Viii. Heartbeat

( 🥂. ) let the only flashing lights be the tower at midnight . . .

xxxix. looking back

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CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE ─ looking back.

❛ i vowed i would always be yours if we survived the great war ❜

Choi Yumi's Perspective

"Yumi!"

A jarring, familiar voice jerked me awake, pulling me back to reality. The moment I opened my eyes, the first thing I was met with was my reflection in the black computer screen. I found myself staring at it for a few seconds. The bags under my eyes had become severe again, my skin dull and distressed. The pile of papers and files on the desk in front of me finally made me realize that I was no longer at home, chatting with Eunyoung, but I was at work, at the law firm.

My tired eyes shifted to the person knocking at my door. It was Yunhee, my colleague who worked with me often. I gave her a slow nod as she pushed the glass door of my office open and letting herself in.

"God, Yumi, when was the last time you slept?" she said, sitting down on the chair on the other side of my desk.

I sighed as if to say "Don't even ask."

"Are you here to nag?" I asked simply, running a hand down my face, blinking rapidly in attempt to keep my eyes open, "Because if you are, you better turn around."

"Attorney Kwon is looking for you, and he looks pissed, so you better get on it," she informed matter-of-factly, "He'll be here any minute, actually." She glanced at her watch briefly, then said a quick goodbye and dashed out the door.

My eyes wandered around, scanning my office that had a sense of familiarity that made me feel nauseous. A couple of lights, wooden floors and a huge window behind me. My desk sat in the very middle of the room, looking like a toddler's craft table, with loose sheets flying everywhere. This particular time, coming back to the future felt even more horrible than before. Disappointment weighed me down as I realized how I had done nothing to change Taesung's fate. Reliving graduation was something I didn't know I needed, and I had momentarily felt my heart lighten up. But that moment during my speech...

The sound of Attorney Kwon shoving my office door and barging into my office cut off my thoughts before I could let them spiral. His flushed face, frowning brows and ears that seemed to have steam coming out from them, made me slightly frightened as I shifted uncomfortably in my chair.

"Yes, Attorney Kw-"

"What the hell's going on with the defamation case?!" he demanded, "For God's sake, everyone's talking about the scene Hajun caused in court yesterday! How could you be so careless? Despite being his senior!"

I felt the itch in me to fight back and argue, but knowing me, it would probably cost me my job, so all I said to him was, "Sorry, sir. I'll make sure it doesn't happen again."

"You better!" he snapped, before seeing himself out, muttering under his breath.

A sigh of absolute exhaustion left my mouth as I rested my head on my desk. Running my fingers through my hair, I pondered on how pathetic my life had been. Even after getting not one, but two chances to go back into the past, I had changed nearly nothing. My life had become even more miserable, with the added regret that I felt for not being able to do anything differently. For letting opportunities slip away while I sat around like an idiot. Looking back on everything that had happened, I realized that not only had I ruined my own life, but I had also dragged someone down with me. Someone I loved.

💿

Choi Eunyoung's Perspective

"Interview with Ryu Sunjae?" I repeated the words that sounded in my ears like an echo of my undeniable love for Sunjae. Just a moment ago, I had been dozing off at my desk, but hearing those words from the head of entertainment department, I felt suddenly awake and alert. I stole a quick look at the calendar on my desk; It read 2nd January, 2023. I had to bite back the gasp that almost left my mouth. He was alive. His fate had changed. The very thought of it made me want to break into tears of pure relief and happiness. It made me want to run through the streets, screaming from joy.

"Yeah, I recommended your name for it," Seoyoon said to me as I realized my celebrations would have to wait. "I just need your confirmation, so it becomes official. Though, if you're not up for it, there are plenty of people willing to do it. I just thought you would like something like this, you know-"

"I'll do it," I blurted out hastily, my voice practically trembling with excitement.

"Great! Just sign here," she handed me a paper. As I scribbled my signature on the piece of paper, my stomach filled with butterflies just like the very first time I met Sunjae. He had signed my CD, and our fingers brushed ever so slightly- and I thought I would explode right there like some sort of nuclear bomb. He was alive. The seemingly stupid paper airplane trick had done it's magic.

I handed the paper to Seoyoon, beaming. She seemed to notice my newfound enthusiasm, and smiled back. "You know, Miss Choi, some of us found that old article you wrote about the swim team of Jagam High School. I hope you don't mind me asking, but is it really you? Did you go to school with the Ryu Sunjae?"

