It's So Sweet Tbh. Very Like Understated, Gentle Romance.
it's so sweet tbh. very like understated, gentle romance.
Me & My Husband
PAIRING feyd-rautha harkonnen/f!atreides!reader
SUMMARY when you propose the idea of marrying the harkonnen boy around your age to encourage peace between the houses to your father, he's reluctantly willing to oblige you. to everyone's surprise, you both seem to like each other.
WARNINGS incest (they don't know they're related, but technically they are. is that first cousin removed or something?), a lot of mentions of sex, smut, death, and violence (obviously, it's feyd), mentions of pregnancy
WORD COUNT 5.3k words
NOTES i just yapped for two and a half hours. girl who is 'taking a break' and then needs to write about feyd-rautha instead. this is named after the mitski song but they're probably happier than that, this isn't an angst fic like they're both kinda fucked up you just don't realize it yet. either way, it's left open-ended and alludes to the issues that their marriage will confront during the storyline of dune part one and two so just let me know if you want that continuation. i'll add a gif to the post tomorrow i'm like half asleep tho four melatonin deep rn. that's all. bed time :)
The familiar sound of light yet rhythmic rain beating against your bedroom window did nothing to ease the nerves that overtook you as you sat on the edge of your bed, staring down at the floor as if it could absorb you. As if pretending that everything was normal would make it so.
Today was the last day that you would spend in your home on Caladan unless something unforeseen sent you back home. The last day in which you would wake up every morning to have breakfast with your brother and mother - though, sometimes, your father would depart from his meetings and eat with the three of you. It was rare, but it had happened this morning for the first time in a while.
It wasn’t just that you were growing up, it was where you were going. The thing was, you had a choice. There was nothing forcing you to do something that you didn’t want to do. Your father had asked you about two years ago what path you wanted to go down. You had ruled out Bene Gesserit a while ago, though you were the daughter that your mother promised, your mind and body resisted the training. You had considered fighting, you had trained with Duncan and Gurney so you would know how to protect yourself. But you weren’t sure about that either.
Yet, you were well-read. You could hold your own in a fight, as you had been trained by the best. You were head-strong and knew what you wanted, so when you were confronted with the idea of diplomacy, you agreed. For a while, up until these past few months, you had worked on diplomatic relations with your father. If he wanted to figure out if something was a good idea, he would involve you in the conversation. As a woman, you had no true belief that you were the first in line to take over for him, which was why the next option for you was less of an offer and more of something that you had suggested.
There had always been a great divide between House Atreides and House Harkonnen. From the moment you were born, you were raised to hate them. However, your father was rising in the ranks. He was beloved, powerful, your family was one of the great houses that made a real impact on what was happening in the known universe. When you mentioned to your father, albeit half-asleep, that a marriage between a Harkonnen and an Atreides could put a metaphorical salve on the wound, he scoffed at it.
While there were a good number of Harkonnen’s, marriage between two great houses needed to be strategic. The two partners didn’t necessarily have to be close in age, but if they were to foster in a new generation and bring peace, it would be better if they were; not just close in age, but a young age, too. That meant they would need to be around your age, as Paul was too young still. The only Harkonnen that Leto could think of was Feyd-Rautha, and Feyd had a reputation. You wouldn’t like him, and even if you grew to like him, he was a fighter - whether or not the Baron would even allow the boy to settle down in the name of peace was another question. Even getting the two houses in one room was a difficult task.
The topic was dropped after that night. It wouldn’t be until about two weeks later that it was mentioned again. Your father had a particularly heated dealing with one of the great houses. He was aggravated, but he was mainly concerned with the fact that the man he was conducting business with continually cited the fighting between the Atreides’ and Harkonnen’s as one of his major apprehensions. Leto asked you if you had genuinely meant what you said, and you, considering it for no longer than a minute, asked if a meeting could be arranged between yourself and the boy he had mentioned.
It was a challenge getting the Baron to agree to even meet your father, let alone allowing you to be alone with his nephew. But he noted that there was some sort of sincerity in your eyes when you were there. You weren’t being forced into this, you were the one that had requested a meeting with Feyd. Something about that appealed to him, as he had expected this to have been a proposal initiated by your father.
When you finally did meet Feyd, he was nothing vastly different from what your father had explained. His voice was gruff, his eyes dark, his skin pale and hairless. He had the ghastly skin color of everyone else in his family, and the dark demeanor to match. But he wasn’t overly rude with you, nor was he incredibly aggressive with his… sexual desires. He, really, should not have been as touchy as he was. But he liked the way you smelled, was what he said. He claimed that he could smell the rain from your planet on your skin, lingering in your hair. Whether he was telling the truth, or just trying to find an excuse to invade your personal space, you were unsure.
Regardless, you weren’t complaining about it. It was strange. You wanted to dislike him, you knew about the horrific things that he did. You knew that he was someone that many men and women alike feared, and that he could grow into being a near-replica in terms of terror and inhumanity that his uncle was. If anything, that was the goal. Still, you couldn’t help but find yourself fascinated by him. He was a fascinating man. The way he carried himself, the way he acted, even the way he spoke. It was wholly different from anyone whom you had ever met, and it was intoxicating. He was dangerous, you knew that. But that danger was a drawing point for you even though it should have repulsed you.
Clearly, Feyd had enjoyed your company as well as he was the one to request you return to Giedi Prime the following week. Your father was apprehensive, though your calmness about the situation calmed those nerves. Things progressed over the course of a few months in a rather consistent manner.
You continued to meet Feyd in his home, as he drew too much attention when he was on Caladan. The second time you saw him, your relationship could only be defined as ‘courting’. Though you were slow to tell your brother that you were being courted by a Harkonnen, you were quick to report the news back to your father. Throughout the process, he made sure that you were okay with things happening as they were, but he was also called to lead. He knew that this could bring peace between the houses if done correctly. Of course, if done incorrectly, it could end with you both married while your houses continued to fight each other. However, that would be going against everything that this relationship was built on.
After about a month, Feyd’s sexual urges got the better of him. He knew, just as well as you did, that you would be expected to remain virginal unless you were married to him already. You both understood that if you were to have sex, your mother would more likely than not be able to tell. However, you were both young. He was sexually motivated in general, and you were beyond excited by the feeling of his hand on your thigh. So, you did what you both knew you shouldn’t have.
Thankfully, your continued sexual relations had yet to result in a pregnancy - though that was wholly because you did everything in your power to avoid there being a pregnancy. It was about two months after your first meeting that the Baron and your father met again to discuss your relationship, this time in the company of your mother. Neither of you were privy to the conversation, but you both knew what it entailed. Your assumptions were correct, as you were both approached with the idea of marriage on separate occasions. Both of you consented to it, and the following months were spent planning the event.
The other great houses were just as stunned by the news as your brother had been when you had told him, yet everyone seemingly came to accept it. If this wedding were to happen, perhaps there could be more unification. Perhaps the Harkonnen’s would be less brutal if there was something keeping someone as demented as Feyd-Rautha at bay. People wanted to be hopeful, even if there was very little hope to be had. So, they supported the wedding.
That wedding was a few days ago, you had spent the following day with Feyd, before returning home to get the rest of your affairs in order. Finishing up any projects that you had left unfinished, enjoying some time with the people you would likely only see once in a while, coping with the end of your younger life as you came to term with this wedding. You weren’t opposed to being married to Feyd, you rather enjoyed his company even if you didn’t think that you would have.
He was, beyond a doubt, brutal. He was brutal, and he did horrific things both in front of you and when you were not present. His way of living was entirely different from yours. He could kill without remorse, kill for pleasure. He liked to see the life drain from someone’s eyes, he liked to be the one to have taken it. He was sadistic, and cruel, and he seemed to have very little love for humanity. There was no part of you that was under the impression that your presence, your marriage to him, was going to make him a good man; nor did you believe that he was a good man underneath all of that brutality.
Feyd was who he was, and you never had any expectation that you could change that. Yet, there was something about the way that he was that you enjoyed. He was different from everyone that you knew on Caladan, different from every man that had ever approached you in the hopes of gaining some sort of power by being with you. He was different in bad ways, sure, but good ways in the sense that it all excited you. Perhaps it shouldn’t have excited you. But really, was it not a good thing that you seemed to enjoy being with your husband? The only issue was the change, the fact that it was all happening so fast, that you knew that any number of things could happen.
This marriage was initially proposed as a way to bring peace, but what if peace could never be reached. You, to your shock and horror, liked Feyd. He, seemingly to his own shock and horror, liked you in his own little way. He enjoyed your company, he enjoyed how different you were from him, and he enjoyed that you actually seemed to be okay with a majority of the things that he did. At least, okay enough to say nothing about them. If this were to work out, it could bring peace. It could bring a genuine peace, and not one reached through arranged marriage since you were the one who had arranged it.
Peace, though, can only be reached if your families both agree with it. The wedding itself had been fine. No fighting, nothing physical though you were sure there were some verbal altercations. However, this was a centuries long affair. The Harkonnen’s and the Atreides’ had been fighting since long before you were born, and you couldn’t be sure that marrying this man was going to even the the salve that you thought it would be. If you both liked each other, which you did, and this ended up poorly, you would both be left to deal with the damages and neither of you would seemingly be very keen on ending your entire relationship just because of some fighting between your families.
The issue was not with leaving to be with him, but leaving in general. And as the rain that you had grown so accustomed to continued to fall, as it always had, you knew that it was time for you to get up. You could see the carrier outside, waiting to transport you to your new home. Any apprehension that you had been feeling had to be wiped off of your face, because you knew that would reflect poorly upon your marriage. The change itself was a challenge, but you could not give away the impression that you were being challenged by the idea of leaving your home to be married. Afterall, this was your choice. Your arrangement.
“The ship is here.” You were unsure how long Jessica had been standing in the doorway, but you were startled to hear her and to see her in front of you as your head jolted up from staring down at the floor. “Are you having second thoughts?”
“About Feyd? No.” You responded, though your honesty shocked you just as much as it did her. “I like him, I’ll just miss home.”
“I struggle to understand how you like him, but if he makes you happy, you’ll find peace with him.” The idea of peace was the foundation of your relationship, but the idea of finding it in your own life wasn’t something that you had considered. “Coming here, being with your father, got me scrutinized endlessly by the Bene Gesserit. It is difficult, but you’ll be okay.”
“I know, I-”
“And being married doesn’t mean you can’t come see your family, your father is too prideful to admit it but he would be heartbroken if you didn’t visit.” Finally, you stood up from your spot on the bed. She was right, as she typically was. You could still see your family, even if your new family was Feyd in a sense. You didn’t have to distance yourself from them just because your circumstances were changing.
“I’ll be okay.” You were saying it to her, but you were confirming it to yourself. It almost felt as though she had done one of her mind tricks on you, but she hadn’t. An overwhelming feeling of calmness was taking over, because you knew why you made this choice. And, despite the fact that you’d rather not, you quite liked your husband even though he was a psychopath.
“If he becomes violent-”
“He won’t become violent with me.” The clarification was needed, as you knew that he would become violent with others. It was in his nature to be violent with others, yet he had never done so with you. Partially, probably, because he knew that you were trained. But, again, he did like you. Unless you gave him a reason to become violent, he wouldn’t. He might expose you to violence, expose you to more death and gore than you could have ever dreamed of seeing, but he would never get violent with you. “We’ll be okay.”
The conversations that you held with Paul and Leto were predominantly similar to the one that you had with your mother. You were welcome to visit whenever you wanted, Giedi Prime was vastly different from Caladan and you may need to come home for some normalcy once in a while, even at that Leto would make sure that people didn’t draw too much attention or crowd to a Harkonnen walking through their planet if you both decided to visit together. Everyone seemed concerned that you were bound to be unhappy, that you were walking into some sort of death-trap. But you were okay with it.
