Sebastian says and then gets up from his computer.

“Finally!” Sam exclaimed while digging in his backpack. “I brought an indica, sativa, and a hybrid. I also brought my extended pack for solarian and Mario Kart, and a couple frozen pizzas,” he says while taking each thing out of his bag. Sebastian gets off his computer and pulls down a sheet and sets it up on the wall opposite of his bed and sets up a projector.

We watched movies, played Solarian, talked, and smoked weed. The only time I stepped out was to accept a phone call from my sister. It was short and quick and I mentioned I was hanging out with friends. Her praise for me making new friends warmed my heart. As I was walking inside, Robin came pounding down the stairs from her room. She’s holding an old photo album.

“There you are!” she says, “I have to show you these photos of Sebby when he was a kid.” She shows me a photo of him with spaghetti on his head, him with a stuffed Jumino, him holding baby Maru, all the classic baby photos. My heart swells when I look at his chubby cheeks. I’ve never been one for kids but I always loved baby pictures of my friends. 

“He’s so adorable,” I say while pointing to a picture of him, Sam, and Abby when they were kids. The basement door opens and Sebastian comes upstairs.

“Absolutely not,” he says while grabbing my wrist. His movements are aggressive but his grip on me is surprisingly gentle. 

“Aw c’mon,” I say as he drags me down the stairs, “you were so cute.” He shakes his head back and forth. 

“What are you saying I’m not cute now?” he quips as he opens the door. Abby with her second-hand high is curled up on Sebastian’s bed watching the projector and Sam’s in the bathroom. I laugh to try and calm down my pounding heart and hide the blush from my face

“Hmm… You’re pretty cute,” I say, “but your chubby cheeks and ginger hair take the cake.” He nudges me in the shoulder and we sit back down with Abby who’s watching Three From Hell. Sam comes out of the bathroom and sits on the bed with us, Smushing me between Sebastian and Abby. Sebastian drapes his arm over my shoulder to get more comfortable and I hook one of my legs over Abby’s as Sam lights up another joint. 

###

I’m jolted awake by whatever dream I was having. My breathing is heavy and small beads of sweat coat my hairline on my forehead. Abby’s still crashed out next to me and I think I see Sam on the pullout bed still asleep. My hands shake as I rip the covers off of me and get up. I dug in my backpack for the pack of cigarettes I had bought at Joja. They were the most disgusting cigarettes I’v ever smoked but they’re the only thing around. Once I secure my pack and lighter and make my way towards the lake. The cold fall air sent a chill down my spine and I wrapped my hoodie around my body tighter. A tall silhouette stands near the lake as well and I can only assume it’s my formerly ginger friend. I stand next to him and light my cigarette. He jumps a bit but realizes it’s just me.

“Can’t sleep?” he asks. I take a long inhale and sigh out the smoke. 

“I assume you can’t either,” I say and take a seat at the edge of the water.

“Never can,” he says and follows my lead by sitting down next to me. We sit in silence for a moment and chain smoke before I break the silence.

“So… you used to sleep around?” He laughs and shakes his head.

“I was wondering the same thing about you,” he says, “Yea, I did. There were a couple of forums online I used to frequent when I was eighteen. Mainly married couples looking for someone to cuck the husbands. Some turned into affairs, others were strictly for fun… I stopped when I was twenty-three after having a really weird situationship with a married woman,” he takes a long drag of his cigarette, “Sam and Abby only know about the cucking. Not the affairs.”

“You lose your virginity to a married woman?” I ask teasingly. He shakes his head.

“Nah. Lost it to Haley when we were fourteen. We’re still friendly, she told me later on that I helped her come to terms with her being gay so I guess it was for the better,” he says, “don’t mention anything though, I’m not sure how out she is.” I wouldn’t have pegged Haley as gay but it made sense. 

“They used to call me the ‘man maker’ in college,” I say, “as I’m sure you’ve figured out I have a guilty pleasure for gridball players and by the time I was a sophomore I had gone through everyone on the team that liked women. I started hooking up with the freshmen and then they started sending their friends who were virgins to me. I didn’t know they were calling me that until I became friends with one of them.”

“Did you lose your virginity in college?”

“Nah, I was sixteen. I was too young, honestly. I should’ve waited,” I said. Sebastian nods his head. 

“I should’ve too.” We’re silent again for a second but this time he’s the one to break it. 

“So… You’ve hooked up with Alex?” he asked. I nod and light another cigarette. 

