Donkoogrr - Hi, I Write Stuff While Technology Eludes Me

I once wrote that Sugarverse!Madara wasn’t promiscuous and now I’m looking at all these fun and/or pervy au collabs I’m doing and it’s like.

Naw.

He’s still not a ho. 

He is confident about sex and likes to have it often when he’s got someone to have it with because his ego grows ever more powerful with every orgasm he gives his partner(s).

Put him with people that are pretty but he doesn’t know them well? He might flirt if one seems into him/situation calls for it but otherwise he’d be chill.

Madara might actually be in charge of Konoha’s lipstick missions. He could probably teach people how to use genjutsu as a seduction tool and never need to touch the target at all.

Damn, I'm gonna hafta stop joking that Batman's a furry because after some thought, that's a disrespectful joke. Batman is clearly not a fursona and I should know better than to kink shame like that anyway.

POKEMON VIETNAMESE CRYSTAL

Don’t mind me, just sharing a thing of glory.

People who say Bernard is boring are admitting to skill issues. Like, you really can't think up anything about him? This guy? This little whacko is dull to you? He is so chock-full of potential. He has years of potential angst or hilarity we haven't seen. He's a great reminder that Gotham is full of people as "boring" as anyone else in the real world.

He's just. He's a guy. He's a guy in love.

Just things

Hello, yes, can I get uhhhh an Outsiders-View fic of the general Crime Alley population slowly gaining respect for the weird yellow-haired kid who's apparently banging Red Robin into a new state of existence?

No one knows exactly who he is, but whenever they see him around they spread the word to stay away from dark alleys. There are some sights goons just don't want to risk seeing; Red Hood might take your eyes for it or something.

More freaky timbern?

Sigh... Do your parents not feed you? Guess I'll have to U_U

SEXUAL CONTENT AHEAD!!!

Bernard and Tim, making out in the corner of a sofa:

Dick, walking in: Hey T... REALLY!? IN THE FAMILY SITTING ROOM!?

Tim, panting as they break for air: Sorry, uno got intense.

Dick: This happened because of an uno game?

Bernard: We'll use any excuse, really.

—

Tim, slipping inside quietly:

Bernard, flicking on the lights: Are you injured?

Tim: No—

Bernard, instantly tackling him to the nearest flat surface to kiss him:

Tim: ?! Woah! Woah, you good? Are you okay?

Bernard: Yeah just really horny, your a#& looks great by the way.

Tim: Oh, okay—

Bernard: Sex?

Tim: Sex. Yeah. Continue.

—

Tam: You never looked at me like that when we dated.

Tim: You walked in on Bernard and I having sex in my office?

Tam: My point stands.

—

Tim, post getting his back blown out: . . . Is it psychological torture to eat a fish in front of a fish?

Bernard, just got done cleaning up: Fish are dumb.

—

Tim, cursing in French mid sex:

Bernard: Oh, that's hot.

—

Jason: Why are you in Crime Alley talkin' to the workin' ladies??

Bernard: I like to ask for tips.

Jason: . . . What?

Bernard: We exchange them, actually.

Jason: . . . YOU ASK THEM HOW TO PLEASURE MY LITTLE BROTHER!?

Bernard: They don't go around telling anyone. We talk politics, too, sometimes.

Jason: You're a weird little man.

Bernard: This little man f-#%$s your little brother!

Jason: i. . . y'know what? I'm with Dick now, STAY AWAY FROM MY BROTHER, FREAK!

Bernard: MAKE ME!

Jason, pulling out a gun:

Bernard, already running: Poor choice of words!

—

Bernard, sending a photo to the Young Justice group chat of him next to an unconscious, shirtless Tim with the caption "Guess what we just did!":

Kon, immediately replying: Twister.

Bart: Baking.

Cassie: Sex.

Bernard: Actually he got stabbed in the abdomen, he taught me how to do stitches! #CoupleGoals

—

Tim: Ugh, I think I have internal bruising...

Jason: Pfft, get your a#& kicked?

Tim: No, pounded.

Jason:

Tim:

Jason:

Tim:

Jason:

Tim: Karma for what happened at Titans Tower.

Jason:

—

Cass: I fear pregnancy, the loss of autonomy, control of my life? It scares me, the thought...

Tim: Damn, after Bern and I have unsafe sex I usually just pray to Cassie's aunts and uncles and list off the reasons I'd be a terrible parent.

—

Tim: We can either have sex or play Minecraft.

Bernard: . . . This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make.