Everything that had happened had happened because you set it in motion. When you got onto the ship, you felt more at-ease than you had earlier. You knew that this was going to be a massive change, that you were now fully vested in a different side of humanity and culture than what you had known for your entire life. But, you also knew that you were going to be fine. You never wanted to like Feyd-Rautha, some part of you still wanted to be repulsed by him because you knew that you should be. For some reason, though. You were inexplicably drawn to the man.
Upon landing, you were ushered to your room by a small group of young women. The clothing that they were wearing wasn’t too dissimilar to what you had seen Feyd wear. Black, leather, somewhat sustainable if they were to get into some sort of a fight. You wondered if the women here knew how to fight, or if they simply existed to serve the men. Given the circumstances and the culture that you were engaging in, you were certain that it was the latter. they may know how to defend themselves if need-be, but you can’t help but doubt that they actually know anything other than upholding the system that supports the Baron and the other men that he has in power in his reign.
“Wife.” A very formal greeting from the same rough voice that you had gotten to know over the last few months. Still, you knew him well enough to note the slight smile in the undertones of his voice. Violence made him smile, this was something new entirely.
“Husband.” The women who had been around you removed the bag you had been carrying from your arm, bringing it to your room as you moved to stand in front of Feyd. He looked excited, but you weren’t sure if it was because you were moving in or because he could finally have sex with you after not seeing you for a few days. He was somewhat needy when it came to his sexual urges, but you would rather him be needy with you than sleeping with someone else. Besides, the urges were new for you too. It was fun to experiment. “I’m not late, am I?”
“Not late, no. My uncle is expecting us for dinner.”
“Now?”
“Yes, as soon as we can arrive.”
“But I just got here.” You complained, resting a hand on his arm as he watched you. He looked both amused and fascinated.
“We can make up for missed time later, but for now, we have to go.” He leaned over to kiss you regardless, his lips lingering for a moment to long as your fingers tightened their grip on him. Finally, he pulled back and took your arm so he could lead you the grand table you would be eating at. You were unsure if this was something that happened every night, or if it as just because you were here for the first time.
To say that you were intimidated was an understatement. Despite marring Feyd, you had still only met the Baron himself less than a number of times than what you could count on two hands. He was a large figure, both in physical presence and emotional presence. He towered over everyone, obscured them with his height and heft, and that physical being was almost like a manifestation of the terror that he made a majority of people that he came across feel. You knew enough about him to know that he was never a particularly good person, and that you were going to be in danger around him if you didn’t play your cards right.
Sensing your discomfort, Feyd was quick to bring you to your seat. He let you hold his hand, even though he wasn’t overly emotional. He was at ease, but this was his family. He was used to the behaviors of his uncle, the way that he spoke and the way that he interacted with the world in general. You weren’t used to anything about this place, but that much you knew going into things.
“My nephew has taken a liking to you.” The man before you didn’t seem to mind that he was speaking with food still in his mouth, chewing while he made comments about your marriage as though it was a polite thing to do. Maybe it was polite here, maybe you were the odd-one-out because that wasn’t the type of etiquette that you typically followed when you were at home on Caladan.
“I should hope, since we’re married.” You responded, your nervous laughter seemingly doing nothing to diffuse the tension. The feeling of Feyd running a finger over the back of your hand was a nice distraction through, sending a slight shiver up your spine at the feeling of his touch.
“Yes, but married doesn’t mean that you have to like each other.” He wasn’t entirely wrong. This entire marriage had been based on the idea of you wanting to bring peace between your houses, and that didn’t intrinsically mean that you were going to like the person that you were married to. “You both seem to like each other, he speaks highly of you.”
It didn’t take a genius to figure out where this was going. Though you were already married, you were in his home now. You were eating his food, enjoying the amenities hat he provided to you. You were living a life that was being provided by the man sitting in front of you, as a result of your marriage to Feyd. you needed to make it clear that you liked him as well, it was a test. Thankfully, it was a test that you would have no trouble passing even though you hadn’t studied for it.
“I like Feyd very much, I had no idea he was speaking about me though.” You responded, turning to watch him. He was good at never displaying emotions, even if he was feeling them. The only emotion you had ever seen on his face was rage and lust (whether it be bloodlust or sexual lust was a different question, but you tended to fit it into the same category). Still, he looked a bit nervous - like he didn’t want to have a conversation where his uncle exposed the times that he spoke about you when you weren’t around for everyone to hear.
“He speaks about you frequently, he’s just too proud of himself to admit it.” The Baron continued eating his meal, moving on to speak to some of the other men at the table and frequently bringing his attention back to the two of you. For the most part, you were both in your own little world. Discussing your plans for the next day, discussing what side of the bed you liked to sleep on, whether or not you were going to be able to sleep properly without the sound of rain hitting your window. Feyd seemed to want to experience one of the big storms that you got frequently on Calandan, where you were interested in seeing one of the gladiator fights that he had mentioned so you could see the fireworks that he had been describing to you.
Each time any attention was paid to you both, you were busy. Talking about something else, paying no mind to anyone else. If there was some sort of test that you were being subjected to, you were sure that you passed with flying colors.
After a moment, the Baron cleared his throat and you turned back to look at him. “Have you given any consideration to your heirs?”
“A bit.”
Not really, was the actual answer.
“We’ve been hard at work.”
Was the answer that came out of your husband’s mouth, though you couldn’t be surprised by his crass nature of his response. His uncle found it amusing, even though you were sure that you looked at least moderately humiliated by the comment. Technically, he wasn’t wrong. You hadn’t considered or thought about having children, but you were having sex just about every time you saw each other. The night of your wedding, you had made no effort to use any sort of protection.
“A lot of action, not a lot of conversation about… a family.” You responded, not knowing how else to phrase it. But, this answer definitely got some sort of stamp of approval. You weren’t as uncomfortable as you had been before, and the challenge of openly talking about something like sex when you weren’t really supposed to discuss that back home was enough to get his uncle to ease back a bit. You did get along well with each other, and you were going to fit in fine. There was really nothing more that he needed to question for the time being, which allowed you both to settle in.
By the time you had made your way back to your room, you could feel a bit of burning in your eyes. Still, you tried to keep yourself awake as you were pushed against the wall. Feyd’s kisses were rough, demanding, almost as demanding as his hands as they groped and explored your hips. It wasn’t until he kissed your neck, until he worked on marking your flesh and felt your head lolling against his that he finally pulled back to hold your face in his hands. Your eyes were fluttering back open, but it was clear that you were falling asleep.
“How much did you sleep last night?”
“I had to finish packing my things.”
He hummed in response, before bringing you over to the bed. He had remembered what side that you mentioned preferring, but you had only just told him a little bit ago. Still, it was nice to think that he had made enough of an effort to consider that as he helped get you out of your clothing. He had made a promise to make up for lost time with you, but for right now, he seemed mainly focused on getting you to bed.
“I thought we were… making a heir?”
“If there’s not one inside of you already, I’m sure we’ll have time.” You weren’t going to push him to explain himself further. The fact that he wanted to go to bed with you was enough. “Besides, I promised you a fight. I’ll let you see a fight. But I need proper rest.”
“They can be arranged that quickly?”
“When my wife requests of one shortly after our wedding? Yes.” You were sure he could arrange whatever he wanted to arrange on any given day, but on such short notice, you were also sure that he was doing this as a favor for you. He wanted to do this because you wanted to see that part of him, because you wanted to know what he looked like in real, professional combat and not just the fights that you had seen him engage in with enemies that he needed to fight.
Besides, there was something personal in it for him. You had seen him kill before, you knew he was capable. But, you were asking him to see it again. You were asking to see a side of him that should have made you cower in shame, but instead, it intrigued you. It wasn’t that you had a newly formed desire for violence, but that you wanted to see every part of him even if you probably should have something against the idea of seeing him get into a battle and murder someone for sport - really, though, for fun.
He knew he made the right choice in marrying you because you weren’t in it to try and change him, you were fascinated by every bit of him. that fascination bordered on him being some sort of experiment in some ways, but it was mainly just you being interested in him and everything that he had to offer you.
For now, though, the only thing he had to offer you was his presence in bed as you laid beside him. He let you lay your head against him, let you run your fingers along the curves and ridges of his tones stomach. You were nicer to him than what he deserved, and even you didn’t understand why. Maybe it was just the feeling of freedom that came along with being with him. Afterall, you were incredibly safe. You held your cards close to your chest back on Caladan, and every move you made was incredibly calculated. With Feyd, everything was new and different and risky. He was a danger and a risk, a fearsome warrior to almost everyone he came across. Yet, here you were, laying against him and falling deeper into a slumber that you wanted so badly to deny.
“My uncle likes you.”
“I don’t know if my family likes you.” You admitted, but the honesty made him laugh. It was likely that your family does not like him, in fact, it was more likely than any other option. But the fact that you so readily volunteered that information was probably just because you were tired. Still, it was amusing how easily it spilled from your lips. “I like you though, and they’re not the ones married to you.”
“Just you.”
“Hmm?”
“My only wife.”
“Mhm, my only husband.” You replied, your voice muffled as you grew closer to falling asleep. Feyd kept an arm wrapped around you as you fell asleep against him, predominantly thinking about the implications of everything going on here. You were both young, young enough that this marriage was going to last a long time. But, you were also both matured enough that you knew about the political ramifications of it. If something did go wrong, you could only hope that you would stick together no matter the consequence - after all, that was the function of a husband and wife.
Some part of you truly believed that, if something did go awry, you would remain by each other’s sides. But, for now, you just needed to worry about your futures in the sense of things you could control. You could control how quickly (or not quickly) you got pregnant. You could control the nature of your relationship. You could control anything that had nothing to do with war or bloodshed, but even that you had no control over.
You knew, from the beginning of this, that you weren’t going to have a relationship with the most loving man in the world. Feyd-Rautha was not the man to whisper sweet nothings in your ear as you fell asleep. He didn’t tell you that he loved you, not until well after you uttered the words to him in a fit of passion. Even then, he said it first to someone who wasn’t you. Someone he was in an argument with, someone he was defending his need to spend time with you to. But it didn’t matter, not really.
There was nothing normal about Feyd, or your relationship with him, or the fact that you were okay with all of the horrid things that he got up to. But after a while, the abnormalities became common-place for you. You can make no real promises to unify the Atreides and Harkonnen houses through your marriage, through your bloodline. The only thing you can truly do is enjoy what you have; truly, you enjoy your marriage more than you could ever explain. You shouldn’t enjoy the presence of someone like Feyd, but you do. He feels as though he shouldn’t enjoy anyone’s presence at all, and yet he does.
Everything about it was abnormal in every way, and it worked. In some way, it worked. Whether you knew it would from the moment you proposed the idea late one night was a question that you couldn’t (or, wouldn’t) answer. but you didn’t need to - at least, not for the time being.
More Posts from Honestlysublimecherryblossom and Others
@bamfkeeper has some of the sweetest kurt wagner and bamf content. so wholesome 💙
SFW Headcannons: Kurt and his Bamfs
a/n: Obviously I love the bamfs, and I had to do some of these with them because I adore them and I want my own army of them, damnit. Depictions heavily taken from Nightcrawler (2014) comic series. Pretty hasty, just a fun little set of headcannons. I hope you enjoy <3
The bamfs were something you hadn't anticipated, there were so many and their origin was difficult to wrap your head around. Kurt tried to explain it, but you were distracted by the curious bamfs staring at you.
They were adorable, about a dozen? Maybe more? They all were curious, they looked at you with big, round eyes. They seemed so innocent, and you couldn't help but smile.
