I Remember The Before Times. They Feel Like A Distant Dream.

If I am elected president I promise to kill the president.

How the fuck do I slow my feed down without unfollowing people?

every time i click away the feed has another dozen entries

a ukulele and a revolver with one bullet in it played with a massive grin.

why the fuck does my mother move so much of my stuff it's always "I WOULD MOVE THAT SO YOU DONT LOSE IT" and then she moves it and i can't fucking FIND IT where the FUCK is my PEN FOR My TABLET

What if we kissed in the field of eyes?

Since somehow this website is less of a cesspool than twitter even with 90% of its userbase gone and there is literally no other social media platform actually suited to posting completely random thoughts with zero refrain I dug out this 10 year old account to do exactly that.

pretty sure water is gay. straight people can't swim they have to walk along the bottom of the ocean in a void.

Imagine going to take a shower and the water just dodges you, and not being able to tell whether you are hydrophobic or if the water has become homophobic.

I tried not to make a sound but to them the lack of self-confidence wriggling in my head around is deafening.

They're just sitting on the window sill....staring at me.

"The next time you observe an American robin in your yard, notice how they curiously tilt their heads. They do this to listen for juicy worms."

wake up babe the robins can hear your brainworms and they're after you

two words: watermelon pie

it contains the quantum essence of children's mathematical metaphors you can order as many as you need AND slice it twice without making more than 2 cuts (slice the melon, slice the pie, twice sliced and twice as shy)

how many nerds do i have to shove up my ass before i see god?