I’m Wearing The Boots You Gave Me. You Told Me To Wear Them And Not Be Nervous, But… I’m Really

There’s no sun for us to watch anymore

So we go watch the moon instead

In you I trust

Pairing: Tine/Sarawat (2gether)

Summary: Tine didn’t know what to do, how to feel. What he hadn’t realised was that the damage was already done. Years of dating people who didn't want him, getting rejected over and over again just because he seemed disposable had taken its toll. While he seemed bright and confident most of the time when it came to putting himself out there, his self esteem was in shambles. He did love himself and had a pretty good self-image but his ideals on how others should treat him were now a bit shaky. Did he deserve Sarawat? And what must he do to make himself worth it? What must he do to ensure he doesn’t disappoint, to make sure Sarawat doesn't leave him after the first week? (Basically includes all the communication we never got in the series. The one conversation that could have made it better.)

Fic starts here:

Tine looked into his eyes and stared as if he was searching for something. Much like a police officer peering into the eyes of a suspect desperately searching for answers. "Why?"

 "Huh?", Sarawat said bemused.

"Why do you want to be with me? What am I offering you that's so special? I certainly don't think I have done anything of note that could have attracted your attention. So other than being a good friend to you, what exactly have I done?", he asked his tone rising. 

Taken by surprise Sarawat curses himself for not realising sooner that something had been upsetting his boyfriend. "Please tell me where this is coming from", he pleaded, "I want to know just where the heck  all this self doubt is coming from".

His voice strained with trying to keep the tears in, Tine lets it all out. He needs Sarawat to, if not empathize, just listen and answer.

"I got a lot of people just wanting to be with me cause I looked good with them. Like I was an accessory. And the few who I thought liked me, well, turns out I was quite dispensable to them. So far I have never been a keeper. So why are you different? How can I possibly expect everything to be fine when I’m scared that you will up and run any moment?"

 Sarawat who had been staring at the floor contemplatively edged closer towards Tine on the bed. “Okay", he said, taking it all in. "Now it's your turn to hear me out. I like you for a lot of reasons, yes being appealing to the eye was one of them, but of course it wasn't the main reason. You think me, a guy who hasn't ever been in a relationship before, not even a hookup, would want to enter a long term relationship with someone based on trivial bullshit? From the moment I met you I had a feeling that we would click not just as boyfriends but as friends. I knew you would get me despite how weird I am. You have this aura that just makes me feel safe. I don’t know, maybe being an introvert helped me observe the way people behave. Because when I met you it was like I knew you, no, I felt you, the way you are as a person and it made me think 'This is someone I want to be with'. Not because you did something outstanding that attracted me, not because you're a catch and definitely not because you complete me. It’s just… you are free to be yourself around me and I can finally be comfortable in my own skin around you. Don't you think that's reason enough for me not to leave you?

Tine crumpled into Sarawat at that point. Sarawat felt dampness through the front of his T-shirt. “I’m sorry I didn't realise you were feeling insecure sooner" he said to the head sobbing on his chest. "I should have known. I promise to always be here, okay? Anytime you need reminding of why you are special to me I’ll be here.” 

Sarawat  didn't know when his own cheeks got wet and then they were just two boys in a room holding each other as they wept. "Oi!", Sarawat said lifting Tine off him. "Come on let's stop with this melancholic atmosphere."

 Wiping away his tears and then Sarawat's, Tine let out a contented sigh. "Thank you Wat. I needed this. I'll be here for you too, whenever you need reminding that you mean so much to me even if I don't make it evident at times. I'm still learning", he said while holding Sarawat's face, brushing away stray tears. He inched closer, just till he could feel Sarawat's  lips brushing his, and then planted a soft kiss. 

Sarawat broke away, grinning, "You're definitely learning well". "Salaleo! ", Tine exclaimed a similar grin creeping onto his face. 

love freely - E.C. - oct. 2020

Watching Bad buddy episode 1 hurts more knowing what we know now. Knowing that fight was the first time they saw each other after 3 years; knowing that was the first time that Pran played music again and he did it with Pat; knowing that Pat first instinct was to find a solution to end the beef between their friends in order to protect Pran; knowing that Pran first thing to do after seeing pat was to put on the watch perhaps because all his feelings came back; knowing that they both missed each other.

