My Freaking HEART

“… but this morning seems special because I witnessed the sunrise,” — me, being unreasonably poetic, yet talking about how I usually shower with the hottest setting, but decided to mix it up a bit because I pulled an all-nighter.

“You drink seltzers in your mom’s basement, I drink beer in the woods, we’re not the same.” — my uncle.

*eight minute mumbling about thighs.* — someone in my sketching class.

“Aint no sound gonna pass trough those bricks older than Biden's mom.”

“Oh yeah, was it that time I went: “instructions unclear turned into honse.’”

“His face is very shape.”

Nothing prepares me for a four foot tall human being yelling STAY WOKE BROTHERS before mad dashing off.

TFP Megatron: Surrender, Prime-!

Bayverse Optimus: *Severe violence, actual attempts to kill him, and threats of face removal*

TFP Megatron: *Starscream worthy scream* GET YOUR FUCKING TEAMMATE, BITCH-

TFP Optimus: Don't worry, he doesn't mean it.

TFP Megatron: YES HE DOES-

(Loosely based on "Get your f-ing dog")

Yeah, that sounds about right

“Hydrogens are everywhere, they do not deserve your pity.”

“That was the night I almost drowned in a McDonalds bathroom,” — My dad.