"Yes, it's true," I answered with a chuckle, "It's amazing how you found that. It's been- what? Fifteen years? I was on the newspaper and I was assigned the interview, and that's when I realized how good I was at it- if I do say so myself."

"That's incredible, Miss!" she exclaimed, "No wonder everyone at the office looks up to you. I have to get going, but you're such an inspiration."

"Oh, you're too kind," I smiled, feeling warmth bloom in my heart.

Choi Yumi's Perspective

Leaving the courtroom, feeling as if the very life had been sucked out of me, I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. Puzzled, I took it out, wondering who would be calling me at that hour when I was just going home. Slightly annoyed, I sat down on one of the benches nearby, only to find it to be an unknown contact. My movement was full of hesitation as I accepted the call.

"Hello, Choi Yumi speaking."

"I need a lawyer."

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nana's notes: y'all have no idea what's coming 🫢

delphi's notes: yumi's dark circles making a comeback

next chapter: saturday (out now!) list of chapters here!

ii. start afresh

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CHAPTER TWO ─ start afresh.

❛ i hate it here so i will go to secret gardens in my mind ❜

Narrator's Perspective

"Oy! You over there!" hollered the girl standing in line behind Yumi, "You're holding up the entire line. Hurry up, we don't have all day!"

Yumi's head swung to look at the girl who spoke, "Sorry," she murmured an apology as she caught up with the rest of the queue. Eunyoung stood in front of her, just as confused.

They both were clad in their high school uniforms, bringing back nostalgia which couldn't erase the feeling that they had gotten lost in time. Was this a hallucination? A flashback? Neither of them were able to figure it out. As they spotted an empty table and took a seat, Eunyoung looked around the massive hall, attempting to recognize it. A wave of deja vu came over her, "Where are we? Is this-" Her voice trailed off as she made sense of the familiarity.

"What? What is it?" asked Yumi in anticipation.

"This is our cafeteria from high school" she whispered, unable to believe it herself.

"This is Jagam High School?!" she shrieked, not realizing how much attention she had drawn to herself as a result. Heads turned to look at her and students began to whisper.

"What's wrong with her?"

"What a weirdo..."

"She's realizing this now?"

"Isn't that our senior?"

"Keep your voice down," Eunyoung shushed her, slapping her shoulder.

"I don't understand," Yumi's embarrassment never surfaced due to her desire to clear the foggy haze of confusion in her head.

"Beats me," Eunyoung sympathized, taking a bite of bibimbap from her plate. As the taste hit her tastebuds, a feeling of deja vu swept over her, "The nostalgia is crazy. What happened to us? How did we end up here?"

"It's almost as if we teleported between times."

💿

After gulping down their lunch as fast as humanly possible, Yumi and Eunyoung rushed to their old- or current- classrooms. They dashed through the hallways, which were almost empty during the lunch break and sprinted up the stairs.

On entering the classroom, Eunyoung went straight to the calendar hung on a softboard at the back of the room. "2008," she whispered.

"What?" gasped Yumi.

"We've time travelled to 2008," Eunyoung couldn't believe it herself. She reached for her desk, which was in the exact place it used to be fifteen years ago. Rummaging through her bag, she looked for the Sonaki CD. To her surprise, she found it in the front pocket, exactly as she had kept it after the concert. 

"Does this have anything to do with it?" Yumi queried.

"That's what I was thinking," she suddenly realized that Sunjae attended the adjoining school, which would mean...

A frantic Eunyoung tore down the hallway, each pounding step echoing her mounting worry. The stairs became a blur as she took them two at a time, the need to reach a certain destination gnawing at her. Her legs burned with exertion, but she pushed on, driven by an unseen force until finally, she burst through the school doors and sprinted towards the pool.

Just as she reached the gate, a gruff voice stopped her in her tracks. The stern watchman, his weathered face etched with disapproval, barred her entry. "This area is off-limits, child," he boomed. "Go back inside."

Undeterred, Eunyoung's determination only intensified. Skirting the perimeter of the building, her eyes scanned for a way to see what transpired within the forbidden zone. Finally, a glimmer of hope – a small, forgotten window offered a peek into the forbidden aquatic world. Relief washed over her as she peered through the dusty pane.

Inside, a scene unfolded before her eyes. The pool, usually a serene oasis, had transformed into a battlefield of friendly competition. Half a dozen boys, sleek figures cutting through the water, participated in what appeared to be a mock race. As they finished, their bodies erupted from the surface, a symphony of droplets and triumphant cheers.

