Talking Mad Shit About An Article As A Seasoned Alienfucker
Talking mad shit about an article as a seasoned Alienfucker
SO. The article in question is this:
https://reelrundown.com/movies/The-Top-10-Sexiest-Aliens
I’m going to rant about why it was funny to me in a strangely not funny way. Keep in mind this is written out of sheer boredom, this isn’t supposed to be serious, but I’m criticizing this article because I want to and because its actually bullshit.
So basically the list counts as such:
10. Serleena Xath (Men in Black)
9. Queen Tyr’ahnee (Duck Dodgers)
8. Princess Neytiri (Avatar)
7. Aayla Secura (Star Wars)
6. Ella (Cowboys and Aliens)
5. Gamora (Guardians of the Galaxy)
4. Leeloo (The Fifth Element)
3. Caprica Six (Battlestar Galactica)
2. Darth Talon (Star Wars)
1. Sil (Species)
I sorted them out into four distinct categories.
I reckon you can already see why this is funny to me. Because most of their choices. Don’t look like aliens. You can’t make a list of fuckable aliens and list off aliens that look indistinguishable from humans. That just means you like humans
I can excuse Neytiri and Aayla and Talon, Gamora’ and Tyr’ahnee are on thin ice, but c’mon man. Come on man. At least put some actual aliens for the rest.
I dunno, maybe I just don’t understand the Normal Person Gaze (tm) but if you ask people who I feel like this article is for then Venom would be on there without question.
Anyways. Have a good evening.
More Posts from Its-spelt-hermaeus-mora and Others
*gripping beard*
No dude im so excited for the barbie movie im not being ironic im not joking im so fucking excited i wanna go see it right as it comes out dude hear me out please
Hello please reblog this if you're okay with people sending you random asks to get to know you better
I want this sickly white boy tumblr sexy-manned immediately
I honestly feel like if someone calls a member of a system an "alternate personality" I should be allowed to hit them. If someone calls me by the host's name when they know its me, that bitch is going down.
- Dallas
Some absolute bangers from my dnd sesh tonight:
DM, in response to Jonathan taking a puff of weed mid-session: “Are you ripping a bong in Strahd’s castle??”
DM, after Jonathan asks in-game if Strahd is British: “He gives you a confused look like ‘what the fuck are british people?’“
Dm, watching a player be weird across the table: “What are you throating over there? Is that a piece of asparagus?”
Said player: “You dont got the asparagussy.”
Jonathan, in response to ‘What can I do that you cant?’: “You can…not tank a wooden stake to the heart.”
Jonathan: “Youre a bad neighbor!”
Aenrice: “IM A FIRBOLG, IM THE TARGET OF A HATECRIME.”
Aenrice: “Dont die.”
Jonathan: “Probably not.”
Jonathan, when Strahd doesn’t believe him: “No, I can actually speak dog.”
DM, imitating Jonathan: “That vampire bussy got me actin up.”
Jonathan: “I told you we shouldn’t have done it but you were all ‘no i want some of that sweet vampire dick-“
Aenrice: “THAT WAS YOU-“
Jonathan’s Player, out of nowhere: “You could totally turn an ice cream scooper into a pipe.”
Jonathan, in reference to fucking Strahd: “You said no, he said yea, we took the highest bidder.”
Arenus, jealously: “I cant believe you would even think about doing something like that with him.”
Jonathan: “Dyou wanna fuck?”
Arenus: “No!”
Jonathan: “Then shut up.”
NPC: “Stay safe traveler!”
Jonathan: “Maybe”
Aenrice’s Player: “Aenrice looks at your four-barreled blunderbuss, then at his one barreled blunderbuss, and says ‘Yours is bigger than mine.’”
Jonathan: “Aint that the usual.”
Jonathan: “Strahd, me boy, yer a feckin fool.”
Jonathan: *Exorcises Strahd while speaking fake Italian like a Terminal Montage video*
Jonathan: “Exorcise, no treadmill.”
I dont usually do shippy posts but I just wanna talk abt these old men.
Bain and Dallas have such interesting symmetry.
Dallas, a professional criminal, an established name in both the crime world and the civvy world. Clad in suit and tie, smokes cigarettes, likely enjoys alcohol on occasion. Brave, and a leader.
Bain, the "guy in the chair", unknown to most and known to few only as Bain. T-shirt and jeans, prefers to vape, probably drank bong water just to try it. Secretive, but incredibly intelligent.
Both are in their 40's, much past choosing a different career.
Dallas is well-dressed, and likely takes utmost care of himself. His hair is a marble of dark and light, the years evident on his face and in the grey of his locks. Keeps his facial hair and nails trimmed, makes an effort to style his hair.
Bain throws on whatever he can find quickly. His hands and lips are chapped, his hair is pitch black and probably greasy. Likely dyes his hair. Only trims his facial hair when it gets too inconvenient, and chews his nails regularly. Leaves his hair down, it's easier this way.
Nathan Steele would love to have a family one day, and cares for the other heisters diligently.
Bain is lonely. He lives alone, eats alone, and sleeps alone.
Dallas wears a mask, and Bain doesn't need one.
I just think they're neat.
Karkat, complaining about our headmate Equius:UGH NO YOURE NOT FEELING ME I FREAKED OUT BECAUSE HE SAID SORRY AFTER SHOULDER CHECKING ME.
Me:Youre upset cause he....was nice?
Karkat:YES BECAUSE HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WE'RE KISMATES ANYMORE? HE STOPPED TRYING TO KILL ME, HOW DO I KNOW IF HE STILL FEELS BLACK TOWARDS ME OR IF HE FEELS RED TOWARDS ME???
Me:I was into Homestuck for three years but wtf are you saying???
- Nori
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