I just can’t... my heart hurts too much just thinking about it. How could they love each other so much since episode 1? I mean was episode 1. I’m not crying, you’re.

Aren’t you going to ask why I asked you to stay over? Because you’re sad about Joob. Partly, yes. I’m starting to be scared of death. Life is so damn uncertain. I’m afraid that one day I’d wake up and people around me disappear on me. You’re overthinking it. What I fear the most is that it happens to someone I care about. Especially, you. I promise I won’t go anywhere. Nothing will happen to me. Someone like me doesn’t die so easily. Thank you so much. 

VICE VERSA (2022)

If you’re not already, here’s why you all should watch Sotus the Series:

QUALITY PLOT: It’s actually very close and true to the novel’s storyline, probably because the author herself was heavily involved in the making of the show as a member of the writing team and being involved of the casting process.

TALENT: All the actors are incredibly talented and truly bring life to the characters, maybe because they were handpicked by the novel’s author herself, maybe because they actually went through the Sotus system themselves in real life or maybe because the two protagonists actually have been friends and went to university together. There are many scenes were very little is said and very much is conveyed by subtle yet strong gestures or facial expressions. There is also a lot of chemistry between all the actors in all scenes.

CULTURAL VALUE: The way the Thai university’s SOTUS system is shown, explained and talked about in the show actually presents the audience with various points of view on the matter. It also gives a well rounded insight into traditional Thai college life as well as the problems and benefits that come with it. So, there’s actual educational and cultural value in it, without forcing any specific point of view onto the audience.

FEMALE REPRESENTATION: Even though it’s a boylove genre storyline, there are many female characters and every single one of them is well developed, positive, relatable and important to the story. There is no antagonism, no emotional limitation, no stereotyping, and no being used merely as a plot device. Every female character is respected and treated as an equal by all other characters. Of all the Thai TV shows that I’ve watched, this is the only show that did that. And, even though industrial engineering statistically is a male dominated profession and course of studies, this show presents the audience with a 50% female student body and university staff.

LGBT REPRESENTATION: Even though Thai media and culture commonly uses effeminate gay male characters for comic relief by ridiculing their manners and ways of speaking, this show never went there. Here, such a character is not only never made fun of, but also fully accepted to be an integral part of the main group of friends. By everybody. There is also a lesbian character, who (in contrast to the stereotypical Thai media representation) has an individual look and characterization and - most importantly - is never ostracized for her orientation by anybody. In addition, she’s actually made the “star” of the year, which would be similar to “prom queen” in Western terms.

REALISM AND RESPECT: While Thai TV commonly portrays love stories by heavily focusing on sexuality instead of emotional intimacy, and by either having the characters touch a lot but never kiss, or only fake kiss (lips not actually touching, actors freezing for several seconds in weird angles) as well as characters crossing personal and physical boundaries without consent, this show did the opposite. There is barely any intimate touching on this show and sexuality isn’t even discussed. There are two real kisses (as both actors decided the characters would benefit from realistic representation). Both kisses are essential to the storyline and they look much more genuine than anything I have ever seen on any other Thai TV show. Also, every single character’s boundaries and emotions are fully respected and considered valid throughout the whole story. By every other character.

Go watch it on the GMMTV YouTube channel, with the official English subtitles:

Here’s a link to the full playlist (so far there’s 12 episodes with official subs, further episodes will be added weekly - there will be 16 in total).

The Prayer Once upon a time, there was a boy who prayed to the stars. Now, this was not unusual, for many little boys make many different prayers. But the heavens were moved by whom this boy was praying for.

Where others prayed for their own joy, the lad was praying about another boy.

Dear heavens above the boy prayed I think I’m in love I know not what to do

Now, the angels were curious. Come boy, they said, tell us more.

The boy was startled; he didn’t think they’d hear. Bravely, he spoke his mind, and continued his prayer.

Read more A big, big thank you to @a-flickering-soul for reviewing this and @harpooningadeadpig for encouraging me to post this and helping me with beta-reading! Merci beaucoup, tu es merveilleux <3

oh. so that’s why young royals has been trending for like, 3 days straight. it really is like that huh.

“Fine. It’s a yes.” BAD BUDDY (2021)

we're about to graduate already, we might not be able to see eachother like this again