How’s That House That Raised You?

I wear the ring you gave me on the opposite hand

I get tattoos without you

but your memory haunts the ink

piercing

dark

it was a life lesson learned

a decision changed

a future imagined but scribbled out

I don’t think it was worth it,

actually

and I don’t think

you have any idea

how much you took from me—

no one does.

to admit that

is to ask

a harder question:

is

there

anything

left for me?

something about hanging plants on the wall

reaching for the light,

aching,

twisting to contort to expectations—

well—

what looks best for the living room?

yet these are plants, living, breathing,

wilting,

dying—

for the privilege of “looking good”

and

what is that bullshit standard anyways?

attractiveness? style? beauty?

white supremacy in action, again—

over a plant?!

but yes—

(most times it seems to be yes)

so instead, maybe—

what feels best for the plant?

what supports growth the most?

when is your willingness to look good

outweighing your ability to feel good?

when did you start pulling yourself away

from feeling the light

when that’s all you’ve ever wanted?

I promise you were not placed on this earth to try and shrink your body until you die.

twenty-eight laps around the sun later,

mercurially aligned,

I am

refusing to fall

apart this time—

at least,

not as if I haven’t walked this path before.

I know

I know

I can survive this one.

I can breathe

through

it— it’s

less than 12 months

from the day

you asked me to marry you

and it hurts so bad I can’t breathe

but I

am not going

to give up

or to kill myself over this

bullshit.

not your bullshit,

not again.

body sculptures by GarlicSunshine (2)

does anyone know if you can get in trouble for feeling weird

Love complimenting strangers' outfits. They always smile so hard. It's like, haha I got you, bitch. You've fallen for my manipulations of Making Your Day. Yeah walk away from me all happy. I got your ass

- A Psalm for the Wild-Built, Becky Chambers // kagonekoshiro

me [coming to terms with a truth about myself]: hm..................................................... unfortunate