Addickted

pretty sure water is gay. straight people can't swim they have to walk along the bottom of the ocean in a void.

Imagine going to take a shower and the water just dodges you, and not being able to tell whether you are hydrophobic or if the water has become homophobic.

Cum

What are some genderfluid alternatives to ranch?

it's incomprehensible how much of my brainpower is spent CONSTANTLY THINKING ABOUT SUCKING DICK

Is there like a cure for constantly being horny?

It's been -78 days since the last day i didn't randomly think about gay sex and that's only if you count the day i realized i didn't think about gay sex which is still technically thinking about gay sex. If you don't I have no clue what it's like to not have your thoughts filled with AGGRESSIVE GAYNESS.

I misread that as "getting wrapped around a tree at 100" mph somehow and all i can think is about drifting a dodge viper in the rain.

As soon as my body starts to malfunction or fail me/become weak/fragile I'm rerolling

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Allow me to ruin this by telling you hawk tua is a girl from a 10 year old vine who got famous by making a joke about how to properly give head hence the name "hawk tua". I'm returning the dissatisfaction i got from being told i live under a rock then memesplained to only to find out that that the meme is in fact almost a decade old and completely unfunny, you're welcome.

the joy I get by not understanding new popular stuff is one of my favorite feelings. I'm so happy I will never understand who hawk tua is, and I'm really happy with that outcome.

I am out of nerds

how many nerds do i have to shove up my ass before i see god?

I mean by the time they were done with him he was planted in the ground like a tuber, and he was braindead, so the entire thing is technically a vegetable

A proper salad consists of three divine components:

ingredience (vegitable of all kin)

indulgence (dressing, oil, salt, croutons, cheese, etc)

violence (chopp and shred that shit asunder)

What are some genderfluid alternatives to ranch?

I reblog ONE transformers thing as a joke and suddenly half my feed is shipping Transformers characters together WHY IS TUMBLR LIKE THIS