I do have thoughts on how the situation between Mu and Haruka is being discussed.
I believe it's a bit disingenuous to behave as though Mu didn't know Haruka was getting worse and I just want to lay out why it is I feel that way. To be frank it simply doesn't align with anything we heard from Mu in her second voice drama or the things she was displayed as saying and doing within the Portal Timeline. As I am a petty individual I would say it's a stretch of canon to say she did anything other than what she said she'd do.
Which was nothing but support Haruka in his choice as his friend,
Mu Queen B 13:16
"Isn't it exactly because he's my friend? isn't friendship about letting your friends do the stuff they want?"
Though let's go a bit further back for a second how do we know that Mu was aware Haruka was planning to do something that would end his life? Well because she told us and she told us a good while ago in fact,
Mu Queen B 12:36s,
"Ah, but if you don't forgive me Haruka-kun will die. So, I think it'd be best not to do that." ...! [bell tolls] So you've heard about that nonsense too? "Mhm. Haruka-kun told me."
Literally her saying that last thing should be the nail in the coffin for presenting this situation as something Mu wasn't aware of. Because she was told by Haruka himself that if she was voted Guilty he would do lethal harm to himself. This is the first reason why I believe anyone behaving as though there is any chance Mu did not know Haruka planned to do this is either acting dishonestly or simply has not been paying attention.
Well, Gunsli maybe she knew he planned to harm himself but she didn't know how he was going to do it. Haruka didn't even know himself yet he was still trying to figure it out. That's fair. However, Mu still could have told the other prisoners that Haruka planned to do harm to himself just to be safe if she didn't want him to do that or just told him she didn't want him to do that. I guess that's neither here or there though.
Let's just keep walking down this-
Wow; I literally can't even say this is a road, bridge or anything someone is meant to walk on... What the fuck is this? Alright. This imaginary pathway certain people insist on telling those around them really exists despite it not aligning with anything that has occurred thus far. Yeah, I'll believe for a second this is the case and Mu just didn't know even though Haruka told her he would end his life if she was guilty and she would be the first to know if she was guilty.
Not even touching on the landmine of how Haruka would find out she was guilty to begin with. It was possibly when they were restrained after the verdicts but he implies he knew earlier than that when they're talking in the timeline on his birthday in 2023.
Still forgetting all of that maybe Mu didn't know how Haruka would do it.
She still knew he had the intent to harm himself and what her verdict was to her own admission. Then did nothing to even try to dissuade him from harming himself over the course of the portal timeline,
Trial Three Website Voice Lines
2: "You said you’d forgive me. You told me that you would forgive me! Just changing what you think on a whim, you really are the worst." 4: "What are you going to do about this? Haruka-kun died. Hey, guard. You knew this would happen, right?""
The first time she brought him food she even stated that he had to eat it properly meaning she recognized he was not eating and persisted in telling people she had it handled anyway and that he was fine,
23/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)
Mu: Haruka-kun, I brought your food. Are you still alive? Has any mould started growing? Haruka: ……ah, thank you very much. Mu-san. Sorry, um…… I…… Mu: You shouldn’t just lock yourself in your room all day. You have to eat your food properly. Hm, well…… I do understand why you’re feeling down. It feels bad. The atmosphere recently Haruka: Um, I’m totally fine…… Just a bit, I’m thinking, about how to do it. What to do, what to do, to…… fulfil my promise. For Mu-san’s sake……
So, even the fact that he was not eating properly was something she knew long before any of the other prisoners or even us as the audience knew.
Hell, in this timeline Haruka brings up that he's thinking about how to do it. How to end his own life to keep his promise to her and she says nothing to dissuade him from it. While knowing full and well what he's talking about because again she told us he told her.
"Mhm. Haruka-kun told me."
These are the facts from her own mouth.
This is the sequence of events. I do not believe this is a difficult set of circumstances to follow or look into but they are easy things for people to purposely misconstrue. In a way that I can only consider to be an attempt to make Mu sound more considerate than her actions and own words display her as being.
