You’re Not Weak For Staying Silent. You’re Calculating Risk In A World That Punishes Honesty.

"You are your best thing."

Toni Morrison, Beloved

 She didn’t quit the job. She just slowly stopped showing up in her own body.

They asked if I wanted to file a complaint. I said no I’m trying to stay employed, not enter The Hunger Games.

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Muted Square in the Zoom

They didn’t say my name in the meeting. Not once. I was there and had written half the report.

The credit went around the table like a bottle passed hand to hand. I watched it skip over me.

At lunch, I sat with them. One of them asked me, “Are you new?”

I’ve been here fourteen months.

After a while, you stop correcting people. You stop reminding them that you’re part of it. You become good at inhabiting the background. Or a muted square in the Zoom.

But I’m still here. Still opening the spreadsheet. Still writing the copy. Still dressing up and disappearing.

They didn’t see me. But I saw everything.

Life gets easier when you stop fighting it. The rain will fall whether you complain or not. Traffic will exist whether you stress or not. People will act how they want whether you worry or not. Focus on what you can change. Let go of what you can't.

It is something that happened to you. 

It is something that can have a big impact on you. 

But it was not because of you.

And it doesn’t define you or your self-worth.

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Kiki Smith: Nuit (1992)