(study Hall, Hearing 9th Graders Discussing A Project About Provinces In Canada)

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Help out an innocent teenager

Hey fun fact people care about you

If about 2 billion people celebrate Christmas, and there is an average distance of 3 miles between their houses (accounting for crossing oceans and apartments), that's about 6 billion miles to travel that night. With the way time changes around the world, he basically has 24 hours to make it to every one. 6,000,000,000÷24=250 million mph. Adding that to travel time? Santa's got no chance.

Something massively underused is that Clark Kent is clumsy. And no, it's not an act, it's because of his superstrength and he really is clumsy. I think in the modern age of superheroes, it's been mostly abandoned. Therefore, I will be writing a story where he is even clumsier than Christopher Reeves' Superman to compensate. In fact, any story involving Superman will have this Clark Kent.

"Hey Clark! Catch!"

Just as always, the stapler Lois had thrown was not caught. Clark Kent had almost gotten it a few times, dropped it, and then tripped over his own feet. He got up and turned to Lois.

"Can't you just hand it to me?" He said. Jimmy was making no attempt to hide his giggling in the background as Clark got to his feet.

"I have to make sure you're still our old Klutz Kent, don't I? What better way?"

"Aw Lois, of course I am. Wait! Oh no! That article!"

He slipped but didn't quite fall on his way back to his desk and slid triumphantly into his chair. Everything at the Daily Planet was soon finished. Clark, Lois, and Jimmy were on their ways home when another one of those weirdos showed up from space. Jimmy and Lois remembered fondly earth's first alien invasion and how they had actually been concerned.

Meanwhile, Clark had other problems. He'd slipped into an inconspicuous Alley to change, in which there had been a small child. He held a finger to his lips and launched into the sky. It was a quick fight, and he was home only a few minutes after he was supposed to be. It was also helpful that he had needed to stop for groceries and therefore had an alibi. The 3 bags did a bit of tumbling, but the eggs remained intact.

As he finally tripped on his way into his apartment, he saw that Jimmy and Lois, instead of being at their own houses, were standing waiting for him, with notepad and camera.

"We finally have a lead" said Jimmy. "Y'know, on the Lexcorp corruption case?" Clark smiled. Maybe Luthor would finally be outed as not only a supervillain, but also- gasp- a crooked businessman.

To be continued

Readers, make sure you have all your favourite Ao3 fics downloaded.

Writers, make sure you have copies of all the fics you have posted on Ao3.

I don’t want to be alarming, but things could get really bad really fast. OTW shared this today on Twitter, and I'm a bit worried about it 😅

Ao3 is a non-profit organisation. If they have to start paying taxes, I have no idea what will happen.

New Hampshire would be the next Ohio if it wasn't always forgotten.

Change my mind.

The girl who has been staying with my family off and on the last few years heard tonight that her mom unexpectedly died. Prayers please.

I have so much homework lately 😩