Hell I know for certain that some overzealous individual is going to get in their feelings and go,
"Well Jackalope said in the trial three commencement notice that Mu has trouble putting her emotions into words. He said 'She doesn’t know where or what her feelings are. She just lacks the skills to put them into words, but a human such as she, is quite complicated.'. Maybe this means Mu really did care about Haruka and just didn't know the proper way to express that or how to handle the situation."
One I'm not arguing against that.
I am however arguing what does that have to do with Haruka dying and the words she did say throughout the entire time he was slowly wasting away in his cell from starvation? Like I don't care about how she's feeling about it now when all is said and done. Because while Haruka was starving himself she was having people praise her for bringing him food she knew he wasn't eating?
Because again the first time she brought the food to him she verbally noted he was not eating properly. So the timeline and again Mu's own statements portray that she was aware Haruka was not eating from the onset.
Yet, continued to tell people things such as,
"I’ve been bringing all his meals to him so he should be fine. Isn’t that great of me?" - [Milgram Portal Timeline-23/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)] "I’ve been taking his food to him like this every day. Isn’t that great of me?" - [Milgram Portal Timeline- 24/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)]
However a lot of people want to spin it as though Mu went through something just as tragic as what Yuno went through.
That she spent months trying to do right by someone and help them get better just to have them die.
It's a pretty easy story to want to spin for Mu's character. Especially when the parties telling it have a vested interest in ignoring certain information. Simply because they want to see the best in someone to validate themselves regardless of how that someone has consistently behaved.
Even her saying you have to eat has been twisted around to say she was telling him to eat so she was really trying to help him and tell him not to do this through saying that. This was her showing concern for Haruka. When what it is- Is definitive proof that while no one else knew Haruka wasn't eating until they found him starved to death or near starved to death Mu did know.
How could she not have known.
She was bringing him food everyday. She saw him every day. Starvation isn't something that can go unnoticed. People will literally lose weight. They will get thinner. There's no way to starve gracefully. Heck it's not even that difficult to tell when someone isn't eating their food.
Definitely not in Mu's case because again it is something she noted he was not doing on June 22, 2023,
"You have to eat your food properly."
Mu Kusunoki to Haruka Sakurai on June 23, 2023 far long before he starved to death.
Now logistically what could she have done? It's not like she could have forced him to eat. What could she have done outside of saying hey you should eat properly?
Well you see there's this thing called an intervention. There's this thing called telling people there's a problem. There's this thing called when multiple people give someone the opportunity to tell them that something is going wrong and another person needs help far beyond what they can provide doing that.
Something Mu was given chances to do but decided to instead assure people that Haruka was fine and she was taking him his food every day. Stating and implying to them that he's being taken care of and eating properly through her statements. Because she's showing them the food, the plates, and saying this is what she's doing.
Why would they not believe her?
Now there's discussions around the fact that anyone within Milgram could have taken some time to go into Haruka's cell and check on them their selves. However, that takes us back to Mu as well because Futa and Shidou asked Mu if Haruka was alright because she was going there every day and they may not have wanted to barge into Haruka's space. This is just a polite thing to do. Since Mu assured them that he was in fact fine and look he's eating see I just took him this then possibly showed them an eaten plate of food-
What the fuck were they supposed to do? Go,
"LIAR- He's starving himself in there isn't he?!"
Shove Mu to the ground barge into Haruka's room and go,
"Haruka we're here to save you this is an intervention. You will have three meals a day like the rest of us and water. Then we will walk daily and start you on communications counseling because this isn't healthy physically or mentally. Kajiyama grab his legs we're taking him to the dining hall."
And force fed him like Curly is Mouthwashing. No, that would be wild. Just believe her. The fuck why would they not believe her? Fuck I would have believed her too. Like okay I believe you that's your friend. The fuck you gotta lie for. If you say you're taking him food then I believe you and I have other things to do but if this continues I'll go in there to check myself eventually.
