OMG THIS DESERVES EVERYTHING I LOVE THIS SM YES YES YES PEOPLE PLS POST MORE ABT THE EFFECT OF REGGIE’S

OMG THIS DESERVES EVERYTHING I LOVE THIS SM YES YES YES PEOPLE PLS POST MORE ABT THE EFFECT OF REGGIE’S TRAUMA NOT ONLY ON HIMSELF BUT OTHERS AS WELL I ❤️ ANGST SO MF MUCH

warnings: depression, anxiety, arguing, angst, mentions of suicide (regulus saying he'd rather kill himself than see james hurt), mentions of walburga and orion's A+ parenting, tell me if I missed anything.

wc: 1.3k+

notes: I've been craving smth angsty and sad so this is kinda hurt/comfort. the timer thing for reggie is something my brain does too and it's actually so annoying, im not sure if other people go through that but it sucks and I'm here for you:). also the main idea for this was actually from a tiktok here

Regulus can't help it. Their time is almost up. He can hear the alarm ringing in his head, telling him its time to go, it's time to leave. This time, its different. He doesn't want to.

2 years. Consistent. It's been rather healthy, there's no reason to leave, he loves him. The alarm gets louder day by day, his days grow worse and worse and he fears that James knows. James knows how he's feeling, he knows that their time together is up. But, against what Regulus' mind is telling him to do, he stays. He lays in bed. All day long.

James comes home at 17:26, like he always does. Regulus can hear as he places down his bag, and his water bottle. Regulus hears him throw away his trash from lunch and clean the dishes he used, and Regulus can even hear him put away his lunch bag. The sound Regulus dreads the most, though, is James trudging up the stairs, Regulus isn't ready to face the brightness of the sun, he wishes to stay under the comfort of the moon, not harsh, just enough light to get by.

Regulus turns away from the door, their comforter covering his whole body, including the back of his head. The door cracks open just enough for James to slip through.

"You awake, mi estrella?" Regulus wants to stay silent, to not move, to pretend he's asleep. Instead, he does what he knows he should do, and lets out a quiet hum of confirmation. James walks over to the bed, crouching in front of Regulus, finally coming into his line of sight.

James has always been beautiful, there's no denying it. His brown skin decorated with moles and freckles, his eyes big and doe-like, framed by square shaped golden glasses. Beautiful.

"Hi, baby," James smiles, flashing his white smile. Regulus attempts to smile back as James presses a soft kiss to his cheekbone. "Are you feeling sick?"

"No." Regulus answers, quietly.

"You hate to rot in bed, love, why are you still under the covers?"

"I don't know, Jamie, just not feeling too brilliant." James cocks an eyebrow, chuckling softly.

"You're not sick, though?" James unwraps one of Regulus' arms from the blanket, holding his hand.

"Nevermind, it's hard to explain." Regulus shakes his head.

"Okay, love," James kisses his forehead, and rakes his hair back. "Talk to me about it if you find the words. I love you." As James leaves the room once more Regulus simply hums.

The next day, Regulus still doesn't feel right. James was right, he doesn't like to rot away in bed, so he gets up. Instead he spends the time cleaning his house. He should be at work. Fifth day in a row he's called in sick. No new articles from R.A.B are posted in the prophet.

James gets home, normal time, and does his usual routine. Regulus thinks he might smile at how clean their home is, but instead he nearly scowls.

Regulus seats James at their table, he made sure he had dinner laid out so James could eat as soon as he got home.

"What's going on, Regulus?"

"What?" Regulus answers simply, sitting at their large dining table.

"What's going on?" James and Regulus have both finished their meals, the plates discarded in the middle on the table.

"Nothing. The house was dirty, it was bothering me."

"Not the house, Reg, you. You would never clean the house, you hate cleaning. What's wrong?" James' eyebrows knit together, and Regulus is ready to deny it.

"I'm not sure what you mean, James, I got a little stir crazy and the house needed to be cleaned."