Kurt was skeptical, they usually weren't this well behaved. You adored these little guys, and welcomed them like a horde of puppies rushing to you. They all jumped on you and made cooing noises as they played, like actual puppies. They were so playful, you didn't understand why Kurt was confused.
That was until you realized that the bamfs were as mischievous as they were playful. They were little gremlins, slightly destructive, and they tended to get into trouble like toddlers.
The bamfs don't speak, but they make an array of noises. Coos, squeaks, hisses, trills, etc. They communicate mostly through noises you come to recognize and body language.
They were a handful, they would make messes and look guilty after. You wanted to scold them, but their big round eyes looked up and that guilt got to you. You forgave them of course, Kurt sometimes says you have to be a little more firm with them or they will always guilt trip you to get away with things.
You didn't care. They practically adopted you as their mama.
There are lots of them, but you always show them equal love and affection. They are pretty needy for it, and like feeling pampered in the way that you treat them.
The bamfs get jealous easy too.
They are protective of you, just like Kurt, and they won't hesitate to keep you safe the best they can. They hiss and the fur on their backs raise a little.
Don't be fooled by their small size, they are like blue darts, they are incredibly hard to fight if they attack.
Each one has their own personality. They are all playful and a handful of troublemakers, but each one has something that makes them unique. More sensitive, more artistic, more sneaky, etc.
You love sleeping now because you have a big nest full of small blue bamfs curling up against you. They're so fuzzy and warm, you hold as many as you can to your chest while they rest pile around you.
Some bamfs stay behind when Kurt goes away just to keep you company.
You really do love taking care of them, and Kurt loves to watch you love on the bamfs. He thinks it's endearing and sweet.
He doesn't understand how you seem to get the bamfs to do what you say. They listen to him, but normally he has to say something over and over before they decide to listen. With you, it's instantaneous. You ask them to calm down, they do. You ask them to stop fighting, they do. It boggles him how they just obey you so easily.
Part of him thinks they only obey you to annoy him even further, and that might be true, but they also care a lot about you and they want nothing but to see you happy.
Also these things can EAT. They consume so much food you think their little tummies are going to explode. They have a strong liking for popcorn and sweets, to which Kurt tries to limit because hyper bamfs are extremely difficult to deal with.
However, a dozen or so begging you with their eyes is so hard to say no to.
And thus, you have a house full of bamfs bouncing off the walls.
You have a lot of fun with the bamfs, they can be a bit overwhelming from time to time, but at the end of the day when you get into bed and they all come snuggling close to you, you know it's worth it.
Thanks for reading.
*BAMF*
dividers by @/adornedwithlight
Cover photo from Nightcrawler #1 (2014)
👆every time i read a fic with an Indian oc
Sukuna bringin in a Hindu bride 💳💥💳💥 DO YOU SEE THE VISION???
wait wait wait I SEEE hold awn i got you
Ryomen Sukuna and his Hindu!Bride
a/n: beyond my idea of loving this dynamic, i think this would fit so perfectly. plus that's his damn aesthetic iyk?!
It's the moment you, his pretty pretty Hindu!Bride walks down the petal aisle, Ryomen Sukuna sees the goddess of his very own eudaimonia in your ethereal beauty of jewel covered figure. Holding a garland as if reins to his power.
Hindu!Bride who addresses him as “Swami” which means 'master of self' (master, in general) —he's enthralled. Way to fuel your husband I guess.
Husband!Sukuna learns the word “Ardhangini” is how a husband calls his wife, connoting 'the better half' of him.
“Indeed you are” Sukuna coos internally, looking at his beautiful wife who touches his feet gently as a sign of respect and humility, to seek his blessings.
His grinch little heart would flutter at the sight of his woman blushing about the smallest of his acts, or whenever he complies to your request, big tender fingers putting vermillion on her parted hairline—the very sign of her wifehood.
-
Husband!Sukuna never liked a cooked meal; he used to eat the raw flesh each day, until enters his new wife in the godforsaken scullery. It's a first that a queen enters the kitchen to serve, first time he tasted something entirely different to his taste... saporous, still ended up liking it. There are a lot of firsts he experiences with you by his side.
“Not... bad” he grumbles, his lips betraying and twitching into a slight grin. Delicious... he thinks, because Sukuna can get used to this flavour rich meal already. Just how perfect can his little Miss perfect get?
-
Husband!Sukuna who allows you to put pretty earings on him, he'd spend a little more time looking at himself in the mirror. Maybe he loves your compliments too much.
But nothing parallels his Hindu!Bride clad in golden jewelleries head to toe. Your long hair and the forehead, honey toned face, the arms and wrists, your plump waist and even your lotus like feet... that all makes him a poet whose favourite genre is your jewelled guise.
Maybe that's why he calls you a treasure. His treasure. There's a sort of pride filling his chest when he walks with you with the way you dress; you need high maintenance and lot of care that no man but he can provide.
-
And their goes a saying that a woman acts like a mom to the one in love with—that's so true with you and your Husband!Sukuna cause you literally baby him whenever the chance. Feeding him the first bite with your henna decorated pretty palm, he loves that so much. Likes the smell it adds to whatever you make him eat.
But can you blame yourself? He is a baby. A sulky big baby at that. Sulking when he finds his other side of the bed empty, sulking when you leave his chambers without permission, sulking cause you were too busy to give him kisses or just purely to get your attention.
He makes sure you see him sulk.
-
It's just you who can walk in on him when he's throwing and thrashing things around in rage—unaffected. Everyone in this palace knows that's a privilege only you get, because you're his only one.
No one dares hold his face and look him in the eyes like his Hindu!Bride. No one dares order him to “calm the fuck down” like his queen. Literally none in the three worlds would cradle the big soft-haired head of the King of Curses in their lap to tell him he's a grumpy little child.
That's how it has always been between you two, completing and fitting each other's pieces like Yin & Yang. You couldn't be happier anywhere out of this trance of love you're in for him and he couldn't even imagine to successfully manage a day without his treasure. There couldn't have been a better pair, never could have he met a woman to match his devotion for her.
TAGS: @anubisisthebomb @dianagracesworld @stellagrangerreads12 @momochina-sama @xxkay15xx @whodoesthatanymore @heresan @nanamikentoseyebags @4sat0ruu
been thinking abt @xxnghtclls 's fic Permission & this ♡
ryomen sukuna drabble ᝰ.ᐟ ˖ ˚⋆🎀
╰┈➤ sukuna! x reader! ೃ⁀➷
synopsis; sukuna being the best girl dad ever.
ೄྀ ࿐ fluff, sukuna's baby being a total daddy's girl <3 ˊˎ
"You brat."
Your daughter just coos, chewing further on one of Sukuna's most prized robes with a joyful smile - her small, chubby hands gripping the cloth as she slobbers her spit all over the expensive fabric
You giggle, watching as Sukuna sends the little girl a death glare that makes her hysterical - wheezing with laughter as her little red eyes light up at her father's angry face. She seemed to be finding the situation very amusing
"She's just a baby. A clueless one." You say, running your fingers through the girl's unruly pink hair as she coos at your touch - finally dropping the robe as she attempts to crawl into your lap
Sukuna hooks a finger onto the robe, holding it up in disgust as he stares at the dirtied fabric - mortified. Muttering on about how she knows exactly what she's doing.
Your laughter catches his attention as he watched you cradle the thing - his daughter, with a motherly tenderness that has him tossing the robe aside with an annoyed sigh
He stands by quietly, waiting for you to loosen your hold on the girl. Once you do, he pounces - grabbing the baby from your arms before you can even blink and immediately tipping her upside down as he holds onto her leg - obviously trying to scare the poor baby as he sends the little girl a menacing laugh
"What - Hey! Put my baby down!" You argue, taken by surprise by Sukuna's immeasurable speed as amusement dances in his eyes when he watches your baby reach for you - her small arms flailing around helplessly as Sukuna rolls his eyes
"Our baby. It's my kid, it can handle being held upside down for a - Hey! Why's she laughing?" He snaps, looking down at her with genuine confusion as the upside down girl bursts into a fit of giggles
You smile, tickling her tummy as she begins laughing more - the sweet sound music to your ears as you smile
"My baby is so brave." You squeal as Sukuna mumbles something about your daughter taking after your fearless nature
"Does she not know the King of Curses is trying to scare her? I believe that should be more than enough for the little brat to stop laughing." He grumbles as he finally releases her, watching as she turns towards him with a toothless grin
"I hate babies." He adds, as if trying to justify his actions when he presses a brief kiss onto the baby's chubby cheek that has her snuggling into Sukuna's chest - babbling on about something as he lays down beside you
"She loves you more than me." You pout, watching as she traces the black ink on Sukuna's skin with a childish fascination
"Please. She's such a pain to deal with when you're not around." He huffs. But he stops talking once your baby finally decides to quiet down, her fluttering lashes beginning to close as her chatter slows to a stop. Her small hand closed around Sukuna's finger as she falls asleep on his chest.
It was quiet for a few moments - the two of you having hearts for eyes as you watch your sweet baby girl sleep. Well, until Sukuna decides to ruin the silence
"Wait - how the hell do we get her off my chest without waking her up?" Sukuna suddenly whispers, scowling when you let out a silent laugh and snuggle closer to him - the moonlight from the night outside streaming into the room as you let a content sigh leave your lips
"Guess you're stuck like this, Suk's." You mumble into his skin, smiling as he wraps an arm around your baby to keep her secure on his chest while she sleeps, his eyes narrowing towards you when you press a kiss onto your baby's hand
"The little brat trapped me here." He groans, his voice holding nothing but annoyance as he spoke. His touch however, held nothing but love as he cradled both you and your daughter close to his chest, protective arms wrapped around both of you as sleep eventually took over your tired form.
He stayed awake a little while after you fell asleep, soaking in the unfamiliar feeling of inner peace he felt. He hated how vulnerable the two of you made him, and how the mere thought of something happening to his small family had him subconsciously tightening his arms around the both of you.
But the reassuring rise and fall of your chest, and your baby's little hand grasping onto his finger had him pulling you all the more closer, a silent promise being made inside his heart as he vowed to protect and sheild you two forever.
He finally closed his eyes, allowing himself to fall asleep in you and your little girl's embrace.
just saw the movie....want this tortured baby so i can heal him 😭
Late Night Mends
Pairing: Kid (Monkey Man) x reader
Word count: 2.1K
Warning: 18+ MDNI, mentions of anxiety, injuries, not a lot of spice, some fluff, not proof/beta read lol, does not contain spoilers for Monkey Man.
Note: Absolutely am in love with Dev Patel, he adores the world and fandom love! Also special mention to my friend @mittos who helped with this prompt/story ideas. Go and see Monkey Man if you haven't already! And if you have go and see it again! Also jaan is a Hindi term of endearment. Also can we take a moment for Dev Patel's side profile?! Comments, and reblogs are always appreciated as well! I hope you enjoy!
************************************************************************
It was late, extremely late. It had been a slow night but it was quickly becoming the latest it had ever been without his tired, bloody presence. It made you uncomfortable how late it was becoming, he never took this long to show up after a big match. You bit your nails as you couldn’t help but think about the possibility of where he was and scarily, what condition he was in.
It was a risky field that Kid was in, especially when he was the losing dog for the overeager, sweaty crowd not to bet on. He took the punches and rarely complained about it, you’d only ever been to one of his fights before and never again. It was too painful to watch, you’d bitten each of your fingernails right down to the beds, and you swore that it gave you a few grey hairs. If you had any, each of them could be traced back to being his fault, you were sure. You loved him, truly adored him, but he certainly knew how to stress you out.