Eunyoung's gaze darted across the pool deck, searching with frantic intensity. Then, amidst the jubilant chaos, she spotted him – Sunjae. Her heart, a heavy stone in her chest moments ago, began to lighten. There he was, clad in a swimming costume, a  blue towel slung casually over his bare torso. A genuine smile stretched across his face, a stark contrast to the dark premonition that had been haunting her. In that moment, the weight of the future, the knowledge of a terrible fate that awaited him, seemed to recede for a glorious, fleeting moment. All that mattered was the sight of him, alive and happy.

💿

Eunyoung's little rendezvous to the swimming pool of the neighboring school had cost her one entire History lecture. Lost in  worry and the subsequent relief of seeing Sunjae safe, she completely lost track of time. By the time she sheepishly crept back to her classroom door, a full hour had elapsed. The stern face of her History teacher greeted her, with surprise (given Eunyoung's usual punctuality), but with a hint of disapproval that quickly morphed into exasperation. 

The lecture was in full swing, and Eunyoung, red-faced and stammering apologies, was banished to the hallway. There she stood, for what felt like an eternity, the closed classroom door a barrier not just to the ongoing lesson but also a symbol of her own lapse in judgment. The droning murmur of lecture notes from within only amplified the emptiness in her stomach  from the gnawing guilt of disrupting class. 

Finally, after what seemed like an age, the dreaded hour ended, and a new teacher arrived. This one, perhaps sensing Eunyoung's remorse in her slumped posture and downcast eyes, took pity on her. With a curt nod and a muttered warning, the teacher unlocked the door, allowing Eunyoung to slink back in, vowing to never again let her emotions override her common sense.

Yumi greeted her with a teasing smile and gestured for her to sit down beside her. Attempting to shake off the embarrassment from her punishment, she took her seat and looked straight forward at the blackboard.

"What the hell did you do?" asked Yumi in whispers.

"I paid a visit to the swimming pool," she whispered back, her unwavering eyes glued to the backboard.

"Swimming pool? Why?" as she pondered over the possible reasons Eunyoung would go there, all of a sudden, the realization hit her. She smirked at Eunyoung, "Oh, I see how it is."

This time, Eunyoung turned to look at Yumi, understanding her implications, "Oh, shut up, You know it's not like that. I went so I could see Sunjae."

"In a swimming costume, that is," Yumi added cheekily.

"Stop putting words in my mouth and focus on the class."

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nayoung's notes: i had a lot of internal conflict (marcus brutus core 🎀) about how to start this scene. what i originally decided with delphi was that they wake up at home, but i thought it would be more fun if they ended up somewhere abruptly, and what better place to embarrass my (our) characters than in school? hope u liked it!

delphi's notes: i love the last dialogue between our characters ajnakds. nana and i would definitely have that kind of conversation lmfao.  eunyoung i know what you are ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

@the-one-and-only-delphi

next chapter: friday! (out now) list of chapters here!

x. a taste of victory

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CHAPTER TEN ─ a taste of victory.

❛ where's the trophy? he just

comes running over to me. ❜

Narrator's Perspective

"By the way," Inhyuk said to Sunjae the morning of the swimming competition, "Where is your Eunyoung today?"

Your Eunyoung. The moment those words fell upon Sunjae's ears, he beamed, flashing the dimple on his right cheek. His face turned pink, recalling the events of the previous evening.

"Oh, dear," Inhyuk expressed, "You should look at yourself right now! You're completely in love with her!"

"She's coming to cheer for me," Sunjae told him proudly, "She was telling me to take it easy and not participate, but when she told me that she'd come today, she seemed to have faith in me. So, I'll make sure not to let her down."

"You can't seem to stop yapping when it comes to her," Inhyuk observed, a cheeky smile surfacing on his face, "Don't tell me she's the reason you're competing today!"

"It's not like that!" Sunjae exclaimed defensively, "It's just... another reason to do well. That's it."

Inhyuk shook his head in disappointment. Sunjae was the last person he expected to fall for someone and act like a total loser.

But, after all, we're all fools in love.

💿

Minutes ticked by, each one echoing like a hammer blow in the tense silence before the competition. Sunjae, clad in his racing suit, felt a familiar knot of anxiety tighten in his stomach. He scanned the crowd, searching for a familiar face amidst the sea of spectators. Doubt, a cold serpent, began to coil around his heart. Would she make it? Had something happened? His focus, so meticulously honed, threatened to shatter.

