Crab Day

DannyxBruce Enemies to Lovers Court Drama edition.

Prompt: Tim’s “Uncle” shows up to court, ready to fight Bruce Wayne for custody of his “nephew”.

Danny Nightingale knows better than to trust adults. After all, his own parents cut him apart in the name of science DESPITE believing that he was their son!

So when a kid, looking just like he did, comes to him for help with not getting adopted (by an eccentric billionaire, no less!) he’s more than willing to lend a hand. Sure, it’s a little bit illegal, but at this point what else could go wrong?

Dick is delighted by this theory, and is riding it all the way to the scene of the crash. Yes, I was sustained on rats and the first time I had McDonalds I cried. The first time I saw the sun I thought the world was ending. I'm the prototype, that's why I'm so peppy and they're so not, there was a mixup in my sequence.

thinking about today. Batman having to take an injured teammate who doesn’t know his secret identity to the Batcave and they just assume it is his House. like oh yeah Batman lives in a big, spooky underground cave, full of literal bats? yeah that checks out.

dr who’s on first, doctor strange is on second and doctor house is on third. theres no way theyre getting through a single inning

DP x DC idea where Danny is already fighting a group of nondescript green ghosts, you know the kind like Walker’s guards, but the JL come to see what’s going on and potentially take care of the problem. But in the frenzy Danny mistakes Martian Manhunter as a ghost and sucks him into the thermos too. Only no one realizes until after the fight, so a few days later they have to track down Phantom and ask him what he did with the ghosts they fought. But he already released them into GZ, so now he’s taking a group of JL members into the GZ to find their lost pal.

Sam, Tucker and Danny get tired of drawing out Danny's summoning circle (which they use for quick transport and emergency evacuation of Danny from difficult situations. Or just to force him to take a break from heroing) They get a stamp with Danny's summoning circle on it for extra convenient summonings (perhaps circles that do not intend to bind the summonee into place can be Small and Stamp sized.... or they summon Danny as little baby man) just dip the stamp into Whatever (ink, blood, waterver else can be used) and Stamp it where you need it

genuinely a big brain move. They have to be sure to make sure that stamp doesn't get lost though. The chaos that would cause would be too terrifying to fathom

Alfred has several industrial dishwashers. Everything is in and out is 30 seconds. The ventilation is great in the dishes room (yes there's an entire room dedicated to them) because the steam is so intense.

sometimes I feel like fics inadvertently overlook how much food the Batfamily, as a team of fully active vigilantes running on minimum sleep cycles and constantly getting into fights (and situations where they need to lift heavy items, hold onto buildings, sprint/jog) must need to consume every week.

like yes, Alfred cooks and Bruce has his smoothies but do you know how many calories they must all need just to be upright? How much protein? Add in the fact that half of them are still growing/in puberty and I just cringe thinking about how many dishes and grocery trips that must be.

Is this anything

@badjokesbyjeff

“Commander, do you read?”

“Uh… yes, captain. I read you.”

“Did you identify the object blocking the wormhole?”

“Yes, sir. It’s um…”

“Well? What is it?”

“It’s a cargo ship.”

“A star-freighter? What is it doing here?”

“Not a star-freighter, sir. A cargo ship. Like the kind that used to go on the water.”

“What?”

“That’s what I was thinking.”

“I see… well, does it have any identifying markers?”

“There’s a company logo.”

“What does it say?”

Clark, vaguely panicking: Uh, so, a really important part of being Superman is to care about everyone, right?

Kon, with stars in his eyes: Right!

Clark: And that extends to helping people out, with like, day to day, non-worldending things.

Kon: Right!

Clark: So I've decided, to help you on your path, you're going to do something that I did. Something incredibly important to who I am today. I would not be the same Superman without this experience.

Kon: Awesome! What is it?!

Clark: Community service. There's this really great farm, the Kent farm-

I wish you’d write a fic where Kon is actually born stronger than Superman because of how that would vastly change their relationship dynamics

God, I am IMMEDIATELY fascinated by the idea of Clark being faced with someone who is just undeniably and completely above his weight class, but said someone thinks HE'S the ideal to aspire to and wants to be JUST like him and thinks he's this insurmountable ideal who can't EVER be matched or beaten. And like, not to be an asshole here, but how many times in his life has Clark actually met someone he KNEW he wasn't stronger than who wasn't, like, a Doomsday or a Darkseid? Someone he KNEW that he couldn't just physically force into submission if shit went wrong; who could never really actually HURT him? Much less been around someone like that for extended periods of time?

Much less someone like that who wasn't even full-grown, and therefore was probably only going to get STRONGER?

Like, really. How many times?

Clark, internally: This kid already has all my powers after roughly thirty seconds in the sun and could LITERALLY crack the planet in half with that TTK of his but sure, sure, I'M insurmountable. This is fine. This can't possibly end poorly. A MORE POWERFUL version of me who was BORN with those powers and who doesn't understand people's falibility or imperfections or shades of gray and thinks I'm PERFECT, and wants to be just LIKE me. Who didn't grow up with anyone like Ma and Pa, but in a TEST tube. Right. Yeah. This will end so, so well.

So obviously letting this kid fly off to Hawaii with minimal supervision and ethics that were installed by morally-dubious scientists who wanted to mind-control him is just NOT gonna work, but what, is Clark supposed to tell this kid who's mostly a stranger who he IS? Explain Clark Kent, and how Superman isn't perfect; how it's just a persona? A face he puts on so he can help people, but not its OWN person? Not something real or sustainable?

What's this kid going to think, if he tells him that?

What's this kid going to DO, if he tells him that?