You’re sitting down waiting for him to arrive. You don’t even realise that you’ve put your hand up to your face to bite your nails but now you know that you must’ve as you’ve been subconsciously biting them as you look out the window waiting, lost in your thoughts. You could think and use that as a distraction but no, the more you think or gaze off, the more you think about him, worry about him and overanalyse every little thing to be analysed, including what would need a magnifying glass to do so. You sigh and rub your face tiredly and also as another poor attempt at a distraction to take your mind away from him.
It was a ridiculous thought, nothing could distract you from him, Kid lived rent-free in your mind 24/7, no matter what you did or wanted. And now was his prime time for filling your head.
You rub your face some more and then look up, you can hear the door quietly open and the sound of gentle footsteps start to make their way to you. You look up as you try to glimpse the start of his lean shadow to confirm that he’s really, really, finally here. The light switch turns on as you see his arm stretch out and then he’s standing there in your doorway.
You look up at him as he stands, he just looks at you for a moment. His gorgeous doe-eyes are wide, he looks exhausted and defeated but there’s a small smile on his face as his eyes meet yours. Ever since you’d known Kid, he had always been a man of few words, which seemed to balance out just how expressive his handsome face was. You liked that though, that his eyes truly were the window to his soul. You did like his voice though as well, you’d have no problem with him using it more. Sometimes he would talk though, about his sweet mother, the stories of Hanuman that his mother had told him and that had vividly stuck with and inspired him still.
You quickly take him in, there’s sweat in his hair, a cut in his cheek, and his knuckles are bloody as always. You bite your lip as you look at him, chewing over your words so you don’t come across as either a scolding lover or treating him like a patient.
“Your hands…” You finally say as he steps closer to you and you can see that he made some attempt to cover them with a bit of cloth but the blood is all over his right hand.
“It’s fine.” He says in a soft whisper, his voice is melodic as always but a little hoarse and deep. He looks down at his hand he tries not to flinch when you take his hand and it’s further proof that no, it really isn’t fine. You sigh and move his hand to check his fingers, it causes discomfort but based on the movement you know it’s not broken at least. It was genuinely impressive that he was still alive, still functioning and not just with everything he’d been through as a young boy, but with the amount of beatings he’d taken at the club. That he’d somehow avoided major damage to his body, that his handsome looks were still intact, and also his teeth. That was a big surprise you had to admit.
“Sit down.” You look at him with a look of concern, one that he doesn’t like. “Come on, I’ll clean it up.” You say softly. He runs his right hand, his good hand through his damp but perfect locks and he sighs, sitting down, waiting for you to fix his wounds and to feel your tender touch.
You’d had the first aid kit ready to go, sitting on the floor waiting for his entrance. You always used it, he always needed it. Your medical background certainly helped, some nights you’d crack a joke that that was the only reason why he was with you. The first time you made that joke his eyes widened at first, and he immediately stuttered to try and reassure her that that wasn’t the case. He didn’t realise that it was a joke. You’d kissed him to reassure him and he kissed you back so sweetly. Now when you made the joke he’d just look at you and give you a small, precious chuckle. You just want to make him smile, make him laugh, bring him joy, and make him feel safe. He deserved that at the very least, especially with his gigantic hug.
His hand clearly had taken the worst of it, you hold it gently in yours, and his hand twitches for a moment. He’s spent most of his life being devoid of affection. He craved a gentle touch, to feel seen and safe in the company of another. He’d started to find that with you, in the way you looked at him, how you carefully held his hand in arms when cleaning an injury and wrapping it up. You somehow had never noticed it, he figured it was because of how attentive you were to his injuries, to him, and his lips quirked up into a secret smile you’d miss over the irony of you not noticing this because of how attentive you were being to him.
“You were later than usual.” You say as you clean his bruised and bloodied knuckles.
“I know.” He whispers as he looks up at you, he’s tired but there’s a small smile on his lips as he knows the scolding is incoming, just what degree is it going to be from you tonight, is the question.
“I was worried, my fingernails are almost as bloody as your knuckles because of how much I was biting them.” You say as you try to clean his hand gently, noting how his hand occasionally twitches in response.
“Would’ve been quite a match.” He whispers before he looks at your hands, noticing your nervously bitten nails. His cheeks heat up as he can’t help but feel a little bit of guilt about causing you to worry so, he’s spent so much of his life without someone who cares about him like this. You sigh and roll your eyes at his response.
“You’re going to be the cause of every single grey hair I have in this lifetime.” You say as you treat the knuckle wounds, making sure you’re gentle. “All I do is worry, you spend every night getting beaten, thrown off tables. It’s going to be too much one day. Something will go wrong. Then what?” Kid can’t help but look up at you, it’s a conversation that’s happened more than a few times. “What if it’s your spine or something? I won’t be able to fix that-” “It’s okay. It’s fine. I’m okay, jaan.” He says as he looks up at you, his big brown eyes are widened and he’s looking at you with his sad puppy dog eyes, he feels bad for making you worry so much.
You sigh, biting your lip as you try to stop yourself from saying anything else. He’s too sweet and so you nod and finish cleaning and bandaging everything. After a moment, you cup his cheek as you look at his warm eyes and you go to get him some water to drink. He watches you and continues to as he drinks the water. You two have become quite good at playing a game of watching each other, almost like it’s a sport to observe the other.
He looks at you, tilting his head which tousles the gorgeous locks he has a little. You sigh and run a hand through his soft brown curls, damp with sweat but somehow miraculously not blood. His hair has always been absolutely perfect. You feel bad for essentially venting your anxieties at him right as he’s come from a long night of work at the club.
“I only scold because I care.” You say but you’re not sure if it’s him or yourself that you’re trying to convince more as you say the words, but it’s true technically. “It’s a form of doting really.” You say as you look at him as he adjusts in his seated position, looking up at you with his wide, doe-eyed orbs. Even if it was a form of doting, you could never stay mad at him for long when having to look into those gorgeous eyes. They’d melt away any troubles and you’re sure if awards were given out for best brown eyes, he’d win. You hated that he did this, that this was how he had to get by. That he had to take these awful, unhealthy beatings but you love him anyway.
He was freshly bandaged now, he moved his hand up and Kid started to slowly caress your cheek, he traced some invisible line so gently with the pads of his fingertips as he looked at you. His doe eyes were filled with adoration and peacefulness as he concentrated on your beauty. You let him, it was soothing and sweet and you had no reason to even consider stopping this. You were his and he was yours.
Your eyes glance down at his fingers, and then you put a hand up to cup his cheek and look into the most beautiful eyes you could ever imagine seeing. After he feels your touch his eyes quickly close and he inhales. He isn’t sure if he’ll ever get used to the feeling of your fingers on his face, of how your hair feels against his skin, or your breath, but he knows for sure, that he’ll at least never tire of it.
His fingers glide down do your mouth and he traces your lips as he looks at them. He tilts his head and before he can even move, you’ve moved your head to press your lips together. There’s something about how gentle his hands are with you, how they feel even after everything that has happened to him and that he does. How it just takes a glance at you for him to melt into a puddle.
You put your hand back into his hair and run it through his curls as he kisses you back and the kiss deepens almost immediately. He cups your cheek gently as your lips move together in sync and you can’t help but start to tug his locks a little and his hand moves to your waist to hold you close against him. You continue to play and tug his hair as his lips move down your chin and jaw and he kisses your neck. You gasp out and tug on his hair a bit more as you feel his breath tickle your throat between his passionate kisses. You struggle to not let out a giggle as he does this and you feel your cheeks heating up as you tilt your head back so your neck is as exposed as possible for him while he kisses your throat and makes his way to your collarbone.
He always gets like this, and so quickly. He just needs a little touch, the reassurance of you being there and he feels an all-consuming need to make up for the years of loneliness, the lack of affection, the lack of physical contact outside of a fight he was guaranteed to lose. He has you in his arms and it’s something right for once, if it was a game this would be a victory, some kind of peace.
i want....😫
not once
Sebastian Michaelis x F!Reader
Not even once did Sebastian think he’d end up falling in love with a human. Why, would be an immortal being a demon in fact want to fool around with such human emotions.
Toying with them for his own entertainment and manipulating them at their most vulnerable was quite enjoyable. But actually, falling in love developing feelings that made his immortal heart skip a beat?
and yet, here she was his beautiful wife fast asleep on the bed in one of the many rooms in the Phantomhive manor. that the young master so graciously gave her when went into labor only twelve hours ago.
He walked over towards the bassinet, peered over and smiled seeing the tiny half-demon offspring. Tiny whimpers, escaped the babies mouth as it squirmed. He smirked, picking up the child and cradling them in his arms.
“My child, you’re just as beautiful as your mother.” He cooed, over the infant who opened his eyes and had a faint smile on his face.
“My little, Arioch.” He cooed, he looked over towards his wife who was fast asleep. Young master, had already given him a few days off to be with his child and wife.
Arioch babbled, looking up at his father his tiny hands reaching up to touch his raven black hair. Sebastian smiled, “Already, growing up before my very eyes.” He said, and the infant giggled continuing to make nonsenseical babbles.
Arioch has taken the place of the most adorable being, on the entire planet. Step out of the way cats Sebastian’s son has taken your place.
Arioch giggled, and his eyes for a moment flash red and Sebastian smiled planting a kiss on his sons forehead. His son, looked just like his mother. Sebastian found absolutely adorable.
“He’s beautiful isn’t he?” A voice said, and he turned around seeing his wife awake and reaching out her arms to see her child.
Sebastian walked towards her leaning down kissing her on the lips, “He is,” He whispered, into her ear causing her to smile. As she looked at the infant, cooing over how cute he was and how much he looked like the two of them combined.
Arioch sneezed, causing [Y/n] to squeal at how cute their baby is. Sebastian looked between his wife and child, and didn’t know what he would do without them. Yes, he’d continue to serve the young master until their contract was over and he’d devour his soul.
Yet, during that time the demon had fallen in love with a human and made a child. Demons usually takes lives not create them and here he was holding the life he’d created in his arms. And it honestly felt surreal to him, he was a demon and yet was experiencing something so heavenly especially for someone who’s been damned to hell.
He knew that one day his wife would pass, his son he doesn’t know exactly. Arioch might live longer than a human but not be an immortal. “My love,” Sebastian said, his wife turned to look at him.
“Thank you, for sharing this experience with me,” He said, and she smiled planting a kiss on his cheek before placing one hand on his cheek.
“No, thank you. I love you so much Sebastian demon or not that doesn’t change how I feel.” She said, and he just grinned.
“Also, I think Grell found out that we have a child now and she’s not happy.” She said, and Sebastian frowned in annoyance seeing the angry grim reaper outside the window.
‘Bassy! It’s no fair!’
‘How does she get you and I don’t!’
“I’ll be right back my love.” He said, and she nodded before looking back at her baby smiling.
jack is everything i want 😩
SOLID WORK; dr jack abbot x dr!reader
words: 4,700+
content warnings: my minimal medical knowledge, doctor humor, abbot’s filthy mouth, some smut, fluff <3
notes: i am so beyond new to this fandom and to tumblr so please stick with me but i couldn’t not write this🫶
・❥・
”Solid work.”
My breathing slows as I start to process the complexity of the procedure I had just performed. I’d probably be blushing at Dr Abbot’s praise if it weren’t for the adrenaline coursing through me.
“That was your save. Not mine.”
Trust me - I am never jumping to credit a man with my work but that was the truth. I may have physically done everything but the idea and the instructions that made it possible were all Dr Abbot.
I look back down at the patient. I tell myself it’s to make sure this is all real. That I really just did that. But if I am being honest it’s to avoid Dr Abbot’s unwavering eye contact.