Then, just as despair threatened to consume him, a splash of pink cut through the cacophony of pre-race jitters. There, in the stands, was Eunyoung. His face broke into a radiant smile, a beacon that chased away the shadows of doubt. She wore a soft pink dress, the colour a burst of life against the sterile white walls of the pool complex. A white cardigan draped gracefully over her shoulders, adding a touch of elegance.

As she made her way down the rows, a revelation struck Sunjae. He'd never truly noticed how tall she was. Even in her simple white flats, she seemed to carry herself with a quiet confidence. Yesterday, on their walk together, her head must have brushed his ear. Suddenly, the way they walked side-by-side, a memory from only a day ago, took on a new meaning. His gaze lingered on her, a wave of warmth washing over him. The familiar knot of anxiety loosened its grip, replaced by a surge of determination. He wouldn't just swim this race, he would win it. For her.

Simultaneously, a smile surfaced on both their faces as their eyes met. She waved at him, mouthing "good luck," as she took a seat in front of the railing that separated the pool and seating area. Behind her was a group of Sunjae's supporters, wearing t-shirts with messages cheering him on and shouting messages of encouragement. Eunyoung's erect posture was just a disguise for her nervousness. Despite her earnest wish for Sunjae to complete this race without injuries, worry rose in her chest. Please prove me wrong, Sunjae.

The pool stretched before her, a shimmering lane of blue below her. In the water, a blur of movement─ that was Sunjae, his powerful strokes propelling him forward with a focused intensity.

This was the final stretch, the culmination of years of gruelling training. Every flick of his wrist, every powerful kick, echoed in Eunyoung's chest. A tendinous strain, a cramp, a single misstep – any of these could shatter Sunjae's dreams of gold. She squeezed her eyes shut, willing her anxieties away, willing him strength.

Then, the electronic board pinged, and the crowd erupted in a deafening roar. Eunyoung snapped her eyes open, heart leaping into her throat. Sunjae was surging towards the finish, his form flawless, his determination etched on his face. He touched the touchpad a fraction of a second before anyone else, and the stadium lights seemed to dim for a moment before exploding in a kaleidoscope of colours.

Sunjae emerged from under the water, shaking off the hair stuck to his forehead, running his hands down his face, attempting to clear his vision. As he turned to look at the scoreboard, his joy knew no bounds as he saw his name at the top of the list. Letting out a euphoric yelp of victory, he pumped his fists in the air with a triumphant grin on his face.

Eunyoung's eyes had begun to well up with tears of happiness that she couldn't hold back no matter how hard she tried. The shouts from Sunjae's friends and supporters around her muffled as if it was a faraway sound; the only thing she could hear was the excited beating of her heart. She placed a hand over her chest in disbelief at what she had just witnessed.

Sunjae's eyes scanned the stands impatiently, only wanting to look at one person. As their eyes met, his smile widened, the dimple on his right cheek making a reappearance. The tears in Eunyoung's eyes spilt, blurring her vision as she returned his smile, her throat choking with tears. At that moment, the rest of the world seemed to melt away, leaving them alone, their eyes giving a million soliloquies their mouths could never.

Eunyoung's legs propelled her forwards as she ran past the crowd, down the stairs, straight towards Sunjae. It was as if her body had began to move on its own, not wasting a single second on thinking. Her desperation to get rid of the distance between them reflected in her teary, glassy eyes as she stood in front of him, the smile never leaving her face. Their gaze was fixed on each other.

Without a second thought, she reached for him, wrapping her arms around his bare torso that dripped with little droplets of water. She felt her clothes becoming moist, but couldn't care less at that moment. Her embrace enveloped him in warmth as she smiled wider, the joy of his victory a physical force she needed to press against. She couldn't believe it. He had won the gold medal! His fate had taken a turn for the better.

Sunjae's eyes widened at the sudden contact of her soft hands that clung onto him. She hugged him with such force that the deep blue towel he wore fell backwards, exposing his toned shoulders in a moment of vulnerability. The feeling of her soft cardigan against his bare torso and the tiny point of contact of her palms against his back sparked an unexplainable warmth inside him. He coughed out a surprised laugh, the coolness of his moist skin a stark contrast to the fire that flared at her touch. Years of training had honed his muscles, and Eunyoung, clung to him with a possessiveness that sent a shiver down his spine. The shock he felt countered his exhaustion that threatened to pull him under.