At the end of the day she knew Haruka wasn't eating she noted that. All to then not get anyone to intervene or help in any way. In fact she assured people time and time again even after Haruka was probably dead that he was fine.
23/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)
Futa: Oi, you. Is he ok? He’s not even left his room lately. Mu: You mean Haruka-kun? Hmm. Yeah, probably. I’ve been bringing all his meals to him so he should be fine. Isn’t that great of me? Futa: Hah? Who the hell says that sort of thing about themself. ……ah, no, well, right now I understand a bit. When you’re feeling down, it’s nice to have someone who relies on you and accepts you. The rest of us can’t really understand you from where we’re standing. But well, if you’re Haruka’s “salvation” then I guess it really is great. Mu: Salvation……? I don’t know what you mean. Futa-kun, you don’t sound like yourself. Did you hit your head or something? Oh, wait, you actually did, didn’t you. Ahaha. Ah, putting that aside though, did you know it’s my birthday today?
24/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)
Shidou: ……I’m worried about Sakurai-kun. I haven’t seen him around in a while. You’ve been talking with him, right? Mu: He’s fine. Here, look. I’ve been taking his food to him like this every day. Isn’t that great of me? Shidou: Yes, very. I’m sorry I’ve been leaving it to you to look after him. Usually, that would be the job of us adults, and yet we’re leaving you with the burden. Mu: Don’t worry about it. After all, me and Haruka-kun are friends.
Something that goes straight back to what Mu said she would do in regards to Haruka threatening his own life. Again it's not Mu's fault he's dead I don't consider suicide murder and neither does Milgram. Haruka choose to take himself out and that's a choice I've gotta respect. Nobody forced him to make that threat or follow through on it.
Yet no one stopped him either. Milgram, Es, the audience or Mu. None of those things stopped him from doing that or even attempted to.
Mu's defenders can't have their cake and eat it too. They can't say it's the audience fault for not voting Mu innocent and stopping Haruka because Mu didn't stop Haruka either.
Like Mu said,
Mu Queen B 13:05s
You know about it and you're not trying to stop him? Haruka, that is?
"Haruka-kun says that's what he wants, so there's nothing I can do, right?" But you're calling him your friend.
Yeah Mu, you're right. That's what Haruka wanted to attach his life to and die for. Nothing we could've done about it. Es didn't make him threaten himself. The audience didn't either. We should just respect the choices he made to get himself to that conclusion.
Heck at least he got to choose how he went out. That's more than Shidou and Mahiru got.
The last timeline we see with him even supports this,
24/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)
Futa: ––Hey, are you really ok with this? If you come with me, there’s a chance you can be saved too…… Haruka. Haruka: Yeah…… I’ve made my mind up. I have, something, that I have to do. Futa: Ah, is that right…… Haruka, you know, you’re an idiot. There’s no way…… that will save you…… Haruka: Yeah, thank you. I’m glad you came to talk to me, Futa. Um, thank you, for being so kind. Really. But, I’m sorry. This is all I’m able to do……
All those times she brought food and she never offered him a way out of that promise. She never said this is how you can get out of this. This is how you can move forward with me too. You're life doesn't have to end here. No the person who did that? Who was it again?
Was it the person that brought meals there everyday. That people are trying to jump through hoops to say couldn't notice someone starving right in front of them. Even though that someone was a person she'd been attached to at the hip prior. She could notice when he wasn't making eye contact or distracted by something,
22/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)
Mu: What’s wrong, Haruka-kun? Did something happen? You shouldn’t look away like that when you’re together with me. Haruka: Ah, s-sorry, Mu-san. Um…… No, it’s nothing. I just, suddenly got a feeling. That something is about to happen. Mu: Isn’t that because it’s your birthday? Or perhaps it’s a sign the guard is about to wake up again soon? Fufufu, I bet they’ll be really surprised at a lot of things. Haruka: That, might be true. But, I want the the guard to see. ……the new, me…….
