Stop Calling Me Intense. Can You Just Let Me Be

summertime

I read Samuel Beckett’s play Waiting for Godot in my modernist drama class. I had read it once before, in my freshman year writer’s studio. The play didn’t make much sense to me at the time, it was just two guys dicking around, killing time to wait for someone who never arrives. It was weird, a little experimental, but not profound. Not to 18-year-old me, anyway.

It was assigned to me again, by a professor who studied the play for three years before teaching it. This time, I took my time to read it. Partially because I’m now 21 and less of a punk, and also because I figured it must somehow be important to read if I’ve encountered it twice.

Despite my reading it again, it still didn’t mean much. It was tedious, nothing happened. Vladimir and Estragon spend two acts waiting for Godot, who never arrives. He always sends his messenger to tell the pair he’ll see them the next day. The next day is like the previous. It’s hellish in a way, like purgatory.

It’s like summertime.

I realized this after spending 3 hours listening to my professor pound the point into my brain. Beckett’s point was that life is just one big cosmic joke, a “universally shared predicament of meaningless action” (pulled verbatim from my notes). Time will pass regardless of what we do, so we need to give our lives meaning ourselves. Which is obvious, now that I think about it.

But school has let out for the summer, and I’m bored. Time passes slowly, and I have too much of it on my hands. Staying busy is my meaning as a student.

What will it be when I graduate?

Is my future meaning to write things that no one will read?

Who knows?

some snippets from my notes + images i’ve collected and don’t remember where from

stuff i’m thinking about

jonathan harker is just like me fr he notices the driver going about in circles and is too nice to say anything he’s just like okay take ur time it’s fine i’m not in a rush 🙂

Butterflies and flies feasting on the corpse of a fish.

friends to lovers because i understood you before i loved you, i saw you before i loved you, and i have loved you in so many intimate ways before i fell in love with you. because i loved being around you for simple reasons before those reasons became so much more and the relief of you are not just a friend to me is the best thing ever.

₊✩‧₊˚Lana Del Rey🦢˚₊✩‧₊

stain by a. g. howard

7/10

• fractured fairytale, and i love those

• HAD A MAP!!! 🩷

• lush descriptions of EVERYTHING, settings, appearances, foods, etc. totally ripe with sensory detail (sometimes gets to be a lot, but if you’re into that kind intense detail/worldbuilding it doesn’t bother)

• good good memorable characters, the villain is truly so evil it made my skin crawl, female protagonist was good - confused but not defenseless, male protagonist was more than just a hot guy, had his own thing going on (but also he was really hot)

• weird emphasis on how small the female protagonist is, which personally annoyed me

• little bit of a dubious age gap (17 x 20)

• good love story, big emphasis on being friends before lovers and both sides being equal in the relationship, got to be corny sometimes but overall very cute

• lots of exposition before the actual meat of the story, was a little tedious but was well written so i couldn’t complain too much