He wrapped his arms around her just as fiercely; The weight of the race, the pressure of expectation─ it all melted away in the press of her body against his.  Under the deafening cacophony of cheers, there was only them, her skin tingling against his, a shared victory written in the frantic dance of their heartbeats. He buried his face in her hair, the scent of chlorine and victory mingling with the familiar sweetness of her shampoo, a perfect encapsulation of this overwhelming moment. In that tight embrace, their bodies spoke a language far more profound than any roar of the crowd, a language of love and pride that resonated in the echoing silence of his own racing heart.

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nayoung's notes: okay, taemi content in the next chapter, i promise. kinda got carried away with this lol. its already 1310 words and if i continue i may never stop. also, now that it think about it, the chapter title is implying something entirely different... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

delphi's notes: sunjae's pov speaks volumes about his feelings. he's down bad guys. who's surprised? not me (but then again i helped decide this lolol)

next chapter: friday (out now!)

list of chapters here!

ix. silent confession

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CHAPTER NINE ─ silent confession.

❛ drop everything now, meet me in the pouring rain. ❜

Narrator's Perspective

Eunyoung, still clad in her school uniform, strode along the sidewalk. Her shoes splashed against the wet pavement like a soft rhythm. She could distinctly hear the pitter-patter of the raindrops on Sunjae's blue umbrella, which she clasped tightly to shield herself from the cool raindrops that splashed against her legs. The rain poured down relentlessly as Eunyoung smiled looking at the unexpected downpour, thinking of the day she and Sunjae ran through the rain, their laughter muffled by the roaring wind. The scene played in her mind like a flashback in a movie. His laugh, his dimple and the creased corners of his eyes, all appeared before her eyes vividly.

Approaching the swimming pool, she heard a hushed conversation over the raindrops. Thinking it was Sunjae, she walked towards the sound, eager to see him blooming in her heart. However, she stopped in her tracks the moment she was in earshot as she heard something she shouldn't have.

"That bastard, Ryu Sunjae, is a superstitious fellow," said one voice, filled with devious intent, "He wears his competition swim trunks the day before the competition. If we hide them, he'll be completely thrown off."

"It can't be that easy, can it?" Eunyoung intervened.

The two boys, who assumed they were alone, jumped in shock on hearing her voice. Realising they were caught red-handed, all they could do at first was stand and stare while wondering how to defend themselves.

"Cat got your tongue?" Eunyoung observed their flustered state, her eyes glaring daggers as she stepped towards them, "I think now would be a good time to run, don't you? Before I get the chance to tell the school what you were up to." They weren't expecting to be seen, considering the odd time at which they were lurking around the school. Afraid of the consequences, the two troublemakers bowed in fear and scurried away.

On hearing the main gate creak open slowly, she rushed towards it, hoping to see Sunjae. To her relief, this time it really was him. His initial surprise morphed into a slow, genuine smile that spread across his face. The relieved sigh that escaped her lips mingled with the creak of the closing gate. Sunjae was at a loss for words; all he could do was call out her name, "Eunyoung?"

"Hmm, it's me," she smiled, stepping under the shelter of the swimming pool building. Her hand stretched forward, holding the umbrella over his head, "I thought you might need this."

Ryu Sunjae's Perspective

My eyes widened as I stood agape, my speech failing me as I gazed at Eunyoung who stood before me, smiling as she held my blue umbrella over my head. She arrived like a ray of sunshine amidst the pouring rain, her face lighting up in a bright smile as she looked up at me. For a moment, the clatter of the rain against the roof of the swimming pool building was replaced by the frantic beating of my heart, which threatened to jump out of my chest any second. Her slightly damp hair fell gracefully over her shoulders. Little beads of sweat trickled down her face that seemed sculpted by the Gods themselves─ had she walked here? for me? 

Seeing her in front of me evoked a feeling of deja vu. I had been here before, speechless on seeing her face the day we first met and ran through the rain. Her sweet voice lingered like an echo, replaying in my mind like an echo, "I thought you might need this." I was unsure if she repeated herself because of my lack of reply or if my mind had replayed it like a movie scene I rewound because it was so beautiful I wanted to see it over and over again.

"Thanks," I breathed out, my voice barely a whisper, just enough for her to hear me.