But not a change in his weight. She's not observant enough to recognize the signs of starvation. Even though she went there every day with food. Alright, sure I believe you.
You know I'm not even mad at Mu because Haruka is dead. I'm mad at Mu because Haruka died for someone who no matter how much I comb through the facts did not give one fuck about him. To the point that the last notable thing Haruka did was not thank Mu for being kind to him didn't even thank her for that once if we're being honest but someone else.
Who even while going through the shit he did and saying he didn't have the luxury to bother being concerned about him. Was the first to ask if he was okay. Was the first to check in with the person he saw as being closest to Haruka to just check if he was alright. Then when the situation persisted went in there himself to check on his own birthday.
Just to be meet with what exactly. I was curious about what Futa saw that made him seem so panicked. Curious about how Haruka had done it. But now we know he went in there and saw a shell of person thin, starved, on the brink of death. Probably not too different from how Mikoto's trial three art looks at this point.
And he pleaded with Haruka to just leave be saved some other way. Like damn sure Amane's religion makes him vegan but at least he's eating. It's something I really can't let go it's not murder of course. Mu didn't kill Haruka with her barehands she didn't even kill him at all. But it's just the idea of going to same place every day with the thing that could save someone's life and knowing they're not taking it. All while again and again assuring people it's fine I'm taking him the thing.
Messing with files again, I found one thing really interesting thing on Episode 4.
Aparantly, the game had another ending??? Or was supposed to have multiple endings, maybe? Anyway, i found something really interesting, but had to delete that famale conselour of Rachel and find a way to get on the facility without replaying the hole thing.
After that, the normal ending scene starts tho… I really wanted to see an ending with Rachel going after Zack.
Personally I hope that no one begins to do a disservice to Haruka's characterization by fixating on one singular thing.
Such as the murder, parental neglect, the possible diagnoses and mental health struggles he had etc. Because fixating on that is no different than what his parents did. Fixating on the label of the issue more than the person with it. Doing this ignores that Haruka as a character was someone committed to changing for the better. So for once in his life he could do something to benefit the people in his life who he cared about and were there for him.
He constantly worked in order to not be a disappointment and died trying his best to repent and at least be useful to one person before he left this world. Regardless of if he was being used or not. He recognized that what he did was wrong. The report illustrates this again and again.
It highlights how he was tormented by his own actions,
Haruka weeps, as he clumsily hides the body, "This child's life was probably much more valuable than my own." "A future much brighter than mine was probably awaiting this child." "Why did I end up like this?" Haruka cried, night after night after that, and repented. He thinks about the future of the child he murdered, and claws at his chest. When he comes to, he was strangling the neck of a second child.
It showcases how he wasn't fully cognizant that he was repeating this pattern with the second child and his music videos display that as well. Going further to imply by not labeling this as a murder that once he recognizes what he was doing he stops himself.
Something alluding to in the series by the fact that Haruka states he's afraid to be near children. A fear more than likely brought about by the fact he did this with no awareness of it.
Haruka's First Voice Drama 4:25s
"A-Amane." What's wrong? "I-I'm not good with them. Children at that age. A-Amane is a good girl but she brings back b-bad memories." Are you alright? You're looking pale, you know?
That he warns people not to get close to him because bad things happen to those that get close to him,
Haruka's First Voice Drama 4:44s
"I shouldn't be too i-involved with people in the first place. Even with all the prisoners they might misunderstand. It's no good." Why is that? Just do as you please. The bonds we share with other people are the very thing that shows our human nature, that's what I believe. "It's something I can't even tell you, prison guard!" Even to me? "You shouldn't get so close to me. Bringing misfortune to people is the only thing I'm naturally good at."
The only thing I'm naturally good at./When he comes to, he was strangling the neck of a second child.
