02.11.24

24.05.24

[Exams 2/4]

I have an exam tomorrow, at 10am. I need to go over and learn the enitre syllabus inbetween then and now.

I have been cramming all day.

(No pictures)

01.08.24

April begins! Lots of chaos will be happening this month as I expect to be studying abroad for a year by early September- so it's the final (big) push to ensure all the paperwork is sorted. Today I found out that my visa had been rejected for medical reasons- and when I contacted my university for help, they were not helpful at all. I'll need to keep on top of them to ensure that my application doesn't slip through the cracks.

On a brighter note, it's my brother's birthday today; as well as my boyfriend's and granddad's later in the month. This is good for parties, but bad for my bank account (lots of presents to be bought). I also have a family holiday at the end of the month, which is with my extended family (on my mother's side), so that is another thing to look forward to.

I realised yesterday that my bellybutton piercing fell out, so I'll also need to get a new one today before the hole closes up (it hurt to get it done, and took forever to heal, so I'm trying my absolute best to avoid having to go through that again.

I got a new laptop- it's meant to be for my birthday, but I should be abroad by then, so I got it early. It should be good for my schoolwork and actually be able to run the necessary programmes, hopefully meaning I'll get more done as I won't be forged to only work in the library.

At least the weather is nice.

27.05.24

[Exams 3/4]

The last exam was terrible, the exam writer was lazy (repeating questions, using questions on the mock, asking lots of questions about a tiny part of the syllabus, etc,) it really knocked by confidence and uspet me. I think I should have done better, and don't see the exam as a true reflection of what I can achieve. In all honesty, after the exam I went back to my dorm and cried- out of both upset and frustration. I hope that despite the poor creation of the test, I have done enough to get the grades I need. I have one test left, and I'm definitely burnt out. Everything got on top of me all at once, I miss my family and my sister has recently had a baby, but I haven't met him due to being in exams. Not being around family during such a momentous occasion has made me feel bad about moving away, and about my plans to move even further for the next academic year.

Not being able to see my nephew is a huge sacrifice to me, so to go through that only to sit in an unfair exam was the straw that broke the camel's back. After my last exam, I will be going out clubbing (not something I'm particuarly excited for right now, but I know it will help my social life), then all I want to do is go home to meet the newest member of my family.

(no pictures)

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

— Carl Gustav Jung

I hate it when people are like “get out of your comfort zone” literally every single thing I do in my life feels like me getting out of my comfort zone

“i can’t do this anymore” says a girl who is not only going to do it but do it well

15.05.24

Yesterday was less than the best day of my life. I'm struggling with imposter syndrome- the truth is that I have and am doing my best, I am studying all day everyday and it just doesn't seem to be enough. I just can't get the content.

I have my last seminar of first year today, and a networking event for students planning to study abroad (like me). So far I've met two others (both psychology students) they are bith nice, one is making more of an effort to connect than the other. I plan on going on a night out with her after exams- something to look forward to. I always struggle with exam season, but I also always get the gardes I need. I need to trust that what I've done and what I'm doing will be enough. That's easier said than done.

I've been neglecting other responsibilites, so I'm going to make a mission to do one non-academic thing everyday (other than on the days I have actual exams). Today I did my laundry. It doesn't sound like alot but letting these things build up definitely contibutes to my stress levels- coming back to a well-kept dorm should help.

I was the only one to show up to my seminar- me and the semiar leas just had a chat about life and university. We talked about the evils of TikTok and ghosting people- we talked about what we wanted out of life. It was strange to connect with someone who was doing much better than me academically (phd student) but had all the same issues and fears; he got stressed, he procrastinates, he had imposter syndrome, but he did it. Maybe I can too. It was the best seminar I've been to and we didn't even go over the content.

When I left it was raining

The meeting for study abroad students was fun, we went over some of the cultural differences. I found out that the Malaysian legal drinking age is 21, meaning I'll have to stay sober- that's less than ideal. I made a groupchat with alot of them and we stood outside the room afterwards talking, that has to be a good sign. Hopefully they like me because I'm going abroad with them so if they don't it'll be a lonely year. I'm conforted by my general lack of friends now in that reguard. If I can be alone and not lonely in England, I can do it in Malaysia.

I called my family and talked to them for awhile- I half miss them and I'm half glad to be away from the chaos. It's difficult, but I plan on seeing them soon :) I ate loaded potato tots with chicken, chesse, gray, and sauce; it's my new obsession!

I spent the rest of the day studying Social Psychology because that's my first exam :)

05.08.24

Not much has happened since my last blog post.

I met my partner's parents; they were nice and I really wasn't nervous, even though I thought I would be. I haven't done much uni work lately, I need to keep on top of it, as well as making sure my visa is going through. I applied for an online Internship, that way I can do it remotely from Malaysia. I didn't put too much effort into the application, so I'm not insanely hopeful about it. Either way, it's good practice.

It's my boyfriend's birthday today, but I'm not seeing him until tomorrow. We're on a real countdown now before we have to go long distance awhile. I'm looking forward to most parts of moving abroad, but being away from him will be my biggest difficulty. My boyfriend assures me that it's going to work, so I believe him.

I'll try to post more (I want to post daily), but can't make any promises, as it's not easy to find something to post about when so little is happening in my life.

-June xx

(No pics)

in a month from now, you'll either have a month of progress, or a month of excuses why you didn't.

12.09.24

I'm in Malaysia now!! The flights were rough.

(Yesterday) 5h 55 into my first flight (to Dubai for layover). I'm an hour into the Hobbit. It's so enchanting. The flight attendants have come around with menus. I've had 1/2 of a bag of Maltesers already. I'm feeling excited but I wish I could message my partner. The long flight will be worse than when I'm actually these- because I can't have any contact at all.

When I landed, I got an airport shuttle provided by the university which felt like it took years. Finally, I arrived to my dorm at around 1pm (Malaysian time), and slept until 8pm. I got snacks from the vending machine, unpacked my suitcase, and fell asleep until the next day.

Today, I did a lot of admin work (signing documents, reading through emails, etc). I also took a walk around the campus- trying get bearings. So far, I've had gyros with fries, and chicken fried rice. The food so far has been really good, but I feel like I've been choosing the safe options, so we'll see how I get on.