"Are you just going to stand there all day?" she asked jokingly, "Or do you plan on going home anytime soon, Mr. Ryu Sunjae?"

A slow smile tugged at my lips despite my efforts to conceal it, a silent confession of the effect she had on me. "Shall we, then?"

💿

Choi Eunyoung's Perspective

While Sunjae and I walked under the blue umbrella, I spent most of the time glancing up at him discreetly.  The rain blurred out everything around me but his face, hypnotizing me completely. His features held a captivating contrast─ the clean lines of his jaw were softened by the gentle curve of his lips and his full, slightly flushed cheeks. But it was his eyes that truly stole my breath away. Glassy and clear, they held a depth that had entire galaxies within them. Each fleck of colour, like tiny stars scattered across the irises, shimmered with a hidden light, reflecting a kindness and sincerity that made my heart skip a beat. He seemed to be looking straight ahead, deep in thought.

 Seeing him up close like this, memories of the Eclipse concert resurfaced. The fleeting touch of our fingers that sent butterflies fluttering in my stomach was still clear in front of my eyes. The news that shattered my whole world that night still tugged at my heartstrings as I gazed at Sunjae's face. I was terrified, terrified to lose him and terrified that my efforts wouldn't ever be enough to save him. I wish I could hold onto him and never let go, protecting him from being hurt. I wanted this moment to last forever so he would never meet his untimely end.

Sunjae's father's restaurant came into view as the hammering of the rain had softened to a drizzle. Our synced steps came to a halt in front of the brightly lit building. Both of us lingered there, standing still, slowly turning to look at each other. I couldn't help but smile at him.

"Your swimming competition is tomorrow, right?" I asked him.

"Yeah," he replied, returning my smile with an unexplained warmth.

"I'll come cheer for you," I said, my smile widening at the sight of the dimple on his right cheek.

I want to believe in you, Sunjae. I want you to win the gold medal tomorrow and many times after that.

"You will?"

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nayoung's notes: sorry for no taemi content ⫪⫪ delphi is probably cursing at me while reading this lmfao. something possessed me when i wrote this istg. or maybe this is a description of what i felt seeing sunjae lol. look forward to the next chapter 👀 hope you liked this one!

delphi's notes: i love taesung but they're cute too ngl. (≧▽≦)

next chapter: saturday (out now!) list of chapters here!

(+📜)    dear reader ,

when you aim at the devil 𓈒 𓇼ㅤׂ make sure you don't miss.

like the moodboard? it's a teaser for an upcoming fanfic! make sure u follow me and stay tuned! thank you, bye!! <33

xiv. the space between us

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CHAPTER FOURTEEN ─ the space between us.

❛ our secret moments in a crowded room, they got no idea 'bout me and you. ❜

Narrator's Perspective

Sunjae and Eunyoung sat silently in Eunyoung's living room, the sound of occasional hiccups or sobs breaking the silence. She reached for his clenched hand, gently squeezing it as an acknowledgement of the agony that he felt as if to say, "I'm here for you."

"How did you know?" Sunjae asked quietly, trying to conceal the spark he felt at her touch, "That I got hurt."

"I realized you never showed up the the bus stop, so I asked your friend," she answered, "I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?" he countered, "Even though we haven't known each other for long, you've been here for me like a pillar of support. You always seem to say the right thing at the right time. I feel comfortable with you. You've got nothing to be sorry for. In fact, I'm the one who should be sorry. I should have listened to your advice."

His words seemed to melt her heart like ice cream on a sunny day as her face began to feel warm, "It's not your fault, Sunjae. I should have tried harder."

"No," he said firmly, taking both her hands as she gazed into his glassy eyes, "You tried to warn me, but I was too stubborn. You can't possibly blame yourself for what happened to me. Maybe fate has other plans for me."

His words echoed in her mind; all she could do was sit and stare at him because she was the only one who knew what destiny had in store for him.

Their eyes locked as both of them desired to look nowhere but at each other. The air seemed to grow heavy with words they had been holding back since their first meeting. Eunyoung's breathing became slow and the sound pierced through the silence. As she continued to stare at his perfect face, her gaze shifted from his pillowy, soft lips to his eyes, moist from crying, then fixed on his lips, unable to look away. Sunjae, slowly, in a moment of realization, became aware of where Eunyoung was looking. Eunyoung's breath hitched ever so slightly as he leaned towards her, the action filled with hesitation. Their lips were a whisper apart, a secret yearning about to be fulfilled.

