All Of This Pain Feels Like It's Been An Eternity Since I Have Been Carrying Them In My Hands. I Am Tired

It's the light brown color of my tired sighs and the warm pink of my sleepy snores. The monotonous rambling of my mind brings to life the precious olive green in my soul. The songs I know by heart, that are always at the tip of my lips, shines in a soft earthy brown glow. If there was a colour to describe the way my heart swells everytime I watch the sun go down in the far horizon, it would be a mild beige tinted with a pretty rosy flavour. And when I look at myself in the mirror, when I see the person I have become, I can see the turquoise of my soul smiling softly over my head. I don't know what color my aura is but all that matters is how beautifully I glow when I smile at myself.

Brown for the earth's child that I am, that I always was.

Pink for the pretty parts in me that I've started to fall in love with.

Green for my soul that has slowly started healing from within.

Beige for the ways I am always there for me.

Turquoise for how much alive I am and how beautiful it is to create and grow like I do now.

What is your color palette at this point in your life?

We are a whole lifetime away.

Then why are we pretending to be closer?

With every hour that fades as the morning comes,

we move away from each other slowly.

Like the ticking of a tired clock,

the moments we stole are going too fast.

I never want to let go of your hand,

but when morning comes how do I make you stay?

I don't have any thing more to give you,

and all that you can say has already been said.

We knew we'll fade with the first sunrise.

But then why does letting go feel so much like dying.

I wish the night could stretch on for eternity.

Hold each other here under the soft moonlight.

We're meant to walk away from the other,

but our hearts can't help run back to each other.

There are a million stars in the sky tonight,

but there are a million more unshed tears in our eyes.

The horizon is starting to turn pink now.

Your hand is too warm to let go.

Sunrises are the most beautiful thing there is.

But not when it takes you away from me.

Let this sunrise come and go.

Maybe we can close our eyes and pretend the night is still young.

The things we leave behind,

always seems like a lost battle.

Because of we could,

we'd lug them along.

But that's not how this works.

We are meant live within these lines,

cross no more and no white space.

Why do they call it life,

when it resembles the very thing that hells are made of?

It seems as if there's anything but hope in here.

Tired sighs and worn out souls.

All the corners taken up by the lost ones.

We were meant to be free and happy and be at peace.

But look at us, look at us withering away to charred remains.

Why is it so wrong to smile when we feel like it.

And why does everything always have to be done,

like they were done before us, for centuries.

We are not ghosts of the past,

but the pioneers of a better future.

Yet here we are, burned and hunted down,

all because we won't fit the box.

With every bone that breaks, the lines expand.

But how many more lives shall be lost,

before we can breathe again.

This cursed system has been going on for so long,

that now all the dreams we had have become mere passing fancies.

We can't afford to pay the price for choosing to have them,

when we ourselves have been so out of focus,

and so so close to an unattainable end.

Are we real, or are we too,the remnants of some far fetched dreams?

Out of focus, out of focus,

We've been anything but alive.

Because the world does not know how slow it has become,

and how far we are from the light.

Thus we shall remain out of focus,

till the last bone breaks,

and there's no one left to fit into the box.

Somedays I crave the touch of another in my soul. I need someone to understand all the chaos inside me but at the same time be intrigued by everything as well. I want to lay down my soul bare, like the musical notes on a white sheet of paper. And I hope someone who appreciates the melody comes along and picks me up. And when they start to hum the tune I have kept hidden in my depths for so long, I'll finally feel like I belong somewhere. Even if that somewhere is just the tip of their tongue or the curve of their lips.

It doesn't matter if I try or not.

I'll end up in the sky a star.

But what matters is if you'll be there or not.

Beside me, glowing like the sun you are.

All that ever matters is you.

And if I wake up a star and not find you beside me,

know that I'll die over and over again.

A black hole forming at every attempt.

And until I find you I'll keep exploding.

Till I know the warmth on my face is your light.

Maybe that's how galaxies are formed.

Each one an attempt at a love story.

And thus the universe keeps on expanding.

How can it not?

When there are millions of us still searching for love.

© Moonyloonywitch

01/09/2021

I am sorry I couldn't create a safe place for you.

I am sorry I couldn't be brave enough to let you be you.

I am sorry for all the times I made you say you hate pink (we love it now).

I am sorry for trying too hard sometimes and not trying at all other times.

I am sorry that you had to face all those years alone, without someone to hold you close.

I am sorry for letting you go when I should've held onto you tighter.

I am sorry for thinking that shutting you out will make me feel like I belong somewhere, anywhere.

I am sorry for abandoning you when all you ever had was me.

But now, little one, we are here. You and I, both of us are safe in this space that I have started to call 'heart'.

Cry all you want, I'll hold you. Be fierce, be gentle, be everything that you've wanted to be. I am here and you can be you.

Sweet young child, you're safe in my hands.

And we'll be okay. I love you, and that's all that matters.

To my younger self,

I'm sorry that I couldn't save you. I'm sorry that I didn't stop you from harms. I'm sorry that now you're too broken to be put together

It was never your fault. It was never your fault. It was never your fault. Not your fault. Not your fault. Not your fault. Not your fault

There are galaxies I must conquer within your eyes.

So no matter how many times you push me away, I'll stay.

Come back with more softness and gentle tones.

Listen to the songs of each star that you hold in your eyes.

Blowing a cool breeze when the fire inside them is too hot.

You will never lose me, not now, not in a million years.

For where there are stars and stories,

There'll always be me, soft breaths and touches of love.

Until the universe collapses on itself,

I shall hold your hand and craddle you close.

Everything in this world has a place.

And more than often I feel like mine is beside you.

You tell me that you're loosing me a little bit each day.

How can I not feel lost, when you deny me of my home?

Where do I plant my heart, when you close the door to yours?

The worst battles of mine were about you, against myself,

being forever torn between wanting to stay and run away.

But as dawn approaches and the sun rises again,

I loose yet another fight.

I hope one day you can finally see me beside you.

One day, you will know that I've always been there.

That I never left, and never will.

Golden mornings and cool sea breezes brought them together.

Playful touches turned to yearnings with depth.

Days passed and love grew.

Until one day a shadow came uninvited.

Soon enough hell broke loose.

Still they managed to find their homes in the arms of the other.

But fate is bitter and sour and cruel.

It took away the black haired boy from his lover.

And left the other to grieve forever.

But what no one saw was the rage deep in the blues.

While the golden haired burned the world alive,

fate watched in the corner scared and small.

When the Trojans took away his home, his love, what could Achilles do except grieve for Patroclus.

And his grief brought the mighty warriors to their knees.

Troy did not not lose the war. Nor did the Greek win it.

Achilles grieved for Patroclus, and soon enough the war ended.

Reblog if your page is a safe space for anyone of any nationality and ethnicity.

Reblog if your page is a safe space for anyone in the LGBTQ+ community.

Reblog if your page is a safe space for anyone with a disability or disorder.

Reblog if your page is a safe space for anyone who has experienced or is experiencing trauma.

Reblog if your page is a safe space.