Tim:

—

Tim, in his Red Robin uniform, straddling Bernard's lap and making out with him in an alleyway:

Bernard, pulling his hair:

Tim: Ugh... We should really stop.

Bernard: Mm, why, love dove? Don't need to if you feel good...

Tim: If we get caught Batman might actually kill you...

Bernard: I'd die a happy man~~

Barbara: Red Robin, you never turned your comm off.

Tim:

Barbara: I turned it off for you when Bernard started talking dirty to you, but you've traumatized Robin, and Batman is on his way.

Bernard: . . Tim?

Tim: F&#$!

—

YES! But then also, we can make it angsty. Tim going into sub drop because everything was very very good and now suddenly; Jason's here and furiously making horrific accusations? And Bernard's bleeding-hurt-helphim-savehim-! And Tim is having to pull himself together and possibly convince Jason to untie him and not kill Bernard and have to explain that they were doing a scene and the humiliation of it is not the good kind?!

Send that boy into a spiral, we all know he's gonna internally monologue at the drop of a hat.

Red Hood has 100% heard Tim and Bernard being freaky and broken into their place thinking that an assault was in progress.

Shots were definitely fired.

Wait, hold up.

We need to establish something first.

Are we talking Canadian Smarties or American Smarties?

I love stress-eating smarties I just go to town on those things I go through the whole bag I inhale it like munchable cocaine I eat it all until theyre gone and twitch on the floor like a dead rat

Hey, where are my DC x DP people at?

What if Jason came back wrong because the GIW had his little ghost self captured for 6 months?

Imagine it. The warehouse in Ethiopia happens to be on some powerful crossing leylines and a GIW agent is stationed to keep an eye on the area. She sees the Joker and his men. She sees Robin enter the building. Maybe the place is bugged and she even knows what's happening and she realizes... This is their chance. The GIW could get data on a ghost as it forms! This is unprecedented!

So, she waits and watches and records data.

And when the warehouse explodes, when the Batman has come and gone, when the response team has put out the fire... She searches. She finds Robin's ghost as it begins to form. She captures it, the scientific find of the century.

And six months of inhumane, dehumanizing experiments later, the ghost of Robin seems to shred itself as it's ripped violently through all the anti-ecto restraints and containments.

Maybe there's a perfect sphere left behind and Jason doesn't realize that he's missing his core. Maybe the recorded experiment logs are out there, waiting for the right hacker to release them. Maybe Team Phantom rescued the core and are searching for the being it belongs to.

Just some thoughts~

(Art is by the amazing @dahtwitchi. This is a freeform collab with no real goal)

Madara huffs a little defensively. "What, like you wouldn't get off on the idea that he would think of you on lonely nights? That a man like that would touch himself and call your name even after you've left him?"

He seems to calm down slightly, though his arms stay crossed. "Right, that. Our Mito has been threatening to 'inspire' Hashirama into creating a similar set of yearly gifts for ninja to give one another. We're lucky she takes bribes..." He tilts his head at his alternate, curious, "Was there a problem in your fifth year? Hashirama grew Mito an entire training ground for their anniversary; we've been calling it the 'Forest of Death'. She loves it."

There's a short exclamation from the group of Tobiramas and Madara turns, channeling chakra to his ears to check in on their conversation.

His lover sounds bewildered, "What do you mean? Madara is only five years older than us; he's not turning thirty for awhile yet."

Okay, hear me out. I know it's not canon that Jason drugged the other Titans during the Titans Tower Incident; he electrocuted two of them and then drugged the third.

But we're playing in the au's like bitch whatever, DC retcons and rewrites at the slightest provocation and we are here for stories, right?

And a lot of Titan's Tower au's have Red Hood drugging more people than in canon. And every time it happens there's an absolutely terrible little voice in the back of my head going, "Jason is so lucky that no one he drugged was hiding a substance abuse issue like Roy did. Jason is so lucky that none of these teenagers-to-young-adults who are incredibly physically active and who have so many traumas took some physician-prescribed, completely legal pain medications or anxiety pills or muscle relaxants. He is so lucky that any daily upkeep medication didn't cause a catastrophic drug interaction with the unknown. Heck, Jason is so lucky that whatever drugs he used were perfectly tailored to each individual's body mass and species."

I'm not saying I want a fic where Jason accidentally makes a young hero OD, but I think it would be interesting and darkly funny if Tim made him think he might have.

"You drugged everyone? Wait, even (X)?! What did you use, did you check to see if they took their benzos before you drugged them? (Y) Is allergic to propofol, was that part of the stuff you used?"

"Look, you can have the fight you want, just let me make you none of my friends are choking on their own vomit first."