Justateenworkinglifeout - Just A Teen Trying To Figure Out Life

I made a cardboard model of Festus the Celestial Bronze automaton dragon.

it’s so funny when people are like “being nice is free” and “kindness costs nothing” and then they are the worst fucking person you have ever met

Confessions from an emotional abuse victim:

#5 Kind Gestures

After spending so much time with either the absence of kindness from others, or with kindness always being conditional, you tend to forget the feeling of having someone truly care about you and be kind to you.

Depending on the situation, my brain will go into one of two modes when being showed kindness. I will either immediately become paranoid and worry about what I will need to do to repay it, or just completely short circuit and become confused.

The urge to repay tends to come when it's someone I don't know very well being kind, or when I'm given compliments. I start to wonder how I'm supposed to make the miniscule amount of energy that they need to use to be nice worth it for them.

When I react with confusion, it's usually either with someone who I know well or it's a really big gesture that means a lot. After being treated horribly for so long and having my sense of self-worth chipped away at, I sometimes have trouble comprehending why someone believes I am worth caring about and going out of their way to be nice to me.

Most of the time for them it's just something casual and simple, that they just feel is good to do, but for me it's a whole new healing experience every time. Getting past my initial confusion is hard, but it's worth it because once I can accept it, it opens an amazing point of view and helps me truly understand the fact that I am worth caring about (which is something people tell me and I try to tell myself, but is still hard to fully grasp)

The kindness of all these new friends I've met since I started high school is one of the biggest things I have to thank for aiding my recovery. Whether they've helped me through hard moments, or have just been a good friend to talk to and hang out with, these people and their kind gestures mean so much to me.

so one of the high school buses flipped over and this was the picture they used in the newspaper

'I want to go on a walk or ride my bike!'

*remembering that it's cold as fuck outside and I'm already in pain and very fatigued*

'Actually I'm not gonna do that nevermind'

shakespeare wasn't lying that tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow can creep in this petty pace from day to day

My LEAST FAVORITE type of question as a theatre kid is the ones that are obviously just meant to prove that others are doing something wrong.

"So do we put our hands like this or like this?" "This is the right way." "Okay, I thought so but I saw SOME PEOPLE doing it the other way and I was pretty sure that wasn't right"

I don't mean when it's like a clarifying thing that nobody is sure about and has never been specified before and everyone is doing something different or something you yourself are struggling with or unsure about.

But when it's entirely obvious that just a few people made a mistake and did the wrong thing and they seem to know it was wrong and will fix it next time... just why?

It pisses me off so much especially now after I've done performing stuff for a while because I remember the intense shame I would feel when a castmate would openly be criticizing a mistake that only I made, in the form of asking a question. I almost quit choir freshman year because the person who sat next to me did that so often and was so judgemental that I felt like I wasn't welcome at my current skill level (the same skill level that a lot of the choir was at).

Honestly, I'm a strong believer of letting the director/instructor point out mistakes and fix them, or asking for help with mistakes you made or things that you are unsure about. Be kind to people with less experience or there might be nobody left to continue once you graduate.

Things they never mention when you cut off someone as a middle schooler:

Sometimes, it can take years to realize how bad things were.

You start out thinking that you just didn't click. Then you begin thinking of it as toxic. Then you start realizing it was manipulative. Then after 3 years, you can finally see it for what it was. You were being abused. It was an abusive relationship.

But you can't go around and say that. After all, you were both 13 and you didn't even date or anything. You were just friends. And sure he was bad to you, but didn't you mess up a bit too?

People tend to make their assumptions and tune out the rest of the story once you bring up that it was in seventh grade.

Meanwhile every time you have to see him in class, you die inside a little more. He makes eye contact with you once and you're in a state of panic for the rest of the week. You're scared that one day he's going to try and do something else- get revenge on you for rebelling against his control and refusing to be his little puppy anymore.

You walk the halls in terror. He could be anywhere, any time, ready to get back at you. He's tested the waters and learned how badly you fear him. He seems to take joy in that.

All your friends swear they would protect you, but you know they wouldn't be able to intervene quick enough to avoid any damage being done- mental or physical. You know that he's still stronger and more set in his views. He wouldn't lose any fight against you, it doesn't matter if he chooses words or fists.

You live in fear. Some don't believe you, others don't fully understand. Some swear to protect you, others seem to think you would deserve it. But no matter what, the only thing you know for sure is that if something happens, you are completely, and utterly, fucked.

The three kinds of bird species name

1. God’s Specialist Little Boy

2. Hot Breasted Milf

3. Grey Bird With Brown Head

4. Walter’s Fingernail