The doorknob rattling filled the air as they pulled away abruptly. Sunjae let go of his grip on Eunyoung's hands, startled at the rude interruption. Both their eyes began blinking rapidly, looking everywhere but at each other. 

As Yumi entered the room she stopped in her tracks, trying to make sense of what they were doing. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "What are you two─ have you been crying? What happened?" Her voice was now laced with worry, oblivious to what she had walked in on.

"It's nothing," Eunyoung said sharply. A hiccup escaped her mouth as she sloppily tried to cover up the situation. 

"I'll leave you two alone," said Yumi, although as she walked to her room, her eyes seemed to convey a message to Eunyoung, as if to say You're telling me everything later.

Sunjae and Eunyoung were left alone once again and the silence felt louder than ever. Tension filled the room as she avoided his gaze. A tangled web of emotions and unspoken desires hung heavy in the air, a barrier that was both thrilling and terrifying.

💿

The newspaper room of Jagam High School was usually a lively place to be. The place always buzzed with heated discussions and the sound of busy fingers typing. However, at this moment only Hyejin and Yerin sat lazily in their designated chairs, gazing out at the bright summer day through the single, huge window in front of them. Yerin's cellphone buzzed, breaking the silence.

"Hey, look Mrs. Hong just messaged," she told her friend, who peeked into her phone, curious as to what their teacher had said, "The meeting is shifted to tomorrow."

Hyejin groaned, "The one day we show up early the meeting gets cancelled. Great."

"It's so unfair," Yerin grumbled.

"By the way, did you hear from Jiwoo? How's she doing?" Hyejin asked after a few moments of silence.

"I spoke to her yesterday," answered Yerin, "She's supposed to be discharged from the hospital this weekend. I can't believe she got chicken pox; It must have been so painful."

"Who wrote her article about the swim team?" Hyejin inquired.

"Don't you remember the teacher praising Eunyoung about─ oh yeah, you weren't there," she realized suddenly, "Do you know Choi Eunyoung?"

"Yeah, of course I do," she answered as if it was the most natural thing in the world, "She's probably the prettiest in our grade─ or maybe in our whole school."

"Well, she's the one who wrote the article," Yerin said, "She wrote it well, honestly. All the teachers like her."

"The people in my class said that Jiwoon sunbae likes her," she remembered suddenly, "He tried to get close to her and stuff last year. They're saying he's planning on confessing his feelings to her."

"Really?" Hyejin exclaimed, "I saw her with Ryu Sunjae on the bus the other day─ I thought they're going out. He kept her head on his shoulder and all. It seemed kind of serious if you ask me."

"No way!" Yerin remarked, shocked, "She's like─ really pretty, though. She and Sunjae would look good with each other. I've heard she's kind of reserved, so I don't think she would go out with someone for fun. I know so many people who tried to speak to her, but she gave them the cold shoulder and was really formal."

"Ugh, I hate girls like that. They always turn out to be so bitchy," she grumbled, "She has a sister who she's close with; but I don't think she has many friends. It's so high-and-mighty of her."

"Have you ever spoken to her?"

"Can't say I have."

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nayoung's notes: the first scene of this chapter is literally just a product of my intrusive thoughts lmao. i randomly came up with it and ended up keeping it. hope you liked it!

delphi's notes: yumi's got no idea what she walked in on 🫢

next chapter: friday (out now!) list of chapters here!

he is gay AND european. and mood, liam, fr.

William: I don't need women, I have Shakespeare.

oh my god your acc is so pretty !! 💌

omg this made my day!! thank you so much <33 i love your theme sm it's so angelic 🤍

xlviii. hopeless

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CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT ─ hopeless.

❛ i just woke up from a dream where you and i had to say goodbye ❜

Narrator's Perspective

"Sunjae," Inhyuk said to him while they were packing up, ready to leave.

(note- in this fic, both inhyuk and taesung attend yeonseo university with yumi and eunyoung -n.)

Sunjae, jumped a little and turned to look at him. He was still thinking of the kiss from the previous night, and his heart still fluttered as he remembered each and every detail...

"What?"

"I need to tell you something important," he began, looking suspicious.

Sunjae raised an eyebrow at him, "What is it?"

"Remember last night? I was helping you look for your shirt that got lost?" 

"And then I found you snoozing in your bed later?" reminded Sunjae with a spiteful yet playful scowl, "Yeah, I remember that."