"Regulus if you were stir crazy, you'd attend work." Regulus is taken aback by this. He visibly flinches back.

"You're the one that told me I should take time off, James." Regulus scowls.

"That's not what I meant, Reg, and you know that. I mean, yesterday you were in bed all day. You didn't move an inch. I thought maybe you'd take the time to visit friends or something!"

"I visit my friends all the time, I don't know what your on about." Regulus crosses his arms and leans back further into his chair.

"Really?" James scoffs, "When's the last time you and Pandora had a brunch date?" Regulus scrunches his nose and thinks. He doesn't remember. "Exactly."

"What do you want me to say James? It's like you don't even understand me anymore." But James is quick to clap back.

"I don't understand because you never talk to me about anything!" Regulus looks down at his fingers, picking at the skin around his nails, tracing over the veins. "Is this what you want, Regulus? Us fighting all the fucking time!?" James slams his hand on the table, and Regulus can't help but to flinch. He looks at the ground, and freezes. What is he to do?

James seems to notice almost instantly, just as Regulus' lip starts to wobble. "Oh, honey, please, I didn't mean too. I'm sorry, please, baby, I'm so sorry." James walks over to him and kneels on the ground, taking both of Regulus' hands into his own.

"I-." Regulus cuts himself off, trying to keep the tears in his eyes. He can't let James see him cry, not like that.

"C'mon, baby, I didn't mean it. I would never hurt you, I love you, you know that." But Regulus knows all too well that love can quickly be turned into violence.

"Sirius." Is all Regulus can even think at this moment.

"Sirius?"

"Get Sirius." Regulus can muster, his hands tightened into fists, his nails digging into his flesh. James nods, sadly almost, and stands up. He goes through the floo, and he doesn't return, only Sirius stands in his place.

"What's wrong, Reg?" Regulus can barely move his eyes to look up at his brother, "What happened."

That's when Regulus breaks down. He lets his face crumple up, tears stream down his pale face.

"He yelled at me," Regulus sobs into his hands, "and-" he sniffles softly, "and he hit the table." He shakes his head, he sounds so pathetic. "It just scared me, you know? Reminded me of when mama and father got into arguments."

"Oh, Reggie," Sirius holds one of Regulus' hands in his own, pouting slightly. "He's nothing like mum and dad, darling, he'd never hurt you."

"That's the worst part, Sirius, I flinched. I didn't see the look on his face but I'd rather kill myself than see it. He thinks that I think he'll hurt me." Regulus sobs quietly now.

"He's okay, sweetheart. He's with Moony, they're talking about it. What's wrong? Is that head of yours bothering you?"

"It's happening again, Sirius, the bell. It's going off. It's time for me to let him go." Sirius shakes his head.

"Oh, you stupid, stupid, brilliant boy." Regulus almost laughs, "Ignore the stupid bell, it means nothing. You're afraid that he's got better things to do, is that right?" Regulus nods, "Come on, Reg. He's a professional quidditch player, he has a loving boyfriend and an amazing family. What else could he ask for?" Regulus trys to think, but he comes up empty handed.

"I don't know."

"Exactly. His life is nothing short of perfect. He loves you."

"Can you go get him?" Regulus says once he's finally dry of tears.

"I'll be happy to." So, Sirius goes and James comes through the fireplace once more. He doesn't move he just stands there.

"What are you doing, James, come out?" James sighs and slightly relaxes his tense body.

"Remus told me I should give you space." James' face is slightly pink, probably from crying.

"That doesn't mean literally, stupid." Regulus let's out a sigh and opens his arms up. James slowly, cautiously, steps into them, tightening his arms around Regulus' waist. "You don't frighten me, James, please know that." James starts to quietly cry into the crook of Regulus' neck.

"I'm so sorry, mi estrella, I didn't mean to hurt you. I love you."

"I know, mon amour, I know, I love you too, Jamie."