Growing Up, I Taught Myself That I Didn’t Need Anyone, That I Am Perfectly Fine Without Love Or Friends.

don’t tell me pretty lies and try to hold me like i’m yours.

— all i really needed from you weren’t pretty words, it was your honesty.

marina grace

finally i’m doing something good. finally it’s me over everyone else. for so long, it was easy to be anyone else in the world, to say yes to everyone else but myself. it was so easy it was subconsciously done. i didn’t even realise just how much i was hiding, how much shame i didn’t want to show. worse, it was loud. the shame was so loud i couldn’t even swallow it whole. and finally i could recognise it in myself. finally i stop trying to swallow it down. finally i’m not scared to choose me.

— i’m not going to apologise for saying no. if anything, i bravely say yes. i’m saying yes to myself, to who i am, to a life without shame and fear. my dear, you’re good enough, you’re doing enough. you can choose yourself and still have the whole world in the palms of your hands.

marina grace

you were a puzzle, an endless maze i entangled myself with. i thought i didn’t understand you because you were so unpredictable, that i have to keep figuring you out to truly know you. but the more i tangled with you, the more you slowly let me in. that was when i realised that all along, i was wrong. you weren’t a puzzle at all. i just needed you to be you with me.

— to me, you were a maze but when i’m with you, i felt like i’ve known you for a million years.

marina grace

make a wish, angel. sing it to the stars. dance it to the moon. you are all things beloved, stardust and sea sand. your wish will be fulfilled, your desires will come true. new year is the beginning of your very best life, if it hasn’t started already. nothing and no one can stop you from getting what you want—and everything you want is what you deserve. don’t forget, you are not just another human on earth, you are everything someone could love…

— you are life reincarnated, the goddess’s creation, the universe’s beloved child.

marina grace

i’m sorry we haven’t been in touch for years. i’m sorry that i didn’t text you back when you asked me if i wanted to meet up that one time. i guess i am a coward, but it’s not like i don’t want to reconcile when it’s all that i have ever dreamed of since the day we parted. i didn’t mean to give up on us — but somehow, the thought of reconciling is like damaging all the fond memories i ever have of you, and i’d rather live in the past then be disappointed by the present.

— to me, old memories of you are better kept that way.

marina grace

there are more i wish you would say, more words spoken, more actions done and more truths told rather than sad excuses.

— your lack of words is my reminder of why i couldn’t stay.

marina grace

I will never let anyone bring me down, and I hope you all can say this with me too. Life has given you many encounters with so many people from all walks of life. Some were good encounters, some were mean and downright embarrassing. Some left you flustered and some left you lingering for more. But regardless of which specific emotions they made you felt, they affected you in some way. Comments may have dug at your self-worth, words that may have dismissed or invalidate your feelings, hidden jealousy or envy that seemingly “good” people hide. They all amount to something, and they might’ve even brought you down, pressured you, saddened you. But now, you’ve come out of it, stronger, better, wiser. Don’t let the past grip you tight. If you remember past pains, past hurt, let it be your wisdom, not your wound. Some people may have brought you down, but that’s exactly why it is to never happen again. That’s why it is necessary that you repeat to yourself: no one can hurt me, no one can bring me down. And remind yourself that you are wise enough to know when to leave, wise enough to know when to stand up for yourself, and wise enough to know at first glance that they are not your people and you will not let them become someone who can hurt you.

until dawn, i will wait. under stars and midnight clouds, under bright moon and fading sun. i will wait until dawn, until the very first light peeks through the sky. i will wait for the time when yesterday is no longer yesterday but when yesterday becomes today.

— until dawn, i will wait.

marina grace

one day i’m missing you, the next i don’t even care if you’d call or text my phone. even if i don’t want to, i’d often find myself thinking about you, wondering why you didn’t text, why you don’t ever call, wondering if you miss me, wondering if you’d ever man up and say what’s on your mind. these thoughts are incessant at first, fresh after our last meeting—and then it slowly wane as i forget why i was ever hung up on you—i forget why i wanted to call you mine.

— the pull was strong when we were together but just like you, i’m better off forgetting this feeling than to keep on hoping you’ll become someone i could call my own.

marina grace

i told you i wouldn’t care, i said it in my head and i meant it. too many chances i have given you only to be left disappointed in the end. it doesn’t matter if i didn’t tell you what was wrong then, because i don’t need you to change to become the person i’m looking for. no, i need more that that. i don’t need a pretender. i deserve a partner who naturally suits me. love shouldn’t be hard. and if you’d cared a little more, pay a little more attention to me, to what i care about, i wouldn’t have to tell you when something’s wrong. even if you didn’t know, you would’ve asked, you would’ve noticed. and to me, that makes a world of difference.

— do you know why i left you behind? if you don’t have the courage to ask me why, i’m better off with someone else.

marina grace