Loved

i have an ao3 account !

i will be posting fics irregularly and whenever I have time ! i will, however, create fics in fandoms that I am in. that being said I have a joongdok (joonghyuk x dokja) fic in the making ! 💗

hope to see you soon

~ m.n.

White, Green Season

i am typically what one would call a therapy friend. i listen. i hear the person out. i give advice if they wish for it. such is such. it repeats often. many people need a shoulder to keel over on or an outside ear to listen in.

i don't mind, infact i'm honored they trust me enough to say what troubles them. i see people constantly mull over the same issues and i help them in a different way every time. i don't get bored, rather i let them talk, rant, let it out.

it's nice to let it go. to feel your shoulders be relieved of the tension that had pent up. not many people offer me a shoulder, but i don't mind.

it feels intimate or personal knowing ones struggles and seeing them prosper. it gives the crinkle to my eyes as i smile softly to myself within my dimly lit room. atleast i was able to make someone feel better.

it's like seeing the green after a harsh winter. spring had always been my favorite season for a reason.

~ m.n.

i hate how i can write drabbles and small tidbits for days, but once it comes to actually writing a full-fledged chapter for a fic it feels forced n ends up sounding like a sad song on a forgotten instrument.

~ m.n.

What Would They Do?

i tend to wonder what people would do once im gone.

would they cry?

would they be angry?

would they feel no remorse?

would they feel absolutely nothing?

i cannot say, but i hope they don't cry. if they were to shed a tear i, myself, would hurt despite not being here. i would hope they mourn me, but in their own ways like humans do.

on another note, i often hoped something bad would happen to me just so that i could feel some sort of attention. i have much of it, yet at the same time i feel like im invisible.

~ m.n.

Happy Holidays 🎄🎁

i hope you all have a wonderful holiday today, whether you celebrate something or not !

~ m.n.

Words/Phrases You Probably Didn't Know About

hi hi ! hello dears, it's been a while but i've decided to put together a list of words or phrases that you most likely didn't know as well as their definitions !

have fun writing and please let me know if you wish for a pt. 2 !

~ m.n.

accismus (n) - pretending to be disinterested in something when you actually want it.

ala rasi - an Arabic phrase that roughly translates to "anything for you."

anomia (n) - a brain disorder that makes it hard to remember the names of people and objects.

balter (v) - to dance or tread clumsily.

clinomania (n) - the persistent desire to stay in bed, even when there are other responsibilities.

constult (v) - to act stupidly together.

defenestrate (v) - throw (someone) out of a window.

draconian (adj) - something that is excessively harsh and severe.

eglaf (n) - a word that has no meaning and can be used in place of any other word.

ephemeral (adj) – lasting for a very short time.

fabulist (n) - a liar, especially a person who invents elaborate, dishonest stories.

gheegle (n) - the urge to squeeze or pinch something very cute.

heterophemize (v) - unconscious use of words other than those intended; to say something different from what you meant to say.

irenic (adj) - aiming or aimed at peace; promoting peace.

jayus (n) - a joke that amuses because it is so unfunny or poorly told.

jouska (n) - the act of repeatedly playing out hypothetical conversations in one's head.

latibulate (v) - to hide or seek refuge, often in a corner, to protect oneself or find comfort.

lethologica (n) - the inability to remember a particular word or name.

moonglade (n) - the bright reflection of moonlight on a body of water.

morosis (n) - an obsolete medical term that means idiocy, stupidity, or fatuity. it can also refer to a decline in intelligence due to foolishness.

nedovtipa (n) - one who finds it difficult to take a hint.

nepenthe (n) - a potion used by the ancients to induce forgetfulness of pain or sorrow.

obganiate (v) - to annoy someone by repeating the same thing over and over.

phosphenes (n) - a ring or spot of light produced by pressure on the eyeball or direct stimulation of the visual system other than by light; the colors, "stars," you see when you rub your eyes.

pregret (v) - to feel regret for an action before it has happened.

shlimazl (n) - a person who is unlucky or inept, or bad luck itself.

smyster (v) - to smile to oneself while daydreaming.

snaccident (n) - accidentally eating a snack, especially an entire bag or box of junk food.

ultracrepidarian (n) - expressing opinions on matters outside the scope of one's knowledge or expertise.

Rejected

opened letter,

my name printed on the soft white envelope,

someone already knew of my failure before i was even to lay my eyes upon the words,

my delicate fingers grasp the letter that disapprove of all of what i had done,

i hadn't been enough. the letter crinkles as my eyes glaze over,

who will take me seriously now?

~ m.n.

Unworthy

i always feel as though my feelings are invalid because "someone has it worse." such words made be become reserved rather than outspoken. how does one critique and determine the worth of another's experiences? everyone's experiences are different, thus making us human.

yet... i am unable to sob at a minor inconvenience because simply there is no worth behind my emotions. being unable to express true raw emotions keeps me chained within the box of expectations that i cannot withstand.

why must parents always challenge what we go through what they went through? all experiences have their own worth, but when mine is put up against theirs.. suddenly mine becomes unworthy of such emotions.

"i'll give you something to cry about."

"why are you crying? back in my day..."

is there anything else im forgetting?

~ m.n.

Anger

i always wondered what i deserved to feel the wrath or plague of an angry person; for worse, an angry parent. to see a parent spout indecencies when a minor inconvenience happens just makes me glad of the patience i harbor. the constant

"why does everything bad happen to me?"

makes me sit in silence as the world around me spins and yells.

i have more to say, but not the words to explain it.

~ m.n.

Porcelain

i often stare at the work of others wondering whether or not my products will ever be as good. will my wobbly, thin walls of my pottery ever be as perfect and smooth as the girl's who's is showcased with blinding lights? will my art ever look and feel the way i had always hoped? will myself ever be the way i dreamed it'd be? i know people always crave what they don't have most, yet i crave for everything i already do. despite having talent i still believe i'll never be good enough because i, myself, know it is not talent. people worship for things they could only dream for, lacking any sense of what one went through to get to where they're at. i, myself, don't disregard such hardships, rather i envy them. i stare at myself within the reflection and believe i have done nothing of worth. everything i have, i do not have because i am simply never good enough.

~ m.n.