Haruka's First Voice Drama 5:15s
"The more you know about me, I'm sure I'll bring misfortune onto you as well, prison guard." Haruka. "Because! Because... Ah, I'm sorry... for just talking by myself." Continue. "It's happen sometimes. I... I... Even though I try to be normal, everything gets ruined. You, everyone, if you knew me... If you knew everything that I did... I'm gonna be abandoned, that's bound to happen."
Doing that would ignore that Haruka consistently did things within Milgram to try to mitigate and work on the issues he's constantly faced throughout his life.
Focusing on just one thing ignores everything we saw Haruka's character try to do over the years that he was in Milgram and Milgram went on. Something that he died continuing to attempt to do. It ignores the fact that Haruka didn't think his actions or the murder was right.
It ignores the fact that he came here admitting fully he was wrong and was told actually no you're wrong about being wrong what you did here was okay.
Haruka Metamorphosis of the Weak 2:30s
"It is. I felt uneasy about it this whole time... Someone as worthless as me having killed someone to gain attention, and a person who surely had more worth and more of a future than me, at that..." ... "But it turns out that I did nothing wrong after all! It wasn't wrong of me to kill her. There was never anything for me to worry about...!" Oh...? "It felt so strange warden...! Warden-san, you forgave me so, so much, it felt like a whole lot of people had accepted me! Ahh... It was the first time I've ever felt something like that!"
To reduce all of that characterization down to mental health struggles, neglect, or one single issue at all is to miss what makes Haruka a great character entirely.
He is all of his flaws and successes.
Yet beyond all that in his dying moments he was someone who was trying his best to do right by someone and prove to the people that gave up on him that he wasn't a failure and he could be useful. He was a character that died crying out for a mother who abandoned him saying,
Even if the only way he could be costed him his life.
Still none of that negates the fact that he was and will always be a murderer. That cut a child's life short. All of those things can be true at once. Because for a character to come of as human to be compelling is to hold space for the fact that like people they will be flawed, they will be pitiable, they will be undeniably wrong in some areas and justified in others and they won't be forever.
People will grow to like or hate them in equal measure and find reasons to justify those feelings just like with any person in real life. Yet at the end of the day beyond like and dislike, hate and ok- There's a complicated characterization there waiting to be appreciated for everything it is not just what's easy to enjoy or dislike about it.
Just a doodle
I was inspired by a line from the fic Boy with a Broken Halo by Sasaria
Writing Advice For Fanfics or Novels
Hello, my dears! As requested by @ilay-snt I thought I’d share my writing process with you all! I’m going to split this post into two sections of general advice and then how I personally construct a story.
Disclaimer: I’m no professional by any means. I’m basing this solely off two creative writing classes I took in college and what I find to be personally helpful so if it doesn’t work for you, that’s totally fine! Everyone writes differently!
Write the story that you want to read. Not only will it keep you motivated to keep going but it frees you to try whatever you want without being worried how it will be received by others. As long as you’re happy with your work, that’s all that matters. Your audience will find you.
(Hello audience! *waves excitedly*)
This one might sound a little daunting, but it doesn’t need to be a lot or necessarily “everyday”. It’s just a way to consistently practice, to help you find your author voice, and create a habit.
Writing everyday could be a poem or a paragraph or a whole chapter! It’s whatever you choose to make it just as long as you get something down. It doesn’t necessarily even need to be good. You can always go back and edit, but if you only write when inspiration strikes, you might never sit down to do it in the first place. Practice finding your way through the words to get at what you want, rather than waiting for the words to come to you.
If you’re REALLY really stuck. Then might I suggest you-.
As a chronic second-guesser, I can’t tell you how helpful it is to have someone read your story and help structure the plot. I’ve had a lot of instances where something I’d been struggling with for days was resolved by getting coffee with a friend and having them look at it with new eyes.
Get yourself a beta reader or just someone who has good taste whose opinion you trust to help you work out problems. Two heads are often better than one!
