Haymitch Seeing A Bunny: "how Could I Possibly Kill A Creature That Brings To Mind My Girl?" 🥺

Art Critic: the skull in the corner is artfully placed on the periphery of vision to symbolise the omnipresence of death, important thematically to the artist’s conception of life and mortality.

Actual Artist: aw shit, I got all this negative space, guess I’ll stick a skull there that looks pretty rad.

does anyone wanna hold hands until we feel a little braver

people who don't experience hyperfixation don't know what it feels like to hyperfixate so much on something that it becomes not only your subject of obsession but also your source of happiness and literally the main reason why you still keep going; literal source of strength and life.

shoutout to my favorite fictional characters, favorite people, favorite ships, favorite movies, favorite tv shows, fanfics and archive of our own

I'm no scientist, but I believe that's called "contamination"

It's honestly so easy to claim territory. Once you figure it out you can start claiming territory anywhere. I claimed territory in a walmart once. No one was allowed near the milks for hours.

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

lord the peasants are so loud today

My personal headcanon:

When Cecil moves to the GDA, he meets the OG Donald and they kind of hit it off. It starts as a friends with benefits stress relief sort of thing (Cecil is a grumpy old gay man and he hates connection because it gives people leverage over him), but eventually Donald forced Cecil to confront his actual feelings for him. They start this whole secret relationship, and just when Cecil is starting to truly let his guard down, Donald dies. And then he's brought back as a robot. And Cecil is like "okay, cool, my boyfriend is back, we can continue as normal" and quickly realizes that Donald doesn't have his memory back. And Cecil starts spiraling. I mean, he's distancing himself as much as possible, he's throwing himself into work, he isn't sleeping, you get the picture. And Donald 2.0 is worried about his boss. He steps into a caretaker sort of role, trying to get Cecil to stop being a stubborn dick and actually take care of himself. Cecil decides to try again, because if he couldn't have Donald 1.0 back, maybe a fresh start will be fine. And so Cecil and Donald 2.0 get together. And then Donald dies. Again. When Donald 3.0 shows up, Cecil hardens his heart and refuses to try. He doesn't reciprocate any moves Donald makes on him, he acts strictly professionally. And for every version of Donald since, he keeps it steadfastly platonic, if he even lets him close enough to be friends. And still, nobody knows what the fuck is going on between them except for Cecil.

Somebody has to hear me out on Cecil X Donald.

Coworkers to lovers. Amnesia trope (sort of). And the ANGST? Oh, the angst would be crazy.

Like what do you MEAN you keep having to watch your partner die, and then you have to wipe his memory again and again? What do you MEAN he's not going to remember what you meant to him when he comes back, but he's going to fall for you again and again? What do you MEAN you have to decide whether to try again, knowing how it will end, or deny your heart and do the job? What do you MEAN-

They should make ChatGPT reroute to PhotoMath, and then make PhotoMath reroute to ChatGPT. That way if any losers try to cheat using either of those, they get stuck in the Void, doomed to spend eternity rerouting from one to the other

They should block chatgpt on uni WiFi the way they used to block coolmathgames

thats my boy, always squaring up with literal gods