“Was filling the void. I think he was too.”

“And this was around that time you had the dream about the crash?” he asks me and tosses the filter aside.

“You remember that?”

“I remember everything.” He lays down and looks up at the stars. I pull my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them.

“Do you have trouble sleeping often?” I ask him. He sighs.

“Yea. Not sure why. I do stay up late for work, a lot of my clients are overseas so the deadlines are in the middle of the night…But ever since I was a kid I’ve never been a very good sleeper. I’m sure my mom has permanent bags under her eyes,” he says, “I assume your restlessness started after your mom passed?”

“Yes but it wasn’t just because of the nightmares. Dad took up drinking and would be up all night,” I say and lay back next to him. The stars were beautiful and clear, not like how they are in the city. The light pollution downs them out so much you can barely make out the big dipper. “Do you see any constellations?” I ask Sebastian. The only ones I could point out were the big and little dippers. I didn’t do much stargazing and I regret not asking Grandpa more about it. 

“Um, let's see,” Sebastian says. He looks around the sky and then eventually points. “That one’s Orion.” I scoot closer to him so I can properly see what he’s pointing at.

“The rectangle?” I ask.

“Yea! The three stars in the middle are his belt… Over there is Pisces.” He points a little further west from Orion. I squint and try to follow his finger.

“The alligator mouth?”

“Uh huh. It looks like two fish tied together, right?”

“I think I can see that,” I say and squint a little harder.

“It’s supposed to be her and her sons, Eros and Cupid,” says Sebastian. He puts his arm down. I shiver a bit as a gust of wind blows over us. As if he knew, he wraps his arm around me and pulls me into his chest. My heart starts slamming into my chest and I can’t control it. I know he can feel it, there’s no hiding it. I shiver again but not from the cold. “I’ve always been fascinated with Aphrodite. When I was hooking up with older women and getting into situationships and getting my heart shattered, I wondered if she was watching over me,” he continues. I want to look up at him but I can’t tear my eyes away from Pisces. I always thought that Aphrodite had abandoned me long ago. 

“But isn’t she the Goddess of love, not heartbreak?” I ask. He gives me a squeeze and my breath gets caught in my throat.

“As much as it hurt, I figured she had a plan. Accepting those thoughts helped me separate myself from that part of my life,” he says and moves onto his side to face me. I want to look at him but my body won’t let me. This is the moment I’ve thought about over and over and my body can’t bring itself to pull through. I feel Sebastain’s finger slip under my chin. “After all,” his finger pushes my chin up so that I’m looking at him. His dusky eyes are sparkling in the moonlight and it takes every brain cell I can muster to not get lost in them, “ending that part of myself has brought me here, hasn’t it?” I want to tell him that I know exactly what he means, how I’ve never felt more accepted and understood by a person until meeting him, but his finger and thumb hold my jaw and he gently squeezes my cheeks as our lips lock.

when you grew up as a lonely uncool girl it will never stop haunting you by the way. you will meet a cool person at a bar or the train station or at a friend's party and you can wear your most stylish outfit and striking eye makeup and you will swear that they can see through all of the facade and see the lonely terribly insecure teenage girl you used to be who desperately wanted to connect and you will swear that they know that there is like an insurmountable gap between you. this will happen forever

slapping this badge on my blog

this post single-handedly made me wanna write a scene where abby tells farmer about her life and her mom and how she has a HUGE crush on haley and farmer tells her how (idk what pronouns they use yet LOL) has a huge crush on leah (and/or harvey/maru idk yet) and they have a girls night and do face masks n watch trash tv and and and

shes just like me! (jk i dont eat rocks.... maybe)

FEELING VERY Nervous(tm) ABOUT MY LAST POST HOPE U GUYS LIKE IT IF U DONT THATS FINE IM JSUT GONNA THROW MY PHONE IN THE RAVINE SO I NEVER KNWO !

meet the blog xo

hi friendz <3 

i’m anna (@distractedhobbyists)! i’m 21 (scary) and luv creative writing/journaling/crocheting/cozy gaming/making new friends ! pls reach out if u wanna chat, my dms r always open xoxoxo

masterlist

longfic

the consequences of desire (my heart + soul) (1/2/3/)

meet the oc

one shots

beating the heat

good morning, dear

drabbles

shane: x

harvey: x/x

sam: x

ok so i’ve just planned out the first seven chapters of tcod so i hope yall r ready 😭😭😭 THERE WILL BE ANGST!!!!!