“Hey-“
He is not gonna let me. I look up to meet his gaze. So rock solid but somehow so warm all at once. He may as well be staring right through me.
He lightly rests his hand on my forearm to stop me from going for the suture. To stop me from giving him anything other than my undivided attention.
“-you are the smartest person in here. Take the win.”
I can’t help the exasperated smile that spreads across my face. He’s right. I’ve only got a couple months left of residency. I should just take the fucking win for once in my life.
Abbot, much to my surprise, smiles back. And he has dimples because of course he does.
He’s calm under pressure, he lies on official paperwork to get a teenage girl the abortion she has every right to, he’s the actual smartest one here, he’s kind to everyone in this ED regardless of the stress he is under, and…he still has his hand on my arm.
His hand. The veins there don’t hurt the eyes either.
We must both realize his lingering touch at the same time because he is clearing his throat and pulling away. He reaches for a surgical instrument he doesn’t need. Picks it up and then puts it down.
I swear there is a faint blush on his cheeks but if I think about that too long one will appear on my own.
“Let Whitaker stitch this up. Go home - get some rest. Your shift ended hours ago.”
“I love Whitaker but he is so slow we may as well let the wound heal all on its own.”
Dr Abbot laughs. Genuinely, truly laughs as we exit out of the trauma bay. So loud that Robby looks over and asks if he’s okay.
Don’t get me wrong. Dr Abbot has a wonderful sense of humor. A wicked one, actually. But it’s one of those dry, witty kinds. Not the animated, giggly kind.
I tell myself it’s not a bad thing that I’m proud to have gotten a good laugh out of him. That it’s not a bad thing that it gave me butterflies. That’s it’s not a bad thing that I am laying in bed wondering how the hell I am going to get him to do that again.
・❥・
Jack lets out a low moan as he recovers. His eyes are dazed, his head slightly tilted back but not so much so that he can’t keep eye contact with me.
His hand that held the makeshift ponytail in my hair starts to massage my scalp as the other hand reaches for my chin and tilts my head up to meet his strong gaze.
Once he’s got me where he wants me, his thumb travels from my chin to my lips, swiping what’s left of his release off of it.
“My good girl. So good for me, yeah?”
My thighs involuntarily clench together at his words. He knows it too. I nod as his thumb presses further into my mouth, my lips wrapping around it.
His mouth quips into a smirk, “Solid work, doctor.”
I roll my eyes and bat his hand away. Standing up from my knees on my own. Ignoring his arms trying to gently guide me up instead.
“That! That is exactly what I am talking about!”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, baby.”
Jack just laughs as he grabs my wrist, turning me back towards him. He’s quick to have me pinned up against our shower wall - his strong thigh spreading my own apart as he plants long slow kisses across my neck.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about.”
Back when I was a resident, otherwise known as a couple months ago, Jack consistently praised what I was doing by saying “Solid work.”
The way he did always made me dizzy. His voice would drop an octave and he’d look me straight in my eyes while he said it. There is nothing inherently sensual about the phrase but it took me a while to realize he was not complimenting the other residents like that.
Him saying it during sex started as a joke. Harkening back to when, as he puts it, I was so painfully oblivious to his flirting. To which I responded, “That was flirting?”.
He said it again to me at work the next day. Being completely and utterly genuine. I don’t even remember what I did but I did it well and he is always the first to acknowledge that. So he was confused when I just huffed in annoyance and peeled out of the room without so much of a glance at him.
I wasn’t annoyed at him. I was annoyed that now all I could think about was him. His hands, his biceps, his tongue. Everything. And I still had six hours of my shift to go.
He followed me into the on-call room I was going to find some refuge in. He locked the door behind him - closed the curtain for good measure.
“What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
And then I felt bad. He thought something was actually wrong. That no way I’d ever brush him off like that when he was just trying to compliment me unless something was seriously wrong.
His eyes bored into mine, genuine concern and love pouring out of them. And here I was just being a brat.
I tried to be sly about the way my eyes trailed the veins bulging out of his biceps. I tried to be sly about the way I was imagining my hands tugging on his salt and pepper curls that were just slightly askew from a couple hours work. Unfortunately for me, Jack can read me like a book.
“Did you just stomp out of the ED because you’re needy?” Jack couldn’t contain the grin that spread across his face at the realization.
“Well maybe if you weren’t always going Mr Christian Gray on me with the praise-“
“I don’t even know who that is but all I said was ‘Solid work’-“
Jack stops himself as he remembers the past couple nights. When he was saying the same thing in a much different context.
I can’t say I’m entirely innocent. Or innocent at all really. I love throwing in a ‘sir’ every now and again at work to tease Jack. So he does the same to me with other phrases - constantly.
And he said the same thing in that on-call room that he is saying to me right now, “But what I do know is how fucking wet you are for me. So stop pouting and let me taste you, yeah?”
He swipes a finger through my soaked folds before he’s the one sinking down to his knees as I try to keep mine from buckling.
・❥・
“Solid work, Dr Abbot.”
I smile down at my sparkling new engagement ring and then up at the love of my life.
“Seriously? You can tease but I can’t?”
“What’s that saying again? Happy wife, happy life?”
Neither of us can wipe the huge grins off of our faces. No one knows we’re engaged yet. Just how we wanted it.
A couple of months ago, right after I had taken an attending job at The Pitt, Jack had broached the topic of marriage. We’d talked about it before. We both knew we were spending the rest of our lives together. But we hadn’t actually talked about the timeline of it all - the logistics.
Jack was always extremely hyper aware about how our relationship affected me. He didn’t want it to interfere with my career or all of my hard work. So as much as he would’ve walked down the aisle six months ago, he wanted everything to be on my terms.
“Hypothetically - if I were to propose, say within the next month - would you say yes?”
“Hypothetically - if I ever say no to a marriage proposal from you - please get me a psychiatry consult.”
Jack laughed - in an airy way where you could tell he was relieved. I kissed him. There was no universe in which I ever said no to a proposal from him.
He pestered me with questions. He wanted direction but not so much so that I wouldn’t be surprised when the time came.
I told him I didn’t want anything fancy. No big party although I did want to have a small gathering with our friends and family at some point afterwards. A nice sized diamond but not gaudy. No grand gestures - just him being him is all that I wanted.
And he executed perfectly. Because when does he not. It was our first night in the new home we had bought. He said we could get a hotel while we waited for our furniture to be delivered. But I wanted to do one night with no furniture, an air mattress, some candles, and a pizza delivery.
“Like camping.” I had said.
“You hate camping.”
I laughed because he was right but he obliged me anyways. He carried me over the threshold and I made a joke about how he’s got to be careful - being old and all.
Then he carried me right over to the air mattress, said something like “Can an old man do this?” and went on to coax four orgasms from me - one from his fingers, one from his tongue, one from his thigh, and finally one from where I wanted him most.
When we were done, I threw on one of his old tshirts and a pair of boxers. He just had on an old pair of sweats and a white tee. We stared into each others eyes like two lovesick teenagers until he said “Come here - I gotta show you something.”
“Babe, the house is empty.”
“Get over here smart ass.”
Jack picked up a candle and lead us over to the fireplace. He set the candle on the mantle as I read what was now engraved into the stone ‘The Abbots - Est 2025’
“So this is why you were getting all of those random tools from Amazon.”
Ever the handy man he is. Then he was on his knee. His bad one. To which I told him he didn’t have to do that. And then he said he would even if it killed him. And I think I said something stupid like “Not on my watch.”
I don’t even remember what he said after that. He doesn’t either. We both blacked out from sheer happiness. All I really remember is him asking me to do him the honor of being his wife and me pulling him up off of his knee and saying ‘Duh!’ as fast I could before kissing him. Over and over and over again until that air mattress was just a deflated extension of the wood floor beneath it.
・❥・
Dana’s hand rests on my thigh gently. My leg stops shaking. My mind doesn’t stop racing though.
I'm not an anxious person. If anything, I can be relaxed to a fault. But I am an intuitive person - and something is wrong.
Where is he?
“Relax. When is that man ever late?”
“That’s why I’m worried.”
You would think I didn't have my own license or car the way Jack insists on driving me everywhere. He tells me it is to keep our insurance from being sky high. I may or may not be a bit accident prone when behind the wheel. I tell him it's because he's obsessed with me. He always huffs a laugh and murmurs something about two things being true at once.
The Pitt makes sense. Ever since Jack started taking on more day shifts to balance out our conflicting schedules, a lot of times we are arriving and leaving here together. But on the off chance we are not, he is still picking me up. Always with some kind of treat in hand - usually a McDonalds Diet Coke much to Jack's dismay.
Jack takes the saying 'If you're not early - you're late' far more seriously than anyone I have ever met. The day shift typically gets off at 7 PM which means he is usually here to gossip with Robby on the roof by 6:35 PM.
“Go - take a case! He’ll be here to pick you up before you know it.”
My dissents are quickly met with Dana shooing me from the nurses station and personally squaring my shoulders to the board.
I haven’t even read the first name when Robby appears at my shoulder.
“Where is your fiancé?”
“Say that any louder and you’re going to be my next patient.”
“Yeah because you two are so inconspicuous with the whispering and the giggling and the big honking rock on your finger and the-“
“-disappearing to 'clean' the on-call room.” Dana finishes Robby’s sentence as they both double over in laughter.
Dana, Robby, and Collins are the only people in the ED that know about Jack and I’s relationship.
Collins knew I had feelings for Jack before I even let myself go there. Robby knew Jack had feelings for me before he let himself go there. So they took matters into their own hands.
Collins had a $100 on Jack breaking first. Robby $100 on me. And he had an extra $100 to spare when he bribed Dr Ellis to ask me to take her night shift for a week. Oh, how that backfired on him.
Three shifts later and Robby was $200 in the hole.
Six months later, I was moved out of my city apartment and into Jack's house.
Dana offered to drive me home after shift one night. Because it was cold and rainy and my apartment was close by. My apartment that I no longer lived in.
Jack wasn’t picking me up - he was out of town at a conference. I insisted on taking an uber, the bus, walking - anything that meant not explaining to Dana why my new address was the same as Dr Abbot's. She wouldn't take no for an answer and yelled "Oh, I knew it! Bridget owes me $100!" when I finally fessed up.
One year later, almost to the day that Robby had to pony up on his bet with Collins, I had an engagement ring on my finger.
Tonight, after he picks me up, Jack and I are going to pilates together.
It was only a matter of time before Robby and Collins gave it another go and I bet Jack that Robby would fold before Collins.
What's the point in betting money when we share a bank account? Seeing Jack in the pink pilates grippy socks he does not know I got him will be priceless.
“Well, when you find him please tell him that he is late for our date on the roof."
"Stop dragging him up there - you already have a date tonight!"
"Yeah, one in which I need his advice on."
"Oh please, you're talking to the wrong Abbot if you need advice on how to woo Collins." Dana interjects. Not everyone in the ED knows about Jack and I but they do know Heather and I are best friends.
"Oh, I wasn't aware you two had tied the knot already. Do you want me to change your name on the board? I can do that right now actually. Does HR know? It'll just take a moment-" Robby teases.
I grab the remote out of Robby's hands as he laughs, "Okay fine - go have your little roof date but do not take long!"
"Well, we'd already be done if he wasn't late. Where is he by the way? He is never late for anything.”
“Yeah, don’t remind me.”
I step forward, my elbows on the counter of the nurses station and my head now in my hands as I groan.
“Relax. It’s Jack - we couldn’t keep him away from this place even if we wanted to. Especially with you in here.” Robby squeezes my shoulder and is off to what I assume to be the roof.
