TW: Dark Humor.(?)

Sam: Oh hell no! I’m not giving Bucky $100,000 dollars!

Bucky: I would because I hate myself and then because I hate myself would give it all to Steve. He deserves it

Rhodey: You’re offered $50,000, but if you accept, the person you hate the most in the world would get $100,000– do you take it?

Tony: Why would I miss out on the chance to get 150,000

Scott: Don't you just hate that situation when you're picking up your bags from the airport, and everyone's luggage is better than yours?

Peter: A worst-case scenario

Tony: Sorry can’t relate

Sam: That’s because you’re in the best-case scenario

“What do you know about infectious diseases?” -teacher

“They spread” -person

“Does that make sluts diseases?” -me

Do you guys want to chose the winning card for my cards against humanity with the avengers? 

Ned: Oh shit.

Peter: Don’t swear around May!

May: Oh, no it’s fi-

Ned: Mamma Mia that’s a spicy meatball!

May: You know what just say fuck

Me responding to this post getting over a hundred notes despite being some bullshit I made on the bus:

Responding to a kidnapping attempt part 1:

Tony:

Peter:

Bruce:

Natasha:

Clint:

Thor:

Steve:

Bucky:

Sam:

Loki:

Peter: MJ is so cute. *sigh*

Ned: ...She just...stabbed Flash for bullying you...

Peter: I said cute not harmless.

MJ: You do know I can hear you?

Peter:

Ned:

MJ: Thanks Loser

I carry around a lot of random stuff.

Levy, DMing: You lose your balance and fall backwards. As you land, you hear something in your bag break.

Gajeel, remembering he had four jars of live bees in his bag: Oh no.

Loki at Midtown Tech: I have come to kidnap my adopted gremlin friend

Office Lady: I’m not sure who you mean. Would you like to ask over the PA system?

Loki: I would love too.

Loki into the mic: Hey gremlin, we’re gonna fight a god and kick his ass. And then we’re gonna cause mischief with the vent bird

Meanwhile in Peter’s classroom

Teacher: Well that was weird. Probably someone playing a prank...Peter, why are you getting up?

Peter: I’m gonna fight a god, kick ass and cause mischief with the vent bird. It helps a snake and spider de-stress.

Teacher: You know what? I don’t care anymore. “Fight a god” as long as you get your work done.

Ned after a moment: snake... snake... Wait, does that mean that was Loki?!

Don’t normally do this but the song made my day.

@everyscript