Stir Fry

Declare a thumb war then in the middle of teh thumbwar pull them in and KISS THEM

borderline delirious rn happy not eating more than 700 calories and walking a mile a day because you're trying to reclaim your body from dogshit genetics day why am i doin this during finals week lmao

slamming the big red button on my desk labeled "bweh" over and over again to no discernible effect

please god help me i got toothpaste in my hair and it's not coming out

I mean by the time they were done with him he was planted in the ground like a tuber, and he was braindead, so the entire thing is technically a vegetable

A proper salad consists of three divine components:

ingredience (vegitable of all kin)

indulgence (dressing, oil, salt, croutons, cheese, etc)

violence (chopp and shred that shit asunder)

Man i still remember back when i was optimistic and witty. Used to love wordplay and stupid jokes. Did a lot of stupid nerdy stuff like calculating the terminal velocity of an oreo.

Now i just kind of want to die.

I have no idea what this lettuce is doing here but the rest is cute.

https://www.instagram.com/sotce?igsh=MThjMTAwOGFrZnU1Mg==

If I am elected president I promise to kill the president.