Thinking About How When You Experience A Lot Of Shame In Your Formative Years (indirectly, Directly,

thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

More Posts from Geista-was-stolen and Others

10 months ago

Age regressor Damian Wayne my beloved <33

(You can pry this idea from my cold dead hands. And even then I'll pull a jason and come back to life just so I can snatch it back)

7 months ago

Batman isn’t a mask; It’s a leash. In this essay I will—

1 year ago

Y'know, if a formerly well-behaved straight A student suddenly starts almost not passing their classes and crying all the time and getting into trouble, maybe the default conclusion from every authority figure should not be that they are lazy and simply need to pull themselves together. Maybe instead you should give them stimulants or HRT or let them kill their parents and see if one of those three things resolves the issue.

1 year ago

Red Hood’s all about keeping his secret identity from almost everyone, right?

He’s going to all his meetings with the hood on and never lets any of his ‘business partners’ or goons or allies unrelated to the bats see his face, right???

He either gains enough trust or completely forgets to put it on as he walks in on his goons, his gang, if you will.

They all just kinda side eye this kid who just walked in and started ordering around until one of them finally speak up questioning this kids existence and whatnot. Hood whips around to yell at them for their insubordination but goes to run his hands through his hair or something and is genuinely surprised when his fingers DO go through his hair. So he just walks out of the room in a huff until he walks back in and says the exact thing. All the goons immediately burst into action and don’t question the kid who walked in and said the exact same thing moments ago…

In another instance he forgets his hood under his arm and starts addressing everyone but this time they react a bit more aggressively. This time he just sighs and puts the hood on his head. It’s an instant reaction but Doofenshmertz style, “a kid with a hood giving us orders?” To, “Red Hood giving us orders!”

Tim sees it this time and never lets him live it down, periodically calling him Perry the Platypus.

2 months ago

The information I have just learned about myself is not something to be shared online, HOWEVER note that it is impressive and would get me many bitches.

5 months ago

A group of rough looking boys walked past me today and all I heard of their conversation was “he’s got that anxiety disorder bro so I went with him so he’d be more comfortable” and it made me realise the world isn’t all that bad

11 months ago

The week after a period is a chaotic fucking time. Yes I figured out what I want to do for college and also a bit of how I can get my life together in general, but also I need to get dicked down ASAP or I will simply perish

Hormones, amirite?


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1 year ago
Marvel Movies Have Completely Eliminated The Concept Of Practical Effects From The Movie-watching Public’s

Marvel movies have completely eliminated the concept of practical effects from the movie-watching public’s consciousness


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geista-was-stolen - Ghosts Live Here
Ghosts Live Here

I am very frequently confusedHe/Him Xe/Xim

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