I'll Get Lynched, But Trans Women Most Definitely Have Privilege Over Trans Men When It Comes To Receiving

No you don’t understand me calling you afab isn’t me calling you female it’s me just referring to an event that happened in your life - where you were assigned female. Don’t question why I never call you a man only a “afab trans person”. I’m not misgendering you and if you think I am then you have internalized transphobia you need to work out.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't so resentful, that I wasn't so hateful at times. Hatred does consume your soul in a way. But I can't help it. And for the love of God sometimes I wish people would just understand that.

Like all throughout places like special ed school, or even support groups, I would get bullied relentlessly by people who were neurodivergent or had a mental illness of some kind, and I'd get told "they can't help what they do, just ignore it" or "be nice to them regardless, they already have it hard as is", but I, with the same neurodivergenies and mental illnesses, never get afforded the same treatment. Why don't I get treated like that when my mental illness or trauma makes me say some fucked up shit? Or have violent thoughts? Or have outburts?

Even here on tumblr all I hear is "support people who get angry or violent from mental illness" and stuff like that, but the exact same story. They say something genuinely hurtful, they get defended because they "can't help it", but when I have an episode, I get degraded even further.

Just fuck all the way off. I get it. I fucking get it. I'm the unwanted here. Everybody else is more important than me. But you don't have to be mean about it, and at the very least, don't degrade me for something you defend or even praise others for.

Something that's severely undertalked about it the loneliness and lack of real friends that come with being disabled, both mentally and physically. I especially don't see physically mentioned a lot.

But how tf am I supposed to have close friends when I'm constantly sleep deprived? If my general physical strength and endurance are severely limited?

I've thought about just donating it since I just don't want that thing near me, but I'm not sure I'd want any kid to have that creepy fuck of a bear near them either. Idk it's getting really uneasy on them and I'm going insane.

I'm not saying I'm mentally ill, but today I bought a new teddy bear because I had been looking at it for a couple weeks and finally caved into the temptation. Yet the moment I put it down on my bed, I felt an overwhelming urge of guilt and disgust and the need to throw it away and apologize to my old, trusty teddy. And now the new one won't stop looking at my with its devilish eyes and I actually want to get rid of it even though it's like brand-new but I also DO NOT want to touch that thing anymore.

Suicide isn't selfish, it's not your fault if you want to end your suffering.

In a few months I'll officially not only have lost my childhood to dysphoria and knowing it'll never be quite right, but also the exact same thing will happen with the entirety of my teenage years! Two fucking decades gone nowhere, epitome of a waste of time.

Like fuck dude I know that cis men can get depressed as well, but at least you got the comfort of not having your own body and soul tormenting you. And at least you can peacefully rub one out and have a few moments of bliss. Idk. Wish I could do that.

And the fact this is exactly what my 20s will look like.. and my 30s... And basically all the time until I can finally call it quits.... I dont even know what to say, I cant put it into words.

The idea of "socialization" as a trans person is so interesting, because a lot of trans women talk about how they generally don't experience male socialization (I say generally because all trans experiences are different, but the general idea of true). They experience closeted trans women socialization, which I can't even begin to speak on what entails.

So in contrast, you would expect something similar to be true for trans men, and in a way, yes and no. There is some truth to seeing how men are expected to act (stoic, unemotional, etc) and internalizing that. But there is also the experience of growing up as a little girl where so much focus is put on the idea that you should grow up in service of others. That is internalized so readily in just watching your mother and sisters cooking and cleaning up thanksgiving dinner while your dad and brother sit in the family room watching football. Its in how your body is told to be covered until it can benefit the men around you (i.e. school dress codes). Its in how you, as the smart girl in class, need to pick up the slack in group projects with class clown boys, but you are still less intelligent and deserve to be talked down to. Its in how you are told to be quiet and diminish yourself and act for others and never yourself. And because you are expected to grow up as a girl, this is how you are expected to act.

But then you aren't a girl, you are now a man that lives in service to others, has internalized this idea of diminishing himself, is stoic about his emotions, and lives in a world where the crimes of cis male patriarchy are thrust on his shoulders as his responsibility. Any of his anger is seen as either violently male, or hysterically female, and so you get none of the support you need and are only ever really critiqued.

Idk, just thinking about trans men again.

Would reblog a thousand times if I could

I feel like people forget most trans guys still had to grow up as girls.

We were still forced to be mature early

We were still told to not to take up space

We were still subject to female beauty standards

Our bodies were still treated as inappropriate

We were still pitted against each other

We were still excluded from “male” activities

We were still treated as lesser the boys

Those things don’t evaporate once we transition they’re fucking internalized. I constantly have to remind myself I’m allowed to exist. We don’t stop dealing with misogyny.

I've concluded nobody gives a shit about trans rights. Not even other trans people. And especially American trans people. Atp I hope the election takes away your hrt, shouldn't have been a selfish and inconsiderate prick to trans people outside of the US. Maybe this is karma. Good luck out there, but I won't care if you loose access to your tiddy skittles.

People forget real quickly that barely 10 years ago young girls would be put on blast for wanting to cut their hair short, let alone actually go through with it

"No one cares if women / transmascs / afab people wear pants and boy clothes!!!"

On my knees begging you to talk to people who grew up in religious fundamentalist communities and high control groups / cults