A lot of people like to limit it to reading authors you love and looking at the way they create stories, which is very helpful, but don’t neglect other forms of storytelling like movies and TV shows or even videogames! Think about what you like from your favorite things and why you like them.
As an example, one of my favorite pieces of media is the Mass Effect Trilogy. Mostly because it subverts the narrative of the Lone Hero archetype present in other franchises like Halo and Assassins Creed. The protagonist Shepard relies on their teammates abilities and support throughout the game to complete missions and eventually save the universe. Similarly, I like stories where there’s a cast of interesting and diverse characters surrounding the main protagonist who are essential to the plot.
Go dig through your own favorites and figure out what kind of characters you like, tropes you enjoy, and overarching themes that speak to you. From these, you can draw inspiration for your own stories and figure out what you want to write.
Writing doesn’t happen in a vacuum! If you feel like your inspiration is running dry or you’re in the middle of a block, go out and do things you enjoy or, better yet, try new things!
Be fully present in the moment and look at the world around you as if for the first time, talk to people you run into, or draw from your friends/family for inspiration. There’s a whole world of possibility out there just waiting to be written down or reinterpreted. Don’t be afraid to take breaks and have fun! Writing should never become a chore!
Now that that’s out of the way, let’s dig into my own personal process:
When I have an idea for a story, I try to do a rough outline first of the big plot points: the beginning, the middle, and the end, then fill in as much as I can in between.
My chapter outlines are never very well defined up until I reach the point where I sit down to write. It’s only then I begin to flesh out what I want to do. I take everything from the previous chapter and what I know is coming up to shape what needs to happen in the moment. I work better with flexibility so I can wander off the path a little rather than rushing from point A to point B.
Character sheets are probably the most important part of my writing. I like to give my characters as much agency as possible and allow them to steer the story rather than the story steering them. Unfortunately, the only way to accomplish this is to know them inside and out.
Most of my character sheets start with the basics: what does this character want more than anything, what do they actually need, and what do they fear. From there, I can identify their goals for the story and for each chapter, their personality traits, their likes and dislikes, how they respond to conflict, etc.
When I’m writing, the character sheets are my own personal holy book. If I can’t make them move around the scene anymore, a quick look at that will normally get me back on track.
Normally, I have a goal in mind (or several) I want to reach. Whether it’s progressing the plot or just one character’s arc, I allow those goals to drive the action, then set the characters loose like rats in a maze.
Often, I try to think “what can go wrong here?” and then how that character would react to the set backs or interact with each other based on that.
In a few cases, the characters just do what they want and then entirely new scenes develop I didn’t plot out beforehand from following after that instinct.
On the whole, I allow the characters A LOT of free will to shape the story while holding up the basic structure for them to work within and I’ve found it really makes the story come to life.
Generally, everyone I’ve met who’s a writer has something to say and the story is the medium for that. The most important thing when I’m writing and I’m buried neck deep in the twists and turns of the plot is to not forget why exactly I’m writing it in the first place. So I have a little manifesto of sorts at the top of my outline, only a couple sentences at most, that strips the entire story down to the one central idea I’m trying to convey or an overarching theme.
For example, if I had to sum up the central idea of House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune (Great book by the way, can’t recommend it enough) it’s that true family accepts you for who you are and can come from unexpected places. Also, it’s essential to stand up to unjust systems in defense of others.
I try to find my own my own theme like this to keep in sight for my story. So I don’t veer too far from the purpose of it.
If I met anybody remotely similar to Zack in real life, I’d probably never want to interact with them again. Like seriously- when you really think about it he’s incredibly annoying-
Stupidly stubborn, dumb to the point it’d be an pain to explain anything generally abstract or complex, (even if he found the patience to sit through something you’re trying to explain you can just tell he only caught like 20% of it) and refuses to take care of himself to the point it’s annoying for other people- like he must smell absolutely horrendous.
But we all love the man anyways
Current fixations: Noel the Mortal Fate, Angels of Death(My AoD obsession will never die)
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