I check my watch before I stand back up to scan the board for real this time - 6:50 PM.
Where is he?
I pull my phone from my pocket. There’s no new message from Jack lighting up my home screen but I open up our conversation anyways.
From Jack: I miss you
From Jack: I can’t believe Langdon is getting to hang out with you right now and not me
From Jack: If you stay at that damn hospital any longer we’re gonna have to start forwarding all these packages you order there
Little does he know one of those many packages holds his new pilates socks.
To Jack: Oh please - as if more than half aren’t all your little go bag gadgets
To Jack: And to think our colleagues think I’m the drama queen
“Incoming - Trauma 1!”
I’m happy for the distraction. I’m gowned, gloved, and ready to go before the patient is even rolled in.
The doors to Trauma 1 fly open - but not with a patient. Just Dana.
“I’m going to get Robby! You should not have to do this.” Dana is staring pointedly at me before she’s off. I don’t even get a chance to respond.
Weird. I know I’ve only been an attending for a couple months but Dana had more confidence in me on my first day as an intern than she did just now.
I now understand why as the patient is rolled in front of me.
There he is.
Unconscious. Cold. Clammy. And slightly bloody from a small cut on his forehead.
My world stops.
“Heart attack.” Langdon is here.
Somehow all I can think of is Jack’s text from earlier. I want to laugh but I can’t. What if I never get one again? I’m supposed to see him in pink pilates socks tonight. Not in a body bag.
“CLEAR!”
Suddenly all the pieces from the past couple days are coming together and I cannot believe I didn’t catch it sooner. Can’t believe he didn’t catch it sooner!
“CLEAR!”
His dizziness. The increase in massages of his amputated leg. The quick heart beat. The rash.
I hear the commotion around me. But I’m not processing any of it until it’s directed at me.
“I said CLEAR! Move!”
This cant be happening. So I decide that it’s not going to.
“No!” My voice comes out way more feeble than I meant. Way more feeble than anyone in this ED has ever heard me.
“Well I hope you enjoyed being Abbot’s favorite because you’re going to kill him and your career in one go.”
“Langdon - he is not having a heart attack.”
“Yes he is!”
“No he isn’t - take off his leg!”
“Take off his leg?! Okay, you’re literally going insane. And I’m supposed to report to you?! I know I went to rehab but oh my gosh - CLEAR!”
“I’m going to clear you out of this trauma bay if you do not get out of my way.”
You know how they say a new mom could lift a car off of her new born baby? I’m pretty sure that’s the phenomenon I am experiencing right now. I don’t exactly know what other worldly force is taking over me right now but I do not question it. I am watching myself from outside of my body as I spring into action.
I shove Langdon to the side as I lift up Jack’s pant leg to remove his prosthetic. The prosthetic that noone else in this room would’ve known he had.
He doesn’t keep it a secret but he doesn’t exactly advertise it either. Especially when he refuses to sit down on a double shift. Ironically enough, that’s probably why he is on this table.
I spot what I’m looking for immediately but Langdon is the one who speaks it out loud, “Pressure ulcer - he’s in septic shock.”
“Thanks for finally using your brain Dr Langdon but we’re going to be using mine from here on out.”
“Blood ox is 91.” Someone yells. I don’t know who. What I do know is that 91 is dangerously low.
“Scalpel.” I demand.
“What are you going to do?”
“We need to drain this fluid before his organs start to fail.”
The first and only time Jack taught me this procedure it was his save. Now it has to be mine.
I tell myself that one day we will be sitting in front of our engraved fireplace. Old. Like, actually old. Not the fake old that Jack tries to pretend he is. With kids and grandkids - telling them the story of how Jack saved his own life through the transitive property. So I better get to work.
“Scalpel. Now.”
Langdon slams the scalpel into my hand. I ignore the looks around the room. The looks that say ‘The only person qualified to perform something like this in an ED is the patient’.
“Your funeral. And his.” I ignore Langdon.
I must have cut the most perfect incisions of my life. Performed the most flawless procedure anyone has ever seen from me. I don’t remember any of it.
The loud beeping slows. His blood pressure rises. Then his blood oxygen. Then the bag I drained is full and being disposed of by Dana.
When did she get here?
Robby’s hand is on my shoulder, trying to pull me away.
When did he get here?
I hear him tell Whitaker to get a suture and close up the wound. Oh, the irony. Credit where credit is due - Whitaker has gotten much quicker under Jack’s patient teaching. Thank fucking goodness.
I think of the first real laugh I got out of Jack. My eyes start to tear up but I stop myself. I will hear that laugh again. Over and over and over again. So much so that I would get sick of it if that was even possible.
Robby is apologizing profusely into my ear. He has nothing to be sorry for. But I can’t manage any words. So I just let him move me out of Whittaker’s way but I do not leave Jack’s side.
I can’t seem to register anything beyond Jack’s face that I’m seemingly trying to force into consciousness with my stare alone.
“Where the hell did you learn that?”
My head turns to Whitaker at his question but it swivels so fast back to Jack I think I give myself whiplash. Because I don’t speak - he does.
“Solid work, doctor.”
I’ve never been happier to hear those words come out of his mouth.
“Oh my god.” My hand clamps over my mouth as my head dips to Jack’s chest, my arms wrapping around his shoulders.
My adrenaline tank plummets to zero and I am absolutely sobbing into Jack’s chest. Whatever was coursing through my veins during that procedure is coming out in what feels like gallons of tears and hiccups.
I don’t care who’s in the room. I don’t care that everyone is slack jawed and staring and so beyond confused. I don’t care that out of the corner of my eye I see Perlah slapping a $100 into Princess’s palm.
All I care is that Jack’s hand has found its way into my hair and when I place my shaking hand on top of it to make sure it’s real - it is. Even better - it’s warm and dexterous and alive.
He’s alive and he’s here.
He gently guides my head out of his chest. I lift my chin up to look at him - give him the eye contact I know he is seeking. That we both are.
“Baby - I’m okay. I’m okay, I’m safe, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”
His voice is as steady as ever. His heart beat matching it. The beat that was so faint what seems like moments ago.
I let it calm me down. I place a kiss to his chest and lean up to do the same to his forehead. My hand tangles in his salt and pepper curls as I hold his sweaty forehead to my lips and then bring my own forehead down to meet his. I close me eyes and breath him in.
He’s alive and he’s here.
“Welcome back, brother.” Robby manages to choke out through a couple tears of his own.
“Just wanted to make sure you guys weren’t getting lazy at the end of your shift.”
We all crack a smile but only Robby speaks, “Does this mean I have to work a double?”
“Not if you go park my car. It’s in the ambulance bay.”
I speak a full sentence for what feels like the first time in days, “You drove here?”
“We had a date. Plus, I wasn’t feeling quite right.” Jack nods down towards his amputated leg like it’s nothing but a minor inconvenience.
I dig into his pocket and toss Robby his keys. Robby calls for a CT and a room with a bed before ushering himself and everyone else out to give us some privacy.
“And how are you feeling now?”
“I’m feeling like I’d like to make the woman who just saved my life my wife.”
My hand immediately flies to the small cut on his forehead. The blood dry and crusty, “How hard did you hit your head? We’re already engaged.”
Jack chuckles, places his hand on mine and squeezes, “I barely hit my head when I fell out of the car. I’m fine - I just really don't want to live another moment without being able to call myself your husband.”
So we don’t. Not really anyways. I make Jack get every fucking scan in the book that I think we hit our insurance deductible in under an hour. He humors me by lying in the bed in one of the ER rooms as I pump a myriad of fluid and antibiotics into him.
After a few hours his blood oxygen is perfect. So is his blood pressure and his heart rate. I don’t think I’ve taken my eyes off of him once. Or my hands. Running my hands through his hair, caressing his forehead, squeezing his forearm. Just to reassure myself he is here.
He understands what I’m doing. Hears what I cannot say. He grabs my hand on its next pass through his hair and presses a kiss to every single knuckle before speaking, “Baby, I’m sorry I scared you. I scared myself honestly. But I promise, I am not going anywhere. Ever. And I am so sorry you had to go through that. You should have never had to operate on me. I don’t know how you did that. I mean if it was flipped. If I saw you come in like that-“
His voice falters, his bottom lip quivers and he pulls me into the tightest hug as we both begin to cry. I think if we could crawl into eachothers skin, we would.
We stay there like that for a while. Until Jack grabs my face, kisses every single part of it, then whispers “I love you so much but I think if you pump anymore fluid into me you’re going to water board me.”
As if on cue, Robby whips the curtain open, “To the roof we go!”
“You can’t be serious.”
Robby holds up some kind of certificate as Collins and Dana round the corner.
In the hours I spent nursing Jack back to health, I went to the bathroom one time. And only because I hadn’t gone the last four hours of my shift and I own a huge water bottle.
In that one bathroom break, Jack had managed to get Robby ordained online and enlisted Dana and Collins to ‘decorate’ the roof.
We’re still gonna have our wedding ceremony and the reception and the whole ordeal. But I agree with him - I can’t go another second not married to him. Not after today.
So we go up to the roof. Jack still in his hospital gown and me in my scrubs. Robby officiates, Dana sings because she can’t help herself, and Collins ‘witnesses’ which really means crying.
Jack is kissing me before Robby can even say, “You may kiss your bride.”
When we come up for air, Robby claps both of us on the back and says, “Solid work, you two.”
I just kiss my husband again. Because he is alive and he is here
Everybody moved on, but I, I stayed here
i miss gojo but this helps...
✎ LOVE ENTRIES — an anthology | gojo satoru
a series of episodes of your life with the strongest sorcerer throughout the past and present
genre: canon compliant (2006-2018), mostly fluff, suggestive content, hurt/comfort
more: moodboard | extra scenarios 💌 | reader’s CT | ko-fi
p.s. got an idea for the next entry? drop it in my askbox!
☆⌒.*･ entry year : 2006—2009
entry # attraction ➴ to think it started with your crush on his best friend...
entry # rivals... in love? ➴ gojo is in shambles—so suguru might have a crush on you too?
entry # say no! ೀ valentine's special ➴ valentine's is around the corner and word has it that you're going on a date with geto...? no way! gojo is going to make sure that you're saying no! ever wonder how gojo finally gets you to become his? be prepared for a confession of a lifetime!
entry # stupid liar ➴ no way. impossible. you couldn't possibly be jealous of gravure idol gojo likes so much now... or could you?
entry # unconcealable ➴ your boyfriend may not show it, but the six eyes are his burden to bear. you know it firsthand when he falls into your arms for the first time
entry # love wins all (soon!) ➴ haibara's death. geto's defection. nanami's leaving. when everything goes wrong in your third year, the last thing you would expect is your boyfriend breaking up with you. but to gojo, this is a moment of truth—and through this, you'll realize why he chooses to stay with you for good
⭑ — ☁️ side stories
rivals... in love? — extended cut!
hot, hot summer!
