Latest Posts by jaystellarbirb - Page 2

@fuckthegcpd hey you ever notice how police brutality protests usually end in police brutality? Or am I delusional

Ok, so I KNOW Bruce Wayne HAS to be at least an ex of Batman. So we all remember Jason Todd right? Well rumor is, Bruce Wayne found him STEALING TIRES OFF THE BATMOBILE. And apparently adopted him after. So like, he finds a kid vandalizing his ex’s car, and decides, “I like this kid.”

Hey, @gothamradiokid could you tell you grandpa to CHILL THE FUCK OUT. I got woken up, at three in the GOD DAMN MORNING because MY NEIGHBOR FUCKED UP, AND HE SENT SOMEONE TO DEAL WITH IT. Tell him to do that at midday or some shit, some of us are sheltering highly reactive new mama dogs, and need at least 30 minutes of sleep.

So I took some wallets.

Long story short, who wants authentic GCPD police badges and ID’S

Girls gays and non binary baes, Please raise your hand if in favor of defunding the GCPD and using the money to help kids in Gotham 🙋🏻

FIRST OF ALL there are better ways than fucking MAKEUP. Glitter. Glitter everywhere. That station has the worst security I’ve EVER SEEN. So yeah. Glitter nukes. I’m leaving them in cop cars and it drives them INSANE

Was anyone else at the police brutality protests outside the GCPD this week and last? Does anyone else have mixed feelings about the number of people wearing clown face paint?

Bro GCPD cops will just LEAVE THEIR FOOD IN THEIR CARS like do they have any idea how easy it is to pry the door open

How do I explain to the cops at my apartment complex that the reason my neighbors heard someone scream “homicide” “Arson” and “larceny” is because those are the names of the stray cats that stop by my apartment and an hour ago they were talkin shit

By the way this page very much is not safe for Izzy hand. If I was given the chance I’d make him Izzy Handless.

This man is a homophobic gay

Riddler has a twitter account set up so if he dies, it spills all the secrets of people he’s pissed at. Don’t ask me how I know this. It was not a fun experience.

You know, I did NOT need to be called out this hard

I was talkin to this guy who also had the same idea as me to hide in a dumpster, and we talked about our “villain origins” and I said I just did it for the chaos.

Then he says, OUT OF LEFT FEILD, “do you do it for the chaos, or are you angry at the world for beating you down when you couldn’t perfectly fit into the system, and so you target people and corporations that are enforcers of said system.”

Like DAMN if I wanted advice from a criminal I’d go to riddlers tumbler

Been rewatching tangled the series and i thought of something

Originally Ruddiger was a pest that just kept coming back

But what if Varian adopted him for comfort because:

The rocks were destroying everything and he felt helpless

He felt His dad wasn’t giving him any clarity

And when his dad gets trapped he grows closer to Ruddiger because he’s basically lost everyone else

I wanna know who the fuck told the GCPD my name was Bird Bitch

MY NAME IS CORVID

I just remembered that when I was a kid I put serious thought into an idea for an edgy villainy themed department store, like as a genuine career goal I devised to be completely within the realm of possibility and if I remember correctly my idea included:

Satirical ads and signage just bragging about being a soulless corporation

Scary uniforms with optional helmets for employees

Only sinister music ever plays

Large, obvious security cameras with visible laser sights

Menacing but technically correct signage, like “corpse flesh” for meats

A pet section with only snakes, spiders, scorpions and piranhas

A moat outside with live alligators. Bass Pro fishing shops already actually do this so why not.

Overwhelmingly large horror dvd selection, all other genres condensed into a smaller section presented kinda like the weenie hut from spongebob

“Skeletons” as an entire department

Carnivorous plant nursery in the garden section

The store holds very frequent raffles and contests but the prize is always knives

My reasoning besides it being fun was that everyone was probably sick to death of businesses pretending to be wholesome and caring about you and people are also just bored in general so the spectacle itself might pay for the cost of its gimmicks and actually all the regular items would be as cheap as possible

And once more, I find myself hiding in a dumpster.

On a completely unrelated note, the GCPD do not like it when you put a glitter bomb in what you THOUGHT was the car of a bad cop

Idea: Supervillain etsy.

You buy like a freeze ray or something and it comes in a neat little box with snowflake stickers on it and it's packed with sparkly blue paper.

You get some evil chemicals and they're all in pretty glass bottles with corks and handwritten labels. They're all packed up safely in a tiny drawstring bag.

Everything has a thank you note or card. A couple have contact information, and all the addresses lead to supposedly abandoned buildings full of death traps.

✨Guess who was going to shoplift at the mall but had to leave early due to sensory issues✨

Good news: I had my big debut!

Bad news: I used a stupid one liner

So I was in a supermarket buying bread for the pigeons, and was at the front when a guy pulled a gun and was robbing the register. Typical Gotham. He gets the money, and something hit his hand and the gun fell near me. Now everyone in Gotham knows how to use a pistol. So I pick it up, point it at him, and asked that he give me the money. He does, and I go “welp, gotta fly!”

GOTTA FLY. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME HOLY FUCK

but good news I’ve got an outfit in the works!

Update: THAT SOMETHING WAS A BASEBALL FUCKING LUCKY THREW HE WAS TRYING TO HELP ME

So, update on the whole villain arc thing.

I can talk to other animals, so far cats, raccoons, possums, rats and dogs.

And it is surprisingly easy to get them to steal for you. Literally just taught a flock of pigeons how to pick pocket someone.

Ok so APPARENTLY I can talk to birds, not sure HOW, but I’m bored as fuck and wanna commit ✨C H A O S✨ so I’m taking villain/vigilante name suggestions, so please leave them in the comments. The best I’ve got is Corvid.

The winner of todays “Fuck around and find out” award goes to yours truly. I think I might have a superpower now, not sure. Ace chemicals really needs better security.

Go to my pinned to see how to fight this

I’m so glad to see I’m not the only one!

officially diagnosed with bed too cozy disease

Oh, oh, you meant--! Haha, you meant that I should become acquainted with the lab members! Oh, see, there's--*stands in front of door, from behind which banging and groaning occurs*--there's been a funny little misunderstanding!

When you said to "make friends", I--*elbows the door to get the things behind it to quiet down*--I may have, aha, um... Misconstrued your words.

Hate it when cis people ask unnecessary and invasive questions like "are your experiments ethical?" And "where is that screamimg coming from?"

When god closes a door I shove my sword through the gap at the bottom and swipe at his ankles

Big bird and Bear go skating!

This could save lives so I thought I’d share!

“Back in my day, nobody was depressed, we all just lived our lives.”

No. You didn’t. You grew up in a generation where everyone decided talking about feelings is hard, and therefore didn’t. So if you wanted to say how you felt, you were often mocked, silenced, or shamed. So you could have a mental illness, but due to your own emotional trauma, you likely wont ever find out. And because you were never taught healthy coping methods for emotions, you lash out.