Jayce: I’m 10 Times Funnier And Sexier Than You.

Enid: Must be hard not being able to laugh.

Wednesday: I do have a sense of humor you know.

Enid: I’ve never heard you laugh before.

Wednesday: I’ve never heard you say anything funny.

Juliette: What’s up guys. I’m back.

Calliope: What the- you can’t be here. I literally saw you die.

Juliette: Death is a social construct.

Caitlyn: You’re right.

Vi: Wow! That’s an unusual phrase for you. Did… did you just learn it?

Jayce, holding in his laughter: Hey, how do you ask a glass of water what it’s doing?

Viktor: A glass of water is an inanimate object.Therefore, it’s incapable of having a thought process or understanding basic human language. Like you in more ways than one.

Jayce: …

Jayce: Water you doing?

Robin: How many kids do you have?

Steve: Biologically, emotionally, or physically?

Caitlyn: In your opinion, what’s the height of stupidity?

Viktor turning to Jayce: How tall are you?

Robin: Just a heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and it will become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you’ll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this.

Nancy: What did you do?

Robin: IT WAS A MISTAKE!

Jayce: Look. I may not be a saint, but it’s not like I’ve killed anybody. I’m not an arsonist. I’ve never found a wallet outside an IHOP and thought about returning it but saw that the owner lived out of state so I just took the cash and dropped the wallet back on the ground.

Viktor: That’s weirdly specific. Are you sure you haven’t-

Jayce: I was just giving an example. No need to look too much into it.

Caitlyn: That’s illegal, right?

Vi: Why do you care? Are you a fucking cop?

Caitlyn: No… not anymore that is-

Vi: Then shut the fuck up.

Vi: You’re giving me a sticker?

Caitlyn: Not just a sticker. That is a sticker of a kitty saying “me-wow!”

Vi: I’m not a preschooler.

Caitlyn: Fine, I’ll take it back-

Vi: I earned this, back off!