☆⌒.*･ entry year : 2010—2017
entry # finally mine 18+ (soon!) ➴ gojo says he’ll make you droll when you have your first time together. you are determined to seduce him to turn the tables!
entry # stay with me (soon!) ➴ comes the biggest conflict in your relationship when you realize that you might be pregnant. this event, for better or worse, will change the trajectory of your relationship forever
entry # wife her up (soon!) ➴ it's a canon event that animals and babies aren't particularly fond of the strongest sorcerer… but you, you’re always going to be his no matter what
entry # insatiable 18+ ➴ your boyfriend is hot and wild, and he has one problem: he always finds you too pretty to resist
entry # forever ➴ the three times he asked you to marry him
entry # newlyweds 18+ ➴ you and your new husband make out in the most inappropriate place possible
entry # kyoto: the onsen incident 18+ ➴ it's your first trip as a married couple and you should be excited—until a shameless woman makes a move on your husband!
entry # to my beloved ➴ bad days don't mean the end of the world, and your husband is making sure you know that
entry # my wife, all mine ೀ valentine's special ➴ years pass, but one thing that's constant is how annoyingly your husband is in love with you. with the new school year comes a fresh batch of first years, and gojo is determined to make you look at his way—he's way better than those youngsters, and he's going to show you just that!
entry # wedding anniversary 18+ ➴ seven years of dating, two years of wedded bliss, and gojo is having his greatest existential crisis yet... all because this year, you apparently have forgotten the most important day of your lives
entry # daddy-to-be ➴ in which you're worried about how he'd react to you carrying his baby
entry # sweet felicity ➴ what do you get the man who already has everything for his birthday?
entry # protect ➴ the word “protect” now means so much more to him
⭑ — ☁️ side stories
05.56 P.M — how gojo gets arrested by the police
07.55 A.M — gojo cheated on you last night
12.34 A.M — blindfold play 18+
12.55 P.M — first ultrasound
04.18 A.M — six weeks pregnant with gojo’s baby
08.45 P.M — cockwarming 18+
11.07 P.M — what if you get a divorce?
03.12 A.M — ungodly hour cravings
07.30 P.M — gojo vs your pregnancy hormones
before the dawn — finding out about geto's ultimate betrayal hits you hard
08.25 P.M — at the end of this pregnancy journey, you fall in love with your husband once again
baby pics — photo album of baby satoru
⭑ — extras 💌 pregnancy diaries ❀
☆⌒.*･ entry year : 2018—present
special entry # through megumi’s eyes (soon!) ➴ megumi’s life ends and starts when the strongest sorcerer takes him in. see your love story through his eyes, his hidden feelings, and extended scenes of several love entries!
entry # baby ➴ a domestic life with your husband and baby
entry # heaven's fury ➴ sometimes you forget that your husband has burdens as the strongest sorcerer alive. when he goes back home from a bad day and you're the first person he comes contact to, you're made aware of it once again
entry # wife ➴ in which the new batch of first years are unaware that their eccentric teacher’s wife is the pretty woman roaming the school grounds
entry # sick days ➴ who holds the fort when you fall sick? of course, it's your lovesick husband and baby!
entry # mission: baby steps! ➴ the three times gojo tried to make his baby love him (and how he miserably fails)
entry # the babysitters club ➴ in which yuji, megumi and nobara are tasked with the most important mission ever by their teacher—watching over his baby son!
entry # throughout heaven and earth ➴ a sudden mission. a curse beyond your grade. all hell breaks loose when gojo realizes that there are hidden machinations behind the incident that befalls you
entry # baby to the rescue ➴ in which gojo recruits your baby son to “save” you from a credit card salesman
entry # beach day 18+ ➴ in which the three of you (you, your husband and baby) spend the weekend on the beach!
entry # treasure ➴ the strongest sorcerer meets his match in his petulant son, who inherits his six eyes and is having trouble with them
entry # curiosity 18+ ➴ when gojo is found out by his own son during your nighttime activities
entry # all of me ➴ you understand that some things in marriage just needs compromise. and he soon understands too, when you're at your most vulnerable and he fails to be by your side when you need him the most
⭑ — ☁️ side stories
09.45 P.M — how scared he is to lose you
11.10 P.M — meeting the newborn for the first time
06.27 A.M — gojo with his baby in the morning
06.20 P.M — baby doesn’t let gojo kiss you
11.52 A.M — gojo will show baby who is here first
10.00 A.M — gojo trying to get his baby say his first word
02.33 P.M — baby going to the aquarium for the first time
07.02 A.M — morning with you and his toddler son
08.12 A.M — why your son isn’t in your wedding
© CHULUOYI. do not copy, repost, modify, or translate my works in any platforms.
ahhhhh so cute 💙
Baby please (negative, be positive)
Let me break our hearts for a bit. I think we’ve all seen the other side of this where Nanami is… very excited for the process of children, if you catch my drift lol but what about the other side? What about when there’s a large amount of negative tests followed by fertility issues, and the partner feels every single overwhelming emotion about their body and their struggle? Note: If you have struggled or are struggling with fertility, this may not be for you. I have other fluffier/cute/positive posts and so many great accounts have amazing stories, so take care of yourself and maybe read those instead. I’ll immediately follow this up with a cuter post <3 If you know anyone who may be struggling, be the help they may need and start by simply listening. I am aware from experiences with close family and friends that fertility issues do not always have a happy ending, but this fictional story will end as a hopeful one. If you decide to read this, thank you. If not, I’ll see you on the next post babes 🖤 Warnings and tags: nanami kento x fem!reader, fertility issues, sad, angst, comforting nanami, hopeful and happy ending ~3.0k words
You lay in bed in a fetal position in the darkness of your home. You curled your body as much as you could as you let the tears fall. You were tired of the loud sobbing and your body and throat could not handle another sob. But the tears did not stop. You felt a wet spot underneath your head and you shift your head forward to avoid the cold spot. When you finally think that the tears are running out, you hear Nanami’s car pulling into the driveway. You drag the bed throw to cover yourself and wipe the new tears. You weren’t scared of Nanami’s reaction, he had held and taken care of you after the past tests, but you were scared of any underlying disappointment.
“God, I’m trying. I’m trying, I’m trying,” you let out one last sob before Nanami enters the house.
You hear the key enter the lock and you quickly wipe your tears and cover most of your face with the blanket. You hear his every movement and you can almost see exactly what he’s doing as he moves around the house.
It was not uncommon for Nanami to come home to a dark house. He knew you were a napper and he actually enjoyed waking you up after making dinner. Something about your sleepy eyes while eating dinner and sighing after each delicious bite made his heart flutter. One of the smaller things you did that he absolutely adored. He turns on the hallway light and peeks into the bedroom to see you in bed in the dark. The house feels colder than usual so Nanami turns on the heater and heads into the room to put a thicker blanket on you. He rubs and kisses your hair before heading out and closing the bedroom door enough to only leave a sliver opened.
Nanami grabs extra clothes from the laundry room to change before heading to the kitchen to start dinner.
As Nanami quickly glances into the trash after throwing out veggie scraps, he notices the familiar blue box and the tips of two sticks peeking out. He feels his heart stop for a second, but reaches for a napkin before digging into the can to move the box to read it. Another pregnancy test. Nanami reaches for the test sticks and immediately sees one single line on the first and one bold ‘Not Pregnant’ on the second. His heart rate speeds up and he immediately wants to run to you but he’s reminded of your devastation the last time you got a negative. He had never seen you so upset and had to convince you to let him call your manager as your emergency contact to let them know you would be out for the next couple days. Nanami puts the sticks back and covers the tests and box with the napkin and vegetable scraps. He turns off the stove and washes his hands before heading back to the room.
Without the hallway light on, you could not tell if the door was fully opened or closed. You didn’t care either way, you just wanted to be in the dark and not face Nanami yet. You moved the blankets over your head again to return to your safe space. You begin to take slow deep breaths, slow inhale, slow exhale. Slow inhale, slow exhale. Slow inhale, slow exhale. It is not the quietest breathing exercise so you cannot hear Nanami slowly open the door and walk into the room. He sees the familiar sight, a bundle shaped like you with the blankets moving to the sound of your breathing. He softly puts a knee on the bed before crawling over to you. The movement on the bed stopped your breathing completely and you hoped, no -- you prayed, that you didn’t forget to cover the tests.
“My love,” Nanami says just above a whisper before softly wrapping himself around you, while making sure he does not burst your bubble within the safety of your blanket. He feels your body shudder once his arms are completely wrapped around you and gives you a moment to calm down. Once he feels your breathing even out again, he taps on the blanket and asks if he could come in. You loosen the grasp on the blanket and he slips underneath to hug you from behind.
You thought you had finally run out of tears, but feeling Nanami’s arms around you and his scent so close for the first time that evening, you felt them gather again. Thank the heavens that it was dark and he was not facing you because you felt your face contort in a terribly painful way followed by the loudest sobs to have ever left your body. Nanami pulls you in unbelievably close, as close as he would when your anxiety left you shaking and desperate. You start writhing in what feels like emotional agony and he pushes his entire body weight to your back, pinning you down. It was something he had learned to do after years of being together. You would jokingly call Nanami your human weighted blanket but you were thankful that he could detect when you needed to feel him.
“Two years, Ken, two fucking years,” you let out between sobs, “why can’t I do it, Ken? Why can’t I--” Your words cut short.
“Shh shh, no no no, baby, please. Not you, I’m sorry, please don’t think that. We can do it, there’s more we can do,” Nanami rubs your arms and kisses your neck and shoulders, “Please, I promise there’s more. It’s ok, it’ll be ok. We’ll be ok.”
Nanami wasn’t sure what he was saying, and to be honest, he knew he would say anything that could help you. But what would? He didn’t know what exactly to say after so many negatives. On the other hand, you weren’t exactly sure what you wanted to hear after so many negatives.
Time flew by underneath that blanket. Nanami had eventually moved the blanket down to let you breathe cool air after a layer of sweat covered you. He ran his fingers through your hair to try to cool you down and shushed and hummed against your skin while he still held you. You could feel your back and his front wet with both of your sweat and the spot underneath your head drenched with a much larger spot of your tears.
You don’t know what time it is and you don’t even have the energy to tilt your head up to look at the clock. All you know is that you have finally stopped sobbing and there really was nothing left inside you.
Nanami moves the hair from the nape of your neck and plants the softest kiss. “Let’s take a break.”
You turn in his arms, eyes wide and thinking, a break? From this… from us?
He could see the gears turning and panic in your eyes before hugging you again from your side and saying, “No no, baby not that break. Never. Never never, I promise. I mean from the tests. Let’s stop buying and taking any tests. Let’s toss any extra ones around the house, too.”
Your heart knew that Nanami adored you and would not leave you, but your foggy brain that was convincing you that you were not enough left you thinking he would leave. The thought lasted a second, but the panic was unbearable.
You shift to face Nanami and tightly hug him. So tight. He felt as if you were hugging him in fear of him running away. He knew of "men" that would leave their partners after fertility issues and he detested every single one of those disgusting beings that dared take space as a bag of bones roaming the earth. He could never leave you, especially for something nobody had any control of. He loved you, adored you, and with or without certain possibilities, he wanted to be there with you.
Nanami planned to see your crows feet and smile lines deepen. He wanted to retire as soon as you both could and travel to see everything together. He wanted to look at your joined hands and notice the sun spots and new wrinkles. He wanted to see your entire face wrinkle and your steps become slower. He wanted to dance with you in the middle of the kitchen and feel your heartbeat match his. He wanted it all and he needed to remind you, even if it wasn’t with words at that exact moment. Nanami hugs you back like he had before in response to your own bone-crunching embrace.
You feel defeated, but loved by the man that said ‘I do’ to you and promised everything for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, and in sickness and in health. You finally nod to his request.
———
You wake up early that morning with the driest throat and what feels like the world’s puffiest eyes. You look at the clock: 4:52am. Nanami is beside you, but you see he fell asleep in a sitting position against his pillows with his laptop on his lap. You feel a small towel beside your head and reach up to feel a folded cold towel. Nanami would always put a cold towel over your eyes if you fell asleep crying. The cold towel didn’t happen often, but it seemed like he always knew what to do even if he didn’t have the words to help at that moment. Your clothes had been changed to a large shirt that you had stolen from Nanami when you lived separately, but he let you keep.
You sit up to remove the laptop from his lap and gently lean him down to bed. As he’s shifting his body, the touch pad is slightly moved and his laptop is turned back on. You turn your head to avoid your sensitive eyes looking at the bright light and turn down the brightness. You look at the screen to decide if you should just close the laptop or shut it down. The tabs… the tabs surprise you and your heart breaks the more tabs you read.
How to deal with fertility issues
How to help sad wife
How to distract sad partner
What is egg retrieval surgery
Adoption process
Recommended income for adoption
Malaysian vacation homes for rent
Best time to vacation in Malaysia
Along with the searches, Nanami had a note opened with notes from every single tab.
The man sleeping next to you… loves you. You would do anything for him and he would scour the world and pick up brick by brick for an answer to any of your problems. You lean down to kiss his temple, “I love you, Kento. So fucking much.”
———
Seven months later, you get curious and tell Nanami to bring a test after work. He's hesitant and asks if it’s a good idea. After several months in therapy and extra doctor visits, you feel like you can handle any result. A negative would be like facing your biggest fear and you needed to overcome it.
Nanami rereads your texts the whole afternoon, and again when he’s at the pharmacy looking for the tests, and again when he’s in line to pay. He only hands you the small box after a big hug and deep kiss, and suggests you take it after dinner in fear of you not eating after seeing the result.
After a distracted dinner, you take the tests and leave them on the bathroom counter. You walk out the restroom and sit on the bed with Nanami. He wanted to be inside the restroom with you but despite being married and knowing each other’s secrets, that was one line you just could not cross. Your husband had no other option than to wait outside the door.
Nanami turns his whole body to you and reviews the exercises your therapist had given you both to work through the next result. You intently listen and follow his lead until the timer finally goes off. You both look at each other, scared for the next event but relieved to finally hear the beeping. You stand first and hold out your hand for Nanami.
You cover the test from afar as you close the gap and tell Nanami to count to three. One… two… three. You quickly move your hand to see the two tests.
You stare and stare, and Nanami’s eyes have never gone wider. You can see him looking back and forth frantically, waiting for your reaction. You screech, not yell or scream, a straight screech that could compare to the latest dinosaur feature film. Your hands cover half your face and sobs immediately break through. Nanami hugs you and picks you up from the floor.
“Ok ok ok, doctor, umm, we need to go to a doctor, ok? That's what he told us to do.” you nod frantically, still sobbing, and wrap your arms around your husband.
———
The doctor is happy to see you in his office for a different reason this time. He confirms the result with another test at the office and for the first time in a long while, the nurses lead you and Nanami to a room with a big ultrasound machine.
Nanami tightly holds your hand as the cold clear cream is spread on your tummy. There is no visible difference that you or Nanami could see but you were both very fucking nervous despite the home and doctor’s results. The doctor takes a second to spread the cream and look around. After what seems like an eternity, the doctor confirms that you are over halfway on your first trimester and points to the smallest blob on the screen.
Nanami’s legs give out and literally falls to the chair pulled for guests. His breath is heavy. He trusted the tests before, he really did believe those positives, but hearing it from the doctor's mouth in that room, seeing what was on the screen and where he knew you were in the best hands — his relief was unmatched. He had never felt such relief, happiness and an overwhelming sadness for what you had to go through.
He covers his mouth with one hand while he lets his tears fall for the first time in front of you since your wedding. His other hand still tightly holds your hand and he moves his forehead to touch the side of your stomach, where he knows the product of your love and effort will slowly start to make its home.
You lay on the chair with your arm folded on your face, crying loudly with the same relief and joy when Nanami stands back up and carefully moves your arm down to kiss your face. He starts at your temple and moves to your cheekbone, then nose, then eye, then forehead, other eye, lips, cheek, and temple again. He holds your head close to his chest and you wrap your remaining arm around him. After so many visits to this clinic, so many negatives and so many tears of sadness, you were finally able to cry for a completely different feeling.
You both lean to see the screen, the barely visible blob making you laugh but you lie your head back down and let yourself imagine a scene of a mini you and Nanami.
———
30 weeks, one 20 hour birth and an emergency C-section later, Kento holds your tiny girl. She had been rushed to the NICU shortly after the birth and you and Nanami were left scared in the OR. One of the nurses tells you that she is alright and they need to check her more since she was a preemie.
You wake up from a nap later that evening in your recovery room and see a shirtless Nanami holding your baby by the room window. He'd become so intrigued by the skin-to-skin contact benefits with a baby and promised himself he’d do anything for a closer bond with her.
Without him knowing you were awake and listening, you hear him tell the small bundle that is a sleeping baby girl, “b/n, you are so loved. We’re going to love you forever. I'm going to adore you for as long as I can and more.” He gently brushed her hair and continued, “I have so much to teach you, to show you. I love you, I'll give you everything, I promise." He lifted her and leaned down to kiss and stroke her cheeks, "my girl, my sweet girls — I'll do anything for you and mommy, I swear.”
You lean back smiling. Your body aches and the pain is incomparable to anything you’ve felt before, but you are happy. Whether it was in that hospital room as a new unit of three, or in your own living room relaxing with your husband alone, you would be happy.
Nanami turns around and sees you awake. He flashes the biggest smile and walks over to the bed with your sleeping newborn. “I love you, y/n.”
“Forever.”
he desperately needs some tlc 🥲
loves embrace ⋆ sanji x reader
summary: all sanji needed was a little bit of love to open up to you
notes: this was a modified request that takes place post whole cake, i suppose, so spoilers! angsty, sad sanji (sadji) x gender neutral reader! lots of comforting! no cw warnings! around 1,300+ words!
every morning sanji had a routine. he’d wake up fifteen minutes before his alarm, making sure to turn it off so as to not wake you. spending this allotted time drowning in your smell; he tangled his long limbs within yours and held you tightly to him.
he’d depart with a few too many kisses, surely bringing you out from your slumber, neatly fixing his side of the bed, and beginning his day with a spring in his step.
today was an anomaly of days, your eyes slowly blinking open, the room swallowed by a dim light. the overcast in the sky seemed to cause you to wake later than you anticipated, the clock on your wall reading 11:37 am.
the sheets beside you, usually folded over as pristinely as sanji could make them, sat in disarray. had it been anyone else, you’d disregard the notion; perhaps he had run too far behind schedule this morning.
but it was unlike sanji, even in a time crunch, to leave a mess in his absence. he was incredibly anal with situations like these, you knew him too well to brush the idea off as forgetfulness as you approach him in the kitchen.
the creaky door that franky keeps forgetting to fix would normally signal your entrance and cue your boyfriend to fawn all over you, but he remains behind the kitchen sink, not budging an inch.
his blonde hair hangs low, hiding his expression from you as he gingerly places the wet plates on the drying rack.
“sanji?” you question, investigating his face once he notices you’re there.
your brows furrow upon further examination; his blue eyes are accompanied by dark under eye bags and his milky skin is dull, the loss of color noticeable, even for his complexion.
“oh, my swan, how’re you? you missed breakfast.” he smiles, but the way his lips loosely hug, you know it’s purely a facade so as to not draw attention from you.
though you had only been dating for a few months, you knew you had to plan out your next moves carefully and approach the situation with caution. sanji would “i’m fine” himself death had he got the chance.
“was dreaming of you, so i didn’t really want to wake up,” you tease, earning a light laugh from him.
from this point on, he’d usually take the opportunity to discuss his night and what his dreams consisted of, but silence then falls over you two.
“did you eat?” you speak up.
he pulls his hands out of the water, drying them off on a nearby dish towel. “wasn’t hungry.”
as soon as he moves around the counter, you step in front of him.
you tsk in response, blocking him from exiting the area with arms crossed over your chest. “well, i’d like for you to eat something. you didn’t eat dinner last night either,” you reply.
sanji stares down at you, a melancholy look in his eye, but he obliges, dropping two slices of bread into the toaster.
“that’s it?” you argue, a mused smile curling his lips.
“i’m really not that hungry today, my darling,” he assures, leaning against the counter.
you know better than to accept that justification, arms reaching out to cage him between the kitchen and your body. “and why is that?” you ask, pressing yourself against his chest, eyes boring right back into his.
he flicks his gaze between your eyes, then your lips, and then your eyes, once again. he knows what you’re doing, but he bites anyway, strong arms hugging you snug against him.
“i’ve been a little sad these past couple of days,” he explains, another forged grin coaxing his features. it was the one of the first signs that he was asking you to dismiss this conversation.
“sanji—“
the toast pops from the toaster, causing the both of you to release your grip as he refocuses his attention on his unwanted meal.
with his back turned to you, you take it upon yourself to latch onto him again. “i can’t help you if you don’t talk to me sanji. i’m here. i want to help,” you whisper, a shaky breath escaping your throat right after. “please, let me help.”
your eyes shut tightly as the only response you receive is silence. sanji was never one to discuss his own feelings freely, it was something he had always deemed a luxury for a reason you hated reminding yourself of.
a shaky whimper reverberates against your body and you take the cue to release your grip, turning him around so that you can see him again.
his hand grips tightly onto his face, though it proves futile as a tear streams down his cheek; then another, and another, and another. his fingers twitch as they reach out for you, desperately seeking your warmth and comfort as his body slumps into yours.
sanji’s frame is much larger than your own, his strength of his weight was much stronger when he didn’t remember to hold back.
but you’re greedy for this vulnerability, soaking in every ounce that he’d offer as you wrap your arms around his neck.
his tears slowly seep into the fabric of your shirt, while he lets out a few more choked cries before confessing. “have i ever told you about my mother?” he finally speaks.
when he pulls away you shake your head, reaching up to wipe away the tears that stain his face. your gentle expression urges, pleads, for him to continue, an act that melts his heart.
“she was so kind,” he explains, a sad smile grazing him. more tears fall before he says anything, but you allow him that grace which gives him the time to finally gather himself. “she’s the reason i wanted to be a cook.”
the burning sadness that bites at your heart leaves you speechless, unable to fathom how he could’ve kept this inside for so long.
“i know she would’ve loved you.”
now, you have to bite back your own tears, the agony that accompanies his words hangs on to each sentence that tears at your heart.
“she passed fourteen years ago today,” he admits, a shaky sigh heaving from his chest.
as you watch his lip quiver, you pull him flush against you again, unsure if it was for his benefit or that he wouldn’t see the heartbreak that washed over your face.
“i’m so sorry,” is all you can mutter before the both of you sink to the floor, sobs now emanating from the both of you. “she would be so proud of you, sanj,” you murmur, a light cry echoing throughout the room.
sanji perches himself against the closed cupboards, his head rests against the wood as he wraps an arm around you.
“i miss her,” he admits, lying his head against yours.
you nod, only able to physically act in fear a verbal response would elicit more of your tears.
he reaches into his pocket, pulling out a worn, folded up picture.
the woman on the paper is stunning; her porcelain features mirror sanji’s, the resemblance being uncanny. “she’s so pretty,” you say.
sanji chuckles, nodding along, “yeah, she was.”
the both of you stare at the image for a couple of minutes, basking in the beauty that sanji’s mother had. you can’t help but admire the curvature of her lips, the shape of nose and eyes, all qualities that your boyfriend possesses.
“you look just like her,” you comment, reaching to grab his hand.
“so i’ve been told,” he breathes, finally able to catch his breath. “thank you, by the way.”
with a puzzled expression, you glance up at him. “for what?”
sanji shrugs, squeezing your hand within his. “listening to me. feels good to talk about her,” he confesses.
the air in the room eases, it hangs lighter over the both of you; rather than an all consuming fog, it sits delicately upon the both of you like a warm blanket on a cold day.
“that’s what i’m here for,” you emphasize, leaning in to kiss his cheek.
ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔっ likes, reblogs, and comments are always appreciated !
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