"Sorry about that," Inhyuk said briefly, "But I have a reason."

"Is that so?"

"Yes," he replied, "When we got separated, I...  went looking for you, and well... I saw you. I saw you and Eunyoung near the stage."

Sunjae's eyes went wide, "How much did you see?"

"Enough."

There was an awkward silence between the boys that lasted for a few seconds. A blush of embarrassment rose up Sunjae's cheeks. "So... you know?"

"Yeah," Inhyuk replied, "I swear, when I saw the two of you I was so in shock that at first I couldn't move. Then I decided it would be best to get out of there."

Sunjae looked down and mumbled, "Yeah, that was probably wise."

Inhyuk couldn't help but laugh at his friend acting like a completely different person from the Sunjae he had always known. He elbowed him in the ribs and teased, "So~ things are going to start heating up for you now, huh?"

"Stop it," Sunjae said, turning away to hide his face that was a smiling, blushing mess.

As they made their way out of the tent, dragging their luggage along, they ran right into Eunyoung and Yumi, who were going to where the crowd of students gathered. Everyone let out expressions of surprise and murmured their greetings. Eunyoung's expression was unnaturally grave and serious when she looked at Sunjae and said, "Can we talk for a minute?"

Sunjae tried his hardest to suppress his smile when he answered, "Sure."

Following Eunyoung's rather hurried pace, Sunjae followed her to a clearing where no one was there to eavesdrop. She suddenly came to a halt and turned to look at him. Sunjae couldn't decipher her expression. It was a mix of irritation and shame and it made no sense to him.

"What's wrong?" he questioned with furrowed brows.

"I wanted to say sorry about last night," she started off. Sunjae's eyes widened. The truth was that it hurt every part of her being to tell him this, because she wanted to believe so badly that the events of the previous day meant something. But Eunyoung felt far too guilty about Sunjae's death to let herself think that. "I was really drunk last night and I did something so impulsive. It must have been uncomfortable for you, so I wanted to apologize. I'm really sorry, Sunjae. I hope you can pretend that it never happened."

With every word that Eunyoung spoke, he felt his heart twist and break into a million pieces before his eyes. His throat felt choked and the chilly mountain air started to slowly suffocate him. His entire body felt the shock on hearing her tell him it was all a mistake. His brain cursed at him for thinking someone as beautiful and perfect as Eunyoung could ever see him in that way. His feet felt rooted in the ground as he stood before Eunyoung, not daring to utter a single word.

After she had finished speaking, he stared at her face for a few moments quietly. Her hair framed her face, cascading down her shoulders in such a casual and effortless manner that took Sunjae's breath away. He gave himself a moment to think about how unfair it was that she looked like a fallen angel despite being hungover.

"If that's what you want," he murmured out, looking down at the ground to hide his teary eyes. He heard her footsteps as she walked away, the sound fading away into the distance as the tears cascaded down his face, not making a sound.

💿

"You're not sitting with your boyfriend?" Eunyoung asked Yumi who took the seat next to her on the train, "Or fake boyfriend, I should say."

"Keep your voice down," Yumi hissed, checking to see if anyone had heard her, "I haven't spoken to him since last night. I don't have the energy to deal with this right now."

Eunyoung let out a deep sigh, "Why have our love lives suddenly become so complicated?"

"It's all so overwhelming," Yumi nodded in agreement, "But you're acting so stupid. Why did you tell him to forget about it? Don't you like him?"

"I do, but-"

"Then, there! You have it!" Yumi exclaimed, "You like him, so what's the problem?"

"He never said he liked me back!" Eunyoung emphasized.

"Does he have to?" Yumi asked, feeling irritated at her ignorance, "Have you seriously never noticed how he looks at you? Like you're his whole world?"

"I can't let myself believe that," Eunyoung lowered her gaze, fixing her eyes at the blue carpeting below her feet, "The truck driver in Sunjae's accident was my dad."

"Oh," Yumi shrunk back. She reached for Eunyoung's hand, "Eunyoung..."

"It's my fault," she said, feeling her eyes well up with tears, "I was given the chance to protect him and I couldn't do it. I don't deserve him. I'd rather die in his place."

"You can still save him."

"What if I can't?"

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nana's notes: depressing chapter ._.

delphi's notes: just eunyoung proving that love is deaf, dumb and blind

previous chapter next chapter